Tuesday, July 29, 2008


So I'm now involved in a podcast over at Dorkgasm.net. The podcast involves myself and several other dorksas we review movies, comics, ect. Our first issue is rather convoluted and crazy, with myself and Rob getting into an argument around the tail end of what is WAY TOO LONG a podcast. Last night's recording however, was much better.

Except that halfway through, Willy kept messing with my computer, resulting in me squealing in the background while someone tried to soldier on through his comic book review. Sorry, guy.

Anyhoo, there's a link to the podcast in my links section, so if you're a fellow dork, go ahead and check it out! It's kinda fun, but no worries; better shows lie in waiting.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Finally, an update!

So I've been gone for a while, and for this I apologize. I spent the this week teaching, and the week before that I was in South Carolina with my fiancé. Yup, you read me right! Willy has gone from being my boyfriend of 4.5 years to my fiancé. He proposed at a place called The Crab Shack in Myrtle Beach, which, despite it's name, was actually a rather lovely classy place. After he proposed with his mother's engagement ring, we both drank champagne. I kept one of the tiny bottles.

My ring is beautiful. It was half as much as he was going to spend on a ring, because the more expensive a ring is, the more the cram it with big diamonds. I have tiny hands, so big diamonds look awful. Besides that, all of the designs were very ugly. My ring is pretty and stylized, with a nice design on the sides so it looks beautiful from every angle, not just the top.

Right now, we're working on planning the wedding. And by "we" I mean "I". I don't mind or anything, wedding planning is turning out to be one of the most fun things I've ever done. I get to decide on what my bridesmaids wear, where we host the wedding and the reception, what we'll be eating, how we'll decorate, all that stuff. Then ask Willy if it's okay, which it usually ends up being. I plan on wearing a dress with red in it, and having my bridesmaids wear red, while the men wear black tuxes with orange vests. The theme of the wedding is warm colors. There will be bright reds and yellows and oranges everywhere. Wherever we host the reception, I have to make sure that they can make paella and good sangria. My band is going to play for the ceremony, so despite the fact that it will be in a HUGE Catholic church ( St. Matthews Cathedral ; where JFK had his funeral ), it will also have a little bit of us in it.

Sometimes I think about what it will be like to be married, and I get scared. This is going to tie me to someone else's life until we're both dead. I will never be able to date again. Then I think... I haven't dated in 4.5 years. Have I really missed it that much? And, would I be happy if I didn't have Willy?

The answer is no. The thought of not having him is one of the scariest thoughts I've ever had. We almost broke up once, and it nearly destroyed me.

So, I'm very happy that he wants me to be his wife. I plan on being one of those old couples who are still in love, even after years and years and years. I want him beside me, when my band makes it big, and to be a good daddy to my kids someday in the very very VERY distant future. I want him to be jealous when other men flirt with his hot-ass wife. And now, I get to actually plan for it.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

This one's for you, kid

So I've noticed that throughout the years, my stance on religion and what is right and what is wrong has never really changed. I think I've got the same beliefs I had when I was five, which is that treating everyone with kindness and respect is the best way to praise God. Now, take into consideration, I don't care if anyone else believes this or not. My friends range from athiests, to wiccans, to Buddhists, and there's even a Satanist in there. Does that make any difference? No. Because again.. same beliefs that I had when I was five.

So when I found out what gay people were, I was like 10. I was like, huh. So it's okay for me to think boobies are hot? I could be gay? The whole "being gay is evil" thing never occurred to me, because again, those same 5 year old beliefs existed to me.

I gave this some consideration. I've been pretty artistically obsessed with boobs since I was little, and the more I drew the more I focused on women. Okay, I thought. Maybe I'm gay. Then I became a teenager and the boys happened. I found myself not attracted to any girls, and instead discovered the joy of boys. The more I dated, the more the truth was reinforced. Nope, totally not gay.

Even through college! With all the crazy drunken parties and lesbian showcases some of my friends did, I felt cool about the fact that maybe, MAYBE I'm gay. Or at least bi. How was it possible to not be, when I loved the female body so much?? It was hot and beautiful and perfect. Men are awkward. Women are curvy. It makes sense, right? Totally gay? Bi? Anything?

Nope. Totally straight. I've resigned myself to the fact that I am, in fact, completely straight. I do appreciate a woman's body, but that's pretty much as far as it goes. I prefer to draw women, I'm not shy of women, and that's all there is to it. How anticlimactic, huh?

Now for men.........

Check this out.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Yeah. I know.

Well it's been a while since I've done a costume, but hell, this one was too good to pass up. Watching a recent episode of the Venture Bros., I became inspired to dress in Dr. Mrs. The Monarch's new costume. I've already bought the boots, the wig, the gloves, and the leotard. Once it's all here, all I have to do is assmble that baby and bam! Dr. Mrs. The Monarch for Otakon, and maybe DragonCon. Willy and Craig are gonna be my minions. I'm pretty excited about dressing up again, plus it gives me motivation to stick to my diet. The last thing I need is to look fat in thigh high boots, yanno? But I'm 121lbs right now, so by August maybe I'll be down a few more pounds. We'll see. Either way, this should be a fantastic costume.

Monday, July 7, 2008

The best opera ever

Okay, so I was talking to my roommate in the car this morning, and we were discussing the best opera ever. Or rather, I was telling her about my dream opera. My dream opera would be a movie, because you can do a lot with film that you can't do on stage. In said dream opera, I would play the title role, and the other roles would be held by the most influential vocalists and producers I've known. So the casting would go something like...

Carmen by Georges Bizet
Directed by Guillermo DelToro


Carmen, A Gypsy Girl: Nina Osegueda (Reasons: I'm Spanish, I'm a mezzo soprano/alto, and.. come on. It's me.)

Don José, Corporal of Dragons: Fabio Lione (Reasons: Fabio Lione is an amazing classical vocalist. He's Italian, so opera is natural to him. Having heard him in Rhapsody of Fire, plus his solo projects, I am so impressed and turned on by his voice that I think he'd make the sexiest Corporal of Dragons EVER. Plus, I mean, 50% of his songs involve dragons.)

Escamillo, Toreador: Gackt (Reasons: Okay, it's Gackt. He gets to play a role where everyone loves him.. plus, wear sequins. I can imagine the conversation with the casting director;

Casting Director: So in the role of Escamillo, you will play a toreador who is beloved by all.
Gackt: And do I get to wear sequins? And tight pants?
Casting Director: As a matter of fact, both are required for this role.
Gackt: *tents fingers* This is acceptable.)

So there you have it. My dream opera. The other roles aren't really that important (STFU Micaëla..) and despite the fact that this will never happen, a woman can dream. And plot. Because hey, if my band makes it big, who knows? The sky is the limit! Shit, maybe I can ask Don Murphy to be the producer, so our budget will be as big or equal to the ammount of ego this cast would have..

Friday, July 4, 2008

Stupidity crises ended.

Okay, I was stupid. Very stupid.

I'm eating again, starting today with some nice zucchini and beef. I spent the day relaxing and trying to figure out why I'm so tired, and figure it must be due to my eating habits/sleeping habits. Well, I went to the gym first thing this morning, ran my two miles, then went back home and made an omelet with peppers. Then I spent the rest of the day lounging/drawing to try and settle myself, but it didn't work. When Willy came home, I did dinner.

Tomorrow should be fun, Sako's coming over and we're gonna go to the pool and chill for the day. I hope it's sunny.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

That weightless feeling

So yesterday, I blacked out after class was over. I know why it happened, but I don't like thinking that the things I do are serious problems. Either way, I ate last night. The problem is that the events that led up to it were very enlightening.

First, there was the blacking out. I've passed out before, and I don't like how it feels, BUT... there is also the feeling beforehand. That weightless feeling that you get when you haven't eaten for days. When I get that feeling, I become aware of everything. I'm aware of my stomach, which is so much smaller. My hip bones, which I can feel pressing against my clothes now. I can feel my collar bones, my fingertips, and my ribs.

Then I look into a reflective surface and see those damn thighs. These legs that keep shrinking, but are STILL fat. And I feel good because I'm feeling so light and light-headed and I'm telling myself "keep it up, and they will be gone forever".

But then when I got home, I couldn't play Age of Conan. I was so exhausted I just fell on my bed. I tried to eat some of my "diet" food but I couldn't. So, after some coaxing and some reading, I said fuck it and ordered a pizza. Two slices later I felt better, but, that feeling of weightlessness was gone. Like now, it's gone. And I'll have to work my way back to it, but, if I do, I'll get weak and tired again. Which is okay, since this is the weekend... but when I teach, that weightlessness is agony. I feel like I'm floating, and any minute my legs will give out.

Price to pay for not feeling the guilt and shame associated with eating.

My pants are all loose, now. I need new clothes.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008


Do I leave my class and grab lunch, wasting 20 minutes of my precious hour long lunch break on food? Or do I sit here and study for the next 4 hours that I have to suffer through? Well not suffer, but stretching time while trying to be entertaining/friendly is harder than it sounds..

Anyway, yeah. That's the question. Another question is on what do I do about my clothes. I went through a clothing crisis no less than two months ago when I realized that all of the clothes I wore to my last job were either too big, or too casual. So now that I have this new wardrobe I spent so much money on, I'm finding that the pants especially are too big. Like, ridiculously big. Those black pants I bought look like I'm going gangsta.

Last night, Willy looked down at my hip while I was laying down and pointed out my hip bone. "Don't lose anymore weight. I don't want to see that."

The guys on my bodybuilding forum over at http://www.discussbodybuilding.com tell me quite intelligently that my current calorie intake is "insane", to which I agree wholeheartedly. Even Pasta Queen thinks that people who eat 600 calories a day are crazy, and I hardly get to 600. The funny thing is, it's not a mental "If I do this I'll get skinny" thing, it's more like a... once I get home, I go online or take a nap, and then get so enveloped in my relax time that I forget to fix dinner. Or.. I'm too busy studying my next few topics during my lunch break to get food. Right now though, I -could- get food. So why don't I?

I'm not even sure.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008


So this morning I weighed in at 121lbs. That's on my bathroom scale tho', so add another 5lbs if I'm at the doctor's office (lawlz). Still. Holy fuck, 121? I've never seen my scale do that, before. I'll chalk it up to me being too distracted by work and Age of Conan to eat. Seriously, I've been living off of my daily breakfast for the past few days. I'm trying not to eat any junk food, as I feel it makes me feel heavy and slows me down.

Right now I'm high on coffee, and five minutes away from teaching my next class. WOO! COFFEE!! @_@