Oh the pain, the pain of it all!

I'm starting to wonder if I'm one of those "chronic pain" sufferers. It's true that I live with pain just about every day, but it's not mind-numbing. Not every day, anyway.

Now, after looking at this chart, I've got NO FREAKING IDEA which one I am. I've been told by my doctor that I have weak neck muscles because I sit in a desk all day and getting up and moving might help fix that. Well, I do that. I get up and walk every few minutes, and then of course I work out during the day. I'm fairly certain that my chronic pain is a result of being in THREE CAR ACCIDENTS where I was rear-ended. The pain always goes from my neck, to my shoulders, and sometimes eventually down my arms. I get headaches. It sucks. So what does my doctor give me?

Valium! I haven't had Valium since my last car accident in 2011, when my beloved Celica was destroyed. They gave it to me at the hospital and gave me a prescription for a few more, which I'd take at night if I was in a ton of pain. I recall waking up one morning, feeling like I couldn't move, and taking a Valium before work. Boy was THAT a bad idea! I walked around in a daze for a few hours. Good thing I don't drive to work!! But after that incident, I didn't have any left. Well I have a few now, and two nights ago I was in a ton of pain again. I took the Valium and felt absolutely nothing. What gives? Have my years of vodka killed my Valium receptors? I dunno, maybe it was just because I took it after I ate. I'll give it another try when it hurts too bad (and I'm safely at home with nowhere to go), but this pain in my neck is a real pain in my ass.

First off, I can't work out when it hurts too bad. Doctor's orders. Which SUCKS because when I don't work out, I feel lazy and yes, fat. I hate that feeling. I work my ass off in the gym not to feel that feeling, and when I'm in pain I just wanna lie on the couch and eat pizza and drink champagne out of a coffee mug and watch Andrew Zimmern eat weird shit. I need a personal chef who will cook me healthy food when I'm in pain so I'm not tempted to order junk food because let me tell you, when you can't think, a deal from Pizza Hutt is mighty tempting.

So what is there to do when one is faced with chronic pain? I have no idea. I'm poppin' Advils three times a day just to get it under control (again, doctor's orders) and I still just want to have my own personal masseuse (preferably a handsome male one.. with long hair) rub my neck and shoulders 24/7. And cook for me. And clean for me. Man, the Drow really have the right idea.

Muscle loss!?

ARGHHHH MUSCLE LOSS!? Yeah, it happened. It happened because I was busy running like a jackass instead of lifting like I should be doing. Well, it's been almost a month since I did that whole "let me run 5k every day!" bullshit, and I'm already done with it. Don't get me wrong, running is great for the heart and the stamina and junk but I've only got about 45 minutes worth of gym time and if I'm spending half of that running, I don't have enough time to lift.

So I went back to lifting and maaaaaaaaaan could I feel it! I worked a bit harder than usual out of pure guilt. My poor muscles were so weak after a few weeks of not lifting so I'm pretty confident that tomorrow is going to hurt like hell, BUT, I feel way better than I did when I was just running. Oh well. I'd like to keep running twice a week, just to keep up with my stamina, so maybe I can squeeze it into my routine. I just don't want to lose muscle again. It's weird when you start feeling flabby after just a few weeks!

I must be delicious!

It's been a few weeks since I started the 5k-a-day challenge. I've kept up with it, mostly, by running a 5k every time I go to the gym. There are days when I can't do it (my mom comes to have lunch with me), and I wind up not going, but I still run so even if I miss two days out of the week, I'm clocking in a good 9+ miles. All that being said, I've lost absolutely no weight. Why? Probably due to the 4th of July and all the other excuses I make for eating something stupid during the week. I'm not one of those people who can say "I run 15 miles a week so I can eat what I want!", because while I may run 15 miles a week, it sure doesn't look like I do, even if I'm in better shape now than I've ever been in my entire life.

But that's what sucks about having my body-type. I don't look like I can run for a long time or spend hours in the sun doing strenuous work, but I can. Yesterday I spent the entire day outside, filming a music video in the sun. I wore heavy boots and jeans and I felt absolutely miserable with how I looked. I know I'm heavier than I was last year, but was I in good shape last year? No, which is what makes it all so frustrating. I was just fine running from zombies in the heat, but my mind was focused on how I looked. It's distracting and annoying. I'm proud of myself and ashamed at the same time.

So, here's to me making yet another attempt to eat clean for a few weeks in the hopes that it will help me lose the extra weight I've put on. It's not like I eat a lot, but those tiny allowances I've made for myself this past year have clearly caught up with me and I can't forget that the whole reason I've made the decision to not live my life as a fat-ass is because of the people who matter the most to me.

My band.

Also, my husband, though he'd love me no matter what.

Go ahead, there's plenty to go around!