UPDATE!

Gig of my dreams is ON! Hammerfall, March 5th, Springfield VA!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

The pain... the pain of it all!

Due to the intense shame that I feel for eating condensed soup from a can and other bad-for-you things while I've been sick, I'm limiting this post to photos of me! See, Brendan Wu is this bad-ass photographer who never fails to deliver some bad-ass photos at my show. So now you get to check out his awesome work! ...featuring me!

Day 23

Band practice, tonight. I am sick to death of the work I've been doing for my band. I feel like I'm working two jobs; I'm the lead singer, and also our manager. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't get complaints like "hey, can we get all of the pictures from our last shoot?" which I don't mind doing but nobody seems to understand that they are huge, and there are over 400 of them. So pardon me while I take even MORE time out of the very little time I have at home while not sleeping (4 hours) to batch process over 400 photos and make individual disks for everyone.

And I swear, if I see them used (without my having edited them) anywhere, I will kill someone.

Today I am going to explain to these guys all of the work I have been putting into our band. All of the phone calls I've made, with the people complaining to me about us not having sold 10 out of 50 tickets from our last show. All of the annoying bids I've made to gigs (with my own money, mind you). All of the e-mails I've traded with the people doing our merchandise. The money I spent printing tickets. The flyers I made for our shows. The bands I've had to book by myself to ensure that we HAVE a show. All of this I do in between my regular duties at my REAL job, as well as while I'm home, during my nonexistent "relax time". And people wonder why I haven't leveled even one character in WoW to 80 yet? It's not just my inability to quest grind. It's all of the shit I have to deal with simultaneously.

Oh yeah, and I'm planning my own wedding. Only 127 days away!

Man I wish Lent was over.. I really need some meat right now.

Day 17

Nearly half way through Lent, and I feel as if I've gained weight. Probably from the sugar in the juice I drink during the day. Boy, talk about one step forward, two steps back.. I really hate knowing I'm putting so much sugar into me, but I need to calories, and drinking V8 doesn't work out for me too well. I wish I had a juicer or something. Last night I had falafel for dinner, and some hummus. Tonight I have a show at KC's Music Alley in Fredericksburg VA, so I'm hoping I'll be okay. My throat feels very dry right now and I'm worried it won't get better.

Gotta get lots of water and fix it.

Day 15 & 16

I am -exhausted-. I've spent this week doing very little at work, so I devoted time to my band. I designed a new website ( www.bloodcorps.com ), I booked an entire show BY MYSELF, ( May 15th at Alley Katz! ) and drew up all the details I could possibly get my hands on for our other shows. I feel like I've become our manager. Throughout all of this I have also continued to fast.

Unfortunately, work has taken a turn for the worse. The client didn't like our style, so we've had to scrap 2 months of development to go into an entirely different direction. The good news is that I'm doing a storyboard of my ideas and they seem to be doing alright. :) The bad news is that I feel utterly nauseous. Coffee always has this effect on me. WHY DO I DRINK IT?? It always ALWAYS makes me feel sick.

Then of course, my wireless adapter died last night. So I haven't been on WoW for two days. Gotta go buy a new chord, but I have practice tonight and a show tomorrow, so God knows when I'll be able to do that...

Just like to note; today is day 16. YESTERDAY was day 15. I have become a day behind in my posts. So I am combining yesterday and today as not to get confused.

Day 14

So I am a day behind! Good news tho', you can see my bands' upcoming shows on our MySpace blog here. I just booked my first show and I'm so proud. :3 And hyped up on coffee.

Fasting is going fine. Looking forward to this Friday. Last night sucked, my wireless internet was awful and kept disconnecting, so I just went to bed early. XP

Working late all this week so I can leave early for Friday's show. I am exhausted. x_x

Day 11

Whew, good day! Spent most of it doing chores and cleaning, doing laundry and such.. BUT I also did a lot of band work through e-mails and discovered that we may have a LOT of shows in the upcoming future. Very exciting!

Fasting went fine, today. It's always harder when I'm fasting at home, but we got some great vegan food at Costco today (falafel, hummus, bruschetta, ect.) and I had an awesome dinner tonight. Also got some naked juice from there super cheap, so I'll get to bring that with me this week for "lunch".

Anyhow, I need to get to sleep. I'll write all about my meeting with the wedding cake lady tomorrow!

Day 10

Woo, 10 days down! Only 30 more to go, heh. I am a quarter of the way through and I've found an overly expensive system that works, but probably won't continue with it because it is overly expensive. See, eating vegan, unless you don't mind gaining 20lbs on pasta and rice, is an expensive lifestyle. Expensive and annoying. I've found some juice that I can buy that gives me fiber and calories to last me until night time, but come on, $4.00 a bottle? I'd rather starve. And I will.

This morning I decided to go with a skirt, so I put on some pantyhose and my red shoes and a nice shirt. It was warm enough that I could go without pants. As soon as I get to McLean, I discover a huge run in my pantyhose. So I had to rush to CVS. On the way I went to the Italian grocery store where I bought my expensive-ass juice and a small bottle of soy milk. The soy milk was only $2.00... but anyhow, not doing that again. I do not like being hosed like this. I need either my own juicer, or to just suck it up. I could probably buy a juicer with the money I'll save on not buying anything for one week.

Practice went good, last night. I'm a little excited because we spent half an hour on the song I wrote at the end, and Fester (my drummer) really likes it and wants to use it. Unfortunately, it's only a week 'till our first show of the season.. but maybe we could do it for the next one? Ya never know. It would be awesome. Hopefully, I'll be seeing Watchmen today with EA. If not, Willy and I will catch it some other time.

That's it for now!

Day 9

Last night became a night of comfort food. I went to the store and picked up two cans of mushrooms to add to the marinara sauce I had, plus some whole wheat spaghetti, and some garlic bread. No worries, the garlic bread was made with margarine, so I stuck to the vegan thing. ;) I also tried out that "naked" juice during lunch with a small bottle of soy milk. Man, that naked juice is THICK. I got another one for breakfast this morning, but it's not the same. The grape one is like a smoothie, but the orange/mango thing is just juice. I got a can of V8 for lunch, so I won't be in pain today.

Which is good, because I have band practice tonight, and one of my guitarists told me a few weeks ago I'd leave without a voice. *insert middle finger here*

Day 7

So after an entire day of editing photos of myself, I was shocked by a few things. One, how strangely similar to my friend Hollie I look when I put on make-up; and two, how small my upper body is. Coming from a girl who used to look like this...
Believe me, wearing a size 4 shirt is a big deal. The bigger deal was the fact that I didn't have to Photoshop my upper body at all. Usually I need to take in a little here, a little there, tuck this in.. but not yesterday. I hardly needed to do a thing, besides make a few things smoother and of course, do a little color correction.

Whenever I look at that picture, I am astounded by how I looked. I actually loved my hair, and man, if only I didn't work at a corporate office, I'd totally do that again. The bangs were normally a bright red, but that picture is of me in the Louvre during my trip to Paris, and I didn't dye my hair for two whole weeks. Anyhow, I loved that hairstyle. I used to express myself with my clothes, my hair, make-up.. I had fun, because hey, I was in college. I could do whatever the hell I wanted and I enjoyed it.

Now that I'm older, it's more complicated. I need to blend in with the crowd, yet still look theatrical when I go on stage. It's like a mask I put on whenever I have a show, or do photos. I have different "me"s. For example, there is this me:See the one on the far right? With the tan? That's how I look just about every day. If you saw me on a Tuesday, that's probably how I'd be. Boring, bland, normal. (Willy is the nice gentleman I have my hand on, by the way.) I don't mind this look because, at the very least, I've got my bullet belt. A little bit of the real me to shine through. Enough to show -some- amount of personality.
Then there's this me:
You know this one. It's one of my stage personas. I'm a little more hard core, I'm fun and free-spirited, I bounce around and smile a lot and generally act a little crazy. I'm wearing pants and tennis shoes and chains. I have GOGGLES with SPIKES in them. This is college me. The me I miss because I was so fun and full of energy. I didn't really wear a lot of make-up, but I did wear a lot of fun accessories. It was fun. Everything that I did was fun.

Last but not least, we have a photo from Sunday's set. This is the me that I always wanted to be. Feminine, sexy, dangerous. Evil and beautiful. This is honestly the fakes "me" there is. I am honestly the least evil person you may ever meet. I like being nice. I'm also not naturally sexy. If I am, it's because of other things. I don't have straight hair, or pale skin, or wear heavy make-up. I don't wear "evil secretary" clothes and I don't keep my face that straight. It's not me at all, but I definitely recognize it's appeal. Right now, I'm sort of in a bind. This persona is awesome, but the other one, the me with the spiky goggles and jeans, that's more myself than anything else. So the challenge now is to mix the two, which I've had trouble doing. I have to find a way to turn what I am, and what I used to want to be, into one real person that I can actively portray.

Not as easy as it sounds.

But I'll work on it. For now, it will be my new challenge. I'm thinking of ways to do it, and I'm really excited with how it may turn out. I'm also looking forward to new pictures, but for now, the "evil secretary" look is in.

As far as fasting updates, I'm doing great. I've gotten used to eating this way, eating vegan, and I feel fine. I still get cravings for meat, especially last night when I cooked Willy some steak. My mouth was watering.. but, I lived. I was fine. I definitely feel the "sacrifice" part of Lent, even if it's just denial of my favorite foods. I'm suffering very little, in the overall sense of things, but it does make me think.

Day 6

Fasting like this is going to really make me appreciate being able to eat normally once Lent is over. Tonight I had some nice salmon and mixed vegetables for dinner, plus the last of my hummus and pita bread. Surprisingly, I was still hungry after that and snacked on some Cheerios. No, no milk.. just Cheerios from the box.

Today was basically just spent doing laundry and editing band photos. I'll be putting them up officially once the CD comes out. We should be putting in the order this Thursday, yay! I'm so excited to finally have some CDs. Also, I need to edit photos for our t-shirts. Hoo boy, work work work.

Day 5

Sorry I couldn't update yesterday, our internet was down. I had a pretty fun photo shoot with my band, though! Got some nice shots for the EP. Spend a loooong time on make-up, lemme tell ya. I even got my hair done for this one! I'll post pictures soon, but I need to edit them for the stuff we need to order.

The fasting went just fine. We went to an Italian restaurant after the shoot, and I got myself a small pizza with no cheese, some mushrooms, black olives, and anchovies. Awesome. I also got a mango sorbet for dessert. So I haven't cheat yet! I'm still going strong. Today it snowed pretty badly in the area, and I've called the office but there doesn't seem to be anyone there. We go by the government as far as closings are concerned, and today Fairfax County Gov. has liberal leave. Since all of the schools are closed, I'm betting most folks are at home with their kids.

Or, they're shmucks like me with tiny cars that can't drive through snow. My parking lot hasn't been plowed or treated or anything, so, I'm not gonna risk putting my car through hell. Plus, nobody on my team is signed into instant messenger, which means they probably aren't in the office. So I'll just spend the day all by my lonesome and stay home.

Day 3

So I made a bit of a mistake, last night. Not really a big one. I didn't cheat or anything. I had a completely vegan meal, it's just that.. it feel like I overate a bit.

I took Willy to Hard Times (our favorite chili place) because they were giving away free bowls of chili with any purchase. So, I got a side of fries, and a bowl of vegetarian chili. It may SOUND strange, but it is actually "soy flakes cooked in a tomato base with fresh mushrooms, onions, green peppers, jalapenos & peanuts". So while it sounds weird, it's really seriously delicious. Total amount of calories? 260. Now those fries.. I have a love affair with French fries and vinegar. While dieting, this is the thing that I miss the most. I had some last night, which combined with the veggie chili, made me feel really full and guilty. Why? Because there were about 500 calories in those fries. Ughghghg...

Now ordinarily this isn't a big deal. I had a snack at my place before going to Hard Times, a slice of double fiber wheat bread and some hummus. So for the entire day, I had about 1000 calories. This wouldn't be BAD if it had been spread throughout the day. Unfortunately, all of those calories were consumed over about 2 hours. So my body is likely storing them as fat, right now. Because I'm a silly dumb girl who likes French fries.

Well no more of that. I refuse to gain weight during this fast. Tonight I'm going out for some beans, salmon, and other sea foods(no not breaded), so that I can have some nice healthy fats and protein at night when I eat. I don't want to become a "white vegetarian" and gain weight by eating starchy foods in place of meat. No way.

On the bright side, my stomach muscles are sore from last night's band practice. I actually get a pretty good stomach work out while singing during practice, because I keep my abs tight the whole time, and while singing, I'm still flexing them. So at the end of practice I'm fairly exhausted.

Day 3 should go much better than day 2. No more of day 2s antics, I tell ya.

A few down..

..many more to go.

I discovered, much to my delight this morning, that I am several pounds away from being 120lbs. Which means that the diet and working out is indeed going well, and maybe, JUST MAYBE, I will wear a swimsuit this year. In public. Maybe.

Anyhoo, Blood Corps is also on Metal Head Radio now! Isn't that great? I am certainly happy about it, and the weight loss has inspired me to strive for more excellence during our next show in March. I'm actually looking forward to it! Hurray for me!

More band news!

So Blood Corps is moving pretty well, now. We've got another show on the 18th of April, in Baltimore. We've also got a gig at KCs Music Alley, but, it's in March! So we'll see if the rest of the band agrees to that one. Not only do we have three gigs lined up, but we've also got a music video to shoot! We'll be shooting it with Scott Hanson, a great guy who's worked with Willie Nelson. Talk about exciting!!

We're working on getting some merchandise, too. Right now we don't have anything but some white t-shirts with the Blood Corps logo. We're getting some new ones printed, hopefully in time for all of these shows. I'm thinking of getting the stickers myself, because we'll be needing them pretty badly and they're not very expensive. I just have to be careful since the wedding is coming, and well, you know how it is...

In other news, I'm back on the diet after a few days of holiday eating. It was Valentines Day and Willy took me to Fox Meadows for chocolate and wine tasting. Then on Sunday, we went to his parents' house to do taxes and they celebrated my birthday. It was very sweet. Gotta look good for these upcoming shows, though.. so no more eating badly for me, thanks. It'll be tuna and celery for a while!

dope show on April 16th

Well, my band will be opening for a band called dope on April 16th. I didn't capitalize dope because that's how they write it. That stuff always drives me crazy, but I respect their rights as artists.

I'm excited about this show because it will be our first show with the new line-up. Devon on bass will be a big change, but he's a good guy so I think it will be good. All of our songs will be originals, and I'm a LOT happier about our new material than I've ever been before. Often I had a few that I kind of sighed at, but it's getting closer to the point where I'm excited to sing every single song, and I think that's important for me, as a musician to do. To love every song, so that the audience does too.

I'm noticing a lot more people are interested in seeing this show, mostly because dope is a band they've heard of before. I have to say, after watching the music video for their song "Bitch", I don't personally care for them. They sing about themes that make me personally uncomfortable. You can watch it here. The lyrics that caught me were:

I want you
I hate you
The one I love I hate
But the sex is great

I'll let you all know right now; I will -never- sing about sex. Skull fucking? Sure, I did that honestly as a joke. I can't seriously sing a song about sex. Love I can do. I am especially a fan of unrequited love, twisted love, strange love. I haven't written a real love song yet, but I might. Sex, though? No. I have way too many hang-ups on the subject, it's too personal for me. I cringe at the thought. I clam up. It's something I don't want to do, and so, I won't. One of our guitarists had his dad come up once, and he gave me the idea for a song all about sex. I waited until he was gone to rage about it. I'm not a slut, and I'm not going to sing like one. Don't even try to get me to do it, because I won't, and that's final.

So for all of you guys who think it's all about "sex drugs and rock n' roll", sorry. I won't sing about sex, and I won't sing about drugs either.

Sorry..

I've been so lazy about blogging, lately. What with the economy crash, the election, the work force, and everyone is just INSANE about what is going on with our government, I've been having a hell of a time keeping up with the news.

What has been going on with me? Well, Blood Corps opened up for Edguy and Kamelot last week, which was the most beautiful performance we've ever had. I was so proud to be a member of my band, so proud to perform with my guys, so proud to be a musician. Our EP should be finished by December, but we had a minor set-back last week when I got a major allergy attack and was just SICK. Sick as all HELL, for the entire weekend. This week I've been fine, so I'll be back in the recording studio next Saturday to pump out another song. We've got three left (only 4 songs on the EP) and I tend to be able to do one per session.

Work has ben good, I've had some insanely good classes, but it's hard to keep up my energy all day. So I've resorted to using lots and lots of caffeine, which is probably bad for me, but at this point I don't care. I like my high scores, and I intend on keeping them. This weekend, for the first time in like.. months? I've got a free weekend. Completely free. It's... almost frightening. On Saturday, Willy is taking me to see Saw V, which is a tradition we've had since we first started dating.

A new Saw movie for every year we've been together. I hope they never stop making them.

Tonight's show

So tonight we're going on around 7:30. Not the best time. My mom gets off of work at 7, and she has my new goggles, so God willing, she and my dad will make it... but I don't know. Hopefully the show will run a bit late. I don't like going on this early, or without Skittles, but what can you do? This is our last show before the big ones in the fall, so it will give us time to write new music, prepare, and get SUPER FREAKING AWESOME by the time we open up for Sonata Arctica.

Willy is at work, today. He's at work just about every day, now. WAR is coming, which means he will work like a dog to make sure that his zones are perfect. You hear that, Warhammer fanboys?? I'm missing out on cuddle time for YOUR BENEFIT. Hope you're fucking happy.

Practice, issues, sad.

So last night we found out that Skittles broke his arm. Very sad and upsetting to see him hurt. Ashley (my keyboard player) has had it rough this week, too. While at the moment I have a few money issues, I just can't allow myself to feel too bad. I went through a hideous "low" last week that involved stomach pain, depression and nausea, and I just don't want it to come back. I have no control over my highs and lows, but in a way I feel that last week's "low" was a blessing. If I were going through a low in my current state, I'd likely be suicidal.

But tomorrow night we have a show, and despite the fact that it's not a big one and we're not an opener, I am still excited. I love playing in front of people. I was born to perform and make people happy. When I play, I want people to feel that squealing joy that I get when I listen to someone like Edguy. And that's not going to happen unless we play. So, I'll be praying for Skittle's wellbeing, and hoping that he heals soon. Not just for the band, but because I like him a lot, and a guy that nice doesn't deserve to be in pain.

Besides, the cast totally doesn't go with his heels.

I'm excited for the weekend for a few reasons. First, the show of course.. but also, I'm excited about being able to sleep in, tomorrow. I've tried getting used to sleeping at 12 and getting up at 5:30, but, I just can't do it. My body can't handle not having enough sleep. It might have something to do with my recent eating habits, which incidentally, have more to do with my limited budget and time more than my eating inhibitions. I'm not entirely convinced that those are gone, though. Last night I tried to eat a sandwich, and I couldn't stomach it. I ate half of it for breakfast today and now I feel this combination of guilt and nausea. I HATE HATE HATE wasting food. I don't want to throw it away. My only choice is to save it and hope Willy willy eat it. Which he probably will.

It's really unfair. I got my swimsuit and I'm excited to wear it, but my legs are still terrible, YET, my ribs are clearly visible. My upper body is okay, my arms aren't as toned as I would like but they're not awful and you can SEE MY FUCKING RIBS. Like, not in a good way. My clavacle and collar bones are clearly visible, too. I think my body is some kind of medical anomoly. And it pisses me off.

Last night's meeting..

So last night's meeting with our new producer went pretty well. Yes, it's a huge step, and yes, it's going to be a huge sacrifice on all of our parts. As hard as we work already, now we're going to have to work 10x more. It's more than a second job, now.

I'm in a class right now, prepping Photoshop CS3-Level 2. I'm grateful that I know most of the material, and really all I have to do is brush up on a few things to make sure I'm familliar enough with them to be able to teach it. No big deal. I'm actually excited about teaching Photoshop this Thursday and Friday. They're 2 day classes, and the big thing that I have to remember to do is STRETCH and EXTEND and give them more than what the course gives because honestly, it's only like... 6 lessons? In two days? Yeah.

Anyway, sitting in this class and listening to the Edguy CD I bought off of iTunes. It's their Theatre of Salvation album and I highly reccomend it, if you're a power metal fan. Basically, if you like 80's metal. Now the reason I'm listening to this, (besides my love of power metal), is because Blood Corps, my baby, my band, is opening for them in October. Them and Kamelot. This is a big deal. These bands are VERY big, in the power metal world. Despite the fact that power metal fans are few and far between... they do exist. And when power metal bands come, their fans come out in throngs, and it is SO WONDERFUL to be surrounded by fellow power metal fans.

People who appreciate beautiful vocals, talented instrumentalists, good harmonics? It makes me so happy. And to think that I'll be singing for these people? And they'll appreciate it? It makes me want to cry.

Also, the idea that I will get to meet Tobias Sammet, the lead singer of both Edguy and his project, Avantasia, it just blows my mind. Aventasia is one of those album series that influenced my voice. When I hear his wavering verbrattos, his high tones, they make me fucking SQUEAL. Willy is worried that I will squeal when I meet him, or Tony Kakko, the lead singer of Sonata Arctica, who we'll be opening for in August, and honestly? I'll have to try so hard not to. I'm supposed to be "one of them", now. And while I'm confident in my skills as a vocalist, and in my ability to sing with the best of them, it's just going to be so overwhelming to meet the men who made me want to do it in this style.

I can literally listen to them sing and have tears come from my eyes. There's something so magical about the way they sing. You can't say that about pop musicians. People don't sit and listen to Britney Spears and cry. Tobias Sammet has so much emotion in his voice. I can -feel- what he's singing. Like an opera singer, he puts his chest, his heart, into his vocals. I could go on all day about how much I adore this man and what he does, but there you go. It's out. I am in love with power metal vocals, and by all that is holy, by Odin, I swear that someday I will stand amongst them. A Valkyrie amongst Vikings.

Onward my brothers!!