Thursday, May 30, 2013

I need a &%*$ing beach!!

Summer is almost upon us, and with it, the heat. Oh, the glorious wondrous heat. While some people run to their air-conditioned hovels to wait out nature's sauna, I luxuriate in the feel of my skin baking. I look forward to this time all year. No longer hidden behind layers of wool and fur, I'm finally free to wear as little as I possibly can and frolic amongst the newborn goose babies running around the metro area. Spring is ending, and with it goes the irritating downpours and wishy-washy "am I cold or warm this morning?" bullshit weather. Unfortunately, this also means that everyone is turning their air conditioning to maximum capacity and I've still got to pack a sweater if I want to be indoors.

Bethany Beach, DE
So now that it's getting warmer, I find myself drawn to the beach. I love the beach. I do not love wearing a swimsuit in front of people, being that I am not thin and probably never will be and I continue to feel like a beached whale amongst the skinny white beach-goers in their tiny revealing bikinis. Bitches. Still, I love being at the beach and wear what I feel comfortable in (which consists of, this year, the same black bikini shorts I've had for the past 10 years and a leopard print push-up top), and I'm looking forward to going. Unfortunately, for me, time is sparse. I have a busy weekend schedule. Shows and rehearsals and social obligations add up, so when I get a free weekend, I salivate at the idea of laying on a towel in the sun eating boardwalk fries while reading a sci fi novel.

This all stems from habit. My dad would wake us up before dawn to rush us out of the house and on the road so we could beat traffic on the Bay Bridge. We used to "vacation" in Ocean City, which for people of our means meant we pitched a tent at a nearby campground. That was camping for us. Camping at the beach. We'd go to the beach during the day, sleep in a tent, cook crabs over an open fire, go fishing.. that kinda thing. It was fun because I was too young to hate being poor.

Now the issue is that my extremely Irish husband burns in the shade, and I have an allergy to water that causes me to break out in hives unless I'm doped up on Benadryl. Which means I spend half of the time on the beach sleeping. Now, personally, that's fine with me. Unfortunately, it leaves my husband feeling bored and burned so now there's no way I can just escape to the beach unless I do so alone. Which sucks. I really want to go to the beach, if only for a day, because these summer days don't last very long. I've got a three month window where I can go lounge on the sand and listen to waves and seagulls, before it's taken away by fall's icy death grip. I really hate how short our summers are.

Mostly, I need an escape. I've been overworked for the past several months because the new album is fast approaching the release date. I've had to work my ass off to get things designed and laid out and we've hit a few snags on the way that nearly made the band want to murder each other. Now that it's coming to a finish, all I want to do is get a book and read on the sand. I think I deserve it after all the crap I've had to put up with, don't you?

Monday, May 6, 2013

Reocurring Nightmares

Ever since I got sick on Friday, I've had a lot of dreams. I've also had the same nightmare about three times. Maybe it's a result of taking so much NyQuil, I dunno, but I've had this particular nightmare before. In fact, I've had this nightmare since I graduated from college.

No, not this kind of Nightmare you nerds!
Now, when I say "nightmare", I don't mean monsters. I've had those before, but this is totally different. It still terrifies me and fills me with anxiety even after I wake up, to the point where I begin questioning my reality. This particular nightmare is always the same in terms of the situation. I'm always faced with the sudden realization that I have overbooked myself; I have (at least) 2 full-time jobs, I'm missing class in school, and I have no idea what my school schedule is. So I'm suddenly in this frantic panic about the fact that I'm missing school AND my jobs AND I have no way of getting to either. It's terrible. Throughout my dream, I try to navigate my way toward one of these things until eventually I wake up and feel really dumb. I graduated from college a good 7 years ago. I've only got one job (that pays), and my other job is fun. Why do I keep having the same nightmare about a conflicting work/school schedule?

I know that I miss school. I enjoyed college a lot, especially the classes I actually wanted to take. I never really experienced fear when it came to exams or finals or anything like that. So why all the fear?

I have no idea. I'd love to go back to school, but for now I can't. Is this my brain telling me I've crammed too many things into my schedule? Or I really really want to go back to school? Stupid brain.

Saturday, May 4, 2013

I'm sick. -_-

This post comes to you straight from my sofa. I'm sick at home, which means I'm sad and angry. I woke up on Friday with all sorts of weekend plans. Willy has been sick all week so I've been taking care of him, waiting for my chance to do fun stuff starting Friday. Except my immune system was like LOLNOPE and have me his illness.

My throat hurt so bad last night and this morning, so I'm happy that part of it seems to be gone. Now I'm dealing with the stuffy nose. I haven't eaten much. I have no appetite! I woke up at 12, played a little Neverwinter, and went back to sleep. Woke up again around 6. I ate a bowl of soup, some hummus, water, and tea. That's it. And I'm just not hungry. I'm disappointed that I didn't get to work out yesterday, as intended. I wanted to work my arms. Laying around all day just makes me feel so lazy and I hate that feeling.

Ugh. I hate this.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Rant ahead! Shield your eyes!

Well, Lent ended a while ago. Did I make it? I sure did!! However, I had to alter my diet dramatically to make up for the loss of fat and wound up needing a banana every day just to stay coherent. So, I never lost any weight. Willy wound up losing almost 10lbs and lowered his blood pressure. GO FIGURE!

Anyway, now that I'm back on MY plan, I'm back to working out in a way more efficient way. The way that makes me feel like a freaking superwoman; weight lifting.

My dream thighs.
How I've missed you, weight lifting! Throughout my early 20's all I could do to keep the weight off was run like a jackass, when it's been proven time and time again that if you want to keep fat off, weight lifting is the way to go. But I was never able to lift very heavy so I kept running. Well screw that. I'm tired of being fat AND weak. So I'm lifting weights and trying my best to be stronger so that one day my arms will rival She-Hulks. To do this, I'm actually eating real food and drinking lots of water and grunting while I lift because that shit helps. I don't know why I got so lazy, before. I know I feel better when I eat right and lift. Whenever I eat more carbs than usual, I get all bloaty and gross and then I regret it. I ALWAYS REGRET IT. And I'm still at the same weight I was all those weeks ago, which really pisses me off. At least when I lift and eat right, I don't feel guilt. I always feel guilt when I eat bad and I feel like it translates through my appearance. I tried wearing skinny jeans to a gig a few days ago and the photo evidence is not good, so I'm upping my gym work.

While perusing the internet for ways in which to get my ass in shape, I've noticed a lot more BS from people all over the internet. Here's a few that annoy the hell out of me:

1. I can't lift weights or I'll get big muscles!
AAAAAAHHHHH MMMMYYYYYY GAAAAWDDDD SHUT UP NO YOU WON'T!! Here is a good link that disproves this annoying-ass myth. You will find more everywhere. Hell, ask a personal trainer. A real personal trainer.

2. I heard that the elliptical/stair machine/doing squats with weights/ect. makes your butt BIGGER!
Who told you this? Whoever told you this is dumb. SO DUMB. Your butt is made of fat and muscle. Muscle is smaller and more dense than fat. Building muscle burns fat. Just because you're building muscle under fat doesn't mean your butt will get bigger. In fact, it means your butt will look smoother because there will be more muscle and less fat.

Do you want this butt? BUILD MUSCLE.
3. You look great, all you need to do is tone!
THERE IS NO SUCH THING. Whoever made up the term "tone" can DIAF. "Toning" is what women think happens when you've got a little flabbyness and you exercise just enough to make it go away. No. It doesn't happen that way. What does happen is that if you build muscle, it will replace fat, and you will look tighter and less flabby. MUSCLE = GOOD You want a nice curvy butt? BUILD MUSCLE. You want a nice pair of legs? BUILD MUSCLE.

4. Well I just want thinner thighs so I'm just going to target them with this machine.
Ughhhhhhhhhh...!! NO. There is no such thing as "spot training". When your body burns fat for fuel, you don't get to decide where that fat comes from. Let me tell you, that shit sucks. I have the tiniest upper body, hardly any boobs to speak of, and yet my thighs are still a constant annoyance. Does that mean I can just work out my legs? No. Then I'd have a weak upper body with no muscle definition and that would look dumb. DUMB DUMB DUMB.

Now that those are out of the way, here are some other smaller things that annoy me:

Juice cleanses. Eat vegetables. If you need to add apple juice to your kale to eat it, you've got a sugar addiction. Just eat the freaking vegetables! Juice isn't going to cleanse your freaking colon, fiber is, and you're losing like 80% or MORE of the fiber in your vegetables by juicing them! This ridiculous fad is a money-making machine. Don't be a patsy. Be a grown up and buy some broccoli.

Body wraps. I get that if you want to get rid of a little fat for a big date or a big show or something, this might be a good idea. But I'm not going to pay upwards to fifty bucks to wrap my stomach in plastic wrap for less than an inch of fat that will just come back once I drink some water.

Instant flavored oatmeal. Oh sure, let me just eat less than a hundred calories worth of empty carbohydrates first thing in the morning so I can crave sugar all day and pass out from hunger around noon. That sounds amazing. And healthy.

Please keep in mind, I'm not a professional. All I know is from what I've learned from professionals and my own personal experience in losing weight. I'm not blogging so I can sell something, I'm just ranting because I'm tired of getting advice from people who don't know what they're talking about. Rumors ruin people's health. I've done nearly every diet under the sun in the hopes of losing weight, and have discovered through trial and error what works for me.