Of course!

Sometimes I can be so dumb.

All this time, I've been looking for something to eat that could settle my hypoglycemia, and simultaneously not make me feel like crap throughout the day. The answer?

PUMPKIN!

I used to eat pumpkin for breakfast every day. 1/2 a cup, with a little cinnamon, tastes like pumpkin pie filling. It's got 3 grams of fiber and only 4 net carbs. It's got a trivial amount of sugar, lots of vitamins, and when coupled with a few sunflower kernels, I suddenly don't feel like vomiting every morning. It's great!

Now all I gotta do is explain to the in-laws why there is a half-used can of pumpkin in the fridge. Somehow, I doubt they'd believe I was making mini-pies at 5AM.

Damned if I do; damned if I don't

Well as it turns out, I hate eating normal. The oatmeal in the morning made me crazy hungry throughout the day, and eating bread makes me feel bloated. Tonight I went out and bought stuff to make myself breakfast and lunch. I've got eggs for breakfast, and for lunch, salad with chicken and cherry tomatoes. I'm hoping that the tomatoes will be enough sugar to keep me from getting all nauseous again.

I just can't sit idly by and feel myself become fatter by eating "normal people food". My carbs will continue to come from vegetables, and I'll just have to try and eat a small amount of fruit or something to get the sugar that I need.

In the meantime, allergies are kicking my ass. Welcome, Spring!

Health Crap

So, for the last few days, I've been suffering from severe nausea. And here I thought it was from eating badly! After having to leave from work early to see a doctor, I've discovered that it might be due to 2 things;

1. Not enough sugar intake.
2. Ovarian cysts.

Doctor said there were ketones in my urine. So while I'm like "Alright, ketosis! Losing weight!" he's like, "You're probably feeling sick because of a severe imbalance," which makes me very sad. I'm a huge proponent of living a low carb lifestyle, and by that, I mean that I feel SEVERE GUILT when I eat bread and anything with sugar.

So I thought to myself, self, what if we try South Beach? I looked it up, but I had dismissed this diet many times before because it always looked like an Atkins rip-off. I was absolutely right. It is a total Atkins rip-off, except that it's easier to follow, because it lets you eat beans and nuts during induction.

Now, while I have seen people lose weight on South Beach, I have never known anyone to lose it and keep it off. I have kept off most of the weight I've lost, but, I feel like I've gained about 5 pounds over the winter this year. My pants feel slightly tight at the stomach, and I'm terrified of gaining weight back. I don't have a scale because it's in storage, so I'm flying blind, but all I know is that I feel uncomfortable. So either I'm crazy, or I've gained back a few pounds. And now I'm learning that losing it the way I usually do will make me sick.

Gaddamn it all.

Woooooooback!

Well I'm back to my old ways of demoralizing myself. Did a gig on Saturday, and after giving this whole, "I don't need to be thin! I'm talented! Fuck everyone!" speech, and eating french fries.. I immediately regretted it after seeing the photos.

God, my thighs are horrible.

So I'm back on my diet, and kinda grateful for it. I hate the way I feel when I eat "normal". I've been nauseous for weeks, and I'm hoping that eating clean will take that away.

Now for other news, not sure if ya'll who follow this blog knew this, but I am with another band. A Sound of Thunder has more of an Iron Maiden/power metal feel, which matches my personality a bit more. I love the guys in it, and hanging out with them is always a blast. We already have a CD out, and we're about to release a single for the West Memphis 3. I'll post more on that later, once the song is up.

But in the meantime, this is what we've got out right now! You can also search for "A Sound of Thunder" on iTunes.

I'm out!

Well, me and Blood Corps are no more. It turns out I really wasn't appreciated there, just as I feared. But now it's over, I'm out of a toxic relationship that made me physically ill and I'm never going to put myself in that position again. It was like breaking up with my abusive ex-boyfriend all over again.

I was in such a good mood this morning, I actually ate oatmeal. I was really hungry, I can't eat meat because it's Friday, so I got oatmeal. I'm trying not to feel bad about it. Imagine, feeling bad about eating oatmeal... but yes, I feel the guilt, and it's really hard to keep from feeling fat.

Ugh, well, the good news is that as soon as I came home last night, it was to two e-mails with gigs! One at the Rock n' Roll Hotel in DC, the other to place in Chicago.

Freedom, here I come!

What de fook?

Someone posted an article in Facebook today, talking about this model from Victoria's Secret and how she's hella thin. I was all, "Well they all are.." but then I saw the picture. Apparently, she's standing next to two "plus sized" models.Woah, wait a second.. "plus sized"?! How the hell are those chicks plus sized?? I'm not gonna get all up in arms about the skinny chick.. I mean, if she's skinny, she's skinny, I don't care.. but those two girls beside her are apparently "plus sized" models for Victoria's Secret. Being a size 6, I can honestly say that I'm MUCH bigger than those girls. Of course, that's a today's version of a size 6, which might be more like a traditional size 10....... but either way!! How the hell are they plus sized!? That's fucking crazy! Fuck you, Victoria's Secret, and your ultra comfortable (and expensive) bras!! I'd boycott you if I knew where to buy better underwear... but unfortunately, you do make some really good shit.

Gaddamn it.

Anyhow, back to my day.. I'm pretty nauseous this morning, because tonight I have to have that inevitable meeting with Blood Corps. Basically, this is my "either you guys learn to treat me with respect, our I am OUT" meeting. I've been getting increasingly unhappy with having to deal with them lately, and last week's gig kinda put the icing on the cake. I was blamed for everything from our bass player being late, to our CDs being printed incorrectly. And then praised for my performance, once it was done.

I'm just really sick of it. I'm sick of them ignoring my suggestions, rolling their eyes, treating me like my opinions don't matter, and then throwing out anything I've ever created in favor of repetative riffs and "radio friendly" metal ideas. I have a feeling they'd be happier if they created a cover band, anyway.. can you believe that they played "Paranoid" as a sound check?? It was embarassing. I felt horrible. Not only is it the worst Black Sabbath song they ever wrote, but it was OUR SOUND CHECK!! It was a chance for people to get a glimpse of us before the show, and what do they do?? They play a cover. Someone else's music. I am so tired of being around people who are either incapable of writing good music, or just don't have the drive for it. Tonight, I'm gonna tell them how I feel. It's either gonna make, or break this band. But I can't take it, anymore.

Just keep swimming..

Well, Willy didn't get that particular job.. but! He is being looked at by a few other employees. I tell ya what, man, it's a total buyers market right now. I wish I had the dough to start my own evil restaraunt because god knows I'd have the pick of the litter when it comes to employees! Unfortunately, despite many dreams about buying my favorite club, I'm nowhere close to it. So I'm just gonna keep hoping that my husband GETS A JOB so that we can buy this house his grandmother is showing us.

It's a small one, but it's a house. And I need to move out before I GO CRAZY.

A wing and a prayer..

Dear God,

I ask, in your infinite wisdom, that you allow Willy to get this job. If he does, in fact, get this job, it will mean very good things.

First of all, I'll be able to finally buy a house. Second of all, I will be able to decorate it as garishly and insanely as I want. Picture PeeWee's Playhouse, but with more weapons. Now, that doesn't mean I'll be leaving YOU out, of course. The house I'm looking at sits on half an acre. That means I'll be able to have a garden, and in that garden, I will have a statue of St. Francis. I will also, somewhere, have a statue of your girl, Mary. I plan on surrounding these statue with roses, which I will tend like an old lady, to encourage blooming.

I will fill one of those five bedrooms with a kid. The other four will be reserved for Willy and I, a computer room, a guest room, and my evil Blood Stud--, I mean, a cute little library.

I will cook in that enormous kitchen for my husband, kid, and our drunken (go sacrificial wine!) guests. I will scrub, and sweep, and wipe, and everything else to keep my home as clean and beautiful as possible. I will tend to my lawn, wash my cars, and yes Lord, I will attend church every Sunday to remind myself that without you, I'd have no beautiful house.

So please, God. Help me to do your good work, and let Willy have this job.

Besides, with two paychecks, I can finally afford these really adorable shoes I've been eyeing. For church going, of course.

Mysterious Ways..

I tell ya what, god sure is mysterious.

For Lent this year, I gave up something that I needed real help with; spending money. I kept spending money during the week on books, drinks, random things that I just felt I had to have. It hasn't gotten me in trouble, but it hasn't gotten me any closer to my goal of owning a house. So this year I decided that what I really need to give up is spending money throughout the week.

First week went by alright, but after that I slipped up. I kept forgetting to pack a lunch, or, forgetting to bring water. I'd start feeling sick and buy something. I had no discipline. Well last night, I had discipline forced on me.

After a frantic search throughout my house, I was convinced that I had lost my wallet. Inside, I had two bank cards, a credit card, my Victorias Secret card, credit card, license, ect. So I had to plan on spending the next week without my magic money cards, which involved Willy giving me cash for Metro and Metro only. Plus, cancelling all my cards.

I arrived at work more than a little stressed and exhausted. Prepared for the day, I looked through my purse one more time... and there he was.

Let me stress that I tore that purse apart. THREE TIMES. It's as if my wallet suddenly materialized in my purse, but with three cancelled cards and no way for me to spend money over the week. Just the sort of help I needed, it seems, to put a hold on my spending.

Thanks god. I appreciate it.

A night of ADVENTURE!

Every so often, I enjoy having random adventures with my goons. Today, I was scheduled to work from 12AM to 12PM, which meant that I'd need to somehow sleep through Sunday in order to stay up all night for work. My brilliant plan? Stay out all Saturday!!

It all started at around 5:00 PM, at Jaxx. My buddy Josh and I hung out at the famous dive bar in Springfield VA, notoritious for it's metal reputation, despite the fact that it's somehow trying to become a more mainstream venue. (Lame.) We watched a new up and coming band that reminded me a lot of Dethklok, and they actually recognized me as the lead singer of Blood Corps! Quite a few people recognized me, in fact. It was pretty awesome. They all really got a kick out of my performance with A Sound of Thunder, so Josh and I (who plays guitar for ASOT) were pretty proud.

We travelled far from Jaxx, to the mystical land of Alexandria VA, in search of late-night munchies for our drug-like junk food craving; pupusas. For those of you who do not know, pupusas are a Salvadorian food near and dear to my heart. They are made of corn meal, and full of pork and cheese, flattened like tortillas. They're eaten with pickled cabbage and tomato sauce. I love them. Hard. Unfortunately, by the time we got there, the place was closing.. so I had to deal with Salvadorian style tacos, instead. Which were AMAZING, by the way. If you're ever in Arlington and want cheap (and good!) food, I recommend going to El Charrito.

After El Charrito, we continued our adventure in one of my favorite areas of DC; Dupont Circle. Having a craving for bad karaoke, we went into a Japanese sushi and karaoke bar called Cafe Japone, where we drank $9 Sapporos and listened to 50 people sing simultaneously horrible. It was worth it for the drunken people.

After leaving Cafe Japone, we moved my car, and made our way toward my new favorite DC hot spot; Omega. Omega is a gay karaoke bar that I went to on the day before my wedding rehearsal, in July. I had such a good time that I figured I'd take Josh. Well lemme tell ya, it's a much different place on the weekend! There were five dudes on the bar, dancing in thongs. It was pretty great, lemme tell ya.. we got a few drinks and enjoyed the festivities, and I even put a dollar in this one dude's thigh-strap! Unfortunately, he kept trying to get my attention.. and me, being who I am, well I didn't want to insult him. So I giggled and said "thank you!" to all of his compliments.

Then he asked for my number. "Wait a sec!" my brains screamed. "This is wrong!!" and then I felt him press his sack to my face. And then he kissed me. Thankfully, Josh rescued me from the psuedo-gay, and we spent a few hours hanging out and watching the buff dudes gyrate.

At last call, he and I left for the nearby CVS so that he could buy some eye droppers to his eyeballs. Once they were sufficiently lubricated, we wandered about looking for a place to sober up. We managed to find a pizza joint somewhere along P street, but I've been scouring Google Maps for like, 20 minutes, and I can't for the life of me find it!! When we got there, at 4AM, it was swarmed with the drunk crowd. We sat down and ate some pizza, drank a couple diet cokes, and then left in search of coffee.

Around 4:30 AM we finally found a place for coffee, The DC Cafe, where we drank down black coffee in styrofoam cups and met a surprising amount of Persians. I think like, 90% of the people in there were Persian. They asked where I was from, and when I said "Spain", we got into a conversation about how Spain is a historically Muslim country. "Of course, we're proud of that!" I said, narrowly dodging that half our pride comes from the fact that we defeated them in battle and stole all of their palaces..

Then Josh made the mistake of saying he was Jewish, so I rescued him from an argument and, finally sober, we made our way home.

Yeah. I love this city.