Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Inappropriately Shaped

Butter me up, bitches. I am on a roll, today.

A few years ago, I worked as a software trainer. I liked teaching. Sometimes my students (shitty self-entitled adults) were irritating, but actually, I'm a pretty good teacher. I liked talking all day, I liked showing people how to do stuff. I also knew how to dress for the job. Knee-length skirts, blouses, pantyhose, slacks, blazers, ect. Nothing too tight or too revealing. At one point, I asked my boss if how I was dressed was ok. He said I was fine. Fast forward to several months later, I'm being laid off and he's telling me lies TO MY FACE. "Your co-worker had an intervention with you about the way you dress..." he lied, to my face, as they gave me severance pay. I'd later find out that they had a high turnover rate and would constantly hire/lay-off/fire people. But that whole inappropriate dressing thing always stuck with me, so I always made sure to dress in such a way that couldn't possibly be inappropriate. No cleavage. Skirts to my knees. It's easy when you're 5' tall!!

This lady is taller than I am, so
on me, the dress goes to my
So imagine my shock when my co-worker got an e-mail from another person we work with saying that my dress, the same dress I've worn several times before (without complaint), was "inappropriate". "Club dress". I'm not even kidding. Keep in mind, I paired this non-cleavage bearing knee-length free-flowing empire-waist dress with black tights, heels, and a sweater. It is indeed the same dress to the left. I wore purple jewelry (which got a lot of compliments!), and I guess that somehow translated to "people are paying attention to what she's wearing and this is bad". Not only that, but I wore this because she agreed that my old uniform, a shapeless polyester men's shirt and black slacks, was terrible. I even asked this person if my dresses were okay! I got feedback on every single outfit! Honestly, I don't know. This being the second time my clothes have been criticized, I'm starting to wonder if the clothes aren't the problem.

Maybe I'm the problem.

I think maybe, I'm inappropriately shaped. My figure is so awe inspiring, it makes people think that, regardless of what I wear, I am so fucking hot it's distracting. That's really the only explanation I can come up with. As a pear-shaped person, my small waist and wide hips immediately make you think of sex, which is my fault. Sorry about that. I'll be sure to wear my designated burlap sack in the future.

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