Saturday, June 28, 2008

Urge to kill... rising.....

So today I took a nice trip to see my lady doctor. I will call her my lady doctor because the word "gynocologist" just doesn't sound as nice. Anyhoo, I was getting weighed, and the nice nurse wrote down my weight.

128 lbs.

GOSHDAMMIT I hate the scales at doctors offices!! They always add another 5lbs to what I think I weigh! See this morning, I left all happy because woo! I was 123lbs. Even the Wii Fit said so, so it must be true, right? Well who am I supposed to believe!? The doctor's office scale, or Nintendo?!

I suppose I should count my blessings that I am still in the 120 range with those damned doctor's office monstrosities... maybe they just add the 5lbs as a conspiracy. Wouldn't that be awful?? Imagine all of those girls with eating disorders who suddenly see an extra 5lbs. I mean shit, if it makes me panic, I can't imagine what it would do to one of those girls.

So I go to Shoppers to get my prescription and a few groceries, and wouldn't you know it, this sweet-faced Latino guy working at Wachovia tries to get me to sign up for a new account. Sorry, I can't, already have two; personal and small business (one for me, one for Blood Corps), so no more bank accounts. He was like, "band? Really? I play guitar..." and the rest of the conversation was him asking about Blood Corps. He was really sweet, but I could tell that this conversation started off as:

- She's Latina. Lemme go speak Spanish.

Because he literally asked me if I spoke Spanish, my ethnicity, ect. It's a common subject. I wonder if white people do this? "Hey Billy, where you from?" "Nebraska." "No, I mean, FROM from?" "The fuck should I know??"

I don't know, I've had that since I was little and it always kinda irks me. I can only say "My mom is from Spain and my dad is Salvadorian" so many times before I wanna scream, "I'm brown and my parents speak Spanish!!" and get it over with. It's cute how Salvadorians can TELL I am Salvadorian, but when I say I'm half Spanish they're like "Ohhh I understand..." because.. I don't know. What about my face says "Salvadorian"? Or maybe it's the fact that I'm so short. I know my nose is pretty Spanish.. all long and.. I don't even know. I get asked this question so often I can't help but analyze it every single time.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Dear Michael Rodriguez...

As much as I respect you for having such a blatantly Spanish name (word up!), I must confess; I am baffled by your choice in casting your girlfriend, Rose McGowan, as Red Sonja.

You heard me right. Red Sonja.

Red Sonja is a mythical heroin from comic books. She is big, buff, and bad-ass. Your girlfriend, Rose, is not. Now I know what you're thinking... she's so hot! I mean, I agree. I loved her in Ready To Rumble. I loved her petite frame and strikingly adorable features. But. Then came the WB, and I must say, I became one less fan of hers. Now this isn't to say she isn't allowed to make movies anymore, but, I'm less inclined to see them now.

Even LESS because.. seriously. Red Sonja?? Rose, pick your battles. You and I are both small girls. You're probably a bit taller than me (I am 5'1"...) but, you are petite. A Red Sonja you are not. Plus, for the love of god, you know that you will look awful as a red-head. AWFUL. You have all of the makings of a good brunette. Why would you try to do Red Sonja? Why?! To appease the fanboys? The nerds? The geeks? the males don't care either way... the idea of some hot chick in a metal bikini is enough to make them happy, but, I am a little harder to please.

That isn't to say that the last Red Sonja was great, but at least she had the look. Actually, that was pretty much all she had going for her. Good lord, watching her try to act was more painful then having a nest of cockroaches removed from your tongue.

It's true!

For anyone who is a Washington DC resident, I'm sure you've heard of Elliot in the Morning. DC's most popular radio show, it's dumb and bad and entertaining. Elliot Segel is a Jew from Canada, with a big mouth and a love of hockey. I was a guest on Elliot last year, and since then have remained infamous as Washington DC's Duchess of Dork. If there is a dorky subject? He calls me out. I'm on a level like.. Dirt Woman, lets say, who is an elderly black transvestite. I am proud to be infamous in this way. I am proud to be known as not just a dork... but the fucking Duchess of Dork. I proudly represent my people, and to those who say shit? They usually shut up when they find out the rest about me.

Now on this tangent, I'd like to note that I am in no way offended by being called nerd, dork, or geek. It's fantastic. I'm a software teacher, I'm an artist, and I've never been short on intelligent or relevant things to say. I study politics, I read the news, and I enjoy researching random topics in my off time. Simultaneously, I'm a role-playing cartoon-drawing metal singer who wears goggles. So, there's notmuch to be offended by. I know what I am. If someone thinks that they can upset me by calling me out on it, I'll laugh. Honestly, I don't think Elliot thinks he is offending me. He and Flounder (and the rest) found out first hand that I am easy to talk to, and very admitting of what it is I am. So why be offended?

I say... Washington DC, bring it on! I am your Duchess of Dork. I will host DnD parties, and LAN gatherings, and WoW raids, and -still- have time to draw, sing, and teach at my full-time job. If you wanna insult me for having such a colorful life? Then I truly pity you.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Bumper Nuts

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...

Truck balls.

Truck balls, if you didn't already know, are these pretend testicles that you hang off of your bumper. I've been seeing them more and more, lately. At first, I thought it was cute. I mean, I laughed. Seriously. Truck balls?? Who'd do something like that?? Someone super awesome must do it.

Yeah, not so much. It's mostly a redneck fad, and I see them the further South I go. I don't know why I don't like this. See, I love rednecks. I find them endearing. I mean, sure they can be racist and sexist and severely homophobic... but in their own little way, they're also adorable. Middle to lower class workin' men and women, just tryin' t'get by, while listening to country music and driving trucks with plastic balls.

Are the balls supposed to represent manliness? I'm sure that they buy them as jokes. I mean shoot, they're funny to look at. But when it comes down to it, why? Why is it so needed? Why is some guy shelling out $10 for a pair of fake balls to put on his truck, if it was only for a 5 minute gag? Why do I see them everywhere? Is it some sort of conspiracy? A redneck fad? Are we so obsessed with masculinity that we need to showcase our reproductive organs on our giant gas-guzzling vehicles?

Or maybe I'm overthinking this. Likely it's just a bunch of guys that went, "Heh! Truck balls!" and bought a pair.

I thought about what Sunstreaker would look with some, and realized how artsy I was, because seriously.. I'd give that boy some golden pubes in the same color as his paint job. Make that shit look realistic. If my car's gonna have balls, they're gonna be HIS balls! But sadly, I doubt the idea will come into fruition. It just doesn't seem like a wise investment at the current time.

You know what does? Some strawberries. It's summer. I could use some goshdamn strawberries.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008


Seriously. Dude. This was stupid.

Story Here

Okay, so Imus makes this comment about a dude who was arrested. He goes, "What color was he?" the guy replies, "He was African American." to which he replies, "Well, there you go. Now we know."


Okay, so now he is defending himself, right? Basically saying that he was commenting on the fact that black people are arrested for no reason every day, and he was defending them.


Holy shit. Male. Are you really that stupid? Lets just say for a moment that you actually cared for the plight of minorities.. do you honestly think that you should bring it up in that way? You're on the fucking RADIO! You KNOW what you are saying! And everyone knows you're a racist, because of what you said about that girl's basketball team!

Oh no, because after calling a basketball team "nappy headed hos", we all know how much you respect black people. What was I thinking.

Holy f'ing shit.

Do your damn part!!

Gee, thanks IRS.. For taking my check and using it without me getting my grubby hands on it to pay bills. No no, I forgive you. After all, you are the government, and you do do things that I need.. which is why I FUCKING VOTE. JESUS CHRIST people, stop playing around and VOTE. Do you realize how much in taxes you pay every day?! For the love of all that is holy, take advantage of the tiny insignificant part that you do when you vote! Yes, it's just one vote, but they DO add up, and if everyone gets lazy then nothing will get done. So get up off your ass, read the news, and get involved in your community. It -will- benefit you, unless you're already a rich, straight, caucasian male in his mid 30's. If you are, then fuck you buddy.

(Just kidding, it's not your fault.)

I don't know why I decided to write this, except that I'm a bit miffed at the fact that I never got to touch my $600 from Bush because I had to use it to pay taxes. I'm not mad about paying taxes, I'm mad at the fact that other people pay just as much as I do, and yet they don't take advantage of their rights as Americans. And we SHOULD! We should go out and fight for what we believe in! I mean shit, I'm not gonna protest against wearing animal fur, but damned if I don't respect the people who do. At least they try their damndest to get their points accross and to do what they feel is right. So long as it's in a non-violent and non-offensive way, they have my support. Even if I love fur and will continue to wear it, but that's not the issue..

Monday, June 23, 2008

Long day...

Came to work this morning only to discover that I went to the wrong office. ;;>_> So I rushed my ass to DC and got there JUST IN TIME. Taught half of my class and realized how horrible it really is to teach Dreamweaver with such little material to go off of. Therefore, 60% of the class is dedicated to my students making their own websites, and me lecturing on good web design.

Been playing Age of Conan recently, and it's a great game. Love it. It's not the best game and WoW's gameplay is honestly better, but, WoW is also a few years older and has had time to work the kinks out. So I have faith. Plus, the RP community is PHENOMENAL.

Not much else going on, except that the government decided to take my economic stimulus paycheck and put it towards me paying off the rest of my taxes... lol I don't mind THAT much, because I was gonna use it for that anyway, but still. ANYHOO...

Soon I will go on vacation. Soon. A week at the beach with Willy. OMFG I can't wait.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Tonight's show

So tonight we're going on around 7:30. Not the best time. My mom gets off of work at 7, and she has my new goggles, so God willing, she and my dad will make it... but I don't know. Hopefully the show will run a bit late. I don't like going on this early, or without Skittles, but what can you do? This is our last show before the big ones in the fall, so it will give us time to write new music, prepare, and get SUPER FREAKING AWESOME by the time we open up for Sonata Arctica.

Willy is at work, today. He's at work just about every day, now. WAR is coming, which means he will work like a dog to make sure that his zones are perfect. You hear that, Warhammer fanboys?? I'm missing out on cuddle time for YOUR BENEFIT. Hope you're fucking happy.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Practice, issues, sad.

So last night we found out that Skittles broke his arm. Very sad and upsetting to see him hurt. Ashley (my keyboard player) has had it rough this week, too. While at the moment I have a few money issues, I just can't allow myself to feel too bad. I went through a hideous "low" last week that involved stomach pain, depression and nausea, and I just don't want it to come back. I have no control over my highs and lows, but in a way I feel that last week's "low" was a blessing. If I were going through a low in my current state, I'd likely be suicidal.

But tomorrow night we have a show, and despite the fact that it's not a big one and we're not an opener, I am still excited. I love playing in front of people. I was born to perform and make people happy. When I play, I want people to feel that squealing joy that I get when I listen to someone like Edguy. And that's not going to happen unless we play. So, I'll be praying for Skittle's wellbeing, and hoping that he heals soon. Not just for the band, but because I like him a lot, and a guy that nice doesn't deserve to be in pain.

Besides, the cast totally doesn't go with his heels.

I'm excited for the weekend for a few reasons. First, the show of course.. but also, I'm excited about being able to sleep in, tomorrow. I've tried getting used to sleeping at 12 and getting up at 5:30, but, I just can't do it. My body can't handle not having enough sleep. It might have something to do with my recent eating habits, which incidentally, have more to do with my limited budget and time more than my eating inhibitions. I'm not entirely convinced that those are gone, though. Last night I tried to eat a sandwich, and I couldn't stomach it. I ate half of it for breakfast today and now I feel this combination of guilt and nausea. I HATE HATE HATE wasting food. I don't want to throw it away. My only choice is to save it and hope Willy willy eat it. Which he probably will.

It's really unfair. I got my swimsuit and I'm excited to wear it, but my legs are still terrible, YET, my ribs are clearly visible. My upper body is okay, my arms aren't as toned as I would like but they're not awful and you can SEE MY FUCKING RIBS. Like, not in a good way. My clavacle and collar bones are clearly visible, too. I think my body is some kind of medical anomoly. And it pisses me off.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

So I'm teaching Photoshop, today. Love it. I love meeting people who enjoy learning something that I am passionate about teaching. I love the fact that we seem to get allong. I love seeing smiling faces. We're even discussing metal! So happy when this happens..

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Que pasa?

This is what a man at in DC asked me, today. A crazy old dude who shouted it at me while I waited for the signal to cross the street. Why... why do even the crazy people feel the need to speak to me in broken Spanish? Am I supposed to titter and be flattered? If you're going to flirt like an asshole, at least do it like the guy at Caribou Coffee. He had a sexy Jamaican accent and said quietly, "You are so beautiful." See? Creepy, but at least he's not yelling at me.

Which brings me to question something. You see, I have always been pretty good at knowing if a man is flirting with me. If it barks, it's a dog, yanno? Yet I find myself questioning whether or not the weird vibe I get from this one person I know is him flirting, or just me being used to having to deal with jack-asses. Maybe he's just polite? Maybe he's just the touchy-feely kinda guy? I mean, is a guy putting his hand on my shoulder and gently rubbing it while looking deeply into my eyes flirting? Or just being a nice guy?

Or am I trying to be naive for the sake of wanting to not get a creepy vibe from him?

I'd like to think that a man in his 40's would understand that touching a girl tenderly and speaking sweetly KNOWS that it gives off a creepy vibe.. I mean come on, a guy in his 40's can't possibly be ignorant of what he's doing. It just doesn't make sense. So maybe he is flirting and being a douche. What do I do about it? I feel like I should stay quiet. It isn't hurting me that he flirts. The touchy feely thing, ehhh I can probably put an end to it. What I'm worried about is that someday it will get to a point where he things anything else is acceptable. And he's not the type of person I want to punch in the face, because he's kind of important.

It sucks being a chick. It really does.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

On why PETA is ridiculous..

So PETA decided to protest Jessica Simpson's "Real Girls Eat Meat" t-shirt by issuing this list on "Top Five Reasons Only Stupid Girls Brag About Eating Meat"...

So, lemme pick these apart one by one...

1. Meat increases the risk of breast cancer. A 2007 study of 35,000 women published in the British Journal of Cancer found that women who ate meat were far more likely to develop breast cancer than women who consumed none. Will Jessica's next t-shirt will say, "Real Girls Smoke 3 Packs a Day"?

Wow, PETA. Eating red meat increases your risk of breast cancer, huh? Well I've got nothing against limiting one's chances of gaining breast chancer, but keep in mind, this study was linked to RED MEAT, and doctors STILL don't know WHY the women tested were more likely to develop breast cancer. Plus there is the fact that the tests were based on memory. They asked 80,000 women how much red meat they asked within the past few years. Very accurate. Right.

2. Real girls don't support animal abuse. Compassion is super sexy, if the huge number of hot celebs ditching meat is any indication. Young women turn vegetarian in droves when they learn that the meat industry cuts the sensitive beaks off newborn chicks and cuts off the tails of baby piglets.

Yes. Because all women who enjoy eating meat also enjoy taking a butcher knife and hacking at the nearest puppy they can find. It's not like there are kind humane farmers in the world. Fuck that! Anyone who kills another living creature to live is a filthy savage with no ammount of compassion. Also, being a vegetation will turn you into a hot young celeb.

3. The meat industry is destroying the Earth. The only thing that's hot about the meat industry is that it's toasting the planet. According to the United Nations, raising animals for food causes more greenhouse-gas emissions than all the cars, trucks, SUVs, planes, and ships in the world combined.

And here I thought that people were destroying the earth. People who shamelessly pollute. Factory farms are one thing, but America's farmers don't need to be villainized by people who are rich enough to afford meat substitutes that look, taste, and feel like real meat.

4. Meat will make you fat. All the saturated fat and cholesterol in chicken wings, pork chops, and steak eventually leads to flabby thighs and love handles. I hope the upcoming "Jessica Simpson's Intimates" line comes in plus sizes! Going vegetarian is the best way to get slim and stay that way.

Um, NO. NO NO NO. Meat does not make you fat. Eating fat does not make you fat. Eating battered breaded friend ANYTHING will make you fat. A vegeterian who eats battered breaded fried carrot sticks will get just as fat as someone who goes to KFC. Do they need a lesson in nutrition? Or just a punch in the mouth?

5. Eating meat steals food from starving kids. Jessica's trip to help kids in Africa got a lot of media buzz, but by gnawing on meat, she's essentially stealing food from the mouths of starving children since it takes up to 16 pounds of grain to produce just 1 pound of meat. If more people went vegetarian, we'd free up enough grain to feed every person in the world.

Take one bite out of that Big Mac and you're condemning a kid in Ethiopia to death. You fat fucking freak. It has nothing to do with their government, where they live, or the fact that the US is plentiful. It has everything to do with omnivores being fat selfish pigs who kill children and destroy the universe with their evil meat eating ways.

Thank the pregnant moon we have role models like Pam Anderson and Steve-O to tell us the the truth.

Will someone pass me my machette? I have a few helpless animals to slaughter before dinner.

Last night's meeting..

So last night's meeting with our new producer went pretty well. Yes, it's a huge step, and yes, it's going to be a huge sacrifice on all of our parts. As hard as we work already, now we're going to have to work 10x more. It's more than a second job, now.

I'm in a class right now, prepping Photoshop CS3-Level 2. I'm grateful that I know most of the material, and really all I have to do is brush up on a few things to make sure I'm familliar enough with them to be able to teach it. No big deal. I'm actually excited about teaching Photoshop this Thursday and Friday. They're 2 day classes, and the big thing that I have to remember to do is STRETCH and EXTEND and give them more than what the course gives because honestly, it's only like... 6 lessons? In two days? Yeah.

Anyway, sitting in this class and listening to the Edguy CD I bought off of iTunes. It's their Theatre of Salvation album and I highly reccomend it, if you're a power metal fan. Basically, if you like 80's metal. Now the reason I'm listening to this, (besides my love of power metal), is because Blood Corps, my baby, my band, is opening for them in October. Them and Kamelot. This is a big deal. These bands are VERY big, in the power metal world. Despite the fact that power metal fans are few and far between... they do exist. And when power metal bands come, their fans come out in throngs, and it is SO WONDERFUL to be surrounded by fellow power metal fans.

People who appreciate beautiful vocals, talented instrumentalists, good harmonics? It makes me so happy. And to think that I'll be singing for these people? And they'll appreciate it? It makes me want to cry.

Also, the idea that I will get to meet Tobias Sammet, the lead singer of both Edguy and his project, Avantasia, it just blows my mind. Aventasia is one of those album series that influenced my voice. When I hear his wavering verbrattos, his high tones, they make me fucking SQUEAL. Willy is worried that I will squeal when I meet him, or Tony Kakko, the lead singer of Sonata Arctica, who we'll be opening for in August, and honestly? I'll have to try so hard not to. I'm supposed to be "one of them", now. And while I'm confident in my skills as a vocalist, and in my ability to sing with the best of them, it's just going to be so overwhelming to meet the men who made me want to do it in this style.

I can literally listen to them sing and have tears come from my eyes. There's something so magical about the way they sing. You can't say that about pop musicians. People don't sit and listen to Britney Spears and cry. Tobias Sammet has so much emotion in his voice. I can -feel- what he's singing. Like an opera singer, he puts his chest, his heart, into his vocals. I could go on all day about how much I adore this man and what he does, but there you go. It's out. I am in love with power metal vocals, and by all that is holy, by Odin, I swear that someday I will stand amongst them. A Valkyrie amongst Vikings.

Onward my brothers!!

Monday, June 16, 2008


Sorry I been so lazy about posting.

1) I was laid off
2) 2 weeks later, I went to work as a corporate trainer!
3) My band was signed
4) My band got a producer!
5) Lots of HUGE shows ahead (Sonata Arctica, Kamelot, EDGUY?!)
6) I'm now a size 8 and down to 123lbs!

All of that aside, I'll try to update more. And maybe get rid of this hideous pink background. GOOD LORD.