Wednesday, December 30, 2009


Yes, I hate winter. With a passion. I loathe snow. I abhor wind. I detest the feeling of frost beneath my feet, and more than anything, I am disgusted with the biting pain of cold on my skin.

I actually discovered a few broken blood vessels on my leg, today. I have no idea what caused them, but they're in a cluster about the size of my palm. I've been told it might have been caused by standing for 4 hours in the cold, and yanno what? It's just added to my list of things that I hate about winter. I'm basically miserable for 6 months out of the year. Cold months make me dress like a hobo, with layer upon layer of sweaters, hats, and socks. Yet I still shivver on the Metro, as I walk to work, and even just sitting here in front of my computer.

Whai, god? Whai have you cursed me with winter?

In other news, I was apparently being followed by some creepy dude on Monday. Thank goodness for our eagle-eye guards.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Annoyed with America?

Get in line...

I've got this friend from college who complains about America CONSTANTLY. It doesn't help that he's black and thinks the world is against him, but now with the strong airport security, he's got it in his head that him being black, and having a weird middle name, is suddenly going to land him in airport prison. And he's never even FLOWN before.

Let me assure everyone right now; these security measures are FOR YOUR SAFETY, and ARE NOT THAT BIG A DEAL, HOLY SHIT. I've flown a lot, my entire life, to and from Europe. I've flown to France, Spain, England, Switzerland, The Netherlands, Germany, and Egypt. Having done this many many many times, my family has devized a plan that makes it as smooth a trip as possible. Our plan? GET THERE SUPER ASS FUCKING EARLY.

Anyone who flies a lot will tell you this, but there are STILL a shit ton of folks, new to travel, who whine about the wait time. Look, if you're flying to another country, you're going to wait. A lot. That's why there are airport book stores. It's annoying, but you know, after working in security with the same guys who do airport security and passport security (we run the security in all of the passport offices in the US), I understand. There's more to this then the media creating a scare, and the security departments trying to apparently "make white people feel safer". Jesus Christ am I sick of hearing this ridiculous banter..

Before I go on, lemme just say that I hate giving off the "I work so and so, so I know more than you" vibe. I hate it when people do that. However, this is one of those things I'm learning about first hand; how we handle security, and what goes on behind those closed doors. I'm not allowed to talk about it, but I wish people would take what we're saying as truth and not just us trying to brainwash society. People, we LIVE in society! We hate being lied to just as much as you do, so don't write off our experiences as some government plot to make the US full of scared white people. It's nuts. We wouldn't enforce security if it wasn't for good reason. If some terrorist, or even a random nutcase, managed to get past us again, more than one person will hang for it. I don't know what they're doing to the people who let the Christmas bomber in with his explosives, but you can bet it's not pretty.

And this goes for all our servicemen and women, too. When they come back and tell you all that what they're doing is for the good of the US, don't roll your eyes and think you're somehow smarter than they are because you read the internetz. Unless you've been there, you don't know. I'm mad as hell when people write off our military's experiences just because they're fighting a way you don't agree with. And I'm sick of people writing off what I have to say about US security, when I AM RIGHT FUCKING HERE. I am here helping to protect my country's leaders, dignitaries, and all of the people who make US relations with other countries possible. I am not here to make people scared, and neither are the officers who protect us. So do me a favor, and take what I say for what it's worth:

Leave for the airport six hours before your flight, pack a book, and prepare for the ride.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Your MOM!

Okay, so we're living with his family for a bit. Not a big deal. Or at least, it SHOULDN'T be. Willy and I decided to move in with his family to save money while he's out of a job, and it's really not bad, but man, I hate living in other people's homes.. I miss having my own fridge, my own living room, my own messes to clean up off of my own rug. We're using this time to find Willy a new job, and buy a house. It's a scary and exciting prospect, but all the good stuff needs to wait until after Willy gets a job. Which sucks, 'cuz it's Christmas. The last thing people want is to do paper work for a new hire, so we're hoping he'll find something after the holiday season.

Not that it took me eight months, or anything...

I'm just hoping he'll be able to find a job close to mine. The last thing we need is for him to be pulled to the other side of Maryland. It takes me two hours to get to work, right now. TWO HOURS. That's a little crazy, for me. I need to be up at four, out at four thirty, ect. I think the worst part of my week will be Thursdays, when I need to drive to Manassas for band practice. I love band practice, but all that driving when I need to be in bed by nine, and practice ends at ten? Ugh. It's going to kill me, I know it...

And I'm fairly certain now, that after having three days of good sleep, my headaches are caused by my not getting enough of it. I've felt great these past few days, and I don't want to go back to being crippled by my brain screaming at me.

Anyhow, that's me right now. Had a bit of a binge episode on Sunday, caused in part by the in-laws asking me to make paella. Like I'm not going to eat my own cooking, right?? Oh man...

Friday, December 18, 2009


Gig of my dreams is ON! Hammerfall, March 5th, Springfield VA!


Oh come ON!!

So, the night I get the call saying we've got the GIG OF MY DREAMS, my drummer decides to go MIA. We had to track him down by calling his dad, and after telling him our gripes, he hung up and refused to speak with us. This is AFTER I drove to his house to pick him up, mind you. He hadn't been home all day.

I don't care that he's sick. All he needs to do is call us and let us know. Instead, we had two bass players come in for auditions, which pretty much sucked because we had no drummer. And now that we have Hammerfall on the horizon, we need to figure out if our drummer is a flake, or if we can trust him. It's not an easy thing to think about. I really loved this guy. What is up with men and commitment?! What we really need is a chick drummer, but I digress...

Any metal drummers out there??

This is giving me more stress than I need. I woke up with a huge migraine in the back of my head. Thankfully it's gone now, whether it be from the two ibuprofin I took, or eating breakfast. Either way, I'm feeling a little better. Now all I need is a competant drummer, and my dreams will come true.

Thursday, December 17, 2009


Yesterday's little experement didn't last too long.. I got to about 10:00 before I caved and went in to chase the black dragon. Ended up doing two cups, which kept me alert all day. I stayed on plan without fail, until we went out to one of our favorite restaurants last night... Tony Chengs.

It's EASY to eat on plan, there. It's a Mongolian grill, so I get big bowls of veggies (broccoli, mushrooms, cabbage, ect.) with some meat (lamb, pork, beef, ect.) and they cook it on this huge platform with garlic and hot sauce and junk. I ate just FINE until they came with those little flaky bread things.. I stole a piece from the husband, and managed to eat the whole thing. As I lamented over my weakness, he told me, "Just don't beat yourself up for it."

Good advice. I could have let my depression lead me into a binge, but I did not. I will not. I have been stuck on 125 for the past week, and I have a feeling it's beacause of my little cheats, and the coffee. So I am cutting both. And Willy? Well, he gave me an early Christmas present:

Starting right after New Years, he's going to go on Atkins.

I'm so happy, both because his eating habits worry me, and because it's so much easier to eat on plan when I have someone I can confide in. I have a feeling that he'll stay on plan once he sees his progress. He only has maybe twenty or thirty pounds to loose, and since men loose easier and faster than women, he should do pretty well. I just hope he doesn't get too frustrated. He's in love with food, more so than me because he's never denied himself anything. It will be interesting to see how he copes. He's been feeling a little down about himself lately, due to the weight he gained in college and during the first year at EA, so I'm hoping this will cheer him up and lead him to healthier eating habits.

And I'm hoping his healthy habits will encourage me, too.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Caffeine Experement

So today marks a new experement; namely, I am trying to give up caffeine.

A fool's venture, you say!?

Probably. I usually start the day with coffee. Around 10, I'll add another. Throughout the day, I just drink black coffee. Well, I've been advised to cut the coffee and see if it affects my headaches, so I'm giving it a try, but HOLY CRAP I'm so tired. I actually got a little breakfast this morning, because without my coffee I was getting hunger pangs. I'm also trying to eat more, which is not easy because the feeling of having food in my stomach is not pleasant. I hate feeling full.

My calories lately have been somewhere around 600 - 1200 a day. I'm trying to eat more, but it's so hard to eat at work. I've been bringing salad and tuna, with oil and vinager. For breakfast I had eggs.

Sorry to bore you, people in blog land. Without my coffee I'm sorta brain dead. If I can think of something to be angry about, I'll write summore.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Gay Marriage in DC!?

Well, looks like DC might be getting gay mariage! I must say, I'm proud of my city for it.

Now, a lot of people might say, "Wait a sec Nina, you're a Christian! How can you condone such a thing??"

To this, I give you my explanation as to why gay marriage is okay. First off, "marraige", as in, the union of a couple that allows them to recieve government benefits, is not a religious institution. The religious part comes when you do it in a church. Since I'm a Catholic, I know they're not going to get married in my church. They're not changing MY church at all, so really, what would I be offended by? I'm the type of person who believes that gay people should be treated like straight people. Namely, that being slutty is gross, and if they wanna get married, thank goodness!! You'd think that we would be encouraging gay people to get married!

I know more than a few people who are less offended by gay people than by their culture, and how it often promotes promiscuity. This is offensive to gays everywhere. Just because you're gay does not make you a slut. I think it's disgraceful that some people allow their sexual orientation to dictate how they handle their bodies, and that goes for straight and gay people alike. Straight people, and this includes men, disgust me. They disgust me all the time with how they treat their bodies, and how it negatively impacts others. It disgusts me how they treat marriage! The divorce rate is through the roof! Yet when gay people, who have solid beautiful loving relationships, want to get married.. straight people are grossed out?? Gimme a gaddamn break!!

As a married woman, I can say with the utmost confidence that if two dudes tie the knot, it will not destroy the sanctitiy of my marriage. If two chicks adopt a kid, thank goodness that kid will get a home. If my bible says that it's an "abomination", then I will argue that it's the lesser of two evils. We, as humans, are sinners. We sin all of the time. We try to do well, but we make mistakes. Do I think being gay is a mistake? I don't think so. Personally, I have a feeling that much of the bible, including the bits about gay people being an abomination, were written by some very frustrated men. I know where I stand with the good lord, and as a Christian, I believe that his love extends to everyone. That includes the gays and their love.

So, go DC!! I can't wait to see a bunch of couples come to my city to get married! And for the record, if any of them need a wedding singer, I am totally available.

Monday, December 14, 2009

My Family vs Weight Loss

See, it would be really easy for me to blame my weight loss slump on my parents. My parents think that all of my physical ailments can be solved by eating more. But the truth is, I lost weight easier when I lived with my parents because my food choices weren't up to me. I couln't go out and buy things. I told my mom what I could eat, and she bought it, so every day I had access to good healthy food and didn't have to worry about paying for it myself.

Hell, she bought me lobster!

But the truth is, I'm so lazy when I'm on my own, that I either do one of two things; starve all day and binge at night, or buckle down and do what I know I need to do. The second one is so much harder during the winter, when I have to really make myself get up and eat lunch rather than just stay at my desk and continue working. During the winter, it's cold as hell and I don't want to go out and work out. I have to put forth extra effort to fit a workout into my schedule, considering the fact that I literally only have three hours of free time once I get home. From six to nine, I've got to take my shower, make dinner, eat it, and at some point, spend time with my husband. If I tried to squeeze a work out in that time, I'd have to trust him to make dinner, and make sure that I took my shower once I got home.

Also, I'd have to brave the cold, AGAIN, to go to the gym.

Why can't things be easier? I hate living in this climate. I love my DC, but holy god do I hate the weather. There's got to be a better way to manage my time, but hell if I can think of one. It's gonna be rough until the weather is in my favor again.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Holiday Rant

I swear, I gotta be the only one of my friends who doesn't bitch about the holidays. Maybe it's because I like all of them?? I'm Catholic, so I do Christmas, but I'm about to get offended by other people celebrating other things. I remember when, as a kid, Ramadan, Chinese New Year, Christmas, and Chanukkah all fell around the same week. We learned about all of them, and I was like, "Neat!" and we did activities.

Nowadays, people get bent out of shape over the dumbest shit. "I don't celebrate Christmas because it's a Pagan tradition.." blah blah blah. Look, if you wanna celebrate the winter solstice, go for it. Dance naked in the moonlight. Nobody gives a fuck. Just stop being such a dick to people who want to bring a smile to your face by giving you gifts or something.

I'm not a big fan of Christmas' commercialism, BUT, think of it this way. It's an American tradition, and it's something that we, as Americans, have together. So forget about all the things that keep us apart. I don't care if your a Democrat, a Republican, Christian, Jew, Pagan, Buddhist, whatever! You don't have to get a tree, but do me a favor and stop being a dick. It's not at all attractive.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Screaming brains!!

My brain screams to me,

"It smells so good! EAT!"

But my stomach says,

"Oh my GOD, you will feel horrible ALL DAY. Stop."

Or is it the other way around?

Either way, I bought a bagel this morning. It was freezing. I was weak. I got the coffee, and as I walked to work, I continued to think to myself, and EVENTUALLY managed to convince myself that it was ridiculous of me to have bought that damn bagel when I know it will make me feel full and gross all day. So what did I do? I gave it to a hungry co-worker. It was dumb of me to buy it, and my punishment is that I lost out on two bucks. So, lesson learned, no more impulse buys of shit I know will make me feel bad.

And now for the funny story of the day.

See, my husband is a darling. He's not too knowledgeable about groceries or cooking, so when I asked him to buy some beef for stew and put it away, he lovingly did exactly as I asked. He even got the right beef! Problem is, he froze the whole thing.

We buy our meat at Costco.

So, poor darling is thawing an enormous amount of beef chunks so that he can crock pot up some beef stew. The boy is actually quite talented when it comes to taking directions, and last week, I was pleasantly surprised when he made a really good turkey soup. So now I'm sending him directions for the beef, and praying for the smell of well cooked meat and vegetables the moment I get home. Since we're moving, we don't have much food left in the house, so it's our task to eat everything that we have left so that it doesn't go to waste. Thankfully, it isn't much, but here's hoping we can at least bring our condiments. x_x

Monday, December 7, 2009

Brain Fights

It's freezing at work, today. Every day I walk about four or five blocks, something like that, in the freezing cold. Usually by the time I get here, it's warm. Today, for some reason, it's RIDICULOUSLY cold.. and it makes me want to eat something hot to make up for it. The problem is, what could I eat that's hot, wouldn't put me off plan, and wouldn't make me feel guilty?? Nothing, that's what. And I can't bring food or drink back to my workplace, so eating would be a temporary fix only.

But isn't it always?

Food angers me. No matterwhat, we always have to eat. And we never stop being hungry. Food is a part of life, but I really wish it wasn't. I wish I could stop being hungry so I wouldn't have to constantly make decisions like, "What do I want to eat?" because truthfully, I don't want to want to eat anything. I want to eat things, but they make me feel guilty. And when I eat things I'm allowed to eat, I feel bored and sad. Good is a source of misery, which is weird considering how much I love to cook. I love seeing other people enjoy my food, but eating it myself is like torture. Eating delicious things are an internal battle. Going to my favorite restaraunts involves internal arguments. Eating anything at work makes me feel like a failure, and the guilt makes me feel INSANE.

I've been eating once a day for the past few weeks, which is HORRIBLE for me. My metabolism is slow enough as it is, and I know that eating this way brings it to a grinding halt. The problem is that when I work, I have nobody to push me toward healthy eating habits but myself. And I will openly admit that I am too lazy to push myself, so the only time I eat is at night because my husband is hungry and if I don't eat with him, he'll be angry and suspicious.

Today, I feel nauseous. I almost ran out to vomit around an hour ago, but it seems to be under control now. Still, my stomach is cramped and in pain, probably due to eating out last night. Nobody else seems to be sick, though, so it might just be me. I don't know. I just know I'm driving myself crazy.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Stress = EAT

So last night I came accross my bank statement online and discovered that we're lower on funds than I had innitially thought. I freaked out. I went into a panic, and grabbed my comfort food; chips and salsa. I got through about 20 carbs worth of chips (basically, two and a half of those big round ones) before I stopped myself. I marched over to Willy, gave him the bag and said, "Eat these, please." He asked that I return them to the living room, which I did, and then contemplated ways to calm my nerves. Since it was getting late, I decided that sleep was a good option. So I asked him, "Honey, I'm having trouble winding down. What do you suggest? Besides Nyquil." He had no ideas, so I went with my gut and headed to the fridge.

See, we have a lot of alcohol at our place. A LOT of alcohol. We used to throw lots of parties, so we just accumulated it. In my fridge, I found a wedding gift that I hadn't finished appreciated. It's a bottle of wine called Bitch. For a wine with such a silly name, it's actually really good. Not too sweet, like most new-age wines. Very full flavored, some cinnamon, goes down smooth. I drank two glasses, and ate a turkey leg. Within half an hour, I was in dream land.

Now, I know that people will say you shouldn't eat before going to sleep. But I've also heard arguments against this. All I know is that if it's gonna help me sleep and wake up early, I'll take the chance. I woke up feeling fine, and both turkey and red wine are low carb. So, here's to me taking control of my emotional eating.

Oh, and off-topic, I hope those two White House party crashers get fined out the ass. They're a pair of complete douchebags.