Quickie Review - The Orphanage

So I just watched The Orphanage, and mother FUCK, Guillermo DelToro is an amazing movie maker. That movie not only scared the hell out of me, but I cried at the end. Now, granted, I probably cried because I'm a big wuss when it comes to movies involving children, and, for some reason, all of DelToro's best films involve children... but whatever, it was good. A little slow at the beginning, but highly recommended if you have a night to spare and wanna be scared. Seriously good stuff, there. Makes me proud to be a Spaniard!

Musicians and Weight

So as ya'll know, I'm a musician. For a long time I've had problems with my weight, and despite people telling me I'm "okay", I've always been of the mind-set that I need to be thinner because I am always on stage. Now I'll admit, part of me thinks that this is absolutely stupid. I'm not an unhealthy weight. I look fine. I'm only losing weight to fit in with a stupid stereotype that should NOT be encouraged. In fact, I feel horrible for encouraging it! Me losing 15 more pounds is me telling other women that it doesn't matter how talented you are, you don't matter unless you're skinny.

On the other hand, I'd kill to be skinny.

See the dilemma here? I'm nowhere near famous yet, but I have enough people looking at me on an average basis that the idea of being poked fun at for my weight (which I know has happened) makes me feel sick to my stomach. I'm a sensitive girl. I've been poked fun at for my weight since I was in the third grade, and I never grew stronger from it. I started weighing myself at eight, and lying about my weight since I was ten. Looking back at my photos, I was never a hugely fat little girl. I was chubby, yes, but it was never an emergency. I was jealous of the skinny blonde girls, I was self conscious about myself because I wanted to be a singer "when I grow up", but singers are all pretty and skinny. So what chance have I got? And now here I am, feeding into the stereotype. What a bitch I have become. What a horrible role model for other women, and girl children.

I've been seeing Kelly Clarkson get a lot of shit lately because she's a heavier musician. I remember hating her back in the day because she was just another skinny American Idol contestant, and her voice wasn't even all that impressive. I still don't think she's a great singer, but I respect her being a musician who's willing to be different. She has bigger balls than I do. She also has a bigger paycheck than I do, but I wonder, if I ever got that big, would I let myself "get that big"? Yet I look at her photos, and I don't think I'm that far off from her. We have similar bodies, except that I've got a small waist. But I pick at her the same way I pick at myself; there go my fat thighs, my chubby arms... I see myself as her less successful darker-skinned sister.Yet, here I am on a diet. Because at this point in my life, I feel like I'd do anything to be a successful musician, even if I have to get super thin to do it. Not that I'll ever dress too much like a slut, but, I'll lose weight for my dreams. If this is what I have to do, then I'll do it. And I'll be damned if a stupid thing like weight is what keeps me from "getting big".

Return!

So right now, I am really really really hungry. It's around 11:30, and I woke up an hour ago to do laundry. I'm caught in that "brunch" time frame, where I decide on whether to make late breakfast, or just lunch? But see, there's a catch.

I'm returning to my diet!

After all the cake, rich food, take-out, and celebratory burgers, I feel like this wedding has made me regain at least five pounds. Maybe I'm crazy. The scale doesn't agree with me, it says I'm still the same, but I feel terrible. And I still haven't reached the goal of 110lbs I set for myself a year ago. So I'm going back on my diet so that I can not only continue to be Willy's hot wife, but so that I can be an even hotter wife. I'm not so vain as to think that I'm really that hot at my current weight, but, these are his words. I want to be able to wear a swimsuit and not cringe someday, damn it. Plus I have a show approaching on September. Another huge show with Edguy that I had better look super hot for, know what I mean?

So I'm back to my old habits. Back when I lost the first 50lbs, I owed a lot of it to the support shown on an old (now dead) Atkins diet forum. The ladies there (and a few guys) were super nice and helpful. Nowadays, I'm hanging around this forum, which is, while nice, is crazy with all the subforums so I find it a little hard to gain any ground there. I visit every so often, but nothing will ever replace my old home.

So, enough of this, I think I'm gonna go make something to eat. I'm a little headache-y. Here's a picture to get my motivated.

Married!

Well, I'm married now. I decided to chicken out and went with the hyphen. I just couldn't abandon my last name.. sorry, people. I'm now Balvina Montserrat Osegueda-Austin. Hot.

The wedding was beautiful. My make-up artist, Jason Pike, was brilliant with his photos the night before. See, we spent the night before the wedding rehearsal at a gay karaoke bar where I got absolutely plastered.. But it all worked out, because it was a fabulous evening. I've discovered that Jason and Alen are two of the coolest people ever, and even my new in-laws want to know when they'll be back so that we can hang out together. Ha! Awesome. Jason did an amazing job on my make-up, and the hair-stylist over at Silver Immersion wasn't so bad either. The stylist was kind, polite, and did everything that we asked. She showed up on time, and the price was hella reasonable. I only hope I tipped enough!

I don't have many photos from the wedding yet, so consider this a little preview. A picture of myself, one of my bridesmaids Holland Gedney, and Jason at the reception. No worries, I'll have more photos later, along with more stories about the wedding!

Just.. one.. week...

It is not officially one week away from my wedding day. In one week, I'll be walking down the isle with the love of my life, my baby, my darling, my Willy. He's still as sweet as ever and I am extremely excited.

Of course, with that excitement comes nervousness too. I'm VERY nervous. I have butterflies. When I think about it, I know that I don't want anyone else. Any other man on this earth would pale in comparison to Willy's best features, and even when I see a cute guy I think "Oh, he's so cute.. but Willy's so much sweeter."

I can't talk to anyone the way I talk to him. There's no awkwardness. He -gets- me. It's amazing, yanno? He's my best friend, and the cutest guy I know. I adore him. Love love, gush gush.

On top of all the stuff I've said, he makes me feel pretty. Every single day. Not a day goes by that he doesn't openly leer at me, like a dirty old man, and make me feel wonderful. He's got the admiration of every pervert I've ever encountered, except, I actually love him so it's okay. It's welcomed! Feeling objectified by people I don't know is gross, but, being a pretty piece of ass to the guy who adores every facet of my being is fabulous. Man I love him.

Okay, love rant done. Next time I'll post something better. Tomorrow is my bachelorette party, so I have a feeling I'll have something to report...

Much Better!

Well the truth is, I am feeling a lot better. As of last week (when I traveled to Minnesota), I realized that honestly, things could be worse. As it is, at least I have a job. Is it the job I want? No, but hell, my dream job is to be a musician, so none of my past jobs have really been my dream job. I'm learning to lighten up. Life is too short for me to be obsessed with what I feel like is my own failure.

In perfect honesty, I do not hate my job at the greenhouse. Are there times when I am desperate to come home? Sure, but what job doesn't do that to people? Work is work, and as far as jobs go, this is not the worst thing that I could be doing. At the very least, I work with people who are kind and courteous. I have never had an issue with my coworkers. They are all very humble people who are very down-to-earth, and I respect them all. It's hard to come across that sort of thing in an office environment, where most of the people around you are competing. Not that I don't miss that of course... but this is only one chapter in my life. I mean hell, I've had four jobs since graduating. I know I'll have more, and I know that I can rebuild myself.

For now, I'm focusing on this one. I'm still working on the design stuff, but my main focus is on my music, my upcoming wedding, and the artistic inspiration that I've been salvaging.

As for other creative outlets? I'm in a podcast! Sako, my photographer, maid of honor, and the Daimyo of Dork, had the idea to create a podcast. It's called "The Duchy of Dork" and it stars the both of us. I'm really impressed by all of the work she's done on the sites, and her photos are absolutely beautiful (not just because they're of me... *cough*).

So go check it out, sometime! If you have time to kill to listen to two chicks talk about dorky stuff, that is.