Excuses

I keep using excuses to eat the way I shouldn't. Last night I was feeling so miserable that I ate a few crackers. They weren't horrible for me (flax seed), but I shouldn't be eating them. Yes, I am guilty of using food to make me feel better. Not just make me feel better, but feel good. I get food "highs". It's a shame I wasn't born skinny with one of those fancy skinny metabolisms like the people in my husband's family has. I'm so jealous of skinny people it makes me sick.

Anyhow, the reason I've been feeling so bad is because (warning, TMI ahead) I'm having some side effects with my current birth control. The side effects are making a certain thing last very long. Over a month long, in fact. And during this month of hell I have been having annoying stomach pain, fatigue, and constant depression. I've also spent what feels like a fortune on chick supplies. And what sucks the most is that I can't go to a doctor yet because my husband just sent in our marriage license. So now, I get to wait for the powers-that-be to get my new insurance card before I can pay a visit to my doctor and ask what the hell is wrong with me and what I should do. Should I switch birth control pills? Should I keep on it and hope it evens itself out, someday?

And another irritation is the fact that, after reading up on many people's review of this pill, a ton of people claim that they've gained weight on it. Which sucks for ME, because while I've been hovering around the 122-124 area, there's a possibility that my stupid pills are keeping me from losing more!! And the whole point of me taking these pills is to regulate my hormones and make it less likely for me to get cysts (which run in my family). So who knows, maybe I'm freaking screwed either way.. what's funny is that the first time I ever went on BC, I wasn't even really sexually active. I wasn't for a long time (for numerous reasons, most of them religious), and I was on Ortho-Tri-Cyclen-Lo or however the hell you write it. I got no side-effects at all, but this crap I'm on right now is just a freaking pain.

I wouldn't mind going off the pill, but, I'm married now. I kinda want to enjoy it without having to worry about getting preggo while living in a one-room studio and playing in a metal band and trying working several jobs. Babies are not something that I need, right now.

I am moody as hell, in case you couldn't tell.