Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Fear is popular

So I haven't written in here because honestly, I've been afraid to. I've been afraid of updating my little progress, because I've literally made very little. I now have two jobs; one, working 44 hours a week as a cashier at a plant nursery. Two, working part-time at an office in DC, where I update their website, and may eventually help them build a new one. So I've got two jobs, which, when added together, do not pay as much as I made during my last one. Or even during my first one. This is very depressing, BUT... at least I am working.

At least I have a job. At least I can write in my resume that I never stopped working within my field. During my time working retail, I've not only done contract work, but also part-time work within the graphic design world. So, I'm not COMPLETELY off track. Not completely. And I continue to get people calling and e-mailing, asking if I'm interested in interviews. So far, they've only been for contract jobs. But I have faith that things will change someday. In the meantime, at least I have these two jobs.

I'll admit it, though. I am still terribly depressed. How can I not be? I lost the best job of my life. I lost the happiest time I've ever had working. I lost something that I can only hope I can replace, someday. And yet, in spite of it all, I'm getting married in 3 months. So the world isn't really that horrible, is it? Not if love can help me through it.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Easter Saturday

Well, it's Easter weekend. That means the end of Lent.

When I started this, I was at the top of my game. Great job, band had lots of gigs, and I was the happiest I'd ever been. Fasting made it impossible for me to function correctly, so I had to stop. I realized that physically, I wasn't able to go without food for too long. Then the big hitter. I got laid off. I've been overwhelmingly depressed ever since, and nothing.. not my band, not the weather, not even my fiance can tear me out of this funk until I get a new job. I need work to survive. I feel useless without it. I know that may sound strange, but not working is horrible to me.

Since being laid off, I've been job searching like a crazy person. Every waking moment, I am at my computer. I've gotten a few odd jobs doing some graphic work for one company, but I don't like working with them. Their boss is flaky and I do not enjoy how he talks to me, like I am a talentless good-for-nothing and he doesn't have to pay me for the countless hours I've put into his assignments. I just want to get my money and never speak to him again.

I've had a few job interviews, but nothing really promising. I've been depressed out of my mind, until yesterday. I got a call from two places. One, the Onion, which may hire me to do some promoting for them. That would be wonderful. Two, a company that needs someone to come in for only four hours a week to do a little web maintenance. That much I can do, but it's not enough. I need a real full time job, and if I can't get that, I don't know what I'll do.

Basically, I am scared. I have bills, I have a wedding, I have too many things on the horizon that require the sort of money I was making a month ago. I am angry and upset, and I am hurt. I would give anything for my old job back, but since I know that's impossible, I have to keep looking for something else. And it's so horrible to be stuck at home with nothing to look forward to but more job searching. Right now, I kinda hate my life. The little things that made it great pale in comparison to the horrible reality that I am unemployed.

Man, I hate that word.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Day 43

Today is the only interview that I have to a promising job. Please pray for me, wish me luck, send good vibes, whatever it is you do to someone who really really needs a job.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Day 38

Oh man.. been working my butt off doing some freelance work while simultaneously trying to get a real job. So far, my only lead is an interview for web design next Wednsday. After that, I don't know what I'll do. I'm making $20 per hour doing freelance stuff for this non-profit organization, so who knows, maybe I'll land a permanent place with them, if they like the stuff I do this weekend.

This really blows.