Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Oh the pain, the pain of it all!

I'm starting to wonder if I'm one of those "chronic pain" sufferers. It's true that I live with pain just about every day, but it's not mind-numbing. Not every day, anyway.
Now, after looking at this chart, I've got NO FREAKING IDEA which one I am. I've been told by my doctor that I have weak neck muscles because I sit in a desk all day and getting up and moving might help fix that. Well, I do that. I get up and walk every few minutes, and then of course I work out during the day. I'm fairly certain that my chronic pain is a result of being in THREE CAR ACCIDENTS where I was rear-ended. The pain always goes from my neck, to my shoulders, and sometimes eventually down my arms. I get headaches. It sucks. So what does my doctor give me?

Valium! I haven't had Valium since my last car accident in 2011, when my beloved Celica was destroyed. They gave it to me at the hospital and gave me a prescription for a few more, which I'd take at night if I was in a ton of pain. I recall waking up one morning, feeling like I couldn't move, and taking a Valium before work. Boy was THAT a bad idea! I walked around in a daze for a few hours. Good thing I don't drive to work!! But after that incident, I didn't have any left. Well I have a few now, and two nights ago I was in a ton of pain again. I took the Valium and felt absolutely nothing. What gives? Have my years of vodka killed my Valium receptors? I dunno, maybe it was just because I took it after I ate. I'll give it another try when it hurts too bad (and I'm safely at home with nowhere to go), but this pain in my neck is a real pain in my ass.

First off, I can't work out when it hurts too bad. Doctor's orders. Which SUCKS because when I don't work out, I feel lazy and yes, fat. I hate that feeling. I work my ass off in the gym not to feel that feeling, and when I'm in pain I just wanna lie on the couch and eat pizza and drink champagne out of a coffee mug and watch Andrew Zimmern eat weird shit. I need a personal chef who will cook me healthy food when I'm in pain so I'm not tempted to order junk food because let me tell you, when you can't think, a deal from Pizza Hutt is mighty tempting.

So what is there to do when one is faced with chronic pain? I have no idea. I'm poppin' Advils three times a day just to get it under control (again, doctor's orders) and I still just want to have my own personal masseuse (preferably a handsome male one.. with long hair) rub my neck and shoulders 24/7. And cook for me. And clean for me. Man, the Drow really have the right idea.

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