Saturday, April 11, 2009

Easter Saturday

Well, it's Easter weekend. That means the end of Lent.

When I started this, I was at the top of my game. Great job, band had lots of gigs, and I was the happiest I'd ever been. Fasting made it impossible for me to function correctly, so I had to stop. I realized that physically, I wasn't able to go without food for too long. Then the big hitter. I got laid off. I've been overwhelmingly depressed ever since, and nothing.. not my band, not the weather, not even my fiance can tear me out of this funk until I get a new job. I need work to survive. I feel useless without it. I know that may sound strange, but not working is horrible to me.

Since being laid off, I've been job searching like a crazy person. Every waking moment, I am at my computer. I've gotten a few odd jobs doing some graphic work for one company, but I don't like working with them. Their boss is flaky and I do not enjoy how he talks to me, like I am a talentless good-for-nothing and he doesn't have to pay me for the countless hours I've put into his assignments. I just want to get my money and never speak to him again.

I've had a few job interviews, but nothing really promising. I've been depressed out of my mind, until yesterday. I got a call from two places. One, the Onion, which may hire me to do some promoting for them. That would be wonderful. Two, a company that needs someone to come in for only four hours a week to do a little web maintenance. That much I can do, but it's not enough. I need a real full time job, and if I can't get that, I don't know what I'll do.

Basically, I am scared. I have bills, I have a wedding, I have too many things on the horizon that require the sort of money I was making a month ago. I am angry and upset, and I am hurt. I would give anything for my old job back, but since I know that's impossible, I have to keep looking for something else. And it's so horrible to be stuck at home with nothing to look forward to but more job searching. Right now, I kinda hate my life. The little things that made it great pale in comparison to the horrible reality that I am unemployed.

Man, I hate that word.

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