Cold = Pain

While perusing the hobo stripper's blog, I was reminded of my feelings towards being cold.

When I was a kid, waiting for the bus with my mom or dad in the morning, I would be bundled in sweaters, a coat, mittens, a hat, everything neccisery for me to stay warm. My parents were by no means going to let me freeze. However, I was always cold, and I always told myself that no matter what, I'd rather be too hot than too cold. I've taken this into consideration ever since. I mean.. this was a declaration I made in the 3rd grade, possibly lower, and I still cling to it. Being too hot? Midly uncomfortable, if only because you eventually feel sticky and sweaty. That's fine. Too cold? Painful. Like razor blades on my skin.

At some point in time, I associated cold with pain. Being cold meant I was in pain. I don't know why. Even now, if it's slightly chilly in my office, I wear my coat and gloves to keep it away. The walk to my car at the end of the day is like torture, because going outside means going to an even colder place.

I have no idea why I feel this way, but it limits me quite a bit. I remember my trip to Spain about six years ago, when we went there during winter for the first time. I hated it. It was so cold, I wore my coat and hat and sweaters and socks to bed. Pretty much I slept fully dressed and still shivvered. I swore that I'd never purposefully go somewhere that cold again, because I was just seriously miserable.

So it's with an anxious heart that I beg spring to come sooner, because I am tired of waking up cold in the morning. In fact, waking up cold has to be one of the most painful things in the world.

Right there with dislocating my arms, which I do way too often.

Been Lazy

I've been pretty lazy about updating this blog, but I figured I should add something today so people don't think I've died.

Blood Corps won 3rd in the Battle of the Bands at Jaxx. As our prize, we get to open for any national band that comes to Jaxx. This is an awesome opportunity and I am totally stoked about it. I'm looking forward to our next show, which will be on Saturday. Unfortunately, I caught a cold this week so I'm trying my damndest to get better by this Saturday. I'm feeling much better after a few days of chicken soup, tea, lots of water and bedrest.

That's pretty much it, for me. Until next time!

Bipolar is irritating.

So I know I'm in a moderate low right now, because despite all of the wonderful things going on, I'm not feeling happy.

For example, this morning I tried on my old ripped jeans, and they were super loose. I have to buy new pants for the show on the 9th, and that's awesome, but still I feel down.

Also, X Japan is back together. My favorite band of all time. They wrote a song called "IV" and it's at the end of Saw 4, and I'm SO MAD it's not on the soundtrack. How lame is that?? The song is so good it makes me cry. I can't wait to hear what else they come up with. I love X Japan so much. I can't believe they got Toshi back.

Prolly not gonna get lunch until after this meeting I have to go to. Ugh. I hate meetings.

It's Friday!?

Yes, it's Friday. That means tomorrow is my birthday party. Yesterday I stayed home from work because there's no way in HELL my car could ever get out of our driveway. Well, Dan took this as a good opportunity to get some recording done, so I recorded 3 more songs and we went to practice. Had a great practice last night, did the set list 3 times. My throat is killing me. Dan bought us dinner at Dennys, so I owe him one. It was a pretty good day, but I didn't get the laundry done like I wanted..

Diet's still going well. Haven't lost anything else, but I think I'm pretty well set into the 120's. I'm gonna try to never reach 130 again.

Arrrg my throat!

Last night's band practice went very very well. I'm loving our new songs, especially "Penetrate Your Mind". It's sure to be a hit when we play it at the Battle of the Bands. I'm sooo stoked about it...

Diet's going well, I dropped another pound. I'd like to stay in the 20's for the rest of my life, if not go on to the teens. I wonder if I'll ever lose that much?? Ha, we'll see.. I'm not gonna give up 'till I get to 120! My original goal was 125, which seemed like a pipe dream, but now that I'm 128, it doesn't seem so very far away! I just wish I -looked- like it.. I still look fat. I haven't noticed any loose clothes or anything. Or maybe all my clothes were way too tight and now they're just a little less tight.. I don't know. Either way, I hope I can be thinner by the 9th of next month. I know it's a tall order, but I was once a size 9. I'm not a 10, and I've seen ladies who've gone from 10 to 2.. so who knows? Maybe it's possible. I know I won't be a 2 by the 9th, but if I can be thinner than I am now.. NOTICIABLY thinner.. that'll be awesome.

I saw my therapist yesterday, and he's having me do some exersizes in the morning. That's pretty cool. I was feeling fairly down last night and this morning for no reason. I don't know if the situps helped, but it would be nice if they did. I'm scared about having to go on mood stabilizers. Willy hates medicine for this sort of thing and I don't want my personality to get weird.

Excited!

So, my weight loss goal has changed. I've got to lose weight FASTER because on the 9th of February, Blood Corps will be participating in a battle of the bands at Jaxx!! I'm so excited, this will be our first show with our new drummer!

Today is also my first therapy session. Wish me luckz!

Hump Day.. yeah right.

So it's the middle of the week and I am both bored out of my mind and depressed with the idea of it being the middle of the week. Good thing I have my counceling tomorrow! I got my authorization number so I can go to any counceling service I like within the network, and that's fine with me. Tomorrow will be my first session. I hope it helps. I'm very nervous. For those who don't know, I have bipolar disorder, and this will be the first time I've ever seen someone for it. I have medicine for it, but all it does is make me very sleepy, and I don't like that at all.

As far as weight goes, I'm hovering around 129 right now on my scale, which is probably more like 135 in real life.. but whatever. At least I've lost something. I'd like for my scale to say 120, so I'm gonna keep it up. This morning I had the usual breakfast of pumpkin and a glass of water. For lunch it's tuna and celery. Eh.. yeah. I need to get different things.

Last night however, was a triumph! I got Willy to eat a chicken caeser salad for dinner! It felt nice to see him eat a salad. Poor thing hardly eats any vegetables. He told me he'd probably die if he were alone because he can't cook.