Thanksgiving 2014

I feel I must apologize for being gone for so long. I was considering writing something this month, but since I'm working on NaNoWriMo, I felt guilty writing anything else. As it stands right now, I'm less than 10k words away from the 50k word goal, with 5 days to go! So I may actually win this year, and that's exciting! So I decided to take a break and focus on the upcoming holiday.

I've got a lot to be thankful for. Anyone who reads my blog knows that I've gone through many trials and tribulations, especially during the holidays. For some reason, the holidays are when companies decide to unceremoniously dump people, but not until after you've helped organize their company picnics and holiday parties. This year, I was scared. My current contract was coming to an end, and I didn't know if I would have to start looking for another job.

Thankfully, another opportunity came my way and I get to continue to work for my wonderful company. I'm very happy and relieved, so I can finally let my hair down and take a deep sigh without wondering if I've jinxed myself, and give thanks for all of the things I have to be thankful for. I feel like writing a list is gloating (and tempting fate) so I'm going to focus instead on the best part of the upcoming holiday; food.

I asked everyone on Facebook what their family food traditions are. Thanksgiving is a holiday that is unique in that it's not a religious holiday, so every American celebrates it in their own way. We are a melting pot of traditions and foods that may not have been relevant to the culture we came from, but we find a way to make it our own.

As a first generation American, both my parents are immigrants, so they adapted to American culture throughout the years. We always celebrated Thanksgiving. I remember waking up on Thanksgiving morning to the sound of my parents arguing over the turkey (a sound I still hear to this day) before I have to get dressed for church. At church, our priest gives the usual "give thanks" sermon before he dismisses us early so he can catch the football game. Afterwards, we rush home to change clothes, then rush back to the church so we can play soccer in the field behind it.

That's a Thanksgiving tradition that was unique for my family. A lot of families play Thanksgiving foodball, but we played Thanksgiving soccer. A bunch of people from the church would play with us, and we'd go adults vs kids for a couple of hours until the turkey was done. Then, back home in the car, and finally food.

Man oh man the food. See, my family never really saw the point in all the other sides. We have a small family. Mom, dad, me, and maybe my brother and sister (if they were around) and maybe their kids or wife or husband but it was different every year, and never more than five or six people to sit down and give thanks with prayer over the turkey. So we had a big turkey, stuffing, and pumpkin pie. No vegetables, just meat, bread, and pie. My mom wasn't really big on cooking, so my dad did the turkey.

To this day, whenever people complain about how turkey is gross and dry, I thank my lucky stars that my dad never made me experience that. My dad's turkey is ridiculously moist. So moist in fact that I don't use gravy. The leg meat is my favorite, and I can gnaw on that sucker about halfway until I'm full. So yeah,s crew you and your anti-turkey sentiments, but the star of the show was his stuffing. I don't know if it's because nobody ever told my parents how to make turkey and stuffing, but they figured out this magical combination through many years of trial and error. The stuffing is always somehow different. One year, raisins. One year, craisins. One year, both, and always with walnuts, celery and onions. Then, recently, my dad started adding moonshine.

Yes, moonshine.

Don't ask where he got it, because his explanation is "some guys at work".

Being that my dad is a member of the laborer's union, he always worked outside. He was a welder working for VDOT for much of my life, so a lot of his friends were also laborers. This is a class of Americans that still work with their hands, and are proud to do so. They've got all sorts of negative nicknames; rednecks, ghetto, wetbacks, ratchet, cracker, spic. They're the blue collar middle-to-low class of America, and they come in every different color. My dad was one of them, and they accepted him. They would trade stories about their kids, and sometimes they would trade stuff.

So sometimes, dad came home with Civil War bullets from a friend who was really into Civil War stuff. Sometimes, he'd bring home some kind of food a coworker's wife made for everyone. Stuff from India, China, the south, wherever that guy was from. And one day, he brought back moonshine, so. Into the stuffing it went.

The stuffing has never been the same. It has only been better.

This is my America. This mixture of cultures that makes us all different, but wholly special. Nowadays, I bring pumpkin tartlets made with Stevia (because we have diabetics in the family), and my mom cooks more vegetables. But that turkey is still the moistest most delicious %&$*ing bird I've ever had, and the stuffing makes me lightheaded just thinking about it.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Oh, Canada...

Dear Canada,

I am writing to you to express my condolances. While I understand that you're going through a tough time, let me express how sorry I am for the severe gloating that you are about to endure from the American people. We are known for being arrogant, crude, and cruel in sad times. This time will be no different.

A week ago, we, America, made a decision. Should Canada win the olympic hockey game against the United States, we would congratulate you, be happy for you even! This, after all, was your sport. The year you hosted the olympics. Your time to shine. We would graciously bow down before your superiority on the ice, because lets face it, much of the NHL is made up of players from either your country, or Russia. That you would teach our players a lesson in good sportsmanship was obvious. Unfortunately, the opposite was already known for us. If the US won against Canada, during the olympics, which Canada was hosting, we would never let you forget it. Ever.

It took five goals, and a few thousand cheers before we realized what had happened. We beat you. We did not only out-score you, but we blocked more than 40 shots to our goal. It was like a magical moment in history where the US could prove what huge assholes we truly are. Which is why I am here, today.

Canada, I applaud your efforts. You truly are one of the classiest, most beautiful countries in the world. Your people are known for being kind, polite, and attractive. Your skills in sports are praised worldwide, and it is a great pleasure to be your neighbor.

But for the next few years, the US reigns supreme in hockey. Which means you're either going to find another form of national pride, or learn to really really love figure skating.

I heard your dance duo did a great job, last night!

Love,
Nina

PS: USA! USA! USA!

Annoyed with America?

Get in line...

I've got this friend from college who complains about America CONSTANTLY. It doesn't help that he's black and thinks the world is against him, but now with the strong airport security, he's got it in his head that him being black, and having a weird middle name, is suddenly going to land him in airport prison. And he's never even FLOWN before.

Let me assure everyone right now; these security measures are FOR YOUR SAFETY, and ARE NOT THAT BIG A DEAL, HOLY SHIT. I've flown a lot, my entire life, to and from Europe. I've flown to France, Spain, England, Switzerland, The Netherlands, Germany, and Egypt. Having done this many many many times, my family has devized a plan that makes it as smooth a trip as possible. Our plan? GET THERE SUPER ASS FUCKING EARLY.

Anyone who flies a lot will tell you this, but there are STILL a shit ton of folks, new to travel, who whine about the wait time. Look, if you're flying to another country, you're going to wait. A lot. That's why there are airport book stores. It's annoying, but you know, after working in security with the same guys who do airport security and passport security (we run the security in all of the passport offices in the US), I understand. There's more to this then the media creating a scare, and the security departments trying to apparently "make white people feel safer". Jesus Christ am I sick of hearing this ridiculous banter..

Before I go on, lemme just say that I hate giving off the "I work so and so, so I know more than you" vibe. I hate it when people do that. However, this is one of those things I'm learning about first hand; how we handle security, and what goes on behind those closed doors. I'm not allowed to talk about it, but I wish people would take what we're saying as truth and not just us trying to brainwash society. People, we LIVE in society! We hate being lied to just as much as you do, so don't write off our experiences as some government plot to make the US full of scared white people. It's nuts. We wouldn't enforce security if it wasn't for good reason. If some terrorist, or even a random nutcase, managed to get past us again, more than one person will hang for it. I don't know what they're doing to the people who let the Christmas bomber in with his explosives, but you can bet it's not pretty.

And this goes for all our servicemen and women, too. When they come back and tell you all that what they're doing is for the good of the US, don't roll your eyes and think you're somehow smarter than they are because you read the internetz. Unless you've been there, you don't know. I'm mad as hell when people write off our military's experiences just because they're fighting a way you don't agree with. And I'm sick of people writing off what I have to say about US security, when I AM RIGHT FUCKING HERE. I am here helping to protect my country's leaders, dignitaries, and all of the people who make US relations with other countries possible. I am not here to make people scared, and neither are the officers who protect us. So do me a favor, and take what I say for what it's worth:

Leave for the airport six hours before your flight, pack a book, and prepare for the ride.