The Duchess of Dork

Nina's Kick-Ass Cleansing Soup!

2010-08-25T07:24:00.001-07:00

Ingredients:

3 celery stalks, chopped
1 onion, diced
1 can of diced tomatoes
3 carrots, chopped
2 large chicken breast, diced
1 30oz (or larger) container of low sodium chicken broth
1 tbsp tomato paste
1 tsp curry powder
1 tsp cayanne pepper
salt and pepper to taste

1. sautee onions until translucent
2. add all other ingredients
3. turn burner to "high", cook for 30 minutes
4. let simmer for an hour, or until vegetables are tender
5. consume with face

Hells Acre - 9

2010-08-24T10:38:00.001-07:00

Their blue uniforms were familiar, but Dimitri couldn't place where he'd seen them before. They were faded and worn, with a strange assortment of medals pinned to their chests. They all wore their hair short, which was hidden beneath identically cut wide-brimmed hats. Their horses were all black. Darling leaned forward as they approached, studying them from afar.

"Well, they ain't in no hurry. Don't think they got any idea--"

"No," Librarian interrupted. "They don't. And they won't."

He took off his own hat and grunted. With an annoyed sigh, he placed it on Darling's head, hiding her shaved skull. She made a whimpering protest as the old man's hot sweat dampened her skin, but made no word of objection. Dimitri laughed a little, at the sight. Then he noticed that his mentor was untying their captive.

"Don't try anything," he whispered into Darling's ear. "Or I'll settle for half the reward."

Darling pouted a little, but said nothing else. She reached up and straightened her hat, glancing back at her captor before whispering, "I guess we're supposed to look like you actually want me sittin' up here, then?"

Librarian didn't reply. He kept one of his hands close to the weapon at his side, and watched.

Hells Acre - 8

2010-08-23T07:11:00.000-07:00

It was 1,700 miles to Tijuana. At first, Dimitri wasn't certain that he heard Librarian correctly. He couldn't possibly have meant Tijuana.. Tijuana was so far that it would have made more sense to ride there on a steam engine than a horse. But no trains went to Tijuana, and no wagon trails led there. It was home to some of the most notorious gang lords of both Hispanola, and the reds. Dimitri heard stories of how the city itself was a shining beacon of the formerly glorious resorts and casinos of the former United States empire, but, he'd never been there himself. The idea of riding there on horse both excited and terrified him.

"Are we really riding all the way there?" Dimitri asked Librarian, as they walked at a leisurely pace through the stagnant desert.

The older man tilted the brim of his hat lower, to broaden the shadow over his face. "That's right."

"Oh, you're going to love Tijuana," Darling said brightly. "It's got everything a man could ever want! Weapons, ammunition, soft beds, and softer ladies. Or men, if that's your preference. Ey, Librarian?"

A painful albow to Darling's side voiced the old man's distaste for her joke. Dimitri looked away, hiding the expression in his eyes, but Darling caught it.

"Oh, well, at least one of you has a sense of humor," she chuckled. "What kind do you like, green-back?"

"None," Librarian answered for him. "Keep your trap shut and I might not gag you the rest of the way."

Dimitri smiled. He never saw Librarian purchase the attention of women, and he'd been taught never to value their goods. They were mostly the type of women, and men, who had been sold into the trade at a young age. There were some high-class professional whores too, but they interested Librarian even less. There had been one encounter that resonated particularly, one which took place the first time Dimitri showed any sign of adulthood. He and Librarian had finished a job that involved them dragging a man's dead body with their horse, back to the place where he'd murdered the daughter of a particularly wealthy man. He paid the both of them, and Dimitri went to the nearest inn with a sense of urgency. He was disgusted by the spectacle of a dead ravaged body, and wanted to rid himself of the smell.

Once inside, the younger hunter immediately felt better. He asked the bartender for water, a precious and expensive drink that brought long life and health to those who braved the desert sun. Someone was playing music nearby, and it gave the run-down bar a better atmosphere. It was almost relaxing, to the point where Dimitri felt his head nod forward. Suddenly, a gentle tap awoke him, and Dimitri found himself face to face with a girl. She gave him a bright smile, and sat down in the stool beside him. "Hello!"

"Hi," Dimitri felt himself say, not fully understanding how he managed to speak.

She was prettier than any other girl he'd ever seen. Long blond hair was tied back into a long braid, and decorated with thick pink ribbon. She wore a pair of blue jeans that were looseley fit and modest, and a t-shirt that showed just the barest hint of a collarbone. "You're not from around here, are you?"

"N-no," he stuttered. "No, I'm not. I'm a hunter."

Her eyes widened with this declaration of proficiency. She scooted the chair nearer, and spoke in a quieter tone, "Really? You?"

"Well, yeah, I mean.." Dimitri was blushing darkly, now. "I ride with Librarian. Not with, I mean, not on his horse, I have my own horse! I do, she's outside. Anyway, we just brought in Thomas Joules. He's dead, but we brought him."

The rambling seemed to spill out of his mouth like water from a leaky faucet. Whether or not this gorgeous member of the opposite sex was appauled, he couldn't tell. But she seemed interested enough, and grinned. "Wow! That's amazing. I've never seen a hunter so young! You got paid good?"

"Paid? Oh, well sure," he shrugged.

"Great. Well then.. maybe ten?"

"Two?"

"Sure, two."

"Two.." Dimitri's face was blank. "Two.. what?"

"Two pieces," she clarified, sitting up straight.

The young hunter was stuck. He blinked repeatedly, attempting to decipher what this girl was trying to tell her, but it backfired and her face turned angry.

"What, don't think I'm worth two??"

"Worth.." He repeated, shaking his head. "I don't understand,--"

"What are you, stupid?" She scolded, standing up from the stool. "Who do you think you are, wasting my time, then insulting me? I aught to get Momma over here, and she'd teach you how you treat a lady!"

"You don't have a clue how a lady is supposed to be treated," said a deep gravely voice. Dimitri turned to see Librarian standing behind him, his eyes glancing passiveley at the angry girl. "You're no lady. Get out of here."

Dimitri felt shame, deeper than any shame he'd known. It was worse than embarassment, because now Librarian knew of how ignorant he'd been, and it struck him. "Sorry," he murmured to the girl, who stormed out quickly, tears building in her lovely blue eyes.

Librarian grunted, and sat down where she had been. "The only thing worse than a whore is one that's so good at it, she's a snob," the old man said.

Now, they rode through the desert again, with a woman in tow. She wasn't "that kind" of woman, but she was still a woman. Dimitri couldn't help but allow his eyes to move from her small ankle to the thickness in her leg, before it connected to her hip. Her jeans were tight, and followed the natural curves of her figure. He could almost imagine seeing her bare leg, beneath the denim.

"Hey. Hey, green-back," Librarian said, wrestling the boy from his musings. "Eyes on the road. We got company."

They all focused ahead, toward where a small dust storm was building. It grew larger until they could focus on several figures, riding toward them.

They wore blue.

Hells Acre - 7

2010-08-20T05:42:00.000-07:00

By the time Librarian had Darling strapped down to his horse, her eyes heavy with sleep, the sun was already peeking through the horizon. It washed the dust town they camped in with a warm light, too red to be natural. The sky itself resembled a fresh wound; black, with hints of red. Soon, the light would pierce through the thick polluted atmosphere, and it would be stiflingly hot. Dimitri grabbed the extended reigns from Peaches, Darling's bruised horse, and mounted his own ride. The spare horse trod behind him at a steady pace, and they kept time with Librarian, who rode behind darlng.

"Yanno, if ya wansn't takin' me in t'get killed, this might be kinda cozy!" She chuckled, glancing back toward her captor.

He stared ahead with a cold gaze, more annoyed than anything. Darling was small enough that she fit easily in front, and he held the reigns of his horse around her body. The heat between them built uncomfortably, their sweat evaporating too quickly for even a moment of relief.

After an hour of silent riding, they came accross another dust town. This one was a bit smaller than the first, and without the tall buildings. This place had only rows of houses, sitting on fenced lots of rotting wood. Most of the roofs had caved in, but there seemed to be a few that boasted of it's former glory. The red brick bones stood proudly, despite their lonely existence. A strange squeaking sound caught Dimitri off guard, and he jumped in his saddle at the sound. Librarian turned his head and caught sight of a tiny length of chain, swinging back and forth against an ancient swingset, red with rust.

He pulled the heavy revolver from his belt, and calmly spun the cylinder with his thumb. It made a comforting rattling sound, and followed it by whistling.

"Someone out there?" Dimitri asked cautiously, his hand twitching for the gun he wore. It hadn't been fired often, but it gave him a safe feeling.

Darling kept her mouth shut. She gently rocked back and forth on the saddle, whistling idly, as if waiting for something to happen. When it finally did, she let out a relieved sigh.

"Well how-do, ya'll!" Said a boistrous voice, several yards ahead of them.

He rode from behind one of the collapsed houses, wearing brown leather scrubbed clean. Long strawberry blond hair hung in a ponytail down his back, nearly hidden beneath the shadow of a brown leather wide brimmed hat. Despite the heavy heat, his green eyes sparkled merrily beneath a sweat slick brow. Everything about the man seemed friendly, with the exception of a pistol pointed in Librarian's direction.

"Hello, O'Niel," the older man said irritably. Librarian pulled off his hat, revealing his balding skull and worn face. "What in the hell do you want?"

"Well if that ain't the cruelest way I ever been addressed!" O'Niel replied, removing his hat and holding it to his heart. "Well, I just wanted t'speak t'you two gentlemen, and your lovely companion of course."

Darling smirked, "Well, I like 'em!"

Dimitri watched Librarian. The old man's face was hard, and hadn't cracked a smile yet. That meant that this was probably serious, and his instrincts were proven correct when four men crept out of the ruins, armed with pistols and rifles that were aimed toward him and his mentor. Their faces were less merry than O'Niel's, but no less weather beaten. O'Niel paused to allow the trio to recognize their situation.

"O'Niel," Librarian groaned. "Quit being a horse's ass. Just get out of the way, and let us through. I don't wanna start anything with the likes of you."

The younger hunter held his hat to his heart, imitating hurt feelings. "Why, book man! I am absolutely cut to the quick, I tell ya! Why, here I am, trying t'help out a fella, and all you can do is accuse me o'bein' a horse's ass. I tell ya, that's gratitude for ya, it is."

Librarian rolled his eyes, "O'Niel.."

"Now look," he continued, holding up a hand. "Lets you n' me talk, a'right? Man-o y man-o. That little lady over there is, while absolutely a vision.."

Darling laughed, winking.

"..a whole lotta trouble fer you two fellas. Now me? I got me a nice size posse, an' we can 'old our own, no problem. You two, I worry 'bout. There's a whole lotta fellas out there who wouldn't mind takin' a pot shot at one o'yer heads, just t'get they's hands on that there bounty. So, here's what I'm suggestin'.."

Dimitri's hand was getting tired, and he realized with a start that he'd been holding his gun in mid-air for the past few seconds. Nervously, he set it back down.

"I suggest that ya'll hand 'er over, an' I'll pay ya ten pieces fer yer trouble. Now, that's a good price. More n' most bountys'd set ya back, an' ya don' even gotta go another step with 'er. End yer troubles right here."

Librarian looked over at Dimitri. "You hear this shit? See, this is why we don't make friends."

O'Niel put his hat back on. "Now lets not be stingy, her-man-o. I ain't about t'letcha go on an' kill yerself, you an' that kid you got. Wouldn't be gentlemanly of me if'n I just stood back n' watched."

"Ten is less than a third of what we've been promised," Librarian interjected. "So why give it up?"

"B'cause they's worse men out there'n me, that's why," O'Niel stated gravely, his face suddenly very serious. "An' I ain't the type t'letcha go'n kill yerselves fer Ms. Clementine, here."

"That's Darlin'," Darling corrected.

O'Niel smiled again, an eyebrow raised. "Darlin'?"

"Yeah, that's right. Only person calls me Clementine's my daddy, an' 'e's gone now. So t'you, it's Darlin'."

The bounty hunter laughed, setting down his gun for a moment. "Darlin', ya say.."

"Mmhmm," she purred. "Darlin'. As in 'oh my darlin', oh my darlin', oh my--"

"SHIT!!"

The curse was enought to stop Clementine's singing, but it was soon joined with a howl. O'Niel grabbed the flesh around his wounded leg, where blood pumped from a new bullet hole. Dimitri watched Librarian in awe as the old man held his revolver pointed toward the air, O'Niel's men readying their guns to fire.

"Gaddammn it, ya gaddamn fool! Ya ain't gonna get anywhere near Waco, there's hunters taggin' ya as far back as Macon!" O'Niel howled, straining under the pain. "An' more of'em comin' from Oklahoma City! Doncha get it, ya done picked yerself up a gaddamn grenade!"

Dimitri's face paled beneath his wrappings. Grenade was a term he'd heard before, and it wasn't anything good. Good hunters could usually tell the difference between your average wanted man, who would fetch a good price if brought back dead or alive, and grenades. Grenades were wanted by more than just one rich man with a bone to pick; they had enemies within the red indians, the Hispanolas, the Chinese, and the Union. The Union was the worst to deal with, because you never knew who worked for them. They were the leftovers of a dead empire, once called the United States. Nothing was united anymore, but that didn't stop people from clinging to that lost unity, and thus the Union thrived, and hated more fierceley for their loss than any other men.

"Well," Librarian muttered, holstering his gun. "We'll just have to take that chance. Might want to move aside, O'Niel. Get that leg looked at."

O'Niel's face was contorted in pain, but he knew what he was up against. The younger man moved his horse aside and let Librarian walk past, Dimitri following, Peaches in tow. Darling waited until the dust town was behind them before she spoke, her voice slightly hushed.

"He's right, yanno. I got more enemies than ya think. Ain't gonna be easy."

Librarian shifted his weight and tightened the pull on his reigns, "Nothing is easy about bringing someone in to die."

"Are we really going all the way to Waco?" Dimitri asked timidly, his hands still somewhat shaky from the confrontation. "I mean.. we just left Jackson.."

"We're not going to Waco," Librarian answered, his eyes forward.

Dimitri sighed with relief.

"We're going to Tijuana."

Hells Acre - 6

2010-08-19T05:17:00.000-07:00

There was no wind howling, in Hells Acre. Despite the darkening sky, and the cold that would eventually settle down on the land, wind had long ceased to exist. Some of the older folk remembered a time when a cool breeze might grace their forehead, but nowadays it was a rare occurance when the air shifted. Stagnancy lay like a layer of dust, and settled on man and earth.

Dimitri sat a few feet away from Darling, who had been positioned in such a way that her bound hands were far from anything that might free her. Librarian sat nearer, watching the woman with a weary eye whenever she tried to shift her weight. They made camp in the middle of a dust town; one of the old settlements where the only living were the dead. Old structures that had once been houses surrounded them, boarded up decades ago against the dust storms. They were all but abandoned, now, their innards stripped long ago of anything valuable. Holes in their structures, combined with treacherous architecture that would fall at a moment's notice, made the houses uninhabitable for even the a few hours. There were too many ghosts, it was said. Waiting for someone foolish enough to make one of them their tomb.

Librarian was busying himself by gutting a jack rabbit he'd trapped. It was skinny and had little fat on it, but good enough for a meal between himself and Dimitri. Their dried goods were too precious to waste when fresh food was available, and a recent kill far more appetizing than the leathery squirrel jerkey in his pocket.

"Hand me that stick, green-back," he grumbled.

Dimitri retrieved a long stick that they had left to soak in some of their precious water, and handed it over. His face was expressionless, his thoughts on memories that teased the edge of his brain.

"So, 'green-back'," Darling said, smiling contently. "Ain'tcha gonna ask me why you're takin' me in?"

"No," Librarian answered quickly, before Dimitri had the chance to. He turned toward his young companion, shoving the gutted rabbit carcass on to it's roasting stick. "No point in knowing. You get too close to your dinner, it don't become dinner anymore. Becomes a pet. Read me? She's the same. She's dinner. Not a pet."

Darling laughed, leaning back a little to rock against the ground. "Well if you ain't the biggest sour-puss I ever seen! C'mon, ain'tcha curious?"

A hollow silence followed her question. Dimitri cleared his throat. "I am curious about that thing you wear. Whats it for?"

"S'a key. Key to heaven," she replied easily, nodding. "This here's my ticket to salvation."

Librarian grunted, but didn't speak. Dimitri prodded further. "Howsit work?"

"Well, look here," the woman answered gently, her hazel eyes softening in the firelight. "You got all these different beads, see? An' each bead is like another prayer. So you pray each of 'em, over an' over, 'till you reach the end. Then once ya get to the end, you're done with one big long prayer."

Dimitri raised an eyebrow, looking skeptically at the rosary. "Doesn't sound very special. Just sounds like a lot of asking."

"Well o'course it's a lot of askin'! What else ya gonna do? But it's more'n that, it's like a reminder. See, this here's my reminder that even when I'm on the lamb, or, when I'm runnin' or being caught by low-life bastards who can't find 'emselves a decent--"

"Watch it, sugar," Librarian warned, his eyes on the rabbit as it roasted over the fire. "Lot worse men out there lookin' for ya. Yer lucky we got to ya first."

Darling smiled gently, "Who said you got to me first?"

Another hollow silence filled their brains. Darling rocked back and forth again.

"Anyway, this here's a reminder that there's better things out there. Maybe not here, maybe not in Hell, but there's better. And if I keep doin' good things, maybe I'll make Hell better. See?"

Dimitri wanted to reach out and take the rosary into his hands. The beads looked smooth and comforting. He'd never really seen beads like them, so soft and gentle looking. They reminded him of something, but he couldn't quite recall. "So, what is it you do that's good?"

"Careful," Librarian grunted, pulling the rabbit from the fire. "You're making nice with our dinner, green-back."

"Aw, let the boy be curious. Whats'a'matter? Scared 'e's gonna grow a heart or somethin'? Ain't you hunters allowed a heart?"

"No," Librarian replied gruffly, sniffing at the meat. "I trust him not to be stupid enough to listen to you. I just don't care to get too used to your voice, considering where we're taking you."

The fearlessness in Darling's eyes impressed Dimitri. He didn't know where Librarian intended on taking her, but he knew it couldn't be good for him to be so serious about it. "Well.. you wanna hear what happened, or doncha?"

Dimitri glanced toward the other man, but Librarian didn't return his look. He nodded and settled back to get comfortable.

"It's an easy one, buddy," she sighed dramatically. "I broke a man's heart."

The boy laughed, but Darling didn't. Quickly, he silenced himself.

"S'alright, kid. It is funny! Imagine, a man's heart bein' broken by someone like me. But it's true, an' that's why yer aimin' t'take me in."

"Well.. how did you do it?"

"Only way ya can break a man's heart; I left 'im. Left 'im an' humilliated 'im. See, used to be a time when I was young an' dumb. I thought that a good man was a handsome man, one with lots'a pieces, lots'a men in 'is corner. An' I thought I'd be too ugly t'ever catch me a man like that, scrawny as I was.. mixed as I was. I'm a Hispanola, y'see? Half, on my daddy's side, but ya can't tell. Not at first. Anyway.. one day, he sees me, an' I smile an' it happens. He's latched t'me. So, I follow 'im an' become 'is girl, an' that's that."

Librarian kept quiet, but kept roasting the rabbit. It was nearly brown now, from front to end, and the smell of roasting meat tickled Dimitri's nose.

"'cept, that wasn't that. See, I said before, I thought thats what love is. It's havin' the best lookin' man, with the most pieces, an' the most friends. But that ain't love, an' that's why I'd pray every night. T'this rosary. I'd pray that I fall in love with this man, b'cause I liked 'im okay, but it wasn't love."

Dimitri scratched the dry patch of skin on his neck. Since the sun had gone down, he removed his covering to cool himself a bit. The sun had been enough at dusk to still dry his skin, and it itched like mad. "What's the difference?"

"You'd know if ya tried. Anyhow, I din't love 'im, an I din't know why. 'till one day I realized, it's 'cuz 'e was such an ass to the Hispanolas. Such an ass that 'e'd torment the hell out of 'em, whenever they came by. Made ma so gaddamn angry.. I din't know if 'e even realized I was one of 'em. My momma might'v been white as milk, but my daddy was a red one. 'e spoke Spanish an' red, both. Died when I was young, but still, I was one too. But I guess 'e din't see that. So, one day, this family rolls up. Beautiful horses, all of 'em mustangs, with pretty splotches o'red an' white. Would'v been good for the town, with rich folks livin' or even just stoppin' by for supplies. But then we saw they was Hispanolas."

Dimitri nodded, thinking back to the last time he'd met a Hispanola. They were tattood with black symbols, and wore feathers like the red indians. Except, Hispanolas spoke Spanish, mostly mixed with English, and sometimes a red language. They had allied themselves so closely with the reds that when the Hispanolas began to thrive, so did the reds, and they conquered the lower lands of what was once the United States with a vengeance. He'd been educated by Librarian on the violence that happened in those days, and how American fought American over domenance over what they knew was a dying land. Nobody cared, they just wanted what was left, and damned be those who would try to stop them.

Eventually, the Hispanolas and the reds outnumbered everyone else in those lower lands. Those they didn't drive away with force either stayed behind, as allies, or left of their own choosing to the North. Many of them met their deaths in the unrelenting cold that beat down from the farway land of Canada, but many of them too stayed and lived on in townships and cities on the coast.

"So these Hispanolas ride up; a momma, daddy, an' two kids. An' the man I'm with is so gaddamn pissed at the sight that 'e just walks up in front of 'em. Says, 'Mornin', folks. What can we do ya for?' And they says, 'Just passin' on through. Wonderin' if we can't get us some supplies for the trip.' He asks, 'where ya headed?' an' they says, 'San Fransisco'. Well.. the idea o'them on such a trip, with enough pieces an' supplies t'get there? Somewhere he ain't never been, and couldn't afford t'go, even if the train was in 'is back yard? Well, that pissed him off somethin' awful. So 'e gives a nod t'one of 'is goons, and right then an' there 'e shoots 'em all dead."

Dimitri's stomach sunk. He couldn't tell whether or not he was being lied to, or if he and Librarian were suddenly in a rough spot, but he certainly understood what his mentor warned him about.

"Shoots 'em dead, right there," Darling continued. "So I says to myself, Darlin', this ain't right. I tell 'im 'e's a right coward for doin' such a terrible thing, knowin' that nobody'd pay it no mind 'cuz nobody likes reds or Hispanolas, an' d'ya know what he says? He says, 'Darlin', someone so pretty should keep 'er pretty mouth shut."

The sentence resonated throughout the camp. Librarian held the cooling stick of meat in his hand and picked at it, tearing off a leg.

"So I says t'myself, this ain't right. It really ain't, and that night, I think, I don't wanna be pretty if this is what pretty does. So I cut off all my hair, and boy, let me tell ya.. I had some hair. Beautiful black and long, and full of curls, and I cut it off. I cut it off 'till I was usin' my daddy's old razor to shave it down, an' then, well, I took the old shotgun 'e had, an' I stole one o' them pretty horses."

Dimitri glanced back behind them, "Was that..?"

"Peaches? Naw. Peaches I got a year back. That horse I stole was so damn beautiful, that once I'd gone far enough, I got picked out by some reds. They says that's a red indian horse, and I tells 'em I don't want no trouble. Want to help 'em get revenge on the bastard what stole 'em, an' they was suspicious at first, but they let me stay. Became my new family. I traded 'em my pretty horse for a plain one, an' supplies. Bullets n' clothes, n'water n' such. They taught me t'shoot, t'hunt, t'do everything that I needed to learn t'do t'be one of 'em. I learned good, an' one day, I went back t'my town. I wanted t'visit my momma, tell 'er I was okay. When I got there, th'house was dead."

Dimitri understood what she meant by a house being dead. He'd seen many dead houses in his lifetime, and in some ways, they were worse than seeing dead people.

"Talked t'some folks, turned out that 'e killed 'er. Soon as I stole 'is horse, 'e came t'my place an' found I was gone. Momma was in bed, an' 'e killed her. So I says t'myself, I'mma kill 'im. I'mma go t'his place, kill 'im th'way them reds taught me. So I go t'this bar where 'e likes t'hang, an' see him an' all 'is goons. I go t'that place an' walk in, and I say.."

Dimitri held his breath.

"Tom Barrow! You get your narrow ass over here an' you take what I got t'give you for killin' my momma!"

Her voice echoed a bit in the heads of both men. Librarian still kept his eye on the food, and after Darling shouted, he passed Dimitri half of it, but the boy was too enthralled to eat. He watched the bound woman in front of him, captured in the spell of her storytelling, his mind's eye seeing everything that she described.

"Tom comes up t'me an' 'e says, 'Well well.. if it ain't my pretty lil' Hispanola. Come back home? Well, I already got me a new girl,' an' then 'e laughs at me. Well, I wasn't laughin'. I whip out my daddy's shot gun, an' I shoot the shit outta that boy. He goes down like a sack'o rocks an' stays down, bleedin' like a pig. An' I step over 'im an' I says, 'that's fer killin' my momma.' 'Cept.. I been gone so long, I didn't know. Tom Barrow was the gaddamn mayor, an' all 'is goons was deputees an' cops. So they pull out their guns an' they says, 'don't move!' But hell to that, I was too fired up not t'move! I shot one of 'em right in th'face, an' jumped behind the bar. They was shootin' like crazy, an' the bartender was scared shitless, so he ducked down with me. I din't know how the hell I was gonna get outta there, so I grabbed th'first thing I saw, a bottle. I popped the cork, stuffed it with my bandana, an' lit that sucker on fire. You shoulda seen the face on that bartender, but I thought t'myself.. better your bar'n my life! I tossed that bottle over th'bar an' heard a big noise, an' screamin', and you'd better believe that shootin' stopped. The bartender ran, but I stayed. Stayed 'till th'smoke choked my lungs.. then finally, when I could hardly see, I crawled outta there."

Dimitri chewed idly on his rabbit flesh, not bothering to lick the grease on his bottom lip. "How did you get out of the town? Didn't anyone see you?"

"Well yeah, but not at first. That place was connected t'some other buildings, so they was too busy puttin' out th'fire t'pay me any mind. I managed t'make my escape, but by th'time I looked back, that whole town was blazin'."

"So.. you killed the mayor, and burned down a town?"

A moment passed, which allowed Darling to think. She let out an amused laugh, and nodded in defeat. "Well yeah, guess I did. But for good reason, you understand."

Finally settling down to his meal, the boy passed a look to Librarian, who was already on his back. Darling had no way of escaping, but the younger of the two promised to take the first turn in watching their prisoner. Moments ago, he might have considered asking Librarian whether or not it was right to take her in, but now, he couldn't be sure. Thinking back on the rosary, he thought about what was wrong, and what was right. Was Darling right, for getting revenge? Was Barrow right, for hating the Hispanolas? Was any of it right, and would her prayer lead to salvation? He couldn't know. All he knew was that her conscious seemed clear, and in an age where people killed one another for survival, that might have been enough.

Hells Acre - 5

2010-08-18T06:17:00.000-07:00

Demitri loved to ride, but he was ecstatic during a chase. Librarian had introduced the boy to his way of life early, when he threatened him with abandonment.

"You other hold on tight, or you get left behind," he'd said to a then eight year old Demitri. Librarian had been hunting a killer named Dougan. Demitri remembered Dougan's blue clothes, and the medals on his chest. Dougan wore his head and face shaved clean, but was covered in burn scars. Librarian warned Demitri that there would be blood, and loud noises, but the moment he shot Dougan in the skull it was over. They found him in a camp, sleeping peacefully on his back in front of a fire. As soon as the bullet hit his brain, his body fell over like a pile of meat. Once Demitri and Librarian were out of sight, desert scavengers tore him limb from limb, man and dog alike.

Now, they chased after their prey together. Demitri had conditioned his mentor's old horse enough that it wasn't exhausted, and learned to do the same to the younger mare that Librarian used. Despite his genius when it came to murder, the older man was wasteful with animals. If they couldn't be pushed further, they were sold. In an effort to stretch their supplies, Demitri took care of their animals. He felt sorry for how badly they were abused, and how as creatures they were looked upon as either servants or food. Even so, he kicked his own horse's sides harder, encouraging it to run faster.

She was ahead of them by perhaps a mile. Librarian could see the dust that her own horse kicked, and used it to guide them. She must have been a good rider, because she didn't dodge often, and didn't slow once. Through the flat terrain, a few cacti thrived, but mainly it was the rocks that were treacherous. One wrong move and the strongest horse would go down with a broken leg, and left to die.

Spurred on by their encouraging kicks, the horses closed the distance between them and their chase. Soon, they could hear the whoops and hollers of the woman in front of them, as she kicked wildly against her horse's sides. Librarian gave a smug sort of smile that told Dimitri that they had her. With one hand on his horse's reigns, the seasoned hunter reached beneath his coat and pulled out a gun-like device. It seemed to be held together with old duct tape and bolts, but it's construction hadn't failed them yet. Aiming toward their prey, Librarian pulled the trigger and sent a rubber bullet flying toward the animal in front of them.

Like any person, the horse screamed. It slid forward on it's hooves and toppled to it's side without even time to rear. The woman on it's back held on with her thighs, but soon toppled over with the horse's weight. She rolled off as soon as her body made contact with the ground, and reached for the pistol strapped to her calf.

"Not so fast there, skin-head," Librarian taunted, his gun aimed toward the dust covered woman. "Just put it down and lets make this easy."

Without argument, she set down the weapon and stood up straight. Demitri dismounted and approached her, his face and head covered by a hat and scarf. "You hurt my Peaches," she pouted, cocking a hip to one side.

Demitri glanced toward the wounded animal. It stood off a few yards away, one of it's feet off of the ground. "Doesn't seem so bad. Think we just bruised 'em."

"Good!" Librarian chuckled, signalling toward Dimitri. As the younger man aimed his own weapon, a sleek black pistol, his mentor dismounted and approached the woman standing before them. "We'll get a good piece outta him, too."

The woman grinned merrily. "What? My price ain't good enough?"

"Depends on what condition we bring you back in, miss Clementine."

"My friends call me 'Darling'," she corrected, not flinching as her captor grabbed both hands and wrenched them behind her back. "But you can call me 'Ms. Dominguez', since we ain't friends and all."

Librarian grunted at the name, and roughly tied Darling's hands with a length of rope. "Gaddamn Hispanola.."

Dimitri had heard this lamentation before. Years ago, the Hispanola had overrun the lower states and allied themselves with the Redskins. They built cities and towns along the coast, and, Dimitri heard, welcomed just about everyone. But Librarian had reason to question their motives, and didn't put his faith into their kind. For the most part, he avoided them, and was pleased as punch whenever they found a bounty on one.

"Ain't no way to talk to a lady," Darling replied, winking at Demitri.

Librarian jerked her toward his horse and pushed her forward. With Demitri's help, he hoisted her on it's back and strapped her feet to each stirrup. Something brilliantly white sparkled at her belt, which caught the boy's attention. It was a long length of beads, some of them larger at intervals, that ended with a cross that swung at her hip. The beads were a milky white, and seemed to give an otherworldly shine.

"What's that necklace?" He asked, reaching for the reigns on his own horse.

"Necklace?" Darling repeated, following his eyes. "That ain't no necklace.. ain't ya never seen a rosary before?"

Dimitri shook his head, but truthfully, he knew he had. Something about the beads and how she didn't wear them around her neck reminded him of something tragic.

"Ha! What kinda pa don't teach his boy no religion?" Darling teased, grinning at Librarian. "You should be ashamed o'yerself."

Librarian tightened the restraints on her feet. "Ain't nothin' religion's done that I can't do better. Now shut your face."

Dimitri mounted his horse, but stole another glance at the rosary. It hung tauntingly, sparkling in the overwhelming sunlight, a tiny figure in the cross beckoning his curiosity.

Hells Acre - 4

2010-08-17T06:53:00.000-07:00

Come gather ‘round young,
And I’ll sing you a song,
About how Hell’s Acre was born.

It’s not a long tale,
‘bout how mankind failed,
To weather the worst of the stom.

All over the sky,
No one really knows why,
A monster gale had begun.

It blew through the trees,
And it flooded the streets,
Until man had nowhere to run.

The lightning was red,
And it piled up the dead,
Who couldn’t survive without power.

And all over the earth,
In the land of our birth,
Mankind saw it’s darkest hour.

The nights had gone black,
And all men had gone back,
To the time before we could fly.

We gathered remains,
From the hills to the plains,
And saw our empires die.

Soon after the flood,
Drained away with the blood,
The sun rose over the hills.

The clouds disappeared,
Even worse than we feared,
And the cooling wind had gone still.

Now many years pass
And the land didn’t last
But the earth has gone through a change.

All over the plains
Where the white man once reigned,
We’ve lost that home on the range.

And now the sun beats
On what once were the streets
Where an empire rose and then fell.

And the desert has spread
As a grave for the dead,
And a new dominion for hell.

Hells Acre - 3

2010-08-16T11:33:00.000-07:00

Darling looked over the edge of the ravine, a smirk plastered accross her sun darkened face. She was wearing a thin white shirt with no sleeves, and a pair of pale blue jeans, and the sun cut through the sky like an inferno. She didn't seem to mind the heat, and let it pound her back like a massage. It calmed her, even as the far-off sound of an explosion resonated throughout the desert.

"Bye bye, handsome," she said to herself, running a hand across her face. Sweat coated it, but was quickly evaporated into the air. It was too hot to be cooled by one's own perspiration.

Smoke billowed from the bottom of the canyon, but the taller it went, the faster it faded. Soon, the disaster at the bottom would calm, the smoke would clear, and nobody would have any realization that it even existed. Darling walked away from the ledge, whistling on dry lips, stuffing her hands into her back pockets. Several yards away, her horse stood grazing on dry grass, his dark eyes giving a quick glance toward Darling before resuming his meal.

"Attaboy, munch it down ya eatin' machine," she chuckled, unstuffing her hands from the denim so that she could hoist herself up on to his back. It felt hotter on the saddle, but the air on her arms gave Darling the illusion of freedom. She would rather burn her skin to a crisp than wear sleeves. "Ready t'go, Peaches?"

Peaches gave a snort, and turned his head in another direction. The shifting of his ears alerted Darling to a sound in the distance, one that always caught Peaches' attention; horses.

"Too far out for a herd.." She muttered, pulling the reigns tight with one hand. Her other hand reached instinctively for the sawed-off shotgun by her side, which was strapped familliarly to her saddle. Darling unstrapped it and lay it accross her lap, peering toward the sound.

She was right. Rather than a herd of horses heading her way, she saw two, each bearing a rider. One of them, she could tell, was wearing a heavy duster. His hat and coat were the same color. The rider beside him had an odd colored hat.

"..green?" She murmured to herself.

She didn't recognize the men, but she did recognize the purpose. The smoke behind her was still billowing, and it was enough to tie her guilt that she was the only person present. Sliding her weapon into another strap on her back, Darling grabbed Peaches reigns with both hands and kicked his sides. He broke into a canter, and then a run, his hooves kicking dust into the air behind them.

Hells Acre - 2

2010-08-13T07:51:00.000-07:00

The sound of piano music, voices, and agitated horses awoke Librarian. He opened his eyes to reveal a haphazardly decorated room, where old photographs of people he didn't know hung framed against peeling pink wallpaper. His back felt unusually comfortable, which led him to believe that he'd actually fallen asleep in a bed. Stretching his legs, he discovered that he'd fallen asleep fully clothed, with his right hand gripping an empty bottle protectively. The taste of vomit and alcohol caked his tongue and teeth. Sweat covered every inch of his skin, and rolled down his limbs. He dropped the bottle on the floor, let it roll for a few seconds, then rubbed a fingertip accross his teeth to clean off the grime.

"Damn boots.." He muttered, kicking his legs off of the bed and on to the floor.

A low sigh escaped his mouth as Librarian stretched his arms toward the ceiling, and let them drop to his sides. The bedroom seemed strangely empty, considering his usual company. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he glanced around until his eyes landed on a familiar color.

"Hey. Hey kid," he grunted, kicking at what looked like a pile of clothes on the floor.

A human head suddenly emerged from the pile, revealing it's owner; an adolescent boy, about fifteen years old, with hair the color of dead grass. "S'it time to go?"

Librarian rubbed the mucus from his eyes, "Yeah, good a time as any."

Dimitri heaved himself out of the pile of clothes, all of them his own, and began throwing them on, layer by layer. He had gone to sleep in a pair of dingy gray shorts, and as he stood, the bones in his scrawny frame poked out at odd angles. Ever since Librarian met him, as a petulant boy with nowhere else and no one else, Dimitri looked thin, malnourished, and pale. If he hadn't the will and the strength to keep up with him, Librarian would have left him behind years ago.

The older man remembered such an occasion. He brought Dimitri with him from the monestary where he'd been hiding, and they came across a small town. The women there, most of them prostitutes, were more than willing to take Dimitri off of his hands. They offered him everything from gold, to booze, to more flesh based goods. But Librarian knew the sort of work they intended to put Dimitri in, and figured that he'd be better off dying of exposure out in Hells Acre than becoming some pervert's plaything.

It was the same, anywhere they went. Eventually, Librarian bought a new horse and let Dimitri keep the old one. The boy's caring hand kept it living longer than Librarian expected, and for years, they rode together through each of Librarian's jobs.

"What's on the books for today?" Dimitri asked, buttoning a long-sleeved shirt over his bare white chest.

"Ngh.. nothing special," the older man replied sullenly, rubbing his eyes harder. In reality, he'd forgotten why they even woke up in that room. Who they were chasing at the time was lost with the memories of the previous night.

Dimitri blinked with disbelief, "Nothing special? You told me she was worth ten pieces, at least!"

Ten pieces? Librarian stood up straight, "Ten.. ten. Right. Yeah, well, ten ain't nothin'," he lied, recalling the reason they had come to this place. "Look, just get dressed and get your horse. We gotta ride. I got a feelin' she dodged outta here last night."

His young companion nodded, and quickened his pace in dressing. Most of his clothes were oversized, but they were good enough to keep him from being exposed to the unrelenting sun. Librarian waited until he left the room to reach into his coat, and pulled out a photograph. Wiping away the sweat from his thumb, he peered into the eyes of a woman with a shaved head. She smiled like a cheeky bitch, and carried a sawed-off shotgun that looked too big for her dainty hands. Around her neck was a crusifix.

"Just you wait, missy," Librarian mumbled, pocketing the picture. "You ain't gonna be smilin' much longer."

Hell's Acre - 1

2010-08-12T10:46:00.000-07:00

The Hell's Acre spread as far as the human eye could see. It wouldn't be enough to call the area "dry"; it was dead. Any moisture that might have existed outside of the ground was gone from this long stretch of desert, which spread from the shores of Southern California, to the mass grave site of Georgia's peach trees. Any surviving plant life was thin and pathetic.

On this treacherous ground, a man in a brown coat rode hard, his horse covered in frothy white sweat. The sand was hard on horse hooves, but people travelled it anyway. The animals were hardy, and if taken care of well enough, could carry a rider for many years before having to be butchered food. This particular rider was pushing his horse hard, perhaps too hard for the terrain and the distance, but his own face was cracked by dry air and an annoying thirst. He pushed the animal harder, until a plume of smoke could be seen where the gray sky met the earth.

As if justified for his sudden bout of animal cruelty, he smiled with personal satisfaction and rode on. Twenty minutes later, he slowed the horse down to a trot and slid off of it's damp back. Blood caked around it's nose, testament of the dry air and sand. The animal's master didn't bother to clean him, but walked toward the origin of the smoke, idly patting the revolver at his belt for a sense of comfort. Soon, he found himself in a court yard, surrounded by small adobe buildings with Spanish tile roofs. Windows and doors were pulled off of their hinges, resting haphazardly near the bodies that lay smouldering on the ground. Strangely enough, the crucifixes that had been nailed against each building's door were untouched. A well, a trough, and a few scraggly plants littered the otherwise bare area. Turkey vultures screeched in defiance as he walked past them, frightening them away from a burnt if not plentiful meal.

"Too late," the man muttered, kicking over one of the bodies. It rolled on to it's back, revealing the weathered face of a man. A wooden cross hung against his chest, worn with a threadbare brown robe. He, and the other bodies, had bare feet. "Monks."

A sudden intake of breath gave the man enough reason to draw his revolver. It was heavy in his hand, and the trigger pulled easily. A single bullet hit one of the adobe buildings, boring into it's outer wall, but causing no further damage.

"Who's there?"

Silence answered. He approached the building, gripping his weapon slightly ahead of him. Without the door, he entered the building to find that it was as small on the inside as it appeared on the outside. A cot with one blanket, a closet, and a robe were all that inhabited the inside. He was about to leave when something strange caught his eye; a green colored thread. It was attached to one of the floorboards, and lay as unassuming as a blade of grass.

Kneeling down to investigate his find, the man's eyebrows rose when the thread disappeared. He wiped a leather-gloved hand across the floor, and was not surprised to find a piece of the wood missing. Aiming his gun toward the floor, he slid a finger into the hole and lifted.

"What in the hell are you?" He asked calmly, lowering the weapon.

Beneath the floorboard crouched a boy, of undetermined age, with a mop of dirty hair the color of dry dead grass. He stared at the man, seemingly understanding that he was about to meet his death.

"You hear me, boy? I said what are you?"

The man's question was met with silence. Reaching up, he pulled off his hat and rubbed the bald spot above his forehead. It was slick with sweat, and made him think of his horse.

"I ain't gonna ask again. What happened here?"

Finally, an understanding crossed the boy's face. "You're not one of them?"

"One of who?"

"One of them. The ones in blue," he stuttered. The boy's voice was high, but gritty. He seemed sallow and malnourished. "They came to kill us."

"The monks?"

The boy paused, and looked outside. "Yes."

Momentarily satisfied, the man stood up and stretched his back. His spine popped several times and a yawn escaped his mouth. "Well.. they long gone, now. What's your name?"

Still crouching, the boy mumbled his reply. "Dimitri. Who are you?"

The man walked outside before replying. "Librarian," he said simply. "Looks like whoever did this has been gone long enough. Should probably build a fire before the sun goes down."

Dimitri slowly crept out of his hiding place. He tried not to stare for too long at the bodies littered around him, their familiar faces invoking more tears than he had to offer. Soon, Librarian was gathering wood from old chairs, old crosses, and anything else he could find that would burn. "..what about the monks?"

Librarian didn't stop his work. He rummaged through one of the other buildings, and tore open a mattress to pull out the straw. "We'll burn 'em, tomorrow. No smell more annoying than burning flesh. 'specially when you're hungry."

A turkey vulture suddenly swept down and pecked at one of the bodies. It retrieved an eye, black and ruined, but still edible, and swallowed it whole. "Can't we bury them?"

"You gonna bury 'em all? Go ahead," the older man grunted, kicking at a chair to break it's legs. "I ain't gonna stop ya."

Dimitri knew he didn't have the strength to bury them all. Sitting near the soon-to-be fire, he pulled his knees to his chest and watched as Librarian lit a match and threw it on the pile of straw bedding he'd collected. It caught quickly, and before long, a fire illuminated the courtyard. "I can't."

"Well then. Stop complaining."

There was silence after that. Librarian sat down on the other side of the fire, and glanced toward his horse. It was idly licking at an old trough, filled with stagnant water. He wondered how long it would take before he could replace the horse, and then thought about how long it would be before he could lose the kid.

Home!

2010-08-11T09:10:00.000-07:00

Well, things have been going better than expected! I can finally talk about the condo we're buying.

Willy and I managed to stumble upon a condo in Germantown, MD. It's got two bedrooms, a bathroom, a nice sized living room, a big balcony, aaaaand... a fireplace! It's on the top floor too, so big vaulted ceilings. Nice. We're supposed to go to settlement in early September, so we're hoping that all goes well so that we can move out/in soon. I tell ya what, I'm looking forward to that enormous master bedroom! Plus, the balcony will be big enough (for now..) for me to have some nice plants.

Here's hoping the cat doesn't eat them!

Nina and the Adventure of Hobo Island

2010-07-16T05:37:00.000-07:00

We have hobos in DC. Lots of hobos. SO MANY HOBOS. They're literally everywhere you turn, and while I got no beef with most of them, a lot of them have mental issues. They're not dangerous or anything, but they are insane. And I don't mean a little insane.. I mean.. babbling out loud about conspiracies, arguing with cab drivers over a bag of pennies, that sort of thing. Today, I add a chapter in my ongoing saga with the hobos.

There was a problem on the train I was on, this morning. Because the stop we were stuck in was only about 5 blocks from my job, I decided to get off and walk. So I walked out, and there's 3 hobos sitting on a bus stop bench. One of them is an old lady. She calls out to me, "Good morning!"

Not the worst thing anyone could say, so I said, "Good morning!" back, to which she replies, "You have a beeeaaauuuutiful smile!" and the other two hobos go "Wooooooo!!" and whistle.

See? Not the worst experience to have. Just very strange. Walking beside me was a family of tourists, and they looked at me as if to say, "Poor thing!" but you know what? I smiled at them. This is my city, crazies and all.

A few more experiences I've had...

- Willy and I were in DC, crossing the street, when a hobo with a trumpet walks by. He starts babbling, and goes, "See!? It's easy to make up your own language! A-be-boo-baba-do-ga-be.." ect. Then he blew on his trumpet.

- Willy and I were in DC with his brothers and their girlfriends, for a New Years party. A hobo walks up to us, and says, "How much.. does it cost.. to walk in the jungle?!" When we couldn't answer, he returned to his hobo cave with a bottle of MD 50/50.

- I was taking a walk during my lunch break, and stopped in time to see a hobo rapping to a squirrel.

- I was on the train, with headphones in, when a hobo lady walks in with her cart and bags. She proceeded to yell. When I took off my headphones, I realized she was yelling at me. I couldn't understand a word she was saying, and then she left.

- There was a hobo lady who sat on the steps in front of a Burger King, when I went to college in DC. (Okay, it was Rosslyn, but it's practically DC!) She would play a radio she had, and panhandle. One day, she tried to get a cab driver to take her somewhere, promising to pay him with a bag of pennies. When he refused, she offered him her radio. When he refused again, she tried to pee on the floor in a Metro station.

- On another walk during my lunch break, a hobo calls out to me, "My GOD! I'm IN LOVE!! MARRY ME!!"

Some are funny, some are sad. Either way, DC has a big homeless problem. We do take care of them, there are many areas that serve breakfast and dinner to them, but there isn't enough shelter for them all. I'd really like to do more for them, personally, because one hobo has kinda bewitched me with his hobo powers..

He sells books at my Metro stop. Cheap, used books. I swear, it's like he's peddling crack to me...

Huge (FAIL)

2010-07-07T09:33:00.000-07:00

I tried watching this show, because as a former overweight teen, I felt I could relate. What I got was an overly drama-fied show, starring the chick from Hairspray, David Hasslehoff's daughter, and the black chick from The Adventures of Hercules.

All good actors, given a terrible script. It seems that everyone at this camp has issues outside of the norm, which makes the show feel entirely too fake. The girls are obsessed with a parody of "Twilight", where they replace a ghost with the vampire ("Did you get to the part where they danced in the graveyard??"), and either I've grown waaay past this new generation of teens, or they're portraying teens as really really dumb lately. None of these characters seem at all smart or creative. The main character's biggest creative achievement was to use fat bodyparts to spell words on her wall, like a 5th grader's collage.

I hate it when shows have a good premise and fail. I would actually LOVE to see a show that addresses childhood/teenage obesity without making it out to be the entire reason for their existence. Why can't kids just be kids, while also being fat? This show might have been interesting if the characters had personalities outside of their given archetypes..

The Pretty One

The Angry One who likes The Guy

The Guy who likes The Pretty One

And the rest..

Anyone else watch this, yet?

Aww..

2010-06-27T17:12:00.000-07:00

Well, now that the US is out of the World Cup, I can talk about it.

I'm a soccer fan. Growing up, I was surrounded by other soccer fans in my family, and none outside of them. In school, everyone liked other American sports, which was fine because we also liked American football and basketball. Not baseball, though. Something about that sport just rubbed us the wrong way. I always liked movies about baseball, but the sport itself was just strange and alien.

Every four years, the World Cup happens. To my family, it's a big deal. With my mom being from Spain, we always cheer for them. Us being from the US, we cheer for them too, but, it's sort of half-hearted. We don't deny them praise, but in our hearts we know they won't go far. It's a shame and a pity, because it's our country. We want them to do well, but we know they're outclassed.

This year, I was really enjoying watching the US play. Not because they were great, but because they were so resilient. I saw them lose not one, but TWO goals to bad calls, and get fouled left-and right. It's a shame for new soccer fans, but maybe it will get them angry enough to care. Maybe. Anyway, Saturday's game was heartbreaking. The US once again showed resilience, if not skill. Unfortunately, they've proven time and time again that ball possession and team-playing is not their greatest asset. They have some good individual players, but their defense is SEVERELY lacking, with the exception of one great goalie. But one goalie can't save a team, and neither can one striker. Donavan, you're good, but you're not that good.

The English have been shoving Rooney in our face for months, and what happened? The same thing. Except they were practically humiliated by Germany, and made it only as far as who? The US. So thank GOD they can stop gloating, because their "dream team" was destroyed.

Tuesday, Spain is playing Portugal at 2:30. I'm nervous and excited. This is a big deal, because Portugal has proven to be quite formidable, and Spain lost to, of all people, Switzerland. So I'm hoping that Spain will win, but despite how much I love them, I have my doubts. This is why I don't gamble.. I don't want to let my brain get clouded by hope. But Spain does have something the US needs to learn from; teamwork. If you watch Spain play, you'll see beautiful passing, from one man to another, in split second movements. It's really amazing to watch, to see how well they're in sync with one another. I'm proud of them for that, because they seem to embody the term, "The Beautiful Game".

So forgive me if I'm one of the people that you think might have been sucked into the soccer craze. The truth is, I'm not. I used to go to DC United games every month with my dad, and I still enjoy going to their games. I watch soccer on TV for the 3 years that the World Cup ISN'T playing, and I keep track of my favorite players.

And for those who HAVE been sucked into the soccer craze? I hope they stick around. I hope they prove that just because Americans seem to have this whole "Our shit is better than the world's shit!" mentality, they can put aside their assholish thinking and start to look at it on a global level.

I mean, come on.. isn't it cool to see countries pitted against one another? Fans from every corner of the world waving their flags, wearing ridiculous outfits, singing their national anthems in pride of their nations? That, to me, is what makes the World Cup so amazing.

America! $%&# yeah!!

2010-06-23T17:03:00.000-07:00

Well, we won!! Sorry if I haven't been around much lately, been looking for a house. Might have one! We'll see.. if so, be prepared for lots more blurging!

'cuz I'm proud to be an American...

2010-06-12T18:34:00.000-07:00

It was a beautiful day in South Africa. David Beckham, in all his arrogance, walked the sidelines like a caged tiger in his designer three piece suit. Six thousand Americans and five thousand English were in the stands, with South Africans, and other fans from all over the world. The whistle blew. No less than six minutes in, England scored a goal that left me clutching the dashboard of Willy's car screaming "Nooooo!!!" English players launched themselves at the ball like human torpedoes. Shirts were pulled, legs were scarred, blood was drawn.

And then...

Yes, I know. The goal slipped through his fingers.. but you know what? We kept them at bay. The mighty England, with it's world class athletes, with the great Rooney, with all their cockey attitude, could not get past our defense. Despite the fact that our defensive line is slightly shaky due to injuries, despite the fact that we're ranked #15 and they're ranked #3, we held them off.

So America, here's to you. It's a real freaking shame that more Americans don't take pride in a team that went from being considered the worst, to fending off the best. Now.. if they can get through the rest of these games with a bit more aggression, I will be pleased.

Look out! Senior at the wheel!

2010-06-09T18:16:00.000-07:00

It was a terrible day. Dreary, rainy, I was returning home after a jaunt to the supermarket for foodstuffs. I stopped behind 3 cars and waited, as a school bus let kids off. A few seconds later...

Yup, that's my poor baby. I screamed, and thank god I pressed hard on the brake. Felt my head hit the back of my chair hard, and froze for a few seconds. Cop comes. Directs us to the side of the road to exchange information.

The driver was 82. I was stopped for at least 5 seconds. Time enough, you would think, but nope. Not long enough for him to realize what was happening. I still have a headache. Tomorrow, we discover if I have whiplash. Grrreat.

House Hunting; The Neverending Saga

2010-06-06T10:01:00.000-07:00

Part of what sucks about looking for a house is that even when you fall in love, there are other variables besides the house itself, and the biggest one is crime. My husband is a scaredy cat when it comes to crime, but that's okay because it grounds me. I'd personally say yes to ANY house, because I grew up in an area full of crime. I got our lucky, but he's right in that it's best to avoid that. Unfortunately, when you're 2 twenty-somethings who make a little under 100 grand a year, that limits the amount of houses we can qualify for. We're not broke, but we're not loaded either. We can't afford a nice little 300k starter home. All of the homes we're looking at are in the 120k range, and that comes with a price.

Yesterday, Willy and I went with his grandmother to Manassas. We lived there, so we thought it would be okay. Saw three gorgeous brick homes. Would have been perfect, EXCEPT.. yep. Crime. And you know what sucks? The place was full of minorities. Indians, black, Latino, a few white people sprinkled throughout.. I felt very comfortable there. Willy didn't. He wanted to be wrong about how he felt, because despite his discomfort, he held out hope that the place wasn't full of crime. But then I checked last year's crime report from the Manassas police department, and wouldn't you know it, the area we were looking in had more break-ins, assaults, rapes, and everything you wouldn't want while starting up your family.

What annoys me is that people keep telling me I need to look in white neighborhoods. Better resale value, less crime, better schools, more expensive. Why is it minorities carry this stigma? Even areas people would consider to be "white trash" have less crime. It's not fair that we do this to ourselves. It's not fair that I have to look at neighborhoods with predominantly white populations, because they will be safer. And it's not fair that despite the fact that Willy and I work two full-time professional jobs, we can't afford anything decent.

At this point, we could afford to live in a luxury apartment, in the "good side of town", for more than a mortgage would cost. It's been 6 months, and we're still living at his parents' house. We're not broke. We're just not rich. What do we do, at this point? Give up and get an apartment? It just makes me sick and depressed.

The perfect Chipotle

2010-06-04T09:05:00.001-07:00

Nutrition Facts

Amount Per Serving

Calories 560

Cal from Fat 355

% Daily Value*

Total Fat 39g

59%

Saturated Fat 17g	83%
Trans Fat 0g

Cholesterol 130mg

43%

Sodium 1140mg

48%

Total Carbs 15g

Dietary Fiber 7g	28%
Sugars 6g

Protein 37g

Vitamin A	0%	•	Vitamin C	0%
Calcium	0%	•	Iron	0%

*	Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet. Your daily values may be higher or lower depending on your calorie needs.

INGREDIENTS: Barbacoa (4oz),Sour Cream,Cheese,Green Tomatillo Salsa,Guacamole (4oz),Lettuce

Click Here to view

Man. I wish we had a Chipotle near work! XO

Hay, ya'll!

2010-06-02T06:09:00.000-07:00

So this is a good week, so far. Been eating clean, feeling good (except for the nausia, but I'm learning to live with it), and spent a FABULOUS weekend in PA with my family. Willy and I went to Hershey Park, and there was a very minimal amount of chocolate binging.

One ice cream cone ain't bad, right?

But I'm shedding the pounds for a wedding I'll be attending in August, so no more ice cream for me.

Now on to other things.. I'm usually not one to beg, but, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE help me out, guys. If you could find it in the goodness of your heart to visit this link and vote for A Sound of Thunder so that we can open for KISS, I will be forever grateful. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.

..and now I am done grovelling.

(please!)

Click here to vote!

Greek Yogurt and UK Distribution

2010-05-25T09:18:00.000-07:00

Today, I ate Greek yogurt. In an effort to either fix myself or drive myself into a deep depression, I'm trying to eat normally. I had oatmal for breakfast, and brought yogurt and a sandwich for lunch. Dunno if I can bring myself to eat the sandwich, but I will try.

In other news, my band is now with Ravenheart Music! It's a small distribution group in the UK that specializes in female fronted rock and metal, and they will soon be distributing our music accross the pond. Hurray!! The show on Friday was amazing, by the way. With the exception of my singing terribly off-key due to my not being able to hear my guitarist for a certain song (AHHHHH.........!!!), everything else was awesome! We even made a valuable contact in the booking agent of Metal Mike, a very cool guy indeed.

And now, I leave you with the conversation I just had with my husband.

potatofoot: well, you got my attention, how can i help?

me: No idea!
Tell me something sexy.

potatofoot: i am at work, in an open room, with three people being able to watch my monitor

me: Hot.
What are you wearing?

We're on Motorhead's website!!

2010-05-18T13:38:00.001-07:00

They were nice enough to put our press release on our website!

Check it out here.

Hurraaaaay. :)

Stupid food dreams...

2010-05-13T11:28:00.000-07:00

Had a dream I was eating bread. In my dream, I was like "Shit, this breaks my diet.. but it's so good!" and it was. The bread in my dream was super soft and just melted in my mouth.

Gaddamn it.

Once Upon a Time...

2010-05-11T08:52:00.000-07:00

...I had my own boutique. It stocked J-Rock/goth/metal/punk fashion, jewelry, and music. 99% of the store was black. All of the people working there were covered with tattoos, with mohawks and dredlocks. They wore denim, leather, and spikes. Death metal, J-Rock, and punk music played throughout the store, AND.. it doubled as a coffee house. Half of the store had small round tables, and there was a stage. On that stage, we did poetry readings. Art exhibitions. Music.
And then I woke up.

GADDAMN IT, HOT TOPIC. Where you once were my go-to place for gothic stage-clothes, now I have to ship my clothes from Hong Kong. And they're still LESS EXPENSIVE than from your store, which now caters to 13 year olds. FUCK YOU GUYS. UGH. I've always wanted my own goth hangout spot. I've never had one, before. Closest I ever got to one was going to a fetish club every few months, or going to a metal show. But even then, it was never good enough. The venues changed to cater to bigger crowds, the people changed, the scene changed.

Where my weirdos at?? Have we become so repressed that we are damned to spend the rest of eternity paying enormous prices for mediocre clothes and shitty music? No. Not me. Someday, I'll have my goth fairy tale. Someday.

RIP Frank Frazetta

2010-05-10T11:10:00.000-07:00

At age 92, Frank Frazetta, one of the greatest artists in history, passed away today. As an artist, I've had 2 big influences; comic books, and Disney movies. Frazetta's style helped to shape an entire genre of fantasy art, which my influences were influenced by. I studied Frazetta's work in college, and throughout my growth as an artist, I've learned from his attention to detail and anatomy.

To other "big girls", he was a hero. Frazetta's art showcased the human form and all of it's "flaws", and made them glamerous. Big-butted chicks with flabby thighs and tummies were the princesses. We were the maidens, the heroines, and the goddesses. He loved women as they are, not as we have made them with plastic surgery. He loved muscles, flab, boobs, butts, legs, feet, EVERYTHING. He never failed to make me remember that as an artist, I should draw from life.

Thank you, Frank Frazetta. Your work shaped my life, and my love for art. I'll never remember seeing your paintings for the first time, and thinking to myself, "This is what I want." I can only hope to continue to grow as an artist, and someday make pieces as beautiful as his. Tonight, I'm going to buy some bristol, sit down to some cartoons, and get back to my roots.

Once again, thank you Frank Frazetta. You are an inspiration to us all.

Chick can DRUM..

2010-05-09T13:53:00.000-07:00

So last night was pretty bad-ass. I helped out my friend Bobbie in putting together a Battle of the Bands event for Flight of the Valkyries, in which the winner would be able to play first for the show. It was a major success, a ton of people showed up. The bands that played were:

[geist]
Acid Queen
Scarz Within
and
Cypher Lock

All of the bands put up a good fight, but in the end, [geist] took home the glory. But that's not what I wanna talk about. What I wanna talk about is Cypher Lock's drummer, Mariah. Mariah is a girl. Who drums. Mariah is also a big girl. Who drums. And drums AMAZINGLY. Now, I don't know if ya'll know this about metal drummers, but they do a lot of stuff. I mean holy shit, usually metal drummers are pouring sweat and working every single one of their muscles. Well, Mariah made it look easy. Personally, she made that band for me. I was so impressed by her that I wished I could steal her away.

You go, Mariah.

Running..OH GOD

2010-05-08T09:19:00.000-07:00

Went on my 2nd run of the year.. lol Haven't run since the fall, and my body was in bad shape. When I did my first on, on Saturday, I knew it would be followed by about a week of soreness. Once I get over the initial soreness of the first week, I'm usually alright. Today, after getting over the hurt, I tried again for 1.5 miles. OH GOD. Once I got to the uphill trail back to the house, I got a massive headache/earache. No idea why, but my ears were pounding with pain. I got back, drank some water, and collapsed.

Methinks I should research whats up with that earache so it NEVER HAPPENS AGAIN.

Also, best news evar.. WILLY GOT HIS JOB BACK!! He's making 50k now, instead of the old 40-something, which means that combined with my 46.5k a year, we're almost making 100k. O_O Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.............. NOW GIMME A HOUSE, DAMN IT.

Random Jumbling Crap

2010-04-20T05:26:00.000-07:00

So I just shot back a 5-Hour, and I'm feeling slightly more awake than before. Slightly. See, I went to sleep around 11:30 last night, after a night of paper work and reading old comics. Willy and I might be getting a condo, and it's really exciting, but HOLY SHIT do we have a lot to do. Apparently it's harder for people who are poor to buy things. Go figure! Technically, we're not POOR.. we're just not that well off, so we need to get an FHA loan, which takes a lot of work and like, 10 people to pull off.

We put in a bid for a short-sale place that's been on the market for nearly half a year, so we're hoping they'll think we're a nice young couple and say "aw, lets let them have it. They're so cute!" or something to that effect. We'll have to replace the carpet and fix up the bathroom, but it's a nice place. It even has a 2nd bedroom so that I can have my Blood Study/accidental pregnancy back-up room.

Eating wise, I've been clean for the past week. Last night I was slightly bad and had a few boneless wings at Applebees, but all in all I kept it around 30 carbs for the whole day, so I was still good. Dinner was steak and broccoli. I've been asked not to eat anymore rare meat by my darling husband, until we get some health insurance. It's going to be a struggle for me, since I hate meat that's been cooked too much... but anything to give him peace of mind, I'll do gladly. But oh man, that steak was good.

I'm having some trouble eating due to (TMI AHEEEEAAAAD!) side-effects with my birth control. I take it to regulate my hormones, so when it backfires and instead gives me "lady times" for a month straight, I get very annoyed. And nauseous. My calories haven't been good for the past few days, and it's slowing down my metabolism. I know this, because I'm less hungry, despite not eating more than a thousand calories per day. I'm trying to eat more, but I'm limited in what I'm comfortable with eating and the nausea is bugging me.

Oh food, I hate you so much.

Spreading the word of DEFENDOR

2010-04-18T09:05:00.000-07:00

So I don't know if anyone has talked about this film yet, but I just bought it and watched it tonight. Defendor came out some time last year, got hardly any marketing, and basically disappeared for a bit before going to DVD. I wouldn't be surprised if it were a straight to DVD film, but people, it is the BEST movie I have seen this year, and last. Here's a summary from IMDB:

A comedy centered around three characters: an everyday guy who comes to believe he's a superhero, his psychiatrist, and the teenager he befriends.

Okay, this was NOT a comedy. Did it have a funny premise? Sure. But the movie in itself was, while it had some really funny lines, not pure comedy.

Anyone who likes movies with superheroes, good acting, good story, and real emotion, will like this film. I can not stress enough what an amazing actor Woody Harrelson is. If you saw Zombieland, 7 Pounds, or any of his other films, you will recognize the diversity in his characters.

I want this movie to get it's justice. It deserved awards, recognition, all that other crap that other movies get when they have lots of money pushing it. It didn't get anything, but I hope it will be recognized by people who can appreciate real value and talent by actors and film-makers.

Coooool!!

2010-04-14T16:01:00.000-07:00

Well, I can say this about working with A Sound of Thunder.. it's hella-easy to get gigs! We're opening for Primal Fear in a few weeks, and thankfully, aren't going on first! Hahaha.. I love it.

For those of you unfamiliar with Primal Fear, here is a bit of them. 80's metal type people will probably like their classic metal sound and clean vocals.

This should be a good night. If you're in the DC area on May 21st, I highly recommend coming down to Springfield, VA for a good night of metal and boozing.

Also, the 'Thunder has a new MySpace page up! Go check it out for awesomeness.

How lame of me!

2010-04-10T13:30:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't been updating the ole' blog yet, folks.. been super busy! I'm helping out with Flight of the Valkyries (female fronted metal band festival), and my band is getting gig after gig... we'll be opening for Primal Fear in a few weeks! Ha!

Through all the stress, I'm trying hard to eat right, but it's been a struggle of feeling guilty over eating/not eating. Every time I eat a full meal, I feel sick. Every time I don't, I feel sick. It's a lose/lose situation, so I'm working on it.

Today I got a slight break from the madness. Willy is at work so I got to work on my little herb garden, and do the various chores that needed doing.. like go to the bank, buy new jeans, ect.. I am so thankful that for once, I have some time to myself.

Here are my herbs!!

From left to right, I have sweet bay, mint, lavender, Italian basil, Rosemary, cilantro, and Thai basil.

Thai basil is awesome, guys. Totally makes me crave green curry!

Of course!

2010-03-23T10:52:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I can be so dumb.

All this time, I've been looking for something to eat that could settle my hypoglycemia, and simultaneously not make me feel like crap throughout the day. The answer?

PUMPKIN!

I used to eat pumpkin for breakfast every day. 1/2 a cup, with a little cinnamon, tastes like pumpkin pie filling. It's got 3 grams of fiber and only 4 net carbs. It's got a trivial amount of sugar, lots of vitamins, and when coupled with a few sunflower kernels, I suddenly don't feel like vomiting every morning. It's great!

Now all I gotta do is explain to the in-laws why there is a half-used can of pumpkin in the fridge. Somehow, I doubt they'd believe I was making mini-pies at 5AM.

Damned if I do; damned if I don't

2010-03-21T18:45:00.000-07:00

Well as it turns out, I hate eating normal. The oatmeal in the morning made me crazy hungry throughout the day, and eating bread makes me feel bloated. Tonight I went out and bought stuff to make myself breakfast and lunch. I've got eggs for breakfast, and for lunch, salad with chicken and cherry tomatoes. I'm hoping that the tomatoes will be enough sugar to keep me from getting all nauseous again.

I just can't sit idly by and feel myself become fatter by eating "normal people food". My carbs will continue to come from vegetables, and I'll just have to try and eat a small amount of fruit or something to get the sugar that I need.

In the meantime, allergies are kicking my ass. Welcome, Spring!

Health Crap

2010-03-18T18:43:00.000-07:00

So, for the last few days, I've been suffering from severe nausea. And here I thought it was from eating badly! After having to leave from work early to see a doctor, I've discovered that it might be due to 2 things;

1. Not enough sugar intake.
2. Ovarian cysts.

Doctor said there were ketones in my urine. So while I'm like "Alright, ketosis! Losing weight!" he's like, "You're probably feeling sick because of a severe imbalance," which makes me very sad. I'm a huge proponent of living a low carb lifestyle, and by that, I mean that I feel SEVERE GUILT when I eat bread and anything with sugar.

So I thought to myself, self, what if we try South Beach? I looked it up, but I had dismissed this diet many times before because it always looked like an Atkins rip-off. I was absolutely right. It is a total Atkins rip-off, except that it's easier to follow, because it lets you eat beans and nuts during induction.

Now, while I have seen people lose weight on South Beach, I have never known anyone to lose it and keep it off. I have kept off most of the weight I've lost, but, I feel like I've gained about 5 pounds over the winter this year. My pants feel slightly tight at the stomach, and I'm terrified of gaining weight back. I don't have a scale because it's in storage, so I'm flying blind, but all I know is that I feel uncomfortable. So either I'm crazy, or I've gained back a few pounds. And now I'm learning that losing it the way I usually do will make me sick.

Gaddamn it all.

Woooooooback!

2010-03-15T11:20:00.000-07:00

Well I'm back to my old ways of demoralizing myself. Did a gig on Saturday, and after giving this whole, "I don't need to be thin! I'm talented! Fuck everyone!" speech, and eating french fries.. I immediately regretted it after seeing the photos.

God, my thighs are horrible.

So I'm back on my diet, and kinda grateful for it. I hate the way I feel when I eat "normal". I've been nauseous for weeks, and I'm hoping that eating clean will take that away.

Now for other news, not sure if ya'll who follow this blog knew this, but I am with another band. A Sound of Thunder has more of an Iron Maiden/power metal feel, which matches my personality a bit more. I love the guys in it, and hanging out with them is always a blast. We already have a CD out, and we're about to release a single for the West Memphis 3. I'll post more on that later, once the song is up.

But in the meantime, this is what we've got out right now! You can also search for "A Sound of Thunder" on iTunes.

I'm out!

2010-03-12T05:53:00.000-08:00

Well, me and Blood Corps are no more. It turns out I really wasn't appreciated there, just as I feared. But now it's over, I'm out of a toxic relationship that made me physically ill and I'm never going to put myself in that position again. It was like breaking up with my abusive ex-boyfriend all over again.

I was in such a good mood this morning, I actually ate oatmeal. I was really hungry, I can't eat meat because it's Friday, so I got oatmeal. I'm trying not to feel bad about it. Imagine, feeling bad about eating oatmeal... but yes, I feel the guilt, and it's really hard to keep from feeling fat.

Ugh, well, the good news is that as soon as I came home last night, it was to two e-mails with gigs! One at the Rock n' Roll Hotel in DC, the other to place in Chicago.

Freedom, here I come!

What de fook?

2010-03-11T05:56:00.000-08:00

Someone posted an article in Facebook today, talking about this model from Victoria's Secret and how she's hella thin. I was all, "Well they all are.." but then I saw the picture. Apparently, she's standing next to two "plus sized" models.Woah, wait a second.. "plus sized"?! How the hell are those chicks plus sized?? I'm not gonna get all up in arms about the skinny chick.. I mean, if she's skinny, she's skinny, I don't care.. but those two girls beside her are apparently "plus sized" models for Victoria's Secret. Being a size 6, I can honestly say that I'm MUCH bigger than those girls. Of course, that's a today's version of a size 6, which might be more like a traditional size 10....... but either way!! How the hell are they plus sized!? That's fucking crazy! Fuck you, Victoria's Secret, and your ultra comfortable (and expensive) bras!! I'd boycott you if I knew where to buy better underwear... but unfortunately, you do make some really good shit.

Gaddamn it.

Anyhow, back to my day.. I'm pretty nauseous this morning, because tonight I have to have that inevitable meeting with Blood Corps. Basically, this is my "either you guys learn to treat me with respect, our I am OUT" meeting. I've been getting increasingly unhappy with having to deal with them lately, and last week's gig kinda put the icing on the cake. I was blamed for everything from our bass player being late, to our CDs being printed incorrectly. And then praised for my performance, once it was done.

I'm just really sick of it. I'm sick of them ignoring my suggestions, rolling their eyes, treating me like my opinions don't matter, and then throwing out anything I've ever created in favor of repetative riffs and "radio friendly" metal ideas. I have a feeling they'd be happier if they created a cover band, anyway.. can you believe that they played "Paranoid" as a sound check?? It was embarassing. I felt horrible. Not only is it the worst Black Sabbath song they ever wrote, but it was OUR SOUND CHECK!! It was a chance for people to get a glimpse of us before the show, and what do they do?? They play a cover. Someone else's music. I am so tired of being around people who are either incapable of writing good music, or just don't have the drive for it. Tonight, I'm gonna tell them how I feel. It's either gonna make, or break this band. But I can't take it, anymore.

Just keep swimming..

2010-03-10T14:06:00.000-08:00

Well, Willy didn't get that particular job.. but! He is being looked at by a few other employees. I tell ya what, man, it's a total buyers market right now. I wish I had the dough to start my own evil restaraunt because god knows I'd have the pick of the litter when it comes to employees! Unfortunately, despite many dreams about buying my favorite club, I'm nowhere close to it. So I'm just gonna keep hoping that my husband GETS A JOB so that we can buy this house his grandmother is showing us.

It's a small one, but it's a house. And I need to move out before I GO CRAZY.

A wing and a prayer..

2010-03-03T06:08:00.000-08:00

Dear God,

I ask, in your infinite wisdom, that you allow Willy to get this job. If he does, in fact, get this job, it will mean very good things.

First of all, I'll be able to finally buy a house. Second of all, I will be able to decorate it as garishly and insanely as I want. Picture PeeWee's Playhouse, but with more weapons. Now, that doesn't mean I'll be leaving YOU out, of course. The house I'm looking at sits on half an acre. That means I'll be able to have a garden, and in that garden, I will have a statue of St. Francis. I will also, somewhere, have a statue of your girl, Mary. I plan on surrounding these statue with roses, which I will tend like an old lady, to encourage blooming.

I will fill one of those five bedrooms with a kid. The other four will be reserved for Willy and I, a computer room, a guest room, and my evil Blood Stud--, I mean, a cute little library.

I will cook in that enormous kitchen for my husband, kid, and our drunken (go sacrificial wine!) guests. I will scrub, and sweep, and wipe, and everything else to keep my home as clean and beautiful as possible. I will tend to my lawn, wash my cars, and yes Lord, I will attend church every Sunday to remind myself that without you, I'd have no beautiful house.

So please, God. Help me to do your good work, and let Willy have this job.

Besides, with two paychecks, I can finally afford these really adorable shoes I've been eyeing. For church going, of course.

Mysterious Ways..

2010-03-02T07:10:00.000-08:00

I tell ya what, god sure is mysterious.

For Lent this year, I gave up something that I needed real help with; spending money. I kept spending money during the week on books, drinks, random things that I just felt I had to have. It hasn't gotten me in trouble, but it hasn't gotten me any closer to my goal of owning a house. So this year I decided that what I really need to give up is spending money throughout the week.

First week went by alright, but after that I slipped up. I kept forgetting to pack a lunch, or, forgetting to bring water. I'd start feeling sick and buy something. I had no discipline. Well last night, I had discipline forced on me.

After a frantic search throughout my house, I was convinced that I had lost my wallet. Inside, I had two bank cards, a credit card, my Victorias Secret card, credit card, license, ect. So I had to plan on spending the next week without my magic money cards, which involved Willy giving me cash for Metro and Metro only. Plus, cancelling all my cards.

I arrived at work more than a little stressed and exhausted. Prepared for the day, I looked through my purse one more time... and there he was.

Let me stress that I tore that purse apart. THREE TIMES. It's as if my wallet suddenly materialized in my purse, but with three cancelled cards and no way for me to spend money over the week. Just the sort of help I needed, it seems, to put a hold on my spending.

Thanks god. I appreciate it.

A night of ADVENTURE!

2010-03-01T03:00:00.000-08:00

Every so often, I enjoy having random adventures with my goons. Today, I was scheduled to work from 12AM to 12PM, which meant that I'd need to somehow sleep through Sunday in order to stay up all night for work. My brilliant plan? Stay out all Saturday!!

It all started at around 5:00 PM, at Jaxx. My buddy Josh and I hung out at the famous dive bar in Springfield VA, notoritious for it's metal reputation, despite the fact that it's somehow trying to become a more mainstream venue. (Lame.) We watched a new up and coming band that reminded me a lot of Dethklok, and they actually recognized me as the lead singer of Blood Corps! Quite a few people recognized me, in fact. It was pretty awesome. They all really got a kick out of my performance with A Sound of Thunder, so Josh and I (who plays guitar for ASOT) were pretty proud.

We travelled far from Jaxx, to the mystical land of Alexandria VA, in search of late-night munchies for our drug-like junk food craving; pupusas. For those of you who do not know, pupusas are a Salvadorian food near and dear to my heart. They are made of corn meal, and full of pork and cheese, flattened like tortillas. They're eaten with pickled cabbage and tomato sauce. I love them. Hard. Unfortunately, by the time we got there, the place was closing.. so I had to deal with Salvadorian style tacos, instead. Which were AMAZING, by the way. If you're ever in Arlington and want cheap (and good!) food, I recommend going to El Charrito.

After El Charrito, we continued our adventure in one of my favorite areas of DC; Dupont Circle. Having a craving for bad karaoke, we went into a Japanese sushi and karaoke bar called Cafe Japone, where we drank $9 Sapporos and listened to 50 people sing simultaneously horrible. It was worth it for the drunken people.

After leaving Cafe Japone, we moved my car, and made our way toward my new favorite DC hot spot; Omega. Omega is a gay karaoke bar that I went to on the day before my wedding rehearsal, in July. I had such a good time that I figured I'd take Josh. Well lemme tell ya, it's a much different place on the weekend! There were five dudes on the bar, dancing in thongs. It was pretty great, lemme tell ya.. we got a few drinks and enjoyed the festivities, and I even put a dollar in this one dude's thigh-strap! Unfortunately, he kept trying to get my attention.. and me, being who I am, well I didn't want to insult him. So I giggled and said "thank you!" to all of his compliments.

Then he asked for my number. "Wait a sec!" my brains screamed. "This is wrong!!" and then I felt him press his sack to my face. And then he kissed me. Thankfully, Josh rescued me from the psuedo-gay, and we spent a few hours hanging out and watching the buff dudes gyrate.

At last call, he and I left for the nearby CVS so that he could buy some eye droppers to his eyeballs. Once they were sufficiently lubricated, we wandered about looking for a place to sober up. We managed to find a pizza joint somewhere along P street, but I've been scouring Google Maps for like, 20 minutes, and I can't for the life of me find it!! When we got there, at 4AM, it was swarmed with the drunk crowd. We sat down and ate some pizza, drank a couple diet cokes, and then left in search of coffee.

Around 4:30 AM we finally found a place for coffee, The DC Cafe, where we drank down black coffee in styrofoam cups and met a surprising amount of Persians. I think like, 90% of the people in there were Persian. They asked where I was from, and when I said "Spain", we got into a conversation about how Spain is a historically Muslim country. "Of course, we're proud of that!" I said, narrowly dodging that half our pride comes from the fact that we defeated them in battle and stole all of their palaces..

Then Josh made the mistake of saying he was Jewish, so I rescued him from an argument and, finally sober, we made our way home.

Yeah. I love this city.

Parasite?

2010-02-25T07:03:00.000-08:00

This week has been hell.

I had band practice on Tuesday night, followed by Wednesday which was chock-full of food poisoning. Then a gig. Today I have band practice again, but after that gig I got a whopping 5 hours of sleep and am now insanely tired. Also, my neck hurts from the headbanging, and my stomach is still killing me.

Ugh.......

Oh, Canada...

2010-02-22T10:38:00.000-08:00

Dear Canada,

I am writing to you to express my condolances. While I understand that you're going through a tough time, let me express how sorry I am for the severe gloating that you are about to endure from the American people. We are known for being arrogant, crude, and cruel in sad times. This time will be no different.

A week ago, we, America, made a decision. Should Canada win the olympic hockey game against the United States, we would congratulate you, be happy for you even! This, after all, was your sport. The year you hosted the olympics. Your time to shine. We would graciously bow down before your superiority on the ice, because lets face it, much of the NHL is made up of players from either your country, or Russia. That you would teach our players a lesson in good sportsmanship was obvious. Unfortunately, the opposite was already known for us. If the US won against Canada, during the olympics, which Canada was hosting, we would never let you forget it. Ever.

It took five goals, and a few thousand cheers before we realized what had happened. We beat you. We did not only out-score you, but we blocked more than 40 shots to our goal. It was like a magical moment in history where the US could prove what huge assholes we truly are. Which is why I am here, today.

Canada, I applaud your efforts. You truly are one of the classiest, most beautiful countries in the world. Your people are known for being kind, polite, and attractive. Your skills in sports are praised worldwide, and it is a great pleasure to be your neighbor.

But for the next few years, the US reigns supreme in hockey. Which means you're either going to find another form of national pride, or learn to really really love figure skating.

I heard your dance duo did a great job, last night!

Love,
Nina

PS: USA! USA! USA!

Oh the pain, the pain of it all!

2010-02-18T05:19:00.000-08:00

Well, ladies and gentlemen, it appears that I have been denied healthcare. Why? Not for my pre-existing asthma, which landed me in the ER twice.. not for my husband's club foot.. but because two years ago, I went to counceling for bipolar depression. Since then, I have not only not had any real problems, but my councelor deemed me just fine. I was having a hard time, now I'm not. I'm good. No problem.

Well, one problem.. NO HEALTH INSURANCE.

So either Willy needs to get a job with health insurance NOW.. or we have to keep looking. Just because United denied me doesn't mean they all will, right?

RIGHT??

Valentines Day - Courtesy of your DC tour guide

2010-02-16T05:15:00.000-08:00

Well, ladies and gentleman, I have to apologize for not updating for the past few days. Why? Valentines Day run-off. Willy and I did it good, this year.. REAL good. Like, sitcom-family good. We got a room at Capitol Hill Suites, which I highly recommend to anyone visiting the DC area. It was very inexpensive (a little over $100 a night), and it was insanely convenient. One block away from the Capitol South Metro station (yes, we braved Metro!), it was such a short walk that once we spotted it we were like, "..awesome!" 'cuz, yanno, walking in the snow sucks. The lobby was gorgeous and the interior very modern.When we got to our suite, we were welcomed by a trail of rose petals that led us from a very beautiful and spacious living room (with a mini kitchen, fridge, and high-def TV), to a king sized bed in the bedroom. The bed had a heart drawn in rose petals and some chocolates arranged in the center. It was adorable! Very comfortable bed, too. There was yet another high-def TV in the bedroom, so we were exceptionally lazy. The bathroom was very clean, and I have to say guys, the entire room was gorgeous. I almost forgot we were away on a romantic weekend because I was ready to call over my goons and have a hotel room party.

After we got settled in, Willy and I took a walk to this place that came highly recommended; The Good Stuff Eatery. This place is famous for it's burgers, and won an award from Rachel Ray. When we got there, it looked very busy, albeit a definite "hole in the wall" style place. We shelled out a good $24 + for two burgers, one thing of fries, and two sodas. Lets just say, we were less than impressed. Don't be fooled by this place's "old timey" vibe. The food was good, but the burgers were half the size of a Five Guys burger, and cost just as much. I know we're a nation of "bigger is better", but really, this felt like a rip-off. I noticed a lot of trendy jack-holes were congregating there, so that's a tip off for the future; do not buy pricey burgers at a joint where 95% of the crowd is college kids wearing South Pole and Ugs. So yeah, visitors to DC, lemme save you the trip and just recommend going to Five Guys. I know it's gone corporate and no longer has that "hole in the wall" feel, but it's the samn gaddamn thing, the burgers and fries are great, and it's cheaper than paying out the ass for some trendy burger the size of a child's fist. Also, Five Guys is surprisingly less greasy. I kinda felt like I was drinking that burger. (Mmmm delicious..)

After that piece of crap, Willy and I returned to the hotel for a nap. We woke up around 7 for our 10 PM reservation at an awesome place called Sonoma. Since we had time to kill, we got a few beers at this cute little bar called the Hawk n' Dove. Great bar, I definitely suggest a visit if you've got time to kill near Capitol South. Friendly bartender, quiet atmosphere, and they had Woodchuck on tap! We watched a little bit of the Olympics, hung out with a cool dude who's family was also Catalan (small world!), and eventually made our way to Sonoma. Lemme make this clear though, guys.. this was all on one block. One strip full of great bars and places to go. I love my city!!

Anyhow, we made it to Sonoma and dropped a good $200 on dinner and wine. It was ridiculously good. I had grilled calamari, lamb, and goat cheese cheesecake for dessert. The wine was deliciously paired, and by the end of the night, I can definitely say that we burned off the excess calories. I'm not sorry I broke my diet for this weekend, because it was a very un-every day thing. We didn't over-eat, or overindulge. I think the worst thing about this weekend was the amount of money that was spent (I dread searching my bank account..) because yesterday was spent shopping for items we'll be using next weekend; during our Barbarian Party.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen.. our Barbarian Party. I look forward to reporting!

So much snow!!

2010-02-09T09:19:00.001-08:00

I must apologize for not having posted since the SNOWMAGEDDON began on Friday. See, when you're stuck in a house for... *checks calander* four fays, you start to get a little stir-crazy. I've been passing the time with frequent drawing binges, a little WoW, and cooking.

Since I work at the State Department, I follow procedure with the other federal workers. The federal government has been closed since Friday afternoon, and brace yourselves, we're gonna have another possible 20" today. It's already begun snowing little trickles here in Damascus, and all I can do is scream "Nooooo!!" and beg for it to stop. Unfortunately, my no-snow dance kinda sucks, so we're probably in for another haul. The snow is supposed to continue from today on until tomorrow afternoon, which means it's very possible they will be keeping the federal offices closed for another day.

I can't tell you how much this is displeasing our leaders, considering how much money is being wasted for every day the federal government does not work. Lets just say, it's in the millions, and I have not yet reached that point in my life where millions of dollars wasted are not a big deal to me. But hell, what can we do? Many people are still stuck from Friday's snow, and now we've got another 20" to battle.

At this point, my everything hurts. I was out there shoveling since Sunday and I'm sore in my arms.. legs.. back.. but at least I've been getting a good work-out! And despite the presence of cupcakes in the house (via my mother-in-law) I have not strayed on my diet. In fact, I have discovered a delightful new addition to my food regiment; almond milk! It's delicious, and ridiculously good for you!

Now if you will excuse me, the time has come to batten down the hatches and get ready for another SNOWMAGEDDON AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!

Home safe!

2010-02-05T15:44:00.000-08:00

You all can stop biting your nails. I am home safe, and the cat is okay.

SNOWMAGEDDON!

2010-02-05T05:26:00.000-08:00

Apparently, we're gonna have a big snow day today. I say "apparently", because while the rest of DC is closing down EVERYTHING and people are stockpiling for the next 5 days, the federal government has decided that closing 4 hours early would suffice.

Which means that, as a government contractor, I'm here for my full 8 hours.

Which means I'll have to find a way to get home during the SNOWMAGEDDON.

DC doesn't do well in snow, people. Especially not snow that's more than 3 feet. This year may end up being the year with the most snow our nation's capital has ever had, so you can tell we're a little unprepared. In fact, MDOT (Maryland Dept. of Transportation) has already used up it's budget. ALL OF IT. I believe VDOT (Virginia ect.) has as well. Fortunately, my dad is a contractor for VDOT, and works specifically with the plows and snow equipment, so this should be a good year for his income. We always pray for lots of snow because it means lots of money.

I still pray for lots of snow, despite the inconvenience. I just kinda wonder if I'm gonna have an issue getting home, tonight. I drive a low-rider sports car that is NO GOOD in the snow, and Willy drives a little Honda Fit. The 5 stations leading to my metro stop are above-ground, so if they shut down their above-ground stations, I will not be able to get close to home. Either home, in fact. My parents' house is near an above-grund station, so even if I asked one of them to pick me up, it couldn't happen. Closest thing to them is RFK Stadium, and by the time I'm done with work today, it will have been snowing for six hours.

I'm not worried, just a little sad. I wish the federal government had just called the day off, because then everyone could have stayed home safe. Instead, they screwed me over.

And I can't even use a sled dog team. I'm allergic to dogs.

Oh! An addition.. as it turns out, one of my uncles has a blog! Imagine that!

Josep Gironès Descarrega

Unfortunately, it's not en English, so you guys won't get to discover all of my family's steamy gossip.. unless you translate it online like I did, and learn that he writes mostly about nature and local history. My uncle's a published author, and I kinda wish I did speak their language so I could appreciate it. As an avid reader (AKA nerd) the idea of having an author for an uncle is very inspirational. It really makes me want to finish that book.

Oh, and my comic book.

Oh, and my evil restaraunt.

Oh, and my..... you get the idea.

Anyway, since Vicky here is translating.. I'm gonna have to keep it clean. HA! Just kidding. God knows how long that would last.. but hey, can ya see the resemblance?

Oh yeah!

2010-02-03T09:33:00.000-08:00

Forgot to share this with ya'll; these are a few of the pictures from my last shoot. It was with A Sound of Thunder. I really am enjoying all of my time with this band, but if these photos have shown me anything, it's that I'm close to my goal. Just a few more pounds, I swear!

Jealousy

2010-02-02T05:34:00.000-08:00

So last night I sinned horribly. No, not by breaking my diet and eating at CeCe's Pizza, which is actually pretty gross and will likely never see me again.. but by internally judging an overweight person.

I saw this lady, last night. CeCe's is an all-you-can-eat pizza buffet with really crappy pizza, but it's cheap, so you usally see families with their kids there. I was there with Willy after we spent the entire evening grocery shopping, which gave me no time to cook. We decided to have a "cheat night" because after he got his terrible cholesterol scores back from the doctor (yeah, he only stuck to his diet for about a week..) he promised that he'd eat better. I don't mean to be a jerk, and I'm trying really hard to help him stick to the diet, but I always become the bad guy. So at this point I'm trying to keep my mouth shut and let him make his own decisions.

Anyway, getting back on topic, I saw this lady with her kids. Lady must have been around 300 with some change, and she had three daughters with her that were slowly catching up. Now, me being the bitch that I am, I'm thinking to myself, "Holy crap, the last thing this woman needs is a pizza buffet..", but here I am doing the same thing. And the moment I tell Willy I'm ashamed of myself for being there, he gives me this, "Don't become one of those people," shpiels. "Those" people? Who are those people? Healthy people? Or obsessive people?

Am I healthy, or obsessive for not wanting to eat junk food ever, and feeling ashamed when I do? I'm not sure. With Willy, I'm obsessive. I have a problem. With healthy people, I'm healthy, I'm doing the right thing for avoiding junk food and trying to keep my husband safe from it. I'm tired of getting these mixed messages. I love my husband, but it's obvious that eating badly is hurting him and he doesn't want to change because he wants junk food too much. While we were shopping, he told me that the thing that always blows it for him is having to eat the same thing over and over. He eats the same thing over and over because he isn't willing to eat OTHER HEALTHY THINGS. All he likes is junk food! And since I have to cook for the both of us, I'm constantly cooking the same thing to appease his 5 year old picky eating tendancies. I can't even cook fish because it makes him sick when he smells it. He's practically banned an entire food group!!

I don't want to lose him by a heart attack at 30. How do I fix my gaddamn husband!??!

And no, refraining from sex does not work.

Can't sleep, clowns will eat me..

2010-02-01T10:14:00.000-08:00

As it turns out, Advair is great for keeping my asthma in check, but not so great for letting me sleep. I stayed up all night last night, and today I feel nervous and nauseous. Here's hoping the side effects will pass.

Crying myself awake

2010-01-28T06:41:00.001-08:00

This morning, I actually started crying after I turned off my alarm. I think I was overwhelmed by today's schedule.

04:30 - wake up, wash hair
04:15 - drive to Metro
05:15 - take Metro to DC
06:30 - walk to work
07:00 - get dressed, go buy breakfast, eat breakfast
08:00 - start work
16:00 - dress down, walk to Metro
16:15 - take Metro to Shady Grove
17:30 - drive to Manassas
19:00 - get something to eat
19:15 - get to band practice, eat, audition drummers
22:00 - drive home
13:00 - go to sleep
05:00 - wake up, drive to Manassas
08:00 - be poked, prodded, and tested
12:00 - ...pass out??

Yeah, I cried this morning. I'm so gaddamn tired. Good news, though. I learned that 10 raspberries only have 2 carbs, and 1 of them is dietary fiber. BRING ON THE BERRIES!

Metro Murders Doors

2010-01-26T05:28:00.000-08:00

"This is Friendship Heights. Welcome to Washington."

I got into my car this morning, intent on driving to Shady Grove. Shady Grove is the closest Metro station to the place we're staying; Willy's parents' house in Maryland, in a town called Damascus. I hate it there. Willy would be fine with living in a little town like Damascus. My home town, Forestville, was also a suburb. I guess the difference was in it's closeness to DC. We were literally a walk away from Pennsylvania Avenue; the same Penn. Ave. that the White House sits on. It goes all the way from DC, into my home town. if you drive it, you'll end up going past my old high school, and into the district within five minutes.

In my home town, we've got guns, violence, drunks and drugs. In Willy's home town, they've got drugs and drunks. Not so very much violence, but a lot of bored white people who drink a lot. It takes at least 50-60 minutes to drive directly into the city, which means I need to use the Metro to get there, and even then I need to wake up at 5:00AM, at the latest, to get in to work on time.

This morning, I turned on my radio and learned, to my horror, that two more Metro workers have died. I'm not sure if there is some strange irony at work here, but it seems that even our public transportation is becoming famous for killing people. Even our basketball team is carrying guns to practice. They re-named our team "The Wizards" because "The Washington Bullets" was too violent sounding. Right.

As far as your typical DC tradgedies, my dad has gotten the brunt of it in our family. My dad was injured building Metro. A steel beam fell on his foot and crushed it. They managed to rebuild it, and after two or three years of painful recovery, he was able to walk again. He still works. He's been knifed by a guy, before. While at one of our many liquor stores, some dude attacked him with a knife and nearly sliced off his ear. A police officer arrested him, thinking he was drunk, because he was going to buy beer with red eyes.

Sorry, officer. I've been up since 3 AM this morning, working at the Virginia Department of Transportation.

My brother had a tiny little run-in. While taking a girl to a dance at Suitland High School, the same place I ended up attending, he and his date were attacked. His date's face was sliced open with a glass bottle.

My sister has been shot, before. She says that it was someone trying to car-jack her. She asked only that she be able to remove her baby from the car, first. This happened at her house in DC.

So I'm thinking, today. With all of the shit that's happened, why do I still hate living in the suburbs?? You'd think that after seeing the violence, the guns, the drug runs, I'd be running and screaming for some peace and quiet.. but I just can't get used to it. As soon as I hear the soothing voice of that Metro operator, welcoming me to my beloved city, I smile inside. I'm home, and I'm very lucky that a slight delay in Metro services is all the inconvenience that I've been given.

Arrrrrg!!

2010-01-22T08:36:00.000-08:00

Mother of fuck! If there's one thing that pisses me off, it's when something I was looking forward to doesn't go my way. Like the film adaptation to one of my favorite books, Water For Elephants. This is a beautiful story about love, hardship, and the circus. I kept telling Willy, "Man, this would make a great movie!"

Now, lo and behold, they're making a movie. Starring she-of-the-mighty-chin, Reese Whitherspoon, and... oh my shit.. Robert-I-look-like-I'm-sucking-dick-all-day-Patterson.

My literary nerd rage knows no bounds.

From I Watch Stuff.

Metro and Books

2010-01-19T06:32:00.000-08:00

So it's winter. I've travelled through DC during the winter, before. During my college years, I took Metro to school every day. It was cold back then, sure. But damned if I remember being THIS COLD every single day. I don't know if it's me, or if Metro just isn't turning on their heat anymore. I don't recall ever getting on the train and going, "Wow, it feels just like I'm still standing outside." This morning, it was too cold for me to even read.

I'm working on this book right now called "The Naked and the Dead". It's a gritty World War II novel, written from the POV of soldiers in the Pacific. It's definitely a man's book, written by a man for men, and hoo boy, is it hillarious. From the constant dialogue that involves getting pussy, having pussy and wanting pussy, to the deep and meaningful conversations where two soldiers come to the realization that women just aren't interested in sex. Not like men, anyway.

HOLY SHEET. I love reading this old-timey shit, because it's so funny how men used to think. How some of them STILL think.

Lemme clear some things up for ya, soldier boys. It's not that women aren't interested in having sex. It's that they're not interested in having sex with YOU. Now, if she were propositioned by a good looking man, with a job, and a personality, well, she'd probably become a horned-out super slut. All depending on if he's her type, of course.

I also read "Push", which is what Precious is based on. It's a great book, but my GOD was it visceral. So much horror, blood, and sadness. It had the sort of ending that you can expect, one that isn't happy but has a sort of growth. Throughout the book, you're actually reading through the eyes of Precious, and you can see her world unfold from one of terror and mysery to hope and renewal. So, in a way, it's actually quite beautiful. I started crying after the first page, big baby that I am, and my guitarist asks what I'm reading. I explain what it is, and he's fairly shocked that I, being such a normally happy person, am reading something so depressing. So I explain that I read a lot of depressing shit, which is why I am generally so happy.

People, it's easy to be happy when you're reading about opressed women in China having their feet broken, bound, and scraped clean of rotting dying flesh. Shit, at least I've got my gaddamn FEET.

That doesn't make being cold any easier to live through, but it does give me some perspective. That's what I love about books. They take me to places I couldn't otherwise travel to, and allow me to live the life of someone who might never have existed. They let me go out of myself and look back at my position with envy. I mean shit, Precious Jones would KILL to be me! So I should be grateful for the crap I've got, right? Right.

Willy says I'm one book short of getting a Kindle. BUT I DON'T WANNA.

I was wrong!!

2010-01-14T05:57:00.000-08:00

I ended up not getting to sleep until 11. x_x Tonight I've got band practice, which means I probably won't even be home until 11, let alone in bed.. and then I gotta get up at 4 for work, and after work, my birthday party! Did I mention that today is my birthday?

I MISS MY SLEEP!!

Friday night will be spent partying, but I still need to wake up at a decent hour to do some recording on Saturday morning for a song.. which means that I won't get a good night's sleep until... Saturday night. Oh boy. To top it all off, I'm having horrible stomach pains. All I had for dinner last night was pork and seukreuat, and this morning I had bacon and eggs with coffee and a big bottle of water, so I figured I'd be alright for the day. Oh, my poor retarded stomach. Here's hoping I'm not getting sick.

D'oh!

2010-01-13T04:16:00.000-08:00

Sorry darlings, but there's nothing much to report. As far as eating goes, I had a slight relapse this weekend, but was back in the saddle by Monday. Since I'm only weighing myself on Saturdays, I'm hoping that I won't freak out, but we'll see. Willy got super sick on Sunday, and I had to take a sick day to care for him. Fortunately (or unfortunately) a co-worker had to call off today, which allowed me to take her hours, which were conveniently the same amount I lost on Monday. This means that I got to do a 12 hour shift, today. It also means I started at 4AM. Which means that I had to arrive by 3. Which means that I woke up at 1:30. Which means that I was in bed by 7. x_x

I'm gonna enjoy sleeping tonight, I tell ya what.. a 9PM bedtime doesn't seem so crazy when compared to one at 7.

Pride!!

2010-01-09T11:27:00.000-08:00

So we weighed in, this morning. According to el scale-o, Willy has lost at LEAST 10lbs. If the scale is over by 5lbs, he's lost 10.

It also means, if the scale is off by 5lbs, that I've lost nothing. If not, I'm back to my normal 122.5. I'm not going to let it get to me. I'm gonna keep up what I've been doing. But until then, I am so proud of my Willy!!

Diet Religions

2010-01-07T05:56:00.001-08:00

Diets are a lot like religions; when someone questions yours, you become defensive and insulted. That's how I feel, anyway, but it's hard not to when you're being questioned. It's hard to eat low-carb around people who still hold on to the old "low fat" values.. but even when those values are PROVEN not to work, they still criticize and look at me like a crazy person for eating the way I do, and having my husband do the same.

I'm hoping that someday, we'll have the freedom to discuss diet and religion without being looked at like weirdos. I still feel like an outcast for being Catholic, but that's another complaint entirely.

Willy got an e-mail from a company asking to talk, so I'm hoping that he'll have some good news for me today. Unfortunately, the job is in Baltimore, which means we'll need to look for a half-way point if he gets the job, which annoys the hell out of me. I wanted to live in Virginia, but it looks like we'll be stuck in Maryland. I love my Maryland, but man, I loved my Virginia more.

Nina's Top 10 Sexiest Journalists

2010-01-05T08:42:00.000-08:00

BEHOLD! MY top 10 sexy journalists...

#10
Kamahl Santamaria - Al Jazeera

Less well known than his fellow shiny-toothed news brethren, like Aladdin, Kamahl is a diamond in the rough. His friendly smile and happy demeanor allow us to look past the sand, and into the man. Hopefully as time progresses, we will see more of this happy go lucky guy, hopefully without mortars exploding behind him.

#9
Sam Champion - ABC (Good Morning America)

His name says it all. Sam is the "tall, blonde, and charming" type of guy who looks like a prince, sounds like a prince, and is likely the descendant of some sort of Swedish royal family. He could easily father the Third Reich all by himself, and we wouldn't fault him for it. Who wouldn't want to be ruled by a legion of sexy supermen? I certainly wouldn't mind.

#8
Max Foster - CNN

With the voice of an angel and the chin of a god, Max is the very essense of "News". He's the sort of guy who could tell you that the world is coming to an end, while still managing to send a thrill up your spine. Know no fear, Max. Know no fear.

#7
Matt Lauer - NBC (The Today Show)

Known for his role as host of the Today Show, Matt has a way of smiling that lets you know he's a people person. If this is the sort of guy who kicks dogs and spits at the homeless, you wouldn't know it by his friendly demeanor. He has chisseled features that are in no way slighted by his short hair cut; in fact, the short do seems to allow his naturally handsome features to shine even more brightly.

#6
Stephen Colbert - Comedy Central (The Colbert Report)

Although technically, not a real journalist, Stephen Colbert still brings the US it's news through satire and laughter. It can not be denied, however, that his face is finely sculpted, and his teeth blindingly white.

#5
John Vause - CNN

A skilled performer with a sexy little Superman curl, John can cheer up any destitute child he finds in the 3rd world countries he reports from. One can only hope that he doesn't get maleria, or anything else that would reduce his sweet sweet ass.

#4
Bill Hemmer - Fox News

A "good ole boy" American type of guy, Bill brings us back to our suburban lives with a charming smile, and the body that seems to scream "FOOTBAAAALL WOOOOO!!!!!". In truth however, he is an intelligent young man, who's expertise can only be outmatched by the size of his shoulders.

#3
Dr. Sanjay Gupta - CNN

A ridiculously good looking man with a heart of gold, we can only imagine how God managed to roll everything a woman has ever needed into a tight, hard, brown package. Dr. Gupta not only speaks like a genius, he actually turned down a job from the single most charismatic man in the world, President Obama. Proof that the myth about Asians having small junk can not be true, because this man has got some seriously righteous balls.

#2
Tom Brokaw - NBC (Nightly News)

Like an eagle, Tom soars through the airwaves and into our hearts. His dark, deep, slightly nasal voice is a memory that brings us to every tradgedy that has happened in the past 20 years. His is a bittersweet tune; a bone chilling aria that leaves us begging for more.

#1
Anderson Cooper - CNN

Like an iconic symbol of pure masculinity and sex, Anderson Cooper is the sort of man that makes other men look like babbling monkey people. Mr. Cooper has the sort of otherworldly alien attractiveness that is nothing short of awe inspiring. His teeth are white, his suits are crisp, and his hair is so fair that it is made of 100% pure platinum. It is quite possible that Anderson Cooper is an amalgamation of all good things, put together, like an increadibly sexy Frankenstein's Monster. May his sperm never impragnate a mortal woman, lest she give birth to what can only be described as the son of a god.

I feel gre--, oh..

2010-01-05T06:23:00.000-08:00

Well, the good news is that since I've been eating on-plan for the past few days, I've felt much better. And I have not weighed myself even once! I'm hoping I'll get a pleasant surprise when I do, so I'm saving it for next Saturday. Willy, unfortunately, went off plan on Sunday. He's back on track now, so I'm hoping I can help keep him there. My iron will must be strong to withstand both he an I's weaknesses.

Today is gonna be a rough day. I didn't get enough sleep, and I'm feeling it badly. I took a 5 Hour Energy, but it's not working at ALL. I feel dead at my computer. I guess you just can't replace sleep with caffeine.

Not gonna be easy...

2010-01-02T17:44:00.000-08:00

So I'm trying to figure something out. If Willy wants to diet, why does he place the blame on not getting to eat junk food on me?? He seems incapable of eating out unless it's junk food. He can't compromise. If I suggest going to a steak house, he'll tell me that he is going to break his diet. Never mind the fact that it's perfectly easy to eat a steak, veg, salad, soup, all sorts of things on our diet. No, eating out = junk food. So I've got to make dinner. Every night.

Now, I don't mind making dinner.. but after a long ass drive from Pennsylvania, I kinda wanted a break. Nope. Had to run to the store to buy broccoli.

So lemme tell ya what happened today! Willy and I needed to go to VA to turn in our last bill for the old apartment. On the way, we were invited by his younger brother to visit one of the cousins at he and his wife's house. In Pennsylvania. Now, I don't mind driving that far, but the fact is, we drove from VA, through MD, to PA, and then found out.. once we got there... that they had dogs. Once we discovered this, Willy went livid and we didn't even go inside. We just left. Why? I AM DEATHLY ALLERGIC TO DOGS. Everyone knows this!! I tell people this whenever they discuss getting a puppy. They have SEEN me while sick! Whenever I am near any type of dog, I get a hacking cough, runny nose, itchy eyes, and severe asthma. Even more severe since I don't have Advair. I am nasty sick for at least a day, sometimes two. Even if I take a shower.

So even when Willy explained this, his brother gets mad. Like it's our fault for leaving!? Why the fuck didn't you tell us he had a dog before we drove through three states?! I feel so hurt. Nobody seems to understand, except my own husband. We just wasted 4 hours of our Saturday in transit to a place we couldn't even visit. Thanks a gaddamn lot, what a Saturday.

Happy new year!

2010-01-01T12:13:00.000-08:00

Willy and I got in last night--, er, sorry, this morning, at about 5:30AM. I drove us all the way from our friend's house in VA, to his parents' house in MD, and it only took me an hour! x_x I was very lucky in that I tend to sober up very quickly, and only retained a slight hangover this morning that was mostly fixed by drinking lots of water. Dehydration is the cause of hangovers, and I can always tell when I drank too much because I feel dry and sticky. Gross.

So far, Willy's doing well on his New Year's Resolution! He's too hungover to eat badly... XD

I H8 WINTER

2009-12-30T10:10:00.000-08:00

Yes, I hate winter. With a passion. I loathe snow. I abhor wind. I detest the feeling of frost beneath my feet, and more than anything, I am disgusted with the biting pain of cold on my skin.

I actually discovered a few broken blood vessels on my leg, today. I have no idea what caused them, but they're in a cluster about the size of my palm. I've been told it might have been caused by standing for 4 hours in the cold, and yanno what? It's just added to my list of things that I hate about winter. I'm basically miserable for 6 months out of the year. Cold months make me dress like a hobo, with layer upon layer of sweaters, hats, and socks. Yet I still shivver on the Metro, as I walk to work, and even just sitting here in front of my computer.

Whai, god? Whai have you cursed me with winter?

In other news, I was apparently being followed by some creepy dude on Monday. Thank goodness for our eagle-eye guards.

Annoyed with America?

2009-12-28T05:47:00.000-08:00

Get in line...

I've got this friend from college who complains about America CONSTANTLY. It doesn't help that he's black and thinks the world is against him, but now with the strong airport security, he's got it in his head that him being black, and having a weird middle name, is suddenly going to land him in airport prison. And he's never even FLOWN before.

Let me assure everyone right now; these security measures are FOR YOUR SAFETY, and ARE NOT THAT BIG A DEAL, HOLY SHIT. I've flown a lot, my entire life, to and from Europe. I've flown to France, Spain, England, Switzerland, The Netherlands, Germany, and Egypt. Having done this many many many times, my family has devized a plan that makes it as smooth a trip as possible. Our plan? GET THERE SUPER ASS FUCKING EARLY.

Anyone who flies a lot will tell you this, but there are STILL a shit ton of folks, new to travel, who whine about the wait time. Look, if you're flying to another country, you're going to wait. A lot. That's why there are airport book stores. It's annoying, but you know, after working in security with the same guys who do airport security and passport security (we run the security in all of the passport offices in the US), I understand. There's more to this then the media creating a scare, and the security departments trying to apparently "make white people feel safer". Jesus Christ am I sick of hearing this ridiculous banter..

Before I go on, lemme just say that I hate giving off the "I work so and so, so I know more than you" vibe. I hate it when people do that. However, this is one of those things I'm learning about first hand; how we handle security, and what goes on behind those closed doors. I'm not allowed to talk about it, but I wish people would take what we're saying as truth and not just us trying to brainwash society. People, we LIVE in society! We hate being lied to just as much as you do, so don't write off our experiences as some government plot to make the US full of scared white people. It's nuts. We wouldn't enforce security if it wasn't for good reason. If some terrorist, or even a random nutcase, managed to get past us again, more than one person will hang for it. I don't know what they're doing to the people who let the Christmas bomber in with his explosives, but you can bet it's not pretty.

And this goes for all our servicemen and women, too. When they come back and tell you all that what they're doing is for the good of the US, don't roll your eyes and think you're somehow smarter than they are because you read the internetz. Unless you've been there, you don't know. I'm mad as hell when people write off our military's experiences just because they're fighting a way you don't agree with. And I'm sick of people writing off what I have to say about US security, when I AM RIGHT FUCKING HERE. I am here helping to protect my country's leaders, dignitaries, and all of the people who make US relations with other countries possible. I am not here to make people scared, and neither are the officers who protect us. So do me a favor, and take what I say for what it's worth:

Leave for the airport six hours before your flight, pack a book, and prepare for the ride.

Your MOM!

2009-12-22T10:08:00.000-08:00

Okay, so we're living with his family for a bit. Not a big deal. Or at least, it SHOULDN'T be. Willy and I decided to move in with his family to save money while he's out of a job, and it's really not bad, but man, I hate living in other people's homes.. I miss having my own fridge, my own living room, my own messes to clean up off of my own rug. We're using this time to find Willy a new job, and buy a house. It's a scary and exciting prospect, but all the good stuff needs to wait until after Willy gets a job. Which sucks, 'cuz it's Christmas. The last thing people want is to do paper work for a new hire, so we're hoping he'll find something after the holiday season.

Not that it took me eight months, or anything...

I'm just hoping he'll be able to find a job close to mine. The last thing we need is for him to be pulled to the other side of Maryland. It takes me two hours to get to work, right now. TWO HOURS. That's a little crazy, for me. I need to be up at four, out at four thirty, ect. I think the worst part of my week will be Thursdays, when I need to drive to Manassas for band practice. I love band practice, but all that driving when I need to be in bed by nine, and practice ends at ten? Ugh. It's going to kill me, I know it...

And I'm fairly certain now, that after having three days of good sleep, my headaches are caused by my not getting enough of it. I've felt great these past few days, and I don't want to go back to being crippled by my brain screaming at me.

Anyhow, that's me right now. Had a bit of a binge episode on Sunday, caused in part by the in-laws asking me to make paella. Like I'm not going to eat my own cooking, right?? Oh man...

UPDATE!

2009-12-18T11:47:00.000-08:00

Gig of my dreams is ON! Hammerfall, March 5th, Springfield VA!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Oh come ON!!

2009-12-18T05:51:00.000-08:00

So, the night I get the call saying we've got the GIG OF MY DREAMS, my drummer decides to go MIA. We had to track him down by calling his dad, and after telling him our gripes, he hung up and refused to speak with us. This is AFTER I drove to his house to pick him up, mind you. He hadn't been home all day.

I don't care that he's sick. All he needs to do is call us and let us know. Instead, we had two bass players come in for auditions, which pretty much sucked because we had no drummer. And now that we have Hammerfall on the horizon, we need to figure out if our drummer is a flake, or if we can trust him. It's not an easy thing to think about. I really loved this guy. What is up with men and commitment?! What we really need is a chick drummer, but I digress...

Any metal drummers out there??

This is giving me more stress than I need. I woke up with a huge migraine in the back of my head. Thankfully it's gone now, whether it be from the two ibuprofin I took, or eating breakfast. Either way, I'm feeling a little better. Now all I need is a competant drummer, and my dreams will come true.

You FAIL

2009-12-17T07:43:00.000-08:00

Yesterday's little experement didn't last too long.. I got to about 10:00 before I caved and went in to chase the black dragon. Ended up doing two cups, which kept me alert all day. I stayed on plan without fail, until we went out to one of our favorite restaurants last night... Tony Chengs.

It's EASY to eat on plan, there. It's a Mongolian grill, so I get big bowls of veggies (broccoli, mushrooms, cabbage, ect.) with some meat (lamb, pork, beef, ect.) and they cook it on this huge platform with garlic and hot sauce and junk. I ate just FINE until they came with those little flaky bread things.. I stole a piece from the husband, and managed to eat the whole thing. As I lamented over my weakness, he told me, "Just don't beat yourself up for it."

Good advice. I could have let my depression lead me into a binge, but I did not. I will not. I have been stuck on 125 for the past week, and I have a feeling it's beacause of my little cheats, and the coffee. So I am cutting both. And Willy? Well, he gave me an early Christmas present:

Starting right after New Years, he's going to go on Atkins.

I'm so happy, both because his eating habits worry me, and because it's so much easier to eat on plan when I have someone I can confide in. I have a feeling that he'll stay on plan once he sees his progress. He only has maybe twenty or thirty pounds to loose, and since men loose easier and faster than women, he should do pretty well. I just hope he doesn't get too frustrated. He's in love with food, more so than me because he's never denied himself anything. It will be interesting to see how he copes. He's been feeling a little down about himself lately, due to the weight he gained in college and during the first year at EA, so I'm hoping this will cheer him up and lead him to healthier eating habits.

And I'm hoping his healthy habits will encourage me, too.

Caffeine Experement

2009-12-16T05:30:00.000-08:00

So today marks a new experement; namely, I am trying to give up caffeine.

A fool's venture, you say!?

Probably. I usually start the day with coffee. Around 10, I'll add another. Throughout the day, I just drink black coffee. Well, I've been advised to cut the coffee and see if it affects my headaches, so I'm giving it a try, but HOLY CRAP I'm so tired. I actually got a little breakfast this morning, because without my coffee I was getting hunger pangs. I'm also trying to eat more, which is not easy because the feeling of having food in my stomach is not pleasant. I hate feeling full.

My calories lately have been somewhere around 600 - 1200 a day. I'm trying to eat more, but it's so hard to eat at work. I've been bringing salad and tuna, with oil and vinager. For breakfast I had eggs.

Sorry to bore you, people in blog land. Without my coffee I'm sorta brain dead. If I can think of something to be angry about, I'll write summore.

Gay Marriage in DC!?

2009-12-15T06:02:00.000-08:00

Well, looks like DC might be getting gay mariage! I must say, I'm proud of my city for it.

Now, a lot of people might say, "Wait a sec Nina, you're a Christian! How can you condone such a thing??"

To this, I give you my explanation as to why gay marriage is okay. First off, "marraige", as in, the union of a couple that allows them to recieve government benefits, is not a religious institution. The religious part comes when you do it in a church. Since I'm a Catholic, I know they're not going to get married in my church. They're not changing MY church at all, so really, what would I be offended by? I'm the type of person who believes that gay people should be treated like straight people. Namely, that being slutty is gross, and if they wanna get married, thank goodness!! You'd think that we would be encouraging gay people to get married!

I know more than a few people who are less offended by gay people than by their culture, and how it often promotes promiscuity. This is offensive to gays everywhere. Just because you're gay does not make you a slut. I think it's disgraceful that some people allow their sexual orientation to dictate how they handle their bodies, and that goes for straight and gay people alike. Straight people, and this includes men, disgust me. They disgust me all the time with how they treat their bodies, and how it negatively impacts others. It disgusts me how they treat marriage! The divorce rate is through the roof! Yet when gay people, who have solid beautiful loving relationships, want to get married.. straight people are grossed out?? Gimme a gaddamn break!!

As a married woman, I can say with the utmost confidence that if two dudes tie the knot, it will not destroy the sanctitiy of my marriage. If two chicks adopt a kid, thank goodness that kid will get a home. If my bible says that it's an "abomination", then I will argue that it's the lesser of two evils. We, as humans, are sinners. We sin all of the time. We try to do well, but we make mistakes. Do I think being gay is a mistake? I don't think so. Personally, I have a feeling that much of the bible, including the bits about gay people being an abomination, were written by some very frustrated men. I know where I stand with the good lord, and as a Christian, I believe that his love extends to everyone. That includes the gays and their love.

So, go DC!! I can't wait to see a bunch of couples come to my city to get married! And for the record, if any of them need a wedding singer, I am totally available.

My Family vs Weight Loss

2009-12-14T07:27:00.000-08:00

See, it would be really easy for me to blame my weight loss slump on my parents. My parents think that all of my physical ailments can be solved by eating more. But the truth is, I lost weight easier when I lived with my parents because my food choices weren't up to me. I couln't go out and buy things. I told my mom what I could eat, and she bought it, so every day I had access to good healthy food and didn't have to worry about paying for it myself.

Hell, she bought me lobster!

But the truth is, I'm so lazy when I'm on my own, that I either do one of two things; starve all day and binge at night, or buckle down and do what I know I need to do. The second one is so much harder during the winter, when I have to really make myself get up and eat lunch rather than just stay at my desk and continue working. During the winter, it's cold as hell and I don't want to go out and work out. I have to put forth extra effort to fit a workout into my schedule, considering the fact that I literally only have three hours of free time once I get home. From six to nine, I've got to take my shower, make dinner, eat it, and at some point, spend time with my husband. If I tried to squeeze a work out in that time, I'd have to trust him to make dinner, and make sure that I took my shower once I got home.

Also, I'd have to brave the cold, AGAIN, to go to the gym.

Why can't things be easier? I hate living in this climate. I love my DC, but holy god do I hate the weather. There's got to be a better way to manage my time, but hell if I can think of one. It's gonna be rough until the weather is in my favor again.

Holiday Rant

2009-12-09T05:08:00.001-08:00

I swear, I gotta be the only one of my friends who doesn't bitch about the holidays. Maybe it's because I like all of them?? I'm Catholic, so I do Christmas, but I'm about to get offended by other people celebrating other things. I remember when, as a kid, Ramadan, Chinese New Year, Christmas, and Chanukkah all fell around the same week. We learned about all of them, and I was like, "Neat!" and we did activities.

Nowadays, people get bent out of shape over the dumbest shit. "I don't celebrate Christmas because it's a Pagan tradition.." blah blah blah. Look, if you wanna celebrate the winter solstice, go for it. Dance naked in the moonlight. Nobody gives a fuck. Just stop being such a dick to people who want to bring a smile to your face by giving you gifts or something.

I'm not a big fan of Christmas' commercialism, BUT, think of it this way. It's an American tradition, and it's something that we, as Americans, have together. So forget about all the things that keep us apart. I don't care if your a Democrat, a Republican, Christian, Jew, Pagan, Buddhist, whatever! You don't have to get a tree, but do me a favor and stop being a dick. It's not at all attractive.

Screaming brains!!

2009-12-08T04:54:00.000-08:00

My brain screams to me,

"It smells so good! EAT!"

But my stomach says,

"Oh my GOD, you will feel horrible ALL DAY. Stop."

Or is it the other way around?

Either way, I bought a bagel this morning. It was freezing. I was weak. I got the coffee, and as I walked to work, I continued to think to myself, and EVENTUALLY managed to convince myself that it was ridiculous of me to have bought that damn bagel when I know it will make me feel full and gross all day. So what did I do? I gave it to a hungry co-worker. It was dumb of me to buy it, and my punishment is that I lost out on two bucks. So, lesson learned, no more impulse buys of shit I know will make me feel bad.

And now for the funny story of the day.

See, my husband is a darling. He's not too knowledgeable about groceries or cooking, so when I asked him to buy some beef for stew and put it away, he lovingly did exactly as I asked. He even got the right beef! Problem is, he froze the whole thing.

We buy our meat at Costco.

So, poor darling is thawing an enormous amount of beef chunks so that he can crock pot up some beef stew. The boy is actually quite talented when it comes to taking directions, and last week, I was pleasantly surprised when he made a really good turkey soup. So now I'm sending him directions for the beef, and praying for the smell of well cooked meat and vegetables the moment I get home. Since we're moving, we don't have much food left in the house, so it's our task to eat everything that we have left so that it doesn't go to waste. Thankfully, it isn't much, but here's hoping we can at least bring our condiments. x_x

Brain Fights

2009-12-07T06:34:00.000-08:00

It's freezing at work, today. Every day I walk about four or five blocks, something like that, in the freezing cold. Usually by the time I get here, it's warm. Today, for some reason, it's RIDICULOUSLY cold.. and it makes me want to eat something hot to make up for it. The problem is, what could I eat that's hot, wouldn't put me off plan, and wouldn't make me feel guilty?? Nothing, that's what. And I can't bring food or drink back to my workplace, so eating would be a temporary fix only.

But isn't it always?

Food angers me. No matterwhat, we always have to eat. And we never stop being hungry. Food is a part of life, but I really wish it wasn't. I wish I could stop being hungry so I wouldn't have to constantly make decisions like, "What do I want to eat?" because truthfully, I don't want to want to eat anything. I want to eat things, but they make me feel guilty. And when I eat things I'm allowed to eat, I feel bored and sad. Good is a source of misery, which is weird considering how much I love to cook. I love seeing other people enjoy my food, but eating it myself is like torture. Eating delicious things are an internal battle. Going to my favorite restaraunts involves internal arguments. Eating anything at work makes me feel like a failure, and the guilt makes me feel INSANE.

I've been eating once a day for the past few weeks, which is HORRIBLE for me. My metabolism is slow enough as it is, and I know that eating this way brings it to a grinding halt. The problem is that when I work, I have nobody to push me toward healthy eating habits but myself. And I will openly admit that I am too lazy to push myself, so the only time I eat is at night because my husband is hungry and if I don't eat with him, he'll be angry and suspicious.

Today, I feel nauseous. I almost ran out to vomit around an hour ago, but it seems to be under control now. Still, my stomach is cramped and in pain, probably due to eating out last night. Nobody else seems to be sick, though, so it might just be me. I don't know. I just know I'm driving myself crazy.

Stress = EAT

2009-12-02T05:21:00.000-08:00

So last night I came accross my bank statement online and discovered that we're lower on funds than I had innitially thought. I freaked out. I went into a panic, and grabbed my comfort food; chips and salsa. I got through about 20 carbs worth of chips (basically, two and a half of those big round ones) before I stopped myself. I marched over to Willy, gave him the bag and said, "Eat these, please." He asked that I return them to the living room, which I did, and then contemplated ways to calm my nerves. Since it was getting late, I decided that sleep was a good option. So I asked him, "Honey, I'm having trouble winding down. What do you suggest? Besides Nyquil." He had no ideas, so I went with my gut and headed to the fridge.

See, we have a lot of alcohol at our place. A LOT of alcohol. We used to throw lots of parties, so we just accumulated it. In my fridge, I found a wedding gift that I hadn't finished appreciated. It's a bottle of wine called Bitch. For a wine with such a silly name, it's actually really good. Not too sweet, like most new-age wines. Very full flavored, some cinnamon, goes down smooth. I drank two glasses, and ate a turkey leg. Within half an hour, I was in dream land.

Now, I know that people will say you shouldn't eat before going to sleep. But I've also heard arguments against this. All I know is that if it's gonna help me sleep and wake up early, I'll take the chance. I woke up feeling fine, and both turkey and red wine are low carb. So, here's to me taking control of my emotional eating.

Oh, and off-topic, I hope those two White House party crashers get fined out the ass. They're a pair of complete douchebags.

Why I diet..

2009-11-30T07:54:00.000-08:00

Besides the obvious, I diet because when I don't, I feel SICK. Eating like a "normal person" makes me feel bloated and nauseous. I came away from last week with a 5lb gain, and constant nausea. This morning, I was forced to throw away a perfectly good chai tea because they added sugar to it WITHOUT TELLING ME, GADDAMN IT. I felt so dumb that I just left and tossed it out. What a waste of money, but I know that if I drank that thing I'd feel bad emotionally and physically.

Looking back on Thanksgiving, I didn't exactly gorge either. I had some turkey, a little gravy, and a corn bisquit at my parents'. At Willy's, I had some stuffing and potatoes, plus a sliver of pie. We went out for drinks afterwards and I had a few french fries. Granted, these are TERRIBLE for me, but I didn't overeat either. It's just that eating even a little of that stuff makes me want to vomit, later. I feel so... FULL. It's gross. Momentary satisfaction and nothing more.

I need to keep reminding myself not to go off plan. This week it's easy, because all I need to do is remind myself of how gross I felt last week.

Ahhh, Friday...

2009-11-20T15:20:00.000-08:00

It probably sounds strange, but Willy nailed it on the head once I got home. Why am I so happy? Because I've regained my title as his "sugar mama".

Before Willy got his first job, I -always- made more. I was used to treating him, feeling the responsibility of being the bread winner, and having the power. I was miserable making less... but now things have changed once again! I know, it's awful, and I'm certain that lots of the macho kind of men would be pissed at me, but FUCK YOU, MEN! HAHA!

Man does it feel good to have my weekends back... IT FEELS SO GOOD!

Awesomeness!!

2009-11-18T14:33:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm in my first day of training. I can't say much, because it's all classified, BUT, I can tell you these tidbits:

- I get to wear a uniform! Unfortunately, the uniform fits horribly. The waist of the only pants that fit goes up to my rib cage, and the smallest shirt they had included sleeves extend past my thumb.

- The guy who hired me plays Warcraft, as does another of my coworkers. Unfortunately, he plays Alliance, so there was a small amount of trash talking.

- I'll probably be working in DC, which will be nice because it's Metro accessible.

- I'm not allowed to wear nail polish, and my hair has to stay up. Furthermore, I can't wear visible hair accessories, so I need to find a way to put my hair up without you seeing the thing that's holding it up. o_O I haven't worn my hair "up" since one of my recitals in the 6th grade. How I'm going to get my insane hair to stay up all day is beyond my understanding. Methinks I'm going to need a hair adviser. Anyone got any tips??

- This is a great incentive to keep dieting.. the position requires that I continue to fall within their weight restrictions, and during my interview, I managed to be under their "minimum". Which is kinda weird, because 128 shouldn't be a minimum for my height...

- I discovered that I'm not 5'1" after all. I'm 5' 1/2". Holy gaddamn.

FINALLY!

2009-11-16T15:20:00.000-08:00

Hear ye, hear ye! The days of obsessively writing about how miserable I am are OVER! ...for now! I received a call today, right when I was about to close my register, which notified me that I was hired! I'll be working for a VERY good security company as their "computer person", and finally, after eight months of misery, be working a normal 9-5 in a position that I can be proud of. Besides doggy-style. (HA!) Anyway, I gave my other job my two weeks, but the big boss called and said it would be my last day. OH WELL.

Anyhow, ya'll can look forward to happier blogs from now on. In fact, this Sunday I'll be doing vocals for my next EP! It's with "A Sound of Thunder" and I am SO looking forward to it being finished!

Hurray for joy!!

Possible good mood?

2009-11-13T07:03:00.000-08:00

I've got two interviews, today. They're both for positions that will pay more than what I'm getting, and the first is for something I actually wouldn't mind doing because it will help me get Secret Clearance. Also, I have a show at Fast Eddies tonight.

To celebrate, here's a video of me and the guys in rehearsal last night. Please forgive me for not being really energetic, I had to conserve it for tonight.

The Recipe...

2009-11-11T07:59:00.000-08:00

So here's the recipe I used for my pie. For the crust, I crushed a bunch of pecans with my Magic Bullet (the blender, not the dildo) and added some butter. I spread this mixture at the bottom of a springform pan. Here's the actual pie mix. Note: This is modified from Paula Deen's Pumpkin Pie recipe.

Ingredients

* 1 (8-ounce) package cream cheese, softened
* 2 cups pumpkin puree
* 8 packets of Truvia (Stevia)
* 1/4 teaspoon salt
* 1 egg plus 2 egg yolks, slightly beaten
* 1 cup heavy cream
* 1/4 cup (1/2 stick) melted butter
* 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
* 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
* 1/4 teaspoon ground ginger, optional

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

For the filling, in a large mixing bowl, beat the cream cheese with a hand mixer. Add the pumpkin and beat until combined. Add the stevia and salt, and beat until combined. Add the eggs mixed with the yolks, cream, and melted butter, and beat until combined. Finally, add the vanilla, cinnamon, and ginger, if using, and beat until incorporated.

Pour the filling into the springform pan and bake for 50 minutes, or until the center is set. Place the pie on a wire rack and cool to room temperature.

------------

Paula Deen had the right idea when she used cream cheese instead of evaporated milk. This is the creamiest, richest pumpkin pie I've ever had.

Acceptance

2009-11-10T08:12:00.000-08:00

Well, I've gone through the mourning process. Now it's time for acceptance. With Willy being laid off, we're gonna start a new sitcom in the "Full House" style and move into his parents' enormous house until he can find a new job. Meanwhile, I'll be working at the greenhouse, and continuing to sing for two bands.

What wacky adventures will we find ourselves in with the Austins? Find out, Tuesday nights at eight thirty, only on CBS!

Basically, I gained 5 pounds during the past month. It was due to a lot of things. Well, no.. mostly just me being depressed, and too lazy to be creative with my cooking. And when I saw the scale yesterday, it was a big slap to the face. I REFUSE to go back to the way that I once was. No matter how sad I might be, or what horrible fate awaits me, I will not be fat too.

I've got the next few days off, which means packing and applying to jobs. I'm also going to work on my next experiment; an entirely sugar-free pumpkin pie, using crushed nuts as a crust, and steevia as a sweetener. I'm doing this for both myself and my mom, who was diagnosed with diabetes, and really loves pumpkin pie. I know it's been hard on her, so I want to give her a surprise for Thanksgiving and bring a pie that she can eat.

Now to continue comforting Willy. At least it's a fairly nice day! Fairly...

Life Sucks

2009-11-06T06:43:00.000-08:00

Well, it looks like I might not get to open for Hammerfall. I won't get into detail because I'm too angry, but, the guy at the club has been lying and it looks like basically, all our hard work has been for nothing. Seriously, FML right now. (FML means "fuck my life".)

Tomorrow I get to start my new schedule at the greenhouse, which starts on Saturday and ends on Tuesday. This weird-ass way of working is fucking with me more than I can describe. No more days with my husband. No more sleeping in on Sundays. No more GOING TO CHURCH. Seriously, fuck the owner, it's not like his ass has to come in on a Sunday, so he decides to make ME work Sundays? Why? What's the point? Even the lady doing the scheduling doesn't get the point of changing my days, but anything to please that giant asshole, right?

Applying to more jobs, now.

My Apologies

2009-11-05T07:29:00.001-08:00

Sorry for being such a downer here, folks. As you can see, my bipolar disorder tends to have it's ups and downs, and lately I've been on an enormous down. Luckily, I'm not the sort to seriously consider suicide. Think about it? Sure. Seriously consider it? No. Therapy helped with that, if nothing else. I have a feeling that my ego is too big to allow for suicide. Basically: "People would be showering me with all that attention, and I wouldn't be around to experience it!?" That's why I can't entertain thoughts on killing myself for more than a few seconds.

Mostly I think about ways to pull myself out of this gutter, which pulls me in a million directions at once. Right now, I'm in two bands. They're great distractions. Last night I learned that my band might have the opportunity to open for Hammerfall, which, I will tell you, would be amazing for me. Lemme explain why:

Three years ago, Willy and I were still in college. We were on a date, and stopped off at the mall. We were in our World of Warcraft phase at that point, and were drawn to this CD in FYI called "Hammerfall". Why? It's the name of the city in Warcraft where my character was born. So, we listened, and OH MY GOD. I had been listening to 80's hair metal at the time and was dissatisfied. Hammerfall drew me into the world of power metal. We bought the CD and loved it. Here is an example of Hammerfall's greatness. If you like songs about rescuing princesses and fighting evil hordes and the glory of honor, plus clean vocals set to metal, you might dig Hammerfall.

Days later, I bought all of their other albums, and then learned about people like Blind Guardian and Edguy. I dug deeper and deeper, but it wasn't until we went to our first concert together, Dragonforce, until I realized what I needed to do; make my own band.

And so, months later, as I was bored at work and perusing the intrawebz, I put up a post on Craigslist. The rest is history. But the thing is, it all started with Hammerfall, and for that, I am eternally grateful. I never got to see them in concert, and it would be a dream come true if I could play on the same stage as they. And if I could meet them beforehand? I think I'll probably have to hide my tears.

So pray for me, ya'll. It won't be the answer to all of my prayers, but it will be a defining experience of my life.

Oh, what a surprise.

2009-11-04T10:35:00.000-08:00

Turns out that the guy with the so-called "marketing position" lied. No salary or benefits. Just a telemarketing job that paid $8.50 per hour.

Driving home, I considered just driving through 66 until I reached the mountains, and then laying down on the ground to watch the clouds go by. It's gotten to the point where I'm too buried in depression that I don't cry, anymore. I just come home and cook dinner. Then I send resume after resume like a robot, before writing a thousand words for my novel. Then I go to sleep.

Today will be no different. I'm gonna go help my guitarist paint a house, make a few dollars for grocery money, and contemplate what life would have been like if I'd just gone to medical school like I really should have. I could be training to be a plastic surgeon, right now... what the hell was I thinking? Being an artist blows.

Spiraling

2009-11-03T18:37:00.000-08:00

I'm getting deeper into my rut, today. Learned that I have to work weekends from now on. So, absolutely no days with my husband. Just nights where we're working on our respective websites/projects/bands/portfolios, or I'm too angry about everything, it's too dark to take a walk, and he hates going to the gym. So basically it's like we're roommates. We got married so we could be roommates and spend no real time together because we're too busy looking for better jobs.

Tomorrow's my interview. Lets see what the hell happens. After my interview, I'll be going to help one of my guitarists paint a house he's sold so I can make a few extra bucks. Will probably go toward gas for the car.

Willy keeps telling me to do some life drawing to supplement my resume, but I have this urge to finish my novel. And I know that if I don't keep writing, I'll drop out of my inspiration. I've been doing from 1,000 - 3,000 words a day, and I know that if I keep it up, I'll be finished by the end of 2009. I really want to finish something for once. I've been reading so much lately, and I've noticed that a lot of the books I've read SUCK. So why the hell can't I put out a gaddamn novel?? I know I need new art, but I just can't bring myself to do it right now. I feel guilty for not writing when I draw, and I feel guilty for not drawing while I write. And when I'm at work I feel like I'm wasting time doing nothing that will bring me closer to my goals.

I've been trying my damndest to get out of my current habit of saying "Oh God, kill me," at points of stress and despair. I don't mean it. I don't want to die. I don't know why I keep saying it, but it just slips out sometimes. Maybe I just wish that I could go to sleep and wake up to someone wanting to hire me. Or a record deal. Or a book deal. Anything that would rescue me. I've been trying for so long. I remember when I used to go to therapy, back when my only problem was my bipolar disorder and discontentment about my old job. I'd give anything to have that job back, now. It was brainless and I did nothing, but it was money and peace of mind. I have no peace of mind, anymore. Just constant worry and guilt.

Cool Pictures + Despair

2009-11-02T16:05:00.001-08:00

Well, it looks like I'll be working on Sundays from now on. Which means I'll have no day that I can spend with my husband. I have an interview Wednesday, but my pessimism won't allow me to see much good in it. I'm fairly confident that we'll end up moving back in with Willy's parents and that I'll have a 2 hour commute to get to a shitty job every morning. And then I will go nowhere for at least a few years until either I suddenly get a record deal, or die of inadequacy.

Also, the squirrels have been eating the leftover unsold pie pumpkins at work, so I rescued a couple to bake and gather seeds.

And here's some cool pictures of me!

My favorite holiday!

2009-10-30T09:34:00.000-07:00

Well, it's Halloween! This is my favorite holiday. I used to think I'd throw a party every year, but this year it's a no go. Fortunately, we DID find a good substitute... Willy and I are going to see Dethklok on Halloween!! Tomorrow, after work, he'll be picking me up and we'll spend my favorite holiday watching some incarnation of Dethklok. Now, that doesn't spare me the steaming hot slice of guilt I feel when indulging in Halloween treats, but... hopefully it will be a distraction! Right now, I'm making brownies for the people at work. I'm praying that, despite how much I love the people I work with, I won't work there much longer.

I went and applied to an office position, today. The lady didn't look terribly excited about me, and I saw another applicant leave before I got there.. she looked like a teenager and she was wearing sweatpants. Holy crap I hope I don't get rejected because I'm OVER-qualified... I need a new job so badly. I'm not sure what else to do!

Eh, that's enough whining for today... happy Halloween!

Big trouble in little Manassas.

2009-10-29T09:21:00.000-07:00

Well, it looks like Willy and I have planning to do. As an artist in the gaming industry, it's always hard to have a lasting job, and with the economy the way it is, we're always worrying about what his job will bring. Well, I'm literally making HALF of what I once made, which means there's NO WAY we can live off of my paycheck. So if something happens with his job, we'll probably have to do... something. What that something is fills me with shame and depression; moving in with his parents.

Now, I love his parents. Don't get me wrong. They live in a beautiful neighborhood, but it's aaaaaall the way in Maryland, and my job is aaaaaall the way in Fairfax, so I'd be stuck in a horrendous commute if we ended up moving. Sure, we wouldn't have to worry about paying rent for a while, but oh god... moving back in with mom and dad because he can't find another job would be devastating. I'm really scared, right now. We're used to packing all of our stuff into teeny tiny spaces (hence the studio!!) but I'm so scared. We've been going backwards in our progression as successful adults ever since I was laid off, and now it looks like things might even be worse.

I don't even have time to worry about my bad eating habits. Lately I've been having stomach issues, but I'm going to blame that on going back on my plan after a few days of eating crappy. I've been craving cold vegetables and salad like CRAZY for the past few days. I feel so weird. Maybe it's stress.

Cops suck, again.

2009-10-28T14:05:00.000-07:00

So I got a parking ticket, today. Where? Why, at my apartment building of course! For what reason? My expired tags. Now, had I seen the officer, I could have shown him the receipt for my new tags, proving that they are in the mail. Unfortunately, to dispute this claim, I actually have to go to the district court, fill out paperwork, get a court date, THEN go to court. Just to prove that I did what I was supposed to do, while that fucking cop didn't follow protocol and find out whether or not my car was in the system, which he would HAVE to do if he stopped me in traffic.

So now my car is out there, just waiting for another ticket that I don't deserve. Cops fucking suck.

So sad...

2009-10-24T16:00:00.000-07:00

So once again, this year Willy and I have had to miss out on the Maryland Renn Faire. The year I graduated college, I worked there during the weekends, and it was one of the best times of my life. I miss being able to go every weekend, to see people setting up, to buy pretty things, to do all of the things I could do when I lived with my parents and didn't need to spend money on silly things like rent. Back then, all I had to worry about were my car payments and insurance, and my student loan.

Amazing how much the bills pile up when you leave the nest.

Nowadays, Willy and I basically just go to work so we can afford to live and go to work. We go out every once in a while, but not at the amount that keeps me happy. Working on Saturdays and having band practice on Sundays does limit me, but so does our budget. It makes me pine for the days when I made literally TWICE the amount that I make now. I can't even describe how awful it is to work a job that I am overqualified for, because I can't seem to find a job in my field. And that alone is depressing enough, and I can't go out or party the way I once did. I can't even hold my own parties anymore, which I used to enjoy to a crazy amount, because we live in a studio on our own.

Basically, things suck and I'm whining. Probably won't get better until one of us gets a better paying job, but I know it's up to me to do that before him. 'cuz, yanno, I been laid off THREE TIMES, and at this point I'm just desperate for a job that will actually have need of the things I went to college for.

Oh, dreams.

It's true!

2009-10-23T09:40:00.000-07:00

I've gotta go to work in a few, and after that, it's off to see Saw 6!! YAAAAAAY!! Yes, there has been a Saw movie for every year Willy and I have been together, and I will be sad when they go away. Every year it's like a new chapter in the Saw saga, and I never want it to end!!Anyway, it's true, I am brown. Here's a friend of mine and myself at the KISS concert. Yup, that's me in the make-up, doing my best Paul Stanley face. I thought I'd put up a picture real quick just to illustrate how brown I am, because I'm one of those shades that can be associated with nearly any race. Is she Indian? American Native? Egyptian? White? Half black? Who knows! I've been asked if I was all of these things, which I'm kind of proud of, because I means I ever need to, I can sneak through society like a spy...

Yaaayyyy... emissions testing day...

2009-10-21T08:17:00.000-07:00

Well, I was driving to work yesterday, when those ever-friendly blinking lights showed up behind me. I let loose with the curses, checked to make sure I wasn't speeding (I wasn't) and that I was buckled in (I was) and my cellphone wasn't pressed against my ear (it was in my purse). Finding nothing wrong with myself, I began the whole, "Fucking cop, it's because I'm brown ain't it? Or because I drive a shiny yellow car? You fucking suck, cop!" I pull over, and he saunters toward m'car.

"Hello there, can I see your license please?"
"Sure."
"Your license plates are expired."
"...oh. Oh! I'm sorry!"
"Make sure you get that taken care of."

Boy did I feel like an asshole. In my defense however, I have a history of being stopped by shitty cops. On Sept. 11th, I was stopped by a cop, who had his lights on THE ENTIRE TIME, and then got yelled at for not moving when he parked behind me. See, I stopped by the curb to pick up a friend from the Metro, which this cop took to me parking in a no-parking-zone. However, my brakes weren't on, my engine was still running, and my friend was COMING DOWN THE STAIRS. He even watched as this gaddamn cop wrote me a ticket, and had enough time to take pictures.It's not that I hate cops. It's that I have horrible luck and tend to run into the meanest asshole cops in existence. You'd think the fact that I have TWO cops in my family (both of them brothers-in-law) and my sister works for the DC police would give me good cop karma. But no, all they see is a bright yellow car being driven by a little brown girl and it's "lets yell at this chick and give her a hefty fine" day. All except yesterday's cop, whom I would have gladly hugged in exchange for not giving me the ticket I probably deserved for not having done my emissions testing on time. Twenty days late, in fact.

Virginia is really really REALLY strict on these things, so I'm off to Midas to get Sunstreaker checked out. No worries, I already ate my breakfast.

Quick tip: Adding tabasco sauce to your scrambled eggs is AWESOME.

Awwww, bummer!

2009-10-18T08:49:00.000-07:00

Well, looks like nobody spoke to the club manager about getting us recorded for Sync Live.. but the good news is that we do have video of our performance, which I should get my hands on by Thursday. And thank goodness for that, because it was the absolute BEST performance we've ever done! I've never been so proud of the guys or myself.

Now for a little media news, looks like some designers in England are working on a new pageant called "Miss Natural Curves" for chicks who are a size 12 and over. I think that in England, a size 12 is about a 10 in the US? Well anyway, I think it's a great idea. I wish we had one in the US! Our only beauty pageants are pretty much either for plus-sized women (you must be a 14 at least) or for really skinny women (you must be a size 2 at most), so what about all of those chicks in between?? I've always wanted to compete in beauty pageants, but my weight isn't the only thing stopping me... at 5'1" I'm just too short to model a damn thing! Too short and too curvy, which is what leads me to my next discussion, action figures!

I swear this will make sense...

A friend of mine contacted me about sculpting me as an action figure, sort of like the KISS action figures by McFarlane Toys. Mine is going to be more of a statuette than a posable action figure, but, it will be molded so that there can be more produced, and we'll be making boxes for them and everything! So not only am I going to be helping out a friend with his portfolio... I'm gonna be a freaking action figure!! I can't tell you what a dream come true that is for me.

As for weight loss, I went a little crazy yesterday and ate a few things I shouldn't have. I'm gonna try not to guilt trip myself, because seriously, I was freaking starving, and I'd rather eat something crappy than suffer those massive headaches again. Now I just gotta work my ass off to make the bad food go away... here we go again.

Show toniiiight!

2009-10-16T10:01:00.000-07:00

I almost got into a fist-fight with my WiiFit, today. According to the Fit, I'm 124 pounds. But my bathroom scale says 120.5, and my clothes are looser, soooo... I'm not gonna let myself be too bummed out. 2/3 ain't bad.

Anyways ya'll, tonight is my show with Moonspell!! If you care to watch us streaming LIVE, you can go right here:

SyncLive

I'll post the video afterward, but there's nothing like watching it live!!

What the hell is wrong with you people?!

2009-10-15T10:35:00.001-07:00

So I know I have this problem, where I see people who have similar bodies to mine, and I'm jealous of them, but I still see myself as a cow. That aside... I found this article online at "Drunken Stepfather", a NSFW site (you might like it, Carlos!) about Chloe Kardashian in a dress that they considered too revealing for a "fat chick" like her. Holy mother of GOD. Look at this freaking WHALE. Here is the article.I know, right??? Look how FAT she is... the cellulite... the goey thighs... the giant gut... oh wait. She has NONE OF THOSE. Yet whoever wrote this article, who I am going to assume at this point is either an ultra-thin supermodel, or an overweight dude. He even included a close up of her tiny little belly. What the hell is wrong with people, nowadays? Just when I think it's okay, maybe I can loosen up on myself a little bit.. I see this and it makes me feel even worse. Because this is the consensus of the public. That a girl who looks like this is fat. It makes me want to punch everyone.

Now, for a small update on my own stupidity, I'm eating again, eating on my plan and hoping to stick to it. I'm trying to get over the fact that it feels good to fucking starve, because I know it's not good for me and it's not helping. Woo. This morning, I tried to return to my roots and made my favorite breakfast; scrambled eggs with tomatoes. If only I had some bacon, I'd have been in heaven. However, I feel that it's my duty to tell you that I did eat breakfast at... 1 PM. 'cuz that's around when I woke up. I don't know how I managed to sleep for 13 hours, but there ya go!

KISS!!

2009-10-14T08:51:00.000-07:00

I got a call last night from a friend of mine, asking if I'd like to see KISS for free. Of COURSE!! I went with her and a few friends into my beloved city of DC, and we saw KISS live at the Verizon Center. It was AMAZING. I had such a great time, and was crazy-inspired after wards. I can't wait until this Friday.

However, since this is a weight loss/eating disorder blog, I feel as if it's my responsibility to wrote about what's been going on this week. On Sunday I promised myself I'd go on a liquid diet so I'd be as thin as possible for Friday. Well, Monday night came, and Willy and I were discussing what to do for dinner. I was trying to hide my secret. Then I realized I was lying to my husband, and this was wrong of me. But I knew if I told him the truth, he'd be mad. So after some long internal debate, I told him. He said he wasn't mad, just very sad. So I had a few pieces of meat and some broccoli for dinner. Yesterday, I had coffee, half a cup of egg drop soup, and a small thing of fries at the Verizon Center. I feel so guilty for those fries, but I promised Willy I'd eat something.

I feel so weird for being guilty for eating. At first I felt guilty whenever I ate bad stuff, like fries and bread and other starchy food. Now I feel guilty for eating. I feel happy when I'm on "empty". It feels liberating. This is bad territory. I know if I go back to my therapist I won't be able to tell him the truth, because truthfully, I don't WANT to change. Yesterday my boss found out I weighed 180 and told me how impressed he was that I'd kept it off. Well, the truth is, I'm too paranoid to gain weight. I'm so worried about waking up fat one day that I can't bring myself to eat most of the time. This is not normal. And I don't want to change. Sometimes I try to sleep in as late as I can because sleeping too much makes me nauseous, which keeps me from eating.

Yeah, this isn't normal or good. I know that. But I don't ever want to be fat again, and I'm STILL dying to lose ten more pounds. I hate this mini gut that I have. I hate seeing my thighs so round. Willy says I have too much self hate. I think I have enough to keep myself from being fat again.

Comparisons

2009-10-10T21:35:00.001-07:00

Amazing how people can change from one year to the next. I was looking at one of my most prized photos; myself with the lead singer of Sonata Arctica, Tony Kakko. Then I was looking at this picture I took with my cell phone once I bought a new shirt from Hot Topic. I took it because it's got Flap Jack, which is one of the best cartoons I've seen in a loooong time... and I noticed how different my face is. For the better, I think. Seems like I lost weight in my face. It's kind of weird, because scale-wise, I'm around the same. But whatever man, can't look a gift horse in the mouth! One customer who comes in likes to call me Penelope Cruz on account of my weird (very Spanish) nose. Again, no arguing there. If you wanna compare me to a hot Spanish movie star, be my guest. In other news, my plateau is driving me crazy. I've got another show on Friday, and I've got to crack down so I look good for it. REALLY looking forward to this one, even more than the last. While I adore Edguy more than Moonspell, my band's own performance has been even more perfectly planned then last time. I'll be sure to post the video, and if you like you can even watch it live! I'll post the SyncLive link when it gets closer to the big day. Woo!

Oooh, gossip!

2009-10-08T09:45:00.000-07:00

So one of the chicks from Baywatch has gained a bit of weight. Not THAT much, mind you.. she's maybe a 12 at most. Depends on her height. Anyway, she's gonna be on Celebrity Fit Club and she made this video. Now it's funny, because the Superficial is a website full of people who make fun of fate people like it's a sport. But for this video, a good 90% of the people posting are saying that they'd STILL hit that, she's not that fat, and the two dudes in the water are way fatter.

I totally agree. I still think the video is funny because of the ending, but damn, if this is what Hollywood is considering super ass fat, then we're in big trouble.

How does this hit me, personally? It hits me pretty badly, because my body is pretty similar to this chick's. I don't have the stomach, but everything else? Yes... which is why when I see those guys reject her, I feel reassured that I'm a huge fat-ass and need to keep trying to lose weight. Even though everyone is all, "Oh you're not fat!" I'll never feel like I'm thin until I'm Baywatch thin.

I was watching that new Comedy Central show, "Secret Girlfriend" (it's terrible) and there was a scene where these girls were playing kickball. I told Willy, "See, that's why I'm jealous of skinny girls. Look how much fun they're having." And he told me it was all in my head, I could totally have that much fun if I wanted to. He doesn't get it. I can NEVER have that much fun, because the entire time I'd be playing, I'd be afraid that some part of me that isn't my boobs would be jiggling, which would lead to people laughing at me. I'm not kidding. I go through every moment of my life afraid that someone is laughing at me for being fat. It's pretty damn taxing, but there you go.

I wish that I could wake up one day and have skinny thighs, and be able to wear shorts and run freely with all of the other giggling pretty girls. Wouldn't that be amazing? Holy shit.