Damn you, schedule!

Don't be fooled by my lack of a Friday post. I ran. It sucked, and I hated it. Today (which is Monday, June 17th 2013), I also ran. It sucked, and I hated it. But to be honest, I didn't feel like a complete wreck, afterwards. That feels good. It's not a huge accomplishment, but I'd like to get to the point where I can run a 5k without feeling awful during AND after. I feel like my endurance is getting better, but I still don't feel very fit. It's weird and annoying.

Look at this chick.

So on the one hand, I've been lifting weights for the past few months without seeing much in the way of physical changes. At least not in my opinion. I'm still a bit heavier than I'd like to be. Not by a huge amount, mind you, but enough that I'm annoyed. So I went back to running because when I was running just 1-2 times a week, I felt like I was in the best shape. My weight was lower, my shape was better, overall I was happier. So now I'm running again, and I feel guilty because I'm not taking as much time to lift weights. One side of my brain says that a ton of cardio doesn't help burn fat as well as building muscle does, the other side of my brain is reminding me that running is better for my stage performance and lung capacity.

I don't even know. I'm just annoyed with myself. Technically, I'm in the best shape of my life, and I still don't feel good about it. I see other women who run as much as I do, and they're all skinny, and I'm not. And it's annoying. Like, WTF do I have to do? It's not like I eat a lot, or I eat poorly. I get more vegetables than anyone I know and I don't eat sugar or refined carbs regularly. Is it my nightly martinis? Must I cut out -everything- just to get back to 120lbs? I'm eating the same way I was back then, and I still can't figure out what's wrong.

MAYBE THAT'S THE ANSWER. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG. Maybe I'm in good shape and the vanity pounds I care so much about won't go anywhere because that's just how I'm built. This is the best explanation I can come up with and MAN does it piss me off.