dope show on April 16th

Well, my band will be opening for a band called dope on April 16th. I didn't capitalize dope because that's how they write it. That stuff always drives me crazy, but I respect their rights as artists.

I'm excited about this show because it will be our first show with the new line-up. Devon on bass will be a big change, but he's a good guy so I think it will be good. All of our songs will be originals, and I'm a LOT happier about our new material than I've ever been before. Often I had a few that I kind of sighed at, but it's getting closer to the point where I'm excited to sing every single song, and I think that's important for me, as a musician to do. To love every song, so that the audience does too.

I'm noticing a lot more people are interested in seeing this show, mostly because dope is a band they've heard of before. I have to say, after watching the music video for their song "Bitch", I don't personally care for them. They sing about themes that make me personally uncomfortable. You can watch it here. The lyrics that caught me were:

I want you
I hate you
The one I love I hate
But the sex is great

I'll let you all know right now; I will -never- sing about sex. Skull fucking? Sure, I did that honestly as a joke. I can't seriously sing a song about sex. Love I can do. I am especially a fan of unrequited love, twisted love, strange love. I haven't written a real love song yet, but I might. Sex, though? No. I have way too many hang-ups on the subject, it's too personal for me. I cringe at the thought. I clam up. It's something I don't want to do, and so, I won't. One of our guitarists had his dad come up once, and he gave me the idea for a song all about sex. I waited until he was gone to rage about it. I'm not a slut, and I'm not going to sing like one. Don't even try to get me to do it, because I won't, and that's final.

So for all of you guys who think it's all about "sex drugs and rock n' roll", sorry. I won't sing about sex, and I won't sing about drugs either.

Bridal Shows

Since I'm six months from my wedding day, I find myself becoming addicted to bridal shows. The one I watched last night was "Bulging Bride", a show about brides who want to be thin on their wedding day, and go through grueling exersize and dieting regiments to get there. It was an interesting show, but only because I tend to compare myself to these women. The woman in last night's episode was extremely similar to me, in terms of size and shape. She was taller than me, weighed more, and was bigger in size overall.. so why did she look so much thinner?? It boggled my mind, so I asked Willy to measure me. The results were mind-boggling. I have a 26" waist, and 40" hips.

I've lost a good 3" from my waist, and nothing from my hips. I don't think my thighs have gone down, either. It feels like no matter what, I'm doomed to live this way. My ribs and collarbones are clearly visible, yet I still have thighs too fat for me to wear a skirt or shorts. I've got an hourglass body, not the pear shape I thought I had before. Hourglass because my ribcage is strangely big for me. I have a feeling it's to compensate for my eventually enormous hooters when I have a kid, like my mom and sister have. I wish I didn't have to wait that long...

I'm just so annoyed, right now. It feels like none of the things I do will get me any closer to my goal, and I want to give up, but I hate the thought of being a failure. I refuse to fail. I've never given up on a dream before, and I can't do it with this one.

I -will- wear a mini skirt someday. I -will- wear a bikini. I will.

Recipes

One of my problems while cooking is usually that I fall into a rut. I start cooking the same thing, get sick of it, and want to cheat. It's a bad habit to get into, and I can't afford to do it now that I'm cooking for two. No, I'm not pregnant.. Willy is eating better, now. Most of my recipes are of my own invention, which can and can not be a good thing, at time. Take last night for example.

I made chili. I make my chili from scratch, and add all the things I feel a good chili should have. Ground beef, habaneros, mushrooms, green peppers.. and a can of tomato paste. What's wrong with that, you ask? Well someone who low carb diets must be wary of tomatoes. They're a fruit, and they do have sugars. I used only one small can, but also a can of diced tomatoes. So sure, my recipe wasn't full of bad sodium or sugar or anything like that, but in my head I'm kicking myself for all of the extra carbs I should have been straying from.

Plus those 2.5 light beers.. but lets not get into that. They were the only ones left, they're gone now, I'm not buying any more!!

But I will be buying groceries, today. Which means I gotta dig up my old low-carb recipes and find out which ones Willy will eat. His problem is he doesn't like fish, so, I can't do ANYTHING with fish. It sucks, and it cuts out a whole plethora of foods, but it will be worth it. Here's hoping he'll come with me to the gym again, today. He makes a good motivator.

A week of clean eating!

So, last weekend Willy got some bad news from his doctor. A few high scores in bad cholesterol and things of that nature. Doctor's advice? Mor exersize, healthier food, ect. While I wasn't happy that he was on the verge of becoming rather unhealthy, I -was- happy with the fact that his own doctor has told him he has to start eating better. Which means he's actually taking my advice and eating the foods I tell him to eat and restricting on bad things! I am so glad, because it's easier for me to eat well when he does too. Now that it's just the two of us living together, the only food that comes in and out is food we say is okay. Now that I'm kind of in charge of the kitchen, I get to take responsibility.

It's harder than it looks. He misses his soda and his junk food, and I miss bread. Things are easier for Willy because, as an average height white male, it won't be hard for him to get his health on track. I've been fixing him all of his meals (which he likes!) and they have been relitively normal. Like, a sandwich on whole weat double fiber bread.. chicken and vegetables for dinner.. things like that. For me, I can't do bread, so it's harder. I eat breakfast, and he doesn't. Those things are kind of a challenge, but you know they're good challenges.

Also, he's coming with me to the gym lately. That is the best.

Wife Swap

I have discovered that it isn't the women who are the problem. It's their mean and disrespectful husbands. Good lord.

Idiots of the world...

So I was checking out my bank account today, and noticed I had $-950.

...

Wait, $-950?!

Looked at my withdrawls and noticed a check from my apartment complex for $1,250. Holy shit, what?! I never wrote a check for that!

I called their asses up and got the lady who works the desk. Said, hey, I never wrote a check for $1,250. She looks for it and says, "I have it here." So I ask, "Does it SAY in my handwriting $1,250?"

"..oh, I see. It was for $125."

...

HOW THE HELL.

It SAYS in VERY NICE HANDWRITING: "one hundred and twenty five..."

How can you MISS that!? Holy shit, lady! How can you be allowed to handle money?! I almost had a heart attack!

It's getting fixed now.. but seriously WHAT THE HELL.

Native American Eating

Throughout my time dieting, I've learned a lot of things about how my body responds to certain food. Processed sugar? Bad. Bread? Bad. I started doing a little research a while back, and realized that my dad might have given me more than just good hair. I might have inherited my mom's tiny bone structure, but my dad gave me his digestive system. I blame this system for my inability to be thin while eating pasta, but, after reading a bit about Native Americans and the diet that they ate, I can understand why.

I found an awesome page called Guts and Grease that explains what the Native Americans ate, and how we've screwed them over by making Western foods more available than the type of food they were used to. An interesting fact:

They are 2.6 times more likely to have diabetes than non-Hispanic whites of similar age. ((From Native American Diabetes by David Mendosa))

So knowing this, look at what type of food we can get for cheap. Bread, milk, things Natives weren't really used to, but most people would consider healthy. An awesome quote from Guts and Grease:

Modern food writers who assure us we can enjoy the superb health of the American Indian by eating low fat foods and canned fruits have done the public a great disservice. The basis of the Indian diet was guts and grease, not waffles and skimmed milk.

I agree completely. So while I look weird when I eat my beans and meat with fat and such, don't think that it's some hokey weird-ass diet. I'm going back to my roots, and not surprisingly, I'm losing fat doing it.