Lame.

Well here it is, Wednesday. One of my two actual days off, the second being Thursday. What really sucks about working at the place I'm at is the schedule. It's seemingly impossible for me to work a regular Mon-Fri thing, and instead they have me scheduled to work on Saturday AND Sunday. This does NOT work for me. I need to at least have Sunday so that I can practice with my other band, and you know, spend some time with my freaking husband.

Nobody seems to get this. The people in charge don't come in all weekend, because they have lives and families, and I suppose they expect me not to because I'm young. But I just got married and it would be super nice if I could see that guy every so often. This is why I miss working my 9-5. Our schedules were the same. We had our weekends. I never had to worry about whether or not I worked on a Saturday.

This weekend I went to Pennsylvania to see my parents, and holy hell was it tough to just leave early on Saturday. When we had hardly any customers and it RAINED. But I got out at one, so Willy and I made the trek up to see my mom who has been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. Just like her dad. Which means that I'm at risk, too. Which sucks. I tried to help my mom out, telling her what food she should avoid, and I can only hope she'll listen to me. Atkins is a no-sugar diet, so I told her all of those rules. The doctor said she should lose weight and such too, so I figure it couldn't hurt. What hurts is that there, right in front of me, is my reason to avoid sugar and bread and all the other crap that makes me fat and could possibly make me diabetic if I don't freaking watch myself. It's a very real situation, considering that I was obese once, and I know it's not impossible for me to go back. I'm an emotional eater and sometimes I eat things because I'm depressed, which, due to this job, happens fairly often.

My boss once told me I have a lot of will-power. I'm not so sure about that. I think that what I have is a lot of fear. I'm afraid of being fat, and I'm afraid of what I will feel like if I remain as fat as I am today. Not that I'm clinically overweight, but I want to know what it's like to be thin. I want to feel that sort of freedom that those girls at the beach in their bikinis feel when they just run around having fun. I've never felt that before in my life, and I'm already 25. When is it going to be my turn?

See, there's that depression popping up again.

Annoying Asthma

My headaches have returned. We're wondering if they're being caused by my Advair, which is solely responsible for making me able to live like a normal human being again. Apparently, %21 of people who take Advair get headaches. I always get them in my forehead, in this one spot right above my right eye. And it's driving me crazy, but which is worse? Headaches, or constant asthma? I'm not talking a little wheezing every so often, I'm talking asthma attacks any time I get an allergic reaction, which happens ALL THE TIME because just about everyone in the universe but me owns a dog and the fur on their clothes makes me sick. Also, breathing things in makes me sick. Also, RAIN. I'm allergic to RAIN. I wouldn't whine so much, because I know it's not life threatening, SO LONG AS I HAVE ADVAIR. But without it, I'm pretty much married to my rescue inhaler, which has stopped working twice, and sent me to the emergency room both times.

I don't wanna suffocate, and I don't want headaches. This sucks so hard.

Oh, for the love of...

So we got a drummer to fill in last night, and he was BRILLIANT. Unfortunately, our bass player didn't show up. Why? "personal things", he texted. Oh, text messaging... when asked to specify, he continued by texting:

"Nigger, why nobody ask Nina when she doesn't show up? We all know how she sounded on that video. It's personal shit."

Okay, first off, this is a big white dude from Herndon VA. Nothing gives him the excuse to use the "n word" in life, or in a text message. Second off, I mean damn! Was I that terrible on the video?? Pardon me for not thinking that I was so horrendous that I should continue to be verbally abused for it for another week. Also pardon me for thinking that he's full of shit. My second band seems to have procured itself a bass player, which is wonderful! Now I'm thinking that my first band will need to do the same thing. Missing practice three weeks before a show with no explanation when we have a new drummer? Bad times. Calling me out on it when I have nothing to do with his absence? Even worse.

Okay, crisis over..

We have someone coming in tonight, to fill in. I'm still in some shock about the whole thing. Apparently, the drummer texted my guitarist and said he couldn't stand my voice. Like, literally said those words. I'm in shock about that, too. Nobody's ever said that about me, yanno? I know people are entitled to their opinion and all, but hot damn. Willy told me not to take it personally, and I'm trying. It's just one of those things that as a musician, I have to live with.

Diet hasn't been going well, lately. It's not that I've been eating a lot of junk, but I haven't been eating a lot of much at all. I'm basically down to one meal a day, due to my schedule, and that meal usually involves carbs. Yes, it's brown rice and "good carbs" but I don't give a damn. So long as I eat this way, I can't lose any more weight, which sucks for me because damn. I -really- want to get back on the track that I was on..

Oh well. Got to focus on my band(s). Especially for this next show, which I swear to god I will be so good in I will make people cry rivers of blood.

Looking to KILL

So sorry I wasn't around for a while, I had to work a good six days straight and the work is mentally draining. I just came home on those nights, cooked, watched TV, and went to sleep. I couldn't draw or anything. I was just mentally exhausted.

Well, I'm a little better now! Except for one tiny little problem... around 12 PM last night, my drummer sent me a text saying he's quitting. You know, four weeks before our next show. He's QUITTING. Because his enthusiasm has dropped. Oh, you poor thing!! Your enthusiasm has dropped so you're leaving the rest of us high and dry! What a dick. So now I have to scramble to find at least a fill in. I know what the guys are gonna want to do... they're gonna want to throw in the towel and cancel the show. It's gotten to the point where I want to too, but FUCK do I hate quitting gigs. I'm just so frustrated at this point. What kind of a selfish asshole would leave his band a few weeks before a show because of "lack of enthusiasm"? It makes me want to scream.

We're having a "band meeting" tonight, ugh.. I don't know what to do anymore. Fucking drummers are selfish asshole drama queens. Except the dude in the other band I'm in, he's freaking awesome. But we need some work before we'll be gig-ready. Oh, and we need a BASS PLAYER... but for now, Blood Corps is a priority because of these shitty breaks we've been getting.

The pain... the pain of it all!

Due to the intense shame that I feel for eating condensed soup from a can and other bad-for-you things while I've been sick, I'm limiting this post to photos of me! See, Brendan Wu is this bad-ass photographer who never fails to deliver some bad-ass photos at my show. So now you get to check out his awesome work! ...featuring me!

Stupid sick!!

So, sorry about no updates since the show. I am stupid sick with a cold, and admittedly ashamed of the fact that since we gotta wait until our next paycheck to buy groceries, we're living off of what's left in the house. Which means... brown rice and chicken! And... some spinach? Is that a can of baby clams!?

Anyhoo, here's my band playing at Jaxx last Friday! The sound is... weird. It seems the mics were plugged directly into the camera, so, you can hear ME, but not so much the rest of the band. XD Usually I'm REALLY hard to hear.


Watch this show and more at SyncLive.com