Reocurring Nightmares

Ever since I got sick on Friday, I've had a lot of dreams. I've also had the same nightmare about three times. Maybe it's a result of taking so much NyQuil, I dunno, but I've had this particular nightmare before. In fact, I've had this nightmare since I graduated from college.

No, not this kind of Nightmare you nerds!

Now, when I say "nightmare", I don't mean monsters. I've had those before, but this is totally different. It still terrifies me and fills me with anxiety even after I wake up, to the point where I begin questioning my reality. This particular nightmare is always the same in terms of the situation. I'm always faced with the sudden realization that I have overbooked myself; I have (at least) 2 full-time jobs, I'm missing class in school, and I have no idea what my school schedule is. So I'm suddenly in this frantic panic about the fact that I'm missing school AND my jobs AND I have no way of getting to either. It's terrible. Throughout my dream, I try to navigate my way toward one of these things until eventually I wake up and feel really dumb. I graduated from college a good 7 years ago. I've only got one job (that pays), and my other job is fun. Why do I keep having the same nightmare about a conflicting work/school schedule?

I know that I miss school. I enjoyed college a lot, especially the classes I actually wanted to take. I never really experienced fear when it came to exams or finals or anything like that. So why all the fear?

I have no idea. I'd love to go back to school, but for now I can't. Is this my brain telling me I've crammed too many things into my schedule? Or I really really want to go back to school? Stupid brain.

Oh great... you too, sleep!?

As if I needed something else to be stressed over, now I'm having trouble sleeping.

Ah, sleep. The one thing everyone should be good at. Unfortunately, I've got a few things against me. First off, my neck. I've got a tiny neck and require a tiny pillow.. but not too tiny, or my damaged neck and back muscles will be messed up throughout the night and I'll wake up with pain from all those rear-endings I had in my Celica.

God I miss that car.

Odin; the world's fattest most annoying cat.

So I've got all that neck pain, and then there's the cat. The gaddamn mother fucking cat. People, I love my fat-ass cat. But he's an asshole. He starts meowing around 5:30 AM, a full half an hour before I even need to be up. Some might say that he'll stop if you ignore him. Those some are dead fucking wrong. Odin is the most persistent little shit I've ever known in my entire life, and all the cuddles and lap purrs he gives me will never make up for his annoying ass. So I've got him yeowling in the AM (and no, I can't lock him out because he opens doors and his litter box is in our master bathroom..), but that's not all.

For some reason, I keep waking up around 4 AM. Every. Single. Morning. This wouldn't be so bad if I could just manage to go the hell back to sleep, afterwards. Unfortunately, all I seem to do is lie there. I know I'm tired, and I know I need to sleep, but sleep won't come. Eventually, however, 6 AM does indeed come, and when that happens I'm so tired I can barely function. So what the hell am I supposed to do? I go to sleep at a reasonable time, like a good girl, at 10 PM so I can get my (much needed) 8 hours of sleep. I wind up not sleeping until past 11, and waking up at 4. :/ Sometimes at 2, too. This is in all kinds of different scenarios; working out before bedtime, not working out at all. Eating 2 hours before bed, eating 5 hours before bed. It doesn't matter, it happens every time.

To combat this exhaustion, I've been drinking coffee and Rock Star (as needed), and now I'm afraid I have a caffeine dependency.  As in, when I don't drink coffee, I get a headache. Or maybe that's just my neck pain traveling to my brain? Who knows! All I know is that I'm really tired of being really tired.

I was wrong!!

I ended up not getting to sleep until 11. x_x Tonight I've got band practice, which means I probably won't even be home until 11, let alone in bed.. and then I gotta get up at 4 for work, and after work, my birthday party! Did I mention that today is my birthday?

I MISS MY SLEEP!!

Friday night will be spent partying, but I still need to wake up at a decent hour to do some recording on Saturday morning for a song.. which means that I won't get a good night's sleep until... Saturday night. Oh boy. To top it all off, I'm having horrible stomach pains. All I had for dinner last night was pork and seukreuat, and this morning I had bacon and eggs with coffee and a big bottle of water, so I figured I'd be alright for the day. Oh, my poor retarded stomach. Here's hoping I'm not getting sick.

I feel gre--, oh..

Well, the good news is that since I've been eating on-plan for the past few days, I've felt much better. And I have not weighed myself even once! I'm hoping I'll get a pleasant surprise when I do, so I'm saving it for next Saturday. Willy, unfortunately, went off plan on Sunday. He's back on track now, so I'm hoping I can help keep him there. My iron will must be strong to withstand both he an I's weaknesses.

Today is gonna be a rough day. I didn't get enough sleep, and I'm feeling it badly. I took a 5 Hour Energy, but it's not working at ALL. I feel dead at my computer. I guess you just can't replace sleep with caffeine.