Urge to kill... rising.....

So today I took a nice trip to see my lady doctor. I will call her my lady doctor because the word "gynocologist" just doesn't sound as nice. Anyhoo, I was getting weighed, and the nice nurse wrote down my weight.

128 lbs.

GOSHDAMMIT I hate the scales at doctors offices!! They always add another 5lbs to what I think I weigh! See this morning, I left all happy because woo! I was 123lbs. Even the Wii Fit said so, so it must be true, right? Well who am I supposed to believe!? The doctor's office scale, or Nintendo?!

I suppose I should count my blessings that I am still in the 120 range with those damned doctor's office monstrosities... maybe they just add the 5lbs as a conspiracy. Wouldn't that be awful?? Imagine all of those girls with eating disorders who suddenly see an extra 5lbs. I mean shit, if it makes me panic, I can't imagine what it would do to one of those girls.

So I go to Shoppers to get my prescription and a few groceries, and wouldn't you know it, this sweet-faced Latino guy working at Wachovia tries to get me to sign up for a new account. Sorry, I can't, already have two; personal and small business (one for me, one for Blood Corps), so no more bank accounts. He was like, "band? Really? I play guitar..." and the rest of the conversation was him asking about Blood Corps. He was really sweet, but I could tell that this conversation started off as:

- She's Latina. Lemme go speak Spanish.

Because he literally asked me if I spoke Spanish, my ethnicity, ect. It's a common subject. I wonder if white people do this? "Hey Billy, where you from?" "Nebraska." "No, I mean, FROM from?" "The fuck should I know??"

I don't know, I've had that since I was little and it always kinda irks me. I can only say "My mom is from Spain and my dad is Salvadorian" so many times before I wanna scream, "I'm brown and my parents speak Spanish!!" and get it over with. It's cute how Salvadorians can TELL I am Salvadorian, but when I say I'm half Spanish they're like "Ohhh I understand..." because.. I don't know. What about my face says "Salvadorian"? Or maybe it's the fact that I'm so short. I know my nose is pretty Spanish.. all long and.. I don't even know. I get asked this question so often I can't help but analyze it every single time.

Dear Michael Rodriguez...

As much as I respect you for having such a blatantly Spanish name (word up!), I must confess; I am baffled by your choice in casting your girlfriend, Rose McGowan, as Red Sonja.

You heard me right. Red Sonja.

Red Sonja is a mythical heroin from comic books. She is big, buff, and bad-ass. Your girlfriend, Rose, is not. Now I know what you're thinking... she's so hot! I mean, I agree. I loved her in Ready To Rumble. I loved her petite frame and strikingly adorable features. But. Then came the WB, and I must say, I became one less fan of hers. Now this isn't to say she isn't allowed to make movies anymore, but, I'm less inclined to see them now.

Even LESS because.. seriously. Red Sonja?? Rose, pick your battles. You and I are both small girls. You're probably a bit taller than me (I am 5'1"...) but, you are petite. A Red Sonja you are not. Plus, for the love of god, you know that you will look awful as a red-head. AWFUL. You have all of the makings of a good brunette. Why would you try to do Red Sonja? Why?! To appease the fanboys? The nerds? The geeks? the males don't care either way... the idea of some hot chick in a metal bikini is enough to make them happy, but, I am a little harder to please.

That isn't to say that the last Red Sonja was great, but at least she had the look. Actually, that was pretty much all she had going for her. Good lord, watching her try to act was more painful then having a nest of cockroaches removed from your tongue.

It's true!

For anyone who is a Washington DC resident, I'm sure you've heard of Elliot in the Morning. DC's most popular radio show, it's dumb and bad and entertaining. Elliot Segel is a Jew from Canada, with a big mouth and a love of hockey. I was a guest on Elliot last year, and since then have remained infamous as Washington DC's Duchess of Dork. If there is a dorky subject? He calls me out. I'm on a level like.. Dirt Woman, lets say, who is an elderly black transvestite. I am proud to be infamous in this way. I am proud to be known as not just a dork... but the fucking Duchess of Dork. I proudly represent my people, and to those who say shit? They usually shut up when they find out the rest about me.

Now on this tangent, I'd like to note that I am in no way offended by being called nerd, dork, or geek. It's fantastic. I'm a software teacher, I'm an artist, and I've never been short on intelligent or relevant things to say. I study politics, I read the news, and I enjoy researching random topics in my off time. Simultaneously, I'm a role-playing cartoon-drawing metal singer who wears goggles. So, there's notmuch to be offended by. I know what I am. If someone thinks that they can upset me by calling me out on it, I'll laugh. Honestly, I don't think Elliot thinks he is offending me. He and Flounder (and the rest) found out first hand that I am easy to talk to, and very admitting of what it is I am. So why be offended?

I say... Washington DC, bring it on! I am your Duchess of Dork. I will host DnD parties, and LAN gatherings, and WoW raids, and -still- have time to draw, sing, and teach at my full-time job. If you wanna insult me for having such a colorful life? Then I truly pity you.

Bumper Nuts

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...

Truck balls.

Truck balls, if you didn't already know, are these pretend testicles that you hang off of your bumper. I've been seeing them more and more, lately. At first, I thought it was cute. I mean, I laughed. Seriously. Truck balls?? Who'd do something like that?? Someone super awesome must do it.

Yeah, not so much. It's mostly a redneck fad, and I see them the further South I go. I don't know why I don't like this. See, I love rednecks. I find them endearing. I mean, sure they can be racist and sexist and severely homophobic... but in their own little way, they're also adorable. Middle to lower class workin' men and women, just tryin' t'get by, while listening to country music and driving trucks with plastic balls.

Are the balls supposed to represent manliness? I'm sure that they buy them as jokes. I mean shoot, they're funny to look at. But when it comes down to it, why? Why is it so needed? Why is some guy shelling out $10 for a pair of fake balls to put on his truck, if it was only for a 5 minute gag? Why do I see them everywhere? Is it some sort of conspiracy? A redneck fad? Are we so obsessed with masculinity that we need to showcase our reproductive organs on our giant gas-guzzling vehicles?

Or maybe I'm overthinking this. Likely it's just a bunch of guys that went, "Heh! Truck balls!" and bought a pair.

I thought about what Sunstreaker would look with some, and realized how artsy I was, because seriously.. I'd give that boy some golden pubes in the same color as his paint job. Make that shit look realistic. If my car's gonna have balls, they're gonna be HIS balls! But sadly, I doubt the idea will come into fruition. It just doesn't seem like a wise investment at the current time.

You know what does? Some strawberries. It's summer. I could use some goshdamn strawberries.

OMG, STFU

Seriously. Dude. This was stupid.

Story Here

Okay, so Imus makes this comment about a dude who was arrested. He goes, "What color was he?" the guy replies, "He was African American." to which he replies, "Well, there you go. Now we know."

...

Okay, so now he is defending himself, right? Basically saying that he was commenting on the fact that black people are arrested for no reason every day, and he was defending them.

...

Holy shit. Male. Are you really that stupid? Lets just say for a moment that you actually cared for the plight of minorities.. do you honestly think that you should bring it up in that way? You're on the fucking RADIO! You KNOW what you are saying! And everyone knows you're a racist, because of what you said about that girl's basketball team!

Oh no, because after calling a basketball team "nappy headed hos", we all know how much you respect black people. What was I thinking.

Holy f'ing shit.

Do your damn part!!

Gee, thanks IRS.. For taking my check and using it without me getting my grubby hands on it to pay bills. No no, I forgive you. After all, you are the government, and you do do things that I need.. which is why I FUCKING VOTE. JESUS CHRIST people, stop playing around and VOTE. Do you realize how much in taxes you pay every day?! For the love of all that is holy, take advantage of the tiny insignificant part that you do when you vote! Yes, it's just one vote, but they DO add up, and if everyone gets lazy then nothing will get done. So get up off your ass, read the news, and get involved in your community. It -will- benefit you, unless you're already a rich, straight, caucasian male in his mid 30's. If you are, then fuck you buddy.

(Just kidding, it's not your fault.)

I don't know why I decided to write this, except that I'm a bit miffed at the fact that I never got to touch my $600 from Bush because I had to use it to pay taxes. I'm not mad about paying taxes, I'm mad at the fact that other people pay just as much as I do, and yet they don't take advantage of their rights as Americans. And we SHOULD! We should go out and fight for what we believe in! I mean shit, I'm not gonna protest against wearing animal fur, but damned if I don't respect the people who do. At least they try their damndest to get their points accross and to do what they feel is right. So long as it's in a non-violent and non-offensive way, they have my support. Even if I love fur and will continue to wear it, but that's not the issue..

Long day...

Came to work this morning only to discover that I went to the wrong office. ;;>_> So I rushed my ass to DC and got there JUST IN TIME. Taught half of my class and realized how horrible it really is to teach Dreamweaver with such little material to go off of. Therefore, 60% of the class is dedicated to my students making their own websites, and me lecturing on good web design.

Been playing Age of Conan recently, and it's a great game. Love it. It's not the best game and WoW's gameplay is honestly better, but, WoW is also a few years older and has had time to work the kinks out. So I have faith. Plus, the RP community is PHENOMENAL.

Not much else going on, except that the government decided to take my economic stimulus paycheck and put it towards me paying off the rest of my taxes... lol I don't mind THAT much, because I was gonna use it for that anyway, but still. ANYHOO...

Soon I will go on vacation. Soon. A week at the beach with Willy. OMFG I can't wait.