Wednesday, September 30, 2009


Well here it is, Wednesday. One of my two actual days off, the second being Thursday. What really sucks about working at the place I'm at is the schedule. It's seemingly impossible for me to work a regular Mon-Fri thing, and instead they have me scheduled to work on Saturday AND Sunday. This does NOT work for me. I need to at least have Sunday so that I can practice with my other band, and you know, spend some time with my freaking husband.

Nobody seems to get this. The people in charge don't come in all weekend, because they have lives and families, and I suppose they expect me not to because I'm young. But I just got married and it would be super nice if I could see that guy every so often. This is why I miss working my 9-5. Our schedules were the same. We had our weekends. I never had to worry about whether or not I worked on a Saturday.

This weekend I went to Pennsylvania to see my parents, and holy hell was it tough to just leave early on Saturday. When we had hardly any customers and it RAINED. But I got out at one, so Willy and I made the trek up to see my mom who has been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. Just like her dad. Which means that I'm at risk, too. Which sucks. I tried to help my mom out, telling her what food she should avoid, and I can only hope she'll listen to me. Atkins is a no-sugar diet, so I told her all of those rules. The doctor said she should lose weight and such too, so I figure it couldn't hurt. What hurts is that there, right in front of me, is my reason to avoid sugar and bread and all the other crap that makes me fat and could possibly make me diabetic if I don't freaking watch myself. It's a very real situation, considering that I was obese once, and I know it's not impossible for me to go back. I'm an emotional eater and sometimes I eat things because I'm depressed, which, due to this job, happens fairly often.

My boss once told me I have a lot of will-power. I'm not so sure about that. I think that what I have is a lot of fear. I'm afraid of being fat, and I'm afraid of what I will feel like if I remain as fat as I am today. Not that I'm clinically overweight, but I want to know what it's like to be thin. I want to feel that sort of freedom that those girls at the beach in their bikinis feel when they just run around having fun. I've never felt that before in my life, and I'm already 25. When is it going to be my turn?

See, there's that depression popping up again.


Fat Daddy said...

Fear is a wonderful motivator for me...maybe it takes the place of will power. Probably more stressful though.

Weight loss is a wonderful way to help with diabetes issues as I am sure you know. Sounds like you gave good advice.

screwdestiny said...

Ugh, totally hear you on having a job that gives weird days off. I've worked in a lot of food service, so it's rare that I'll get a weekend off. But then, I've had bosses who think it's perfectly okay to take the whole weekend off 'cause they have a family. Even in the summer. When their kids are home all the time. I hope you can find a job that will give you the schedule you want, or at least be able to deal with the one you have right now.