Still sick?

I'm unsure if I'm still sick or not. I've been nauseous since Thursday, unintereted in eating, and it doesn't seem to be going away. It's been effecting ym diet terribly, because I can't bring myself to eat any meat or anything I should be eating. I feel tired all the time, and I have that mix of nausea/hunger where I know I -want- to eat, but I'm afraid to.What is going on??

Sick day!

As someone who's used to being sick, it should come to no surprise that I have some sort of rogue stomach bug today. I've had it since yesterday morning and besides feeling nauseous, I'm also a bit dizzy. This alone should have kept me from driving to work, but I persivered because I thought that maybe I'd be able to handle it. This doesn't seem to be the case as I keep getting that "about to throw up" feeling and am constantly feeling dizzy and spaced out. Not good at all.

On another note, I discovered a quick and easy way to make better grass in 3d Max, so that's always good.

Chugging allong..

Well it's been two weeks and I haven't quit! Been working out four times a week. I've gotten to the point where I'm only sore in the muscles I've never worked out before, so today, it's my chest muscles. Haven't worked those since I used that butterfly machine thingie in high school. Kinda funny having the area under my boobs be sore, but it's also nice to know where I need improvement.

On another note, I haven't lost any weight since my last drop to 124. I'm struggling to be okay with this, as I know I'm gaining muscle blah blah blah, but it is very frustrating.

One of my roommates will be joining me at the gym, which is wonderful. No more going alone. She went with me last night and it felt so good to have someone with me that I spent more time on my lifting. I felt more focused and relaxed. I was able to do all my sets and didn't feel I had to rush to leave. Pretty happy with that. Hopefully I won't have to get there so late, if she can put her workout clothes in my car. I really need to get some new workout clothes myself, my ensemble is getting a bit boring. I mean.. how much more boring can a green tank top and black running pants be? Not that I wanna be flashy, I'd just like a bit of variety. Variety that covers my legs.

Stupid legs.

The Beginning of Awesomeness

This is the workout regiment I'll be using to sculpt my body.

Monday 1: Upper Day One

Bench Press - 2 sets of 8-12
Military Press - 2 sets of 12
Skull crushers - 2 sets of 15
Chins - 2 sets to failure (add weight if you can get over 15 reps)
Barbell Rows - 2 sets of 10


Wednesday 1: Lower Day One

EZ Bar Curls - 2 sets of 12
Hammer Curls - 2 sets of 15
Seated Calf Raises - 1 set of 15 (with 5 second pause at the bottom of each rep)
Stiff-Leg Deadlifts - 2 sets of 15
Hack Squats - 1 set of 8 and 1 set of 20


Friday 1: Upper Day Two

Incline Dumbbell Press - 2 sets of 8-12
Dumbbell Military Press - 2 sets of 12
Dips - 2 sets of 12 (add weight if necessary)
Wide Grip Pulldowns - 2 sets of 10
Deadlifts - 1 set of 8 and 1 set of 4


Monday 2: Lower Day Two

Alternate Dumbbell Curls - 2 sets of 12
Plate Twists - 3 sets with as much weight as possible
Leg Press Calf Raises - 1 set of 15 (with 5 second pause at bottom)
Lying Leg Curls - 2 sets of 12
Squats - 1 set of 8 and 1 set of 20


Wednesday 2: Upper Day Three

Decline Bench Press - 2 sets of 8-12
Machine Shoulder Press - 2 sets of 8
Close Grip Bench Press - 2 sets of 15
Chins - 2 sets taken to failure
T-Bar Rows - 2 sets of 10


Friday 2: Lower Day Three

Preacher Dumbbell Curls - 2 sets of 12
Zottman Curls - 2 sets of 15
Standing Calf Raises - 1 set of 15 (with 5 second hold at bottom)
Sumo Squat - 2 sets of 15
Leg Press - 1 set of 20 taken to failure


Abs

Weighted decline situps - 2 reps of 10
Weighted knee raises - 2 reps of 8
Swiss ball crunches - 2 reps of 8


Cardio

45-60 minutes at 3.5MPH or higher on an incline, done daily, before breakfast.

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Yeah. I've gone insane.

You can do eet!

Well thanks to everyone who helped me out with my body image problem. I decided that yeah, I'm going to get down to 115, and if I'm still unhappy I will shut myself up with a burger.

Throughout my weight loss campaign though, I've seen a lot of weird crazy crap. I know a lot of people look at low carb dieting as something weird and insane. I mean, no bread?! No pasta?! No SUGAR??! How do you LIVE!? It's actually easier than it looks, especially after getting used to it. Eventually you accept the fact that you were addicted to crap that is very drug-like, and you start to enjoy real food. Stuff that grows from the ground or stuff that was shot in the head. (I like my burgers bloody, mmmm..)

But then I constantly (through my boring day) surf the forums at Post Secret and see all these girls who had the same problem I did; they wanna lose weight, and they try all of the fad diets and the exersize and the low fat crap, which yes, does work for SOME people, but not everyone. Low fat dieting might work for people who don't have issues with high ammounts of glucose in their blood.. but for people who are literally addicted to carbs and can't exersize? It's not going to do a thing. And people don't believe me when I tell them this. Or they complain and tell me it's too hard. Seriously, if you're fat and happy, be fat and happy. But don't complain that losing weight is too hard because if you want something, you need to work for it. Very few things in life come easy, especially something as drastic as changing one's own body. It's all about control. I'm not going to say, "some people have it; some people don't" because that is such a dick-ish thing to say. I think everyone is capable of control. All it takes is for them to realize that these things are not beyond their reach, and that they are just as capable of doing what they need to do as anyone else.

Body image

So, I think I might have a problem. Or not. I'm not exactly sure.

See, I used to be obese. I was 180lbs at 5'1". I lost 50lbs and was down to 130, a weight I never thought I'd be at. Well at 130 I wasn't happy still, so a few months ago I decided to lose more weight and try to be 125. Well I got down to 127 and thought, hey, I'm not close enough to where I wanna be. Maybe I should be 120. Now I'm 125 and I want to be 115. My therapist said he wants me to stop at 120 but I don't think I can. I want to be 115. I'm not doing it in an unhealthy way or anything, all I do is diet and exersize. But I've become very militant, and I'm still really unhappy with my body. So much I still can't wear shorts because embarassed about my fat thighs and stomach.

Well I have this friend who's body I adore. I always wanted to look like her. So I wanted to gauge my weight loss on her, get down to her size, and I thought if I did I'd be happy.

It turns out, as of right now, I am her size. But I STILL feel like she's 100 times thinner than I am. She wears clothes I would never imagine wearing and looks great. I wouldn't dare wear what she wears, even though we're the same size, and apparently, I even weigh less.

I'm 5'1" so being around 115 is supposed to be a healthy weight for me. I'm not worried that I'm going to do something seriously unhealthy. I'm worried that I have a real problem and that I'll never ever be able to be happy with myself. I mean, if I can't be happy with the way I look now, at the same weight and size as someone I admired, when will I be happy?