Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Snow in our nation's capital

Washington DC is known for having some of the worst traffic in the world. It's not a surprise, we're one of the most powerful nations in the world, and DC is where all of the important decisions get made. Until I was in high school, I don't think I understood the culture of this place. Washington DC is a highly political area to live in, and I didn't start loving that until college. Now I'm all over politics, and I absolutely drink it up. I don't know what it is about politics that makes me excited, but it's pretty cool.

Now that I live in Virginia, in a place about forty five minutes away from DC instead of the old ten, I'm finding that my culture has changed a little. People in my neighborhood are very suburbuan, which is nice, but not my style. I live in Manassas, so it's still very urban and fast-paced, but not so much as what I was used to. The metro rides, the newspaper reading in the morning, seeing congressman on a daily basis, that used to be what made my day special. Now I listen to the news on the radio in the morning, and I get the feeling my roommates think I'm kinda boring.

I don't mind so much, being boring. I think I'm anything BUT boring, but everyone needs their boring hobby. Mine is politics and reading.

Well today, ladies and gentlemen, it snowed. It snowed a teeny tiny bit, but enough to cause one of the most important cities in the world to come to a trickle as traffic backed up for two hour long delays. I can only imagine how people from other colder regions must see us; we're weak, we're cowardly. A few flakes of snow and all life stops?? Imagine that happening in Alaska.

I'll be honest, I hate snow. I hate being cold. The very idea of being cold makes me upset, and when I feel cold I'm so miserable I shut myself down. I wear coats and gloves in my office. I keep my heater on in my car so much it fogs the windows. I just was not made for this cold climate, and that makes me feel very strange, because everyone else seems to cope just fine. Nobody else is miserable, nobody else seems to care. What's a few inches of snow but a traffic delay? To me it means something else.

And man do I hate it.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

The life of an office drone...

As I sit in my office getting giddy over the e-mails sent by the boyfriend over at EA Mythic, I realize what a sad sorry state I am in.

Here I am, a working college graduate. I should be thankful for the cards I've been dealt. After all, I could be unemployed. I could be living with my parents. I could be (God forbid) carless. Luckilly, I'm pretty independant. I can afford groceries (usually...), and depending on how well I work here, I could go a bit farther. But it's a miserable existence, to be here, day in and day out with nothing to do.

So I'm working on my painting. My digital painting skills aren't the best in the world, and I aim to make them better. It's been a dream of mine to be a skilled fantasy or comic book artist, so lemme take the time out of my boring day to paint. This is my best, so far. It's called "Sunset Sonata", and it's based off of an RP that I did with someone in World of Warcraft a few weeks ago. Ninorra, my character, is a warlock who's singing voice inspires emotions in people. Skafloc, a WoW buddy of mine, is seen here listening to her while he simultaniously gets a message that his ex-wife is being hunted down and murdered. All things considered, it was a pretty hot RP. No, these two pictured aren't romantically linked. Actually, Ninorra is hapilly married, and Skafloc is with another lady. But there was a weird connection between them, even if they have absolutely nothing in common. I liked painting this. I hope I can do better.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Another Monday..

So comes another week. Last week was so wonderful I don't know how I'll be able to survive this one. I suppose I'll be working on my webcomic, or a new drawing. I have terrible art ADD. I always get tired of my projects too early and not finish it, or finish it half-assed. I hate that about myself.

I'm looking at a few inspirational pieces, though. I think I'll start at the beginning, and try my hand once again at digitally painting. Usually when I try this I'm impressed with myself for a day, then I go back and I realize it was a total disaster. Artists are their biggest critics, but mine makes me utterly depressed. Then again, this could just be the depression talking. Give it a few hours and I might be happy as a clam.

One thing is for sure.. I'm absolutely sick of this office and this monotinous lifestyle. Please God lets sign that contract with our agent soon, lets finish out album, lets go on tour. I feel alive when I'm singing, when I'm writing music. I've known that since I was old enough to know what singing was. Now that I've found my musical niche, I'm ready to step into it. The rest of my band is, too. I just hope the world is ready to accept us.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

On weight and suicide

So I was talking to Willie the other day, about how weight management was important. I was telling him it was neccisary for him to eat plenty of vegetables (while trying to get him to eat his green beans, goshdammit), because eating vegetables is an easy way to get full without being full on needless carbs or sugars. I told him about the obesety epedemic this country is facing, and you know what he said?

"Sure, everyone's fat. But look at our suicide rate compared to Japan."

It made me think.

He's totally right.

I'm not going to actually agree that just because we're fatter means we're less prone to suicide, but it is a funny coincidence. And by funny I mean horrible. The leading cause in most suicides in Japan is stress. Due to it's small size and economic dependancy on foreign goods, as well as it's constant population growth and competative job market, suicide is huge in Japan. Yet here in the US, land of the fat-ass, we depend on outsourced workers to do our jobs for us. Yes, we have unemployed people, but they are by no means an epidemic. Just for fun, take a look at these statistics:

In 2003, Japan had 34,427 suicides. 27 out of every 100,000 people died by suicide.

In the US, it was 6.78 per 100,000 people.

Now add..

The average weight for a woman in Japan is 100-110lbs.

In the US, it's 140lbs.

It's interesting. I'm not gonna say that they're dependant on eachother, because obviously that's not the case. Japan's suicide rates are due to, like I said, stress and pressure and the competative job market. Not because they're skinny. But.. could there be a connection between the overall use of pleasure-centers in the brain that Americans can easilly access with food?

Well then there's the argument that the only reason we CAN access these pleasure centers is because we have money, due to our country's less competition driven work force.

But then you can argue that the US is just as competative as Japan, and that our society is built on stress. The average salary for the US is $36,764. In Japan, it's roughly around $30,000. Our average salaries are similar, however take in mind how much more expensive it is to live in Japan. Food especially costs more, which is why many people depend on small ready-made packaged food.

But then...

Japan's unemployment rate is 4.0%. The US's unemployment rate is 4.8%.

So the US actually has MORE unemployed people than Japan! So there could actually be a link to what Willie said! Is that crazy, or what? IN THEORY, one could argue that being "fat and happy" has it's merit. IN THEORY. When you look at the statistics between these two countries, there is evidence. I'm not saying all Japanese people are unhappy, heck no! But it is possible that Americans are more easilly content because we are more easilly fed with pleasure inducing food. Food that is, unfortunately, bad for us physically.. but releases chemicals in the brain that causes us to feel content.

Is that amazing or what? Now why didn't I study in sociology?

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Prodigies and composing

So I'm guessing this kid doesn't spend a lot of time with friends. Actually, he says so himself.

Meet the 15 year old composing prodigy. He is an example of how music and intelligence go hand in hand. Sometimes I don't think people understand the genius it takes to write good music. I'm not talking about a catchy tune, or even lyrics. I'm talking about how all of the instruments fit together, how they compliment eachother. As a composer myself, I know what I like to hear and what I like to make. I listen to the other metal bands that perform with me, and many of them are so reptatative it makes me wonder if they know what they're playing at all. Their songs have no structure, their instruments are mashed together at the same volume, and the singer growls in the same monotone voice throughout the entire song.

Now, with stuff like Dethklok I don't mind. It's funny. And to be honest, the instrumental background to all of their songs are well put together. You can her the lead guitar harmonizing with the rhythm guitar. You can hear the bass and the drums working together. That's what makes good music. Cooperation between the different facets. Not one instrument fighting for dominance.

We have six songs ready for the album, so far. We need 9. I'm hoping that by the time we have this album ready, people will understand that we're not just another metal band. We're something different. I don't sing like most female singers do, in metal bands. I have a low alto voice that can growl and move to a high soprano. Our lead guitarists are completely different in that one of them is influenced by power metal, and the other by standard US old-school metal. Our drummer is phenominal. Our bass player can play all of these instruments.

I'm hoping none of this goes to waste. I'm hoping that one day, we'll be appreciated for all of the work we're putting into this band, and won't be brushed aside by the latest teen idol. We take pride in our songs, and we take pride in the fact that they are indeed OURS. Now all we have to do is make some more of them.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

On illigal immigrants

So this morning I went to Maaco to have Sunstreaker's spoiler repaired. It was sagging at the sides due to 1) my car being a low rider and easilly screwed up by curbs and 2) me being a dumbass and hitting curbs.

I went in and the dude looks it over. He says it will cost $550 to REPLACE the spoiler because I tore the thing completely apart. Damn. Way to go, Toyota. I swear to goodness, my car is light, but it's pieces are made of freaking cardboard. I seriously did NOT hit the curb that fast. I backed into it and hardly nicked it, but there you go.

So I'm all sad and I'm like, "Can't you just put some screws in it? Glue it?" because I'm a little desperate. Dude tells me they can put screws in it. It won't look great, but they'll do it.. so I say go for it, since it'll be a quick fix until I decide to replace the whole thing. Dude agrees, takes my car to the guys behind the creepy door.

I wait no more than five minutes.

A mechanic rolls my car back in, with two teeny weeny little black dots on each side of my spoiler. The screws. I was like "Oh! Dude!" because seriously, you can hardly see them. A little touch up paint or no, they're hardly there. And the spoiler is held up just fine. The guy in charge says it'll be $10, so I hand him my card.

No can do, apparently. I offer him a check, but nope.. the guy who fixed it doesn't have a bank account. He asks me for cash to give to him.

I think to myself, "This is a telltale sign of an illigal immigrant." I mean, he has a big white dude as his boss, he only takes cash, and he fixed my otherwise $550 spoiler for $10. Boss tells me I can go, it's fine. So I ran to an ATM,, took out $20, and ran back to pay them.

I understand the plight of illigal immigrants. Moreso do I understand that all most of them want to do is make an honest living, working. Unfortunately, they have really shitty represantatives out there that make the rest of them look bad. In general, the Latino work ethic is uncanny. We work for dimes and make this country sing, and people still hate it because they didn't come here legally. Which believe me, I understand. Laws need to be upheld. That's just the way it is.

I just wish that there was something that could be done to help them come here legally. I wonder sometimes, if all these immigrants were legal, would people still complain? Is this a race issue, or just an illigal immigrant issue? I'm not sure, but I do HOPE it's not a race issue.

Friday, November 9, 2007

Metal heaven has smiled upon us..

The metal gods have smiled upon us.

Blood Corps now has a new drummer. Yep, we fired Larry last night. It was gut wrenching, because while he was a really nice and friendly guy.. his attitude and style just didn't mesh with ours. We needed someone fast, someone who liked power metal, someone our age.

So now we have Rob. OH. MY. GOD. Rob is amazing.

Once the drummer for a power metal band called "Forgotten Realms" (LOL!!!!!), he studied at a prestegious music school (who's name escapes me) and plays a beautiful double bass pedal. Last night we asked him to play Run to the Hills with us. I literally squealed. I think I squealed all night. I was so happy I could have easilly fainted. It was that beautiful.

We're working on what songs to do next. Last night we practiced a bit of our new original, Death in the Hallows (Not a Harry Potter tribute, I swearz), and it came out so amazingly that I wanted to scream. In fact, I did. I screamed all night. My throat is so raw from all of the growling I added to my singing, but I tell you what, his drumming was so inspirational that I couldn't help it. I gave my 200% and I took the pain associated with heavy growling, and I growled like Hansi from Blind Guardian until my tiny little black heart could take no more.

We'll be booking more shows for the next few months. Narain gets back from India today, so we finally.. FINALLY.. have our permanant 5 man line-up.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

On love and art

More on love..

Today I did a drawing of two characters from WoW. The girl, Seppa, is my character, Ninorra's, mother. She was born into a poor social standing and made her money as a musician. The guy is Tirdisar, a rich dude who pretended to be poor so he could play his music in bars. They met, fell in love, ect.

This picture happens some 40 odd years after they fell in love, (elves live a long time, har har), and after a lot of crap happens that took them away from one another.

That isn't the point, though. The point I'd like to make is that love is in the last place you expect to find it. I'm usually okay with expressions in my drawings. Sometimes they're better than others. This one, though, this one is the best I've ever done. What is love? It's right on their faces. That's love.

Click here for picture, NSFW

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Thoughts on Love

It occurs to me that I am very lucky.

There are people out there who don't have love in their lives. I know, because most of my friends are these people. They're mostly dudes who have had crushes on me in the past, but the truth is that I think they only see what they want to see. To them I'm a glamorous artist and musician who plays video games. I'm hot to them because I share their interests. They can talk to me and feel accepted, so it's easy enough to understand why every so often, one of them admits he's had feelings for me.

I don't mind. I just wish that there were more girls out there who shared their interests. Girls who ARENT gross fangirls who take advantage of guys like this. Girls who genuinely want to be their friend. It seems like most girls I meet who date gamers do enjoy gaming, but they date gamer guys because most of them can be easy to manipulate. That really sucks. Everytime I see Willy, I'm reminded of how lucky I am for having a boyfriend that loves every part of me. Even the bipolar depressive obsessive compulsive Nina, who spends all night folding laundry or crying over someone who died that she never met. Honestly, I have lots of dumpable offenses. I'm glad I'm with someone who sees past them, and what's more, considers them to be cute little quirks instead of huge issues.

No longer starving!

So it turns out I have more money than I thought! Hahaha.. I got confused over my "available balance" and that other type of balance they give you over the phone.. so instead of being flat broke, I am not! I was gonna use the 5$ I have to buy Odin enough food to tide him over 'till our next pay day, but now I can actually buy people food, too! You know what sucks is that I could have gone to the mountains this weekend... >.<

Oh well! This means I'll have more than enough to be able to go THIS weekend! Yay! Road trip! Fun fun fun! Just gotta wait for this damn week to end. It's only Tuesday and I'm already feeling dead.

Monday, November 5, 2007


Another day, another Atkins shake to tide me over for the next.. er... five hours? Well, that's not exactly fair. See I've already been here for four hours. So the shake is supposed to last me for nine.

I really need a raise. I never figured I'd actually be a "starving artist", but I just can't bring myself to eat unhealthy food anymore. Given the choice between Ramen and starving, I'd much rather starve. I dunno which is worse, really.

This weekend flew by quickly, and I'm pretty dissapointed in how it was spent. I love WoW, don't get me wrong, but an entire weekend indoors, when outside it was so bright and beautiful really made me sad. I hate spending weekends indoors, but I'm broke, and Willy isn't willing to pitch in so we can go drive somewhere nicer. I had been planning a trip to VA to take the Skyline Drive, maybe visit an orchard, but no dice. He had to pay $400 to get his car fixed (LAME), and I had to pay for medicine, amongst other things. This really blows. I hate not having money. Where the hell is that raise I was promised?

Friday, November 2, 2007

Must.. lose..

So after the voting, it seems that 45% of people think that 130lbs at 5'1" isn't overweight, but 55% does.

This tells me that people are kind of split in half on the issue. On the one hand, sure, it's okay to be a little bigger than what is "normal". Nobody's perfect. On the other hand, why shouldn't I strive to be the best that I can be? I can certainly do it if I try hard enough, that much was already proven when I lost 50lbs four years ago.

So no more coming up with excuses. There's no need for me to have to stay depressed because of my appearence, when it's obvious I can do something about it. Most of the problem lies in getting the right type of foods, and when you live with 3 other people who all eat LOTS of carbs, that can be pretty hard. We have a rice cooker, we buy 20lb bags of rice, we make rice on a daily basis to go with EVERYTHING (daggone Asians.. ;) ), so it's always there to tempt me. And when I don't have any low-carb meals or food to make meals with, it's hard to sit there and starve while everyone else can eat so easilly.

I'll be going grocery shopping, tonight. I've been putting it off way too long, and no, the laundry is not going to magically do itself. I'll have to do that, too. The toilet paper has been running low, we're basically out of all neccisary condiments, and we're even out of soap and contitioner.

No more being lazy! Must go shopping for bare essentials!

Thursday, November 1, 2007

National Novel Writing Month!

Well, it's that time of year again.. when all would-be novelists try to embark on a journey of epic proportions. Yes, it's National Novel Writing Month! Sponsored by NaNoWriMo, this project is for all people to try and write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days.

I'm working on a horror/thriller type book, at the moment. So far I'm up to 2,646 words, and I've just finished the first chapter! I'm hoping I can keep up this frantic writing and get this thing done. I've always wanted to write a novel, and I've got a few in the works, but I'm so daggone lazy and never end up finishing them.

Well, this is my year!! Wish me luck! My screen name over at NaNoWriMo, is, of course, DuchessOfDork, if you'd like to keep track of my progress!

Cry more, noob!

I love it when people talk about this sort of problem with America. How we are so concerned with what everyone else is doing, that we refrain from solving out own problems. this article, written by Roland S. Martin, says just that.

"Now we must take action. You must decide whether you want to complain about your situation or work to fix the problem. You may not be able to end the war in Iraq yourself, but when you begin to build alliances with others, your action may change the hearts of many in Washington.

You may not be able to solve our education crisis in America, but maybe if you and others get together and begin to tutor young kids, you could increase reading and math scores for your little group.

In the Bible, Nehemiah sought to rebuild the wall of Jerusalem. Others called him nuts for thinking he could do so. But he pressed on. He also told the people not to focus on others, but just on rebuilding the area in front of their home. When each household just rebuilt their portion of the wall, then the entire wall would be finished, and that would provide protection for everyone."

Take these words to heart, people. If there's a problem, try to fix it. Don't just complain and wait. Do something to better the world instead of judgemental and lazy.


Alright, so a few things. First off in the news..

Everyone's favorite blonde bombshell--, no, not Jessica Simpson, Dog the Bounty Hunter! Well he was caught using the "N word". A lot.

All I can say is this, mister Dog.. it's probably not a good idea to use the N word AT ALL, if you know it will effect you in bad ways. Don't tell me you can't help it. You can and you know it. I don't feel sorry for you in the least.

Now, on to me. I got back on the wagon, after going to visit my mom and picking up some goodies at the Italian supermarket near my parent's house. MAN I love that place.. such good prices for good deli meat. I wish we had a place like that around here! I got some provolone, pepper jack, mortadella, and a big thing of mixed olives. I looove olives.. here's hoping I can stay on track, huh?

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Fell off the wagon..

Yeah, I did. I fell off the wagon. I was depressed, so I ate crap I shouldn't have.

I didn't even really ENJOY it.. it's just we have no food in the house, and by the time everyone gets home we're too tired to go shopping! Well, lets go shopping today, dammit!! Maybe our toilet paper shortage will encourage an exodus to the supermarket.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Been a while..

It's been a while since I've had a Whopper from Burger King. However, since it's one of the few fast food chains that has agreed to take the lead in meeting higher standards in meat production (this includes not confining more than 5 birds to one cage, employing more officials to regulate slaughter houses, ect.), I will gladly support them.

It limits how much fast food I can eat, which is a good thing, yanno?? I can't eat at other places due to guilt alone!

Although I would greatly preffer to eat wild meat that's been hunted. Anyone know a place in Northern Virginia where I can buy wild meat?? Shoot, I'd hunt it myself if I could!


Too goshdamn busy.

Saturday -

Woke up. Went to the DMV to get Willy's VA drivers license. Went to IHOP. Got myself the Colorado omelette and OMGWTF that thing was HUGE. Dude, I never considered eating steak for breakfast, but holy FUCK was it good. I managed to eat half of it, and half of my pancakes. I mean HOLY SHIZZLE that shit was good.. We walked around the mall and I bought a few moves, Carrie and From Hell. I loooove Carrie.

Then Willy locked his keys in his car, once we got home.. with ALL OF HIS PERSONAL INFO STILL INSIDE... so he had to call his mom to come up and drop off his spare keys. So we waited for her to come, then we went to Chipotle for lunch. I had tacos. They were awesome.

Then I dragged everyone to Fox Meadow Vineyards where we drank and made merry. Then, when we got home, our WoW buddies came over and we went to TGI Friday for food. Noj and I were pretty full, so I just ordered a drink and cheesecake, but the damn thing was too sweet and I only at half.

Sunday -

Woke up, took a shower. Met up with Sam and Justin, went to the Wok n' Roll for Chinese, then went to Jaxx. They pushed back the show from 2 to 5.. We played alright, though. My guys said it wasn't our best show, but I honestly can't usually tell when they make mistakes because I'm too focused on not making any myself. XD

Went home, drove to Maryland to pick up Willy, then finally went back home and went to sleep.

Such an exhausting weekend.

Friday, October 26, 2007

African Scarification

I'm definately not one to judge other people's culture. Goodness only knows that the Spanish were cruel to the American Indians, and the Central American Indians practiced ritualistic sacrifice. Go back in time and I don't think you can find any culture that didn't practice something that we would consider cruel.

That being said, some tribes in Africa still practice scarification. They consider scars to be symbolic of growth, of status, and beauty. I suppose it's not that different from getting a tattoo, but the only problem I have is the fact that it's done to children who have no choice. That always frightens me.

These pictures are NSFW, and not for the faint of heart. They depict a young boy being scarred during a ceremony in his tribe.

It hurt me to see the type of thing that people do to their children because they believe it's best for them. It reminds me of modern male circumcision, amongst other things.

Organic Meat

After watching the cruelty that goes into most mass-meat production, I don't think I can ever eat non-organic meat or dairy products ever again. It just makes me sick to my stomach to imagine what went into the meat at the grocery store, and in food chains.


Is this what I look like? I look at it and it doesn't seem so bad.. but is it accurate?

Am I just crazy?

So I was inspired by a wonderful blog post today, over at The Hobo Stripper. A lot of the things she says I find myself thinking deeply about. Today's post had me really look at myself and the world around me.

Yes, I've been influenced by the media. My friends, my family, everyone around me has. So of course, growing up I hated myself because all of the kids called me fat. So why was it one of the kids called me one night, to tell me he thought I was beautiful? Was it a dare? He never told anyone. Of course not, that would have been embarassing. Nobody thinks the fat girl is pretty. Still, it made me sohappy to think that someone thought I was pretty that I actually couldn't sleep for a few days.

I've always been in some kind of spotlight. My mom did this to me. She found out I could sing when I was in preschool, so ever since then it was auditions, talent agencies, stages, and the only place I felt accepted was on stage because it was one thing I could do better than anyone else. And I never stopped to think that maybe it wasn't my fat that the other kids hated. Maybe it was the fact that I could do something that they couldn't. I was the only kid in the ENTIRE SCHOOL who had been accepted TWICE into the honor's chorus. So in the 6th grade, who did the award for best choir member or something go to? A girl who had only been in it once. I was so angry. She only ever sang one solo for school, where I sang at least three or four. I've carried this bitterness around for eleven years. Eleven years! And it's been the same way throughout those eleven years.

First, middle school. The girls hated me because I was accepted into all sorts of choral programs. I sang solos even though I wasn't technically IN chorus class. I was called fat, repulsive, everything. So why was it that anyone who knew me outside of school I easilly became friends with?

Then high school. I'll admit, I found three REALLY good friends in high school. The four of us were inseperable. I loved them for how they made me feel; accepted, wanted, and everything. I never really felt ugly around them. I did what I wanted and damn.. I ended up being 180lbs. I was really really fat for a girl who's only 5'1". I look back on those pictures and shudder, because I was so fat.. but I also look back and see that in all of my pictures, I'm smiling. When was the last time I was that happy? Back then, I went swimming and didn't care that people saw me.

Now, 50lbs thinner, I refuse to put on a swimsuit near my boyfriend's family. The sight of the fat I have left makes me ashamed of myself. I eat low carb out of guilt, because I KNOW I can be thin, if only I try hard enough.

But then people say I'm not really fat. People who care about me. Now that I think about it, only two people have ever called me fat in the past 5 years. One of them was a bitch that nobody liked.. the other one was a guy who made light of my eating disorder. I was talking to my friends about how my mom was worried about me not eating, and he smirks and says "I doubt that", and laughs. Worst off, it was one of Willy's cousins.

Well I'm sorry I'm not thin, but I do not overeat. I haven't overeaten in so long, I doubt I even could. I have so much guilt when I DO eat, that food has become like this horrible punishment. And then I read posts like in Hobo Stripper's blog, and I realize that this all might be in my head. Maybe I AM normal. Am I?? I'm 130lbs at 5'1". I'm in the "healthy" weight range, but I still feel fat. I can see fat on me. But that's normal, isn't it?? Maybe I just don't want to be normal. I go on stage, and I want people to see someone hot. I don't feel hot. I'm confident about my singing, but not my appearence. It's just not fair that I have to beat myself up over how I look when I hardly eat anything, and other girls can eat whatever they want and not gain a thing.

So how much of it is true? How much is in my head? And can I ever go back to eating like a "normal person", or will I always feel that gut wrenching guilt?

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Animal Rights

Okay, I'm not an activist of any sort. I'm not the type who goes out of their way to save anything, I'll let you know this right now. However, I think I could be, just because this makes me sick.

So an "artist" thought it would be art to starve a dog, and exhibit his dead body. Apparently this bastard can't tell the difference between art and plain cruelty. How the fuck does someone starve an animal, then have the balls to call it art? That makes me really sick, and this guy needs to have the book thrown at him. This is not art. I don't care how many liberal arts bastards will say otherwise, it's not art. Where is my authority to judge what is and is not art? In my conscience. I mean holy shit, people. Have we artists become so disconnected that we can seriously kill an animal and claim it as a work of art? We better not. This is the last thing that the art community needs.

Please be aware of this type of cruelty, and know that it should not go unpunished.

Cheating vs Starving

So last night, I cheated on my diet. It was a lot less easy than one would expect, given the circumstances. What happened was, I had no low-carb food in the house that I could make a meal from. So Willy decided we could make a stir fry, with rice to stretch the vegetables and what little meat we had. I asked my friends online for advice, and of course them being the sweet and loving people they are, tell me I don't need to lose weight, I'm fine, et cetera. Talk like that makes it so hard to lose ten pounds...So anyway, I ate about a cup of rice with some sausage and peppers. The sausage and peppers would have been good on their own, but there just wasn't enough for me to horde it and leave enough for the others in the house. This diet makes me feel kinda selfish sometimes.. but I'm going to go grocery shopping tomorrow, hopefully, and that will make things better. I'll need to buy more low-carb friendly things, like more meat that I can make easilly, lunch meat, cheese, lots of peppers and a few onions, maybe some broccoli and green beans. Things like that. I really didn't want to cheat, last night.

I'm just happy we'll be going out again, this weekend. We're taking Toki and Jin (my roommates) to the orchard we passed when we went to the vineyard last weekend, and then taking them to Fox Meadow. It should be lots of fun, I love a nice long car ride with people I love, and I love to get out of the house as often as possible. Tonight I have band practice, which I am sort of dreading, as it's our last one before our next show at Jaxx this Sunday. It's gonna be a Halloween show, which will be AWESOME, because this is my favorite holiday.. but still, I'm always nervous before any show. Wouldn't you be?

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Crappy vocal tracks + irritating hoebags = latest Britney Spears album

Let it be known that I am not a Britney Spears fan.

Her disregard for all things decent have caused me to not only despise her, but want her deported from the US to become some other nation's embarassment. I just listened to three tracks from her new album, and while the techno would be awesome on it's own, add her voice to it and it will make many people want to throw their monitors out of a window.

It's that bad.

She's always had this scratchy monotone voice. She likes to sing the same note for a long time because, well, the bitch has no range. Lots of female pop singers do this. They make up for their lack of musical talent by being ultra sexy, but Britney Spears can't even do that anymore. Is she fat? No, she's probably thinner than Kim Kardashian. Is she trashy? Yes. Is she trashy to the point where it's sad to look at her? Even moreso. She reminds me of a little kid who can no longer have her way, so she resorts to doing retarded things for attention. Like not wear panties, and spend hundreds of dollars a week at Starbucks. Buying what, you ask? Frappuchinos with more sugar in them than the Olsen twins on Full House. Then she calls herself a "fat pig" and cries. Then people are afraid she's "starving herself". I almost wish that she would so she could have a real problem. The problem with her is that there IS no problem. She's too rich and too self absorbed to see past the fact that nobody thinks she's sexy anymore. And the worse part is..

I just paid her more attention.

Well, I deserve to rant every once in a while. Chicks like this piss me off like nothing else. Plus this has been a slow work week for me and I need some kind of distraction. I'm seriously going NUTS here...

My teef hurt!

I went back to the dentist today, for my cleaning.

I must say, it was my moth painful visit to the dentist yet. Of course, I don't think I've gone in around four years.. so that's to be expected. I didn't know, however, that apparently the tartar buildup in people's teeth is so hard, they have to literally sand it and scrape it off. I really didn't know that. I mean this shit was HARD. It was like for some reason, I smeared concrete over my teeth. Very painful experience to have it all scraped off like that..

The rest went pretty easy. I got a lesson in proper flossing, and learned that I was doing it wrong this whole time. Apparently I have to go beneath the gumline. That made me shudder, watching her do it. I actually gasped when I watched her dive into my gums and scrape at all that toothy goodness.

So no cavities, no surgery needed, no nothing. My teeth are perfectly healthy, all 32 of them. Yes, I have all of my wisdom teeth. I guess I'm lucky in that having good teeth was never an issue for me. Lets hope this continues.

The other day I heard a dude next to me that needed his teeth to be pulled because they were rotten. Ughghgh...

Tuesday, October 23, 2007


So as you know, one of the chicks who's body I admire is Kim Kardashian, a vapid and slutty LA hooker, and former best buddy of Paris Hilton. As you can see from her photos, we're probably not too different in terms of shape. Well, that's not entirely true.. I am totally envious of her legs. We may have the same butt, but MAN her legs are in good shape. I'd also kill for her boobs. You know this.

Then again, you've always got the staple of femenine beauty, and that's miss Munroe. Who didn't envy her, back in the day? And no, ladies, she was NOT a size 16 at her heaviest. Not by today's standards. Not even a 12. She was, at her heaviest, a size 10 or 9 at most. She was also around 5'6", which explains her proportions. Kim Kardashian is 5'3", which is a bit more reasonable for me to use as a role model, since I am 5'1". I wonder how much she weighs?

I've been good on my diet, except last night I had a bit of wine. I'd say about half a glass. I had it with cheese, so it shouldn't have impacted me.. but this morning I went up a pound. Not a big deal. Weight tends to fluctuate when you're losing. I'd just better not start stalling again. My scale (which LIES) says 130, which is where I -ALWAYS- stall. Drives me crazy. I'll give it another few weeks, because I do NOT want to do the fat fast again. Of course, even if I don't lose it, if I get some breast implans I can always pull off Kim's look.

See the rolls?? Man I love her.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Chinese food; on a diet!

If my scale can be trusted (which it can't), I'm down to 129. I do not trust my scale. However inaccurate it may be, however, I've still lost something, which is reason enough to be proud.

Willy and I just returned from eating Chinese, like we do every Monday. There's plenty of low-carb-friendly options at a Chinese food buffet. This like:

- beef and broccoli
- BQ pork
- mushrooms
- pepper chicken (without skin!)
- stir fry green beans

Just try to keep in mind: No bread, no sugar. If you keep that in your head, it will be pretty easy to see what you can and can not eat. Right now, I'm pretty full. Hurray for low-carb dieting! And now, for my inspiration. Oh Kim.. you sexy dumb ass whore.. you're so beautiful. One day I'll have a body close to yours. One that hasn't seen plastic surgery. One day.

So.. Dumbledore's gay?

So I read today that J.K. Rowling has announced that Dumbledore was actually gay with his friend, the wizard he defeated named Gellert Grindelwald.

For those of you who aren't Potter fans, Gellert was a wizard that Dumbledore knew in his boyhood. They became best friends, but later, Dumbeldore became dissapointed in Gellert's interest in the dark arts, and his attitude towards muggles.

The article is here.

Now, I honestly don't know how to take this. On the one hand, yay for having a gay character who is also respected and loved. On the other hand... why the hell couldn't she have just written that in the book? I got so sick of Rowling's cryptic bullshit, after the 6th book. The 5th was great. The 6th left me so goshdamn angry. Really. If you want your character to be gay, don't beat around the bush and reveal it later. Come out and say it. You don't have to mention their sexual activity or anything like that, but giving your reader enough information to know what type of relationship your characters have is what makes a good writer. Leaving readers in the dark and then going, "a HA! I fooled you all!" is not the mark of a good writer.

I'm really dissapointed in Rowling, now. I think the last Potter movie is probably my favorite, of them all, and I am really afraid of how the last two will go.

Red red wine..

So yesterday, my Willy left our RP guild in WoW.

He left for a few reasons, most of them being the gigantic drama whores that make up most of my guild. Being the actual GUILD MASTER, I can't leave. Nor do I want to. Willy just isn't into RP as much as I am. He's a casual RPer at best, so while he's bummed out that he doesn't have his guild anymore, he's relieved not to have to deal with their crap. Of course, he's still bummed out. So yesterday, after being VERY bummed most of the day, he went out for motor oil and I bought shoes.

5$ for a pair of high-heeled clogs. With CAMO. OMG they match EVERYTHING. And they were 5$. God praise the Rugged Warehouse.

To be honest, his being bummed was making me bummed, so I was about to take off and drive to West Virginia for some time to myself. Allong the way, he calls me, and I felt so guilty that I asked him to come with me. I told him I didn't know where I was going, I was just driving west. So onward we drove, until we were a few minutes short of the Skyline Drive, and I saw the sign for a vineyard.

So we (or I) decided to check it out. It was our first time at a real vineyard (since my grandparents' don't count, as this is a hoity-toity American vineyard..), and we got to do wine tasting. We visited the The Fox Meadow Winery in Linden Virginia. Now, Willy usually hates wine. But he actually enjoyed the wine tasting, and lady was very friendly, and HE actually said we should by a bottle of pinot gris and share it on the balcony, looking out at the Blue Ridge Mountains.

I was glad to get away from WoW. Honestly, I love the game, but with him and I it seems to create a lot of grief and I almost wish we'd stop playing entirely, but I'm terribly addicted and we both enjoy it too much.

Anyway.. the wine tasting made me tipsy. I drank so little, people. SO LITTLE. We tasted 6 wines, and each time she poured it was about the width of my pinky. I had LESS than half a glass of wine, and yes, I was tipsy. So when we got to the balcony with our smoked sausage and bottle, I drank only about 2/10ths of a glass, just to seem proper. Sausage was good, though, and it was a beautiful view. The sun was setting allong the Blue Ridge Mountains, and we had an entire vineyard laid out before us, vines heavy with grapes.

It was honestly heavenly. I'm never so happy as when I'm in places like that.

Of course, then Willy has to ruin it (lol kidding, this is great..) by talking about the impression he got from the establishment. Leaning into me causially, swirling the wine beneath his nose, he asked, " you get the impression that at midnight, rich people come here to sample wine paired with people meat?"

Yes. Somewhere allong the way, between the pairing of syrah and horseradish cheese, Willy got it into his head that these were the type of people to murder a human being, marinate him, cook him, and serve him to guests to be paired with their wines. The human meat would not be the main attraction, the wine would. Because you see, rich people don't see humans as people. They see them as cattle.

We went into a long in-depth conversation about this. It inspired me to write a book, which I am currently working on. I'm doing research on wine to get started. It will be my first non-fantasy novel, and I'm a little nervous, but I think it has a market.

Anyhow.. too drunk to drive home, Willy took Sunstreaker and we drove away from my beautiful mountains. Needless to say, I didn't want to leave.

We'll be returning next Saturday.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Racism within your own race?

How ridiculous is this?

Click here to read the article.

That black people are racist against one another is the most ridiculous and awe inspiring thing that I've ever heard. Next thing you know, Latinos are going to be pissed because my nose is European.

I remember my dad telling me that, as a kid in El Salvador, he was teased by a woman in town. My dad's really dark, definately deep-rooted with Native American blood, with solid black hair and black eyes. This lady used to tease him because his brother was lighter skinned, more my complexion. I'm lighter because I'm half White. Half Spanish White. Half blonde hair/green eyes White. My brother and sister both have white kids, with blonde hair and blue eyes.

I swear to God, this stuff weirds me out. How the hell can you discriminate against people who's discrimination you share?? Isn't the world harsh enough on people? Why should we add to it? It makes no goshdamn sense.

My Muse

There is one celebrity with whom I would like to model my body after. If I could have anyone's body, it would be her's.

I warn you right now. This girl is a talentless slut who came out with a sex tape similar to Paris Hilton. She is famous for her enormous ass. She likely has fake breasts. However, I believe that her fake boobs were put there to even out her giant butt, so all is forgiven. After all, I feel the same way. My hips and ass are huge, so why the hell do I have such mediocre boobs?

I've lost another 3lbs, and if my scale is to be trusted (which it's NOT) I'm 130lbs again. I don't believe this for a second, considering that the last time I saw my doctor, MY scale said 138, and HER scale said 143. So I'm going to let my clothes do the decision making for me. If they're looser, the diet is working. My jeans were a bit looser, yesterday. I'll let that speak for itself.

And now, the girl I would like my body to resemble... Kim Kardashian.

Click here to see her.

Surprised? Maybe. Her body isn't too far off from mine. She's definately taller than me, so I can only hope to have her shapely legs. She's NOT SKINNY. All she is, is devoid of cellulute. Which I have. In large ammounts. She dresses so awesome, and I definately wouldn't mind taking lessons from her. Damn my vanity to hell, but I wish I had her boobs. I WISH I didn't consider fake boobs to be ridiculous, because MAN do I love big boobs. Mine feel so inferior, and I just know that if I get down to my goal weight of 120lbs, they'll be the first things to shrink. Fucking A..

It's very likely that I'll never have real natural boobs that exceed a C cup unless I get pregnant, which might make me fat all over, and I can't be having that. Not again. I saw pictures of myself during my first year of college, and ladies and gentlemen, FUCK THAT. I refuse to ever be that fat again. I will tattoo the word FAT on my wrist before I ever allow myself to become that morbidly obese. No way in hell will I ever allow myself to be larger than a size 10 in jeans. I am 5'1". Being a size 10 is ridiculous. Come hell or high water, I WILL be a size 8, or even a 6. Goshdammit I want to wear a swimsuit and not feel ostricized. I want to be able to wear anything and look good. I want to feel hot, inside and out.

My ranting completed, I should like to end this on a high not.

As of today, 5 LBS gone!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Atkins Diet

So as you may or may not know, I'm a big supporter of the Atkins Diet. It's been nearly five years now, since I lost 50lbs on the plan. I'm 5'1", and at the time I was 180lbs. I was asked to do this by my boyfriend at the time, who actually made me feel really crappy about myself. Dieting was easy when I had someone urging me to do it, which brings up my first point about dieting.

1) Never diet for someone else. Do it for yourself.

I can't tell you how hard it is to stick to a healthy lifestyle when you're living for someone else's ideals. I broke up with that boyfriend almost four years ago now, and I've never been happier. My new boyfriend (well, not new now.. ha!) is a sweet and caring person who loves me just the way I am. It's for this reason I've gained 10lbs. Which brings me to my second point...

2) Don't let other people's opinions change your own.

If you feel fat, do something about it. If you don't, you'll feel like crap every day. Guilt will accompany your evenings out, and it will nag you in your sleep. I personally hate feeling guilty and fat. I'm at least 15lbs overweight, that is, I'm 10lbs over the "normal healthy weight" in the BMI scale. When I was 130lbs, I still felt fat. So I'm doing something about it right now. Of course, there is my 3rd point...

3) Be a "healthy" weight.

That is, if you're 5'6" and 120lbs, odds are you're already at a healthy weight. Feeling flabby? Work out. Dieting will not help you to do anything but become unneccisarilly thin. Don't do it. I implore you.

At the moment, I'm on the Atkins "fat fast", which helps metabolically resistant people. I hit a stall and was unable to start losing again, and I'm hoping this will kickstart my diet. I've been on it for just a day and a half now, and you're not meant to do it for more than five. It is DANGEROUS to do it for more than five. So I urge anyone who would like to try it to do lots of research beforehand. Check out Jimmy Moore's Livin' La Vida Low Carb blog for info on the Fat Fast, his link is to the right. Fit Day, another link I have listed, can help you (for free!) to count calories and carbs.

Hope this helps!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

The First - A plea to artists

So this is my first post in what I hope will be an adequate blog to showcase how I feel about the world, and the people in it. I'm usually not one to take my own opinions seriously, as I'm both a nerd and an artist. So let me start off by saying..

Please. If you don't agree with what I say, comment. I don't mind. I like hearing other people's opinions.

A little about myself:

I'm in my early 20's, and I'm from DC. I'm an artist, and I work as a 3d modeler for an Engineering firm. I'm a singer, and I sing for a power metal band called Blood Corps. Any other information, you're likely to get from my blog.

And so we begin!

As an artist I find it fairly simple to pull at people's emotions. We're expressionists, we can bring people happiness, joy, anger, and we do it for money. Personally, I like to make people excited with my art. Happy. I'm a happy person, so I want others to be happy. Some people want to make people sad with their art, which is also cool. Having the ability to invoke emotions is a gift.

What I don't understand is people who want to hurt people with their art. For example in

this article here

we learn about a European cartoonist who's on the run from Al Qaeda because he decided to draw the Prophet Muhammed as a dog. He claims to be

a self-described atheist, points out he's an equal opportunity offender who in the past sketched a depiction of Jesus as a pedophile.

Now. I've got no issue with people who's beliefs are different from mine. If he wants to insult my religion, he's free to do so. I'm not arguing the validity of his beliefs. What I wonder is why he'd do it. Why, when you have the skill to make people happy, would you go out of your way to make people unhappy? Why would you put your life in danger, for something so trivial? Is it for popularity? For the thrill? I honestly don't understand.

Bear in mind, I'm not the type to shy away from joking. I joke about everything from religion to race to sports, but I've never gone out of my way to insult someone else's beliefs.

Except for Scientology.

And therein lies the biggest argument of them all. Am I a hippocrite? You betcha, but at least I'll openly admit it.

However, let it be known that my art will never be used to paint an ill picture of anyone's beliefs. I don't agree with Scientology, so naturally, I won't bring it up. What would be the point? I think it's a scam, so the last thing I want to do is advertise it. I'd rather let it's followers do their thing without getting into some sort of weird situation where people are trying to kill me for drawing Xenu as a hampster.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is.. please people, lets try to be courteous to eachother. There's no reason to hate, especially when there's so much hate in the world as it is.