BUY MY BOOK!

In the wise words of Jay Sherman... BUY MY BOOK!

Yes, I have a book! My first book ever, in fact! This is my first foray into children's literature, so I'm hoping none of you have any wimpy kids because this story is about the Krampus! It's a short little romp, designed to be read aloud, with some great art by Joseph Silver.

The story behind the book is this:
Willy and I have a fancy Christmas party every year. The first time we did this, he asked that I write something to read aloud. I wrote a story poem about the Krampus, and since then, he's read it every year. Well, this year he'll actually have a real book to read it from!!

Here's a sneak peek of some art from the book. If you'd like a copy of your own, I've got a pre-order link up! The books will be in my hands by November 18th, and I'll actually be shipping them to people on November 30th.

Hope you enjoy!

Pre-Order here!!

Long time no see!

I feel like every few months I come up with a post like this. I don't post regularly, and when I do I'm like "So where have I been?" This is one of them. I'm sure that anyone who reads this is either a friend of mine or maybe follows me on Facebook, where the limited amount of characters doesn't allow me to fully articulate how I'm feeling.

Well good news, because I'm home sick! And that means you get ALL THE FEELINGS!

Okay, most of the feelings.

As you may have heard, today we hit the Billboard Heatseekers chart at #8. This is a huge accomplishment for a band like us, because as you may or may not know, we do everything ourselves. Here's a breakdown of all the work we do:

Me:

• Booking Shows & Tours
• Layout for merchandise
• Interviews
• Lyrics
• Singing
• Theremin-ing

Josh:

• Shipping
• Sales
• Interviews and Interview Scheduling
• Press Releases
• Distribution Deals
• Lyrics
• Guitars
• Composing
• Recording Scheduling

Jesse:

• Bass-ing
• Sandwiches 
• Booking (especially in Tennessee!)
• Lifting heavy things
• Being Handsome
• Singing
• Keyboard-ing

Chris:

• Drumming
• Lyrics
• Driving the tour van
• Being our alarm clock

So as you can see, there's a lot of stuff in there. People often ask why we get so emotional, so attached to what we do. Well, this is why! It's a lot of work, and we do it all. Most bands do not do all of this. Most bands (especially bands on labels) can dedicate all of their time and effort into making music and performing. For us, we don't have that luxury. While doing all of the behind the scenes work affords us the ability to have full control over our music, it also is a huge responsibility. We got over 400 people on KickStarter, so Josh gets to single-handedly make sure that all of those people receive their orders. This includes special orders, like when someone asks me to draw a penis on their CD. Josh keeps track of all those special requests and makes sure that they go out, all without actually being paid for his time.

Oh, you thought that KickStarter money went to us??

Guys, we never put that KickStarter money toward man hours. We do all of this work without any compensation because we believe in the product. We want to put all of our resources into getting our material and our dreams into people's hands. Is this a wise move, investment wise? Probably not, but we don't live on this planet for a very long time so while we're here we want to make sure we do everything that we possibly can.

In our case, that means staying home for months so that we can save up enough money to go on tour. It means sacrificing vacations with loved ones so that we can be on the road together, playing clubs as close as we possibly can to our fans because they ask us.

It also means getting highly emotional, sometimes. When you put your heart and soul into your work, it's hard not to become too attached. It's hard not to fly off the handle when you think someone is disrespecting you, or ignoring you. As a lady, I've felt that many MANY times. It means I've had to work harder to be heard, but it also means that I've found better ways of being listened to. Sometimes it's better to be quiet and lie in wait than to screaming from the rooftops. Screaming has it's place, and it's on stage.

Anyway, my point is that our Billboard charting is a big accomplishment and I'm very proud, but I'd like to let the numbers speak for themselves. We're a 4-piece band. We do everything, and we still somehow managed to break the industry and show the world what 4 people are capable of doing. It might not be much, but it's a big step for the little guy.

Thanksgiving 2014

I feel I must apologize for being gone for so long. I was considering writing something this month, but since I'm working on NaNoWriMo, I felt guilty writing anything else. As it stands right now, I'm less than 10k words away from the 50k word goal, with 5 days to go! So I may actually win this year, and that's exciting! So I decided to take a break and focus on the upcoming holiday.

I've got a lot to be thankful for. Anyone who reads my blog knows that I've gone through many trials and tribulations, especially during the holidays. For some reason, the holidays are when companies decide to unceremoniously dump people, but not until after you've helped organize their company picnics and holiday parties. This year, I was scared. My current contract was coming to an end, and I didn't know if I would have to start looking for another job.

Thankfully, another opportunity came my way and I get to continue to work for my wonderful company. I'm very happy and relieved, so I can finally let my hair down and take a deep sigh without wondering if I've jinxed myself, and give thanks for all of the things I have to be thankful for. I feel like writing a list is gloating (and tempting fate) so I'm going to focus instead on the best part of the upcoming holiday; food.

I asked everyone on Facebook what their family food traditions are. Thanksgiving is a holiday that is unique in that it's not a religious holiday, so every American celebrates it in their own way. We are a melting pot of traditions and foods that may not have been relevant to the culture we came from, but we find a way to make it our own.

As a first generation American, both my parents are immigrants, so they adapted to American culture throughout the years. We always celebrated Thanksgiving. I remember waking up on Thanksgiving morning to the sound of my parents arguing over the turkey (a sound I still hear to this day) before I have to get dressed for church. At church, our priest gives the usual "give thanks" sermon before he dismisses us early so he can catch the football game. Afterwards, we rush home to change clothes, then rush back to the church so we can play soccer in the field behind it.

That's a Thanksgiving tradition that was unique for my family. A lot of families play Thanksgiving foodball, but we played Thanksgiving soccer. A bunch of people from the church would play with us, and we'd go adults vs kids for a couple of hours until the turkey was done. Then, back home in the car, and finally food.

Man oh man the food. See, my family never really saw the point in all the other sides. We have a small family. Mom, dad, me, and maybe my brother and sister (if they were around) and maybe their kids or wife or husband but it was different every year, and never more than five or six people to sit down and give thanks with prayer over the turkey. So we had a big turkey, stuffing, and pumpkin pie. No vegetables, just meat, bread, and pie. My mom wasn't really big on cooking, so my dad did the turkey.

To this day, whenever people complain about how turkey is gross and dry, I thank my lucky stars that my dad never made me experience that. My dad's turkey is ridiculously moist. So moist in fact that I don't use gravy. The leg meat is my favorite, and I can gnaw on that sucker about halfway until I'm full. So yeah,s crew you and your anti-turkey sentiments, but the star of the show was his stuffing. I don't know if it's because nobody ever told my parents how to make turkey and stuffing, but they figured out this magical combination through many years of trial and error. The stuffing is always somehow different. One year, raisins. One year, craisins. One year, both, and always with walnuts, celery and onions. Then, recently, my dad started adding moonshine.

Yes, moonshine.

Don't ask where he got it, because his explanation is "some guys at work".

Being that my dad is a member of the laborer's union, he always worked outside. He was a welder working for VDOT for much of my life, so a lot of his friends were also laborers. This is a class of Americans that still work with their hands, and are proud to do so. They've got all sorts of negative nicknames; rednecks, ghetto, wetbacks, ratchet, cracker, spic. They're the blue collar middle-to-low class of America, and they come in every different color. My dad was one of them, and they accepted him. They would trade stories about their kids, and sometimes they would trade stuff.

So sometimes, dad came home with Civil War bullets from a friend who was really into Civil War stuff. Sometimes, he'd bring home some kind of food a coworker's wife made for everyone. Stuff from India, China, the south, wherever that guy was from. And one day, he brought back moonshine, so. Into the stuffing it went.

The stuffing has never been the same. It has only been better.

This is my America. This mixture of cultures that makes us all different, but wholly special. Nowadays, I bring pumpkin tartlets made with Stevia (because we have diabetics in the family), and my mom cooks more vegetables. But that turkey is still the moistest most delicious %&$*ing bird I've ever had, and the stuffing makes me lightheaded just thinking about it.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

To Twerk or Not To Twerk?

Boy is this a confusing time to be a feminist. I've got all sorts of people arguing either in favor or in hatred of twerking, and here I am wondering when having a big butt suddenly became a style and not something I was cursed with.

Let me start by saying that having a big butt is not easy to deal with, especially when you're 5' tall. Sir Mix A Lot's song is a great source of pride, until he starts doling out measurements and you realize that all the girls in his video have pretty small butts compared to the average American woman. Plenty of men are legit into big butts, and they're having their day right now because girls are becoming more confident and less afraid to show them. A great example of this is Meghan Trainor's "All About That Bass", which basically became an overnight sensation and an anthem for girls who don't measure up to society's standards.

Hell, even I like the song!

I've seen some wacky things all week from the world in regards to femininity and music, one of them being a big rant from Jill Janus in regards to a poll she referred to as a “Vote for the Hottest Female Metal Vocalist” contest. Since Metalholic's Vote Top 25 Women in Metal poll was released, people (myself included) believe she was referring to that, which is kind of annoying because Metalholic goes out of it's way to say that this is not a "hot" contest. And while I can understand being annoyed by online polls, I can't see myself getting pissed when one of the top contenders being voted on is a singer from Baby Metal.

I mean really, how can girls like me compete with cute teenage girls in tutus?

Which brings me to my original topic; to twerk or not to twerk.

You see, Mastadon released a new music video that involves a lot of twerking. Some people say they're making fun of Nikki Minaj, but that's not true. Mastadon's Brann Dailor claims they "didn’t know about the Nicki Minaj video until after." 

Some people say the video is extremely sexist, which isn't hard to imagine considering the music (which does include metal) industry doesn't often see women as more than bodies. Objects. Things the obtain or admire, visually. Can they be called sexist if that wasn't their intention? I'd like to say no, but this is a product of our society. Our culture is inherently sexist, so when people use women as decorations, it's not because they're saying "women are here to decorate my music video", it's because they've been trained to think that this is how women should be depicted and that's okay.Watching this video, you could come to many conclusions. "They're making fun of rap videos" is one of them, and I'll admit that there's something a little annoying about the idea of three white guys making fun of rap videos and black culture in general. Then again, making fun of objectification could be a noble stance, but they've already said they're not doing that. So what are they doing? It's become normal for a lot of men to see women dancing like this and think it's funny, it's fun, the women are "empowered" and they don't have a problem, so it must be okay. And to be honest, I don't necessarily argue with that. If women choose to use their bodies in this way, who are we to judge their choices? It's a free country, we should be free to show or not show our bodies as much as we want, correct?

Then you could say that the more women allow people to treat us this way, the more they expect us to stay this way. But to blame this on women would be akin to victim blaming, wouldn't it? Just because I wear a bikini doesn't mean you have the right to discriminate against me or how you perceive my intelligence. So lets put this in another perspective; if I twerk and you think I'm stupid, is this my fault or yours? And why should I care about your opinion?

Because we're entertainers, that's why. And while I've accepted that the only way to make a living with music is to give the listening public exactly what they want, sometimes that includes twerking. And enormous surgically enhanced boobs or butts. Sex in lyrics. All the things I just can't bring myself to do.

I AM NOT AN ARROGANT BITCH (either!)

So I'm totally going to steal a fraction of Floor Jansen's internet thunder for a moment, here. She recently posted this "I'm not an asshole, I swear!" manifesto, and people are taking sides. I can't really take a side, so I'll just post my thoughts on the matter as a far-less known female vocalist in our world of metal.

"If I meet people and I ask not to touch me, this again is nothing personal. I don't like it. Some people (in general) are more physical than others and I am not comfortable with touching strangers or being grabbed."

You know what, Floor? That's cool, and I agree. Look assholes, you are not entitled to being touched or hugged or whatever. Just because you own all of her albums doesn't mean you get to physically touch someone. She doesn't owe you a damn thing, so don't get pissy if she says she doesn't want to hug you. And if you do, you're an asshole. Do I hug random sweaty men? Yes I do, and sometimes it's uncomfortable. But that's my choice, and if it's her choice not to, then you should respect her choice.

The rest of her letter you can read yourself, and come to your own conclusions.

Whore your band!

Today is Friday. Hurray! Since Willy is going to a bachelor party, I decided to amuse myself by supporting my local metal community and going to a show. The show takes place at the Sidebar in Baltimore, one of the coolest places in the city, and will be featuring doom metal. A good friend of mine is promoting the show, so I spoke to her about how the shows are doing. As a promoter, it's her job to promote shows, and let me tell you she is out there killing it to make sure people show up. Unfortunately, not as many people are coming as they should. Why's that? Well, there could be any number of reasons. Winter is a bad time for shows since people don't like going out in the cold, so that's a big culprit. Another one?

Bands not promoting enough.

Now don't get me wrong, I agree that promoters should promote. However, relying on promoters to promote is exactly why bands have a problem getting enough people through the door. We discussed pre-sales, which is where you ask bands to sell tickets. I've been doing pre-sales for over 8 years now, and I don't see that stopping anytime soon. Why? Because if you can't get at least 5 people to see you, there is a problem. I hear all sorts of excuses from bands, these days.

Back in  (insert year here), venues paid bands to play! We showed up and played! 

I shouldn't have to sell tickets, I'm the talent!

It's the promoter's job to promote, not mine!

Our fans don't like us pushing tickets, it makes us seem desperate!

And so on and so on and so on...

Child, please. In this metal business, we have to take what we can get. Being whiny about not selling tickets is going to do nothing for you. You can be the greatest band in the universe, but if nobody knows about you, how are you going to get your name out there? If you're not willing to sell yourself, why should anyone else? It's not like there aren't a million other bands trying their damndest to get recognition. You have to fight for that recognition and you have to make people see you. It's marketing. It's selling yourself. It's not pretty, but if you have a good product, people will respond and you will see results!

It's not easy to do this and it does take a bit of pride swallowing. If you have a big ego and expect people to come see you out of the goodness of your talent, this may be an issue. The truth is, some people won't go to a gig unless they're reminded. Or asked. They might be scared of your music (HELLO, METAL!), and think it's all a bunch of old men with skullets and patch vests growling at the women. Well how are they gonna find out that those old men with skullets and patch vests are (for the most part) very friendly and fun to hang with? How are they going to find out that metal is fun and exciting unless you say, "Hey cousin Debbie, want to see my band play this Tuesday? I need to sell some tickets and I was hoping you could come! I promise I'll buy you a Long Island, and you can wear that corset you bought at the Renaissance Fair!"

Every band wants to be the band that shows up, gets paid, and leaves. But everyone starts somewhere, and if you're not willing to start at the bottom, you've got an even steeper climb than the guys shilling out tickets for their first show. These young bands are hungry. They will do whatever it takes to bring people, and trust me, you are not better than they are because your older, or you have pro gear, or your leather pants are tighter. If you're playing to an empty stage, there's nobody out there looking at those leather pants anyway.

Don't be a prima donna. "Pay for play", where you literally pay to play, is not the same as pre-selling tickets. Pre-selling tickets means you're taking your band to your friends and family and spreading the word, and the more you do it, the easier (and more profitable) it gets. If you're not comfortable asking people to come see your band, good luck getting anyone else to do it because not everyone has an uncle in the industry who's going to do it all for you. Do that shit yourself.

WHORE. YOUR. BAND.

TRV KVLT

I know that many of the people who read my blog are not metal fans. Metal fans are a very small minority, in this world. Sadly, even we often butt heads when it comes to our opinions on certain things. This is because regardless of what community you're in, there will always be really dumb people and you just have to get over that.

Of course, I'm the type of person who sees the dumb and wants to make something from that dumb. For today's post, I'd like to bring up possibly the stupidest thing anyone has ever accused me of; not being a "real" metal fan.

Why would anyone say such a thing, you might ask? Well, I'm not exactly sure. Maybe it's because my first metal show was Dragonforce. Maybe it's because I'm young. Maybe it's because I like to promote my band a lot, which seems like something anyone in a band would do, but hey, that could be a reason people see me and think, "Sure, she spends a lot of her time talking about/working in/promoting metal, but is she really one of us?"

So to combat this dumb, I've decided to come up with a list of all the things I do. If, after reading this, anyone still thinks I'm not a real metalhead, or that I'm some kind of metal poser (do we have those!?), then nothing I ever say or do will be able to convince them otherwise. For the rest of you, maybe this will give you an understanding of how much exactly goes into A Sound of Thunder from the single person that is me.

I personally:

• Design the layout for all merchandise, which includes CDs/vinyl/t-shirts/shot glasses/ect.
• Design and update our website.
• Write lyrics.
• Record vocals (obviously, which can take up to 6 hours per session and often happens after I work an 8 hour shift at my full-time job).
• Write music.
• Book every show.
• Book shows for other bands (such as Benedictum and Leather Leone).
• Plan travel to/from every show.
• Research and book hotels for each show that is not local.
• Promote each show.
• Sell tickets.
• Create flyers for each show.
• Create events online for each show.

Now, as if all that wasn't enough, I also work a full-time job and am married. So along with all of the band things I do, I also have to find some way to work 40 hours a week and make my husband not feel like he's single. As many of you know, I'm also a health/fitness enthusiast, so I also somehow manage to cram in regular exercise and healthy cooking into my schedule.

After all this, if there is anyone out there who still thinks I'm somehow fake for whatever reason, I have only one thing to say to you.

On "Attention Whoring"

I've been getting shit from a few people on the fact that I mentioned my band in the CNN article. I'm trying to come up with a way of expressing the way I feel without using the word "retarded" because I know it's an offensive word. However, this picture sums up exactly the way I feel when people ask me. Let me demonstrate.

"Nina, why would you mention your band for an interview on an internationally read news site?"

If I need to explain why I would talk about my band in an interview on an internationally read news site, you might be the dumbest sack of shit on the planet. Of course I'm going to talk about my band. Why wouldn't I? It's a huge part of my life and a huge part about why I was able to keep the weight off. Do you have any idea how much pressure there is to keep fit when you're on stage in front of hundreds of people? A lot, that's how much! If I didn't have my band, I wouldn't have that much of a reason for wanting to stay in shape. I want to be able to run around like Bruce Dickinson.

I want to be able to live a long long time so I can make music into my senior years and not have to hobble around in front of a teleprompter. I want to be amazing for a long long time. That's why I mentioned my band, because my music is my life! I wave the flag of my band everywhere I go! What kind of shitty front person would I be if I didn't?

And furthermore, what kind of idiot wouldn't want to share that with the world?

What's wrong with telling someone they need to lose weight?

People are ridiculous. I've seen a lot of horrible comments following my story on CNN, but one of the most prevalent themes seems to be that people think it's okay to tell someone they need to lose weight. Because they "care".

On the internet, we call these people "concern trolls".

Please, let me educate you on what you say to someone who you believe needs to lose weight.

Nothing.

Well, let me clarify.

Lets say you have a loved one who is obese. You believe they should lose weight because their health may be at risk. What do you tell them? Well first of all, consider the fact that the person in question probably realizes they're fat. Fat people aren't the idiots people seem to believe they are. People love speculating that all fat folks are dumb and have no idea that being fat is harmful and they're going to die if you don't tell them right now.

Stop it.

Fat people know they're fat. They don't need you to tell them. I repeat; FAT PEOPLE KNOW THEY'RE FAT. THEY DON'T NEED YOU TO TELL THEM. If you think they do, you're the dumb one.

Now, if you care about a loved one's health, fine. Why not approach them from a health perspective?

"Hey bro, I've started adding more vegetables to my diet and I feel great. I have this recipe for a delicious tomato bisque I'd like to share."

That's great! Do that!

"Hey bro, you know you'd look way better if you lost a few pounds."

Well no shit, asshole. As if every fat person hadn't considered that possibility. People seem to think it's my ex boyfriend saying that to me is why I lost weight. Are you out of your mind? I didn't lose weight because my boyfriend said I'd look better thinner. I lost weight because I was involved with someone who intimidated me and I felt that I had to do what he said or I wouldn't be worthy of compassion. Does that sound like a good relationship? Does that sound like a situation where I should contact him and thank him for making me feel so bad about myself, I lost a shit-ton of weight to please him?

The fact that I got more confidence to stand up for myself afterwards was a lucky coincidence. I could have just as easily been trapped in that situation for the rest of my life. Now, 11 years later, I've maintained my weight loss through healthy eating and exercise. I did that. Me. Not him. He didn't help me by making me feel bad about myself. He didn't help me when I was dieting, either. I did it all myself, even if it is because I felt bad, but I did it myself and I'm sick of people saying he deserves credit for being an asshole. Frankly, anyone who thinks so is probably an asshole and I'd rather not associate myself with them, anyway.

In closing:
Fat people know they're fat.
Stop being an asshole.
Treat everyone with love and respect.
Yes, even fat people.
You asshole.

It's been a long time coming! UPDATE!

It's been way too long since my last blog post.

First of all, I'm working a different job. Hurray!! I actually very much loved the people I worked with at my last job, and this new one came out of nowhere. Long story short, I'm now once again working as a full-time graphic designer and I'm VERY happy.

The reason I'm FINALLY writing this update is because recently, a CNN article went out about the weight loss I accomplished more than 10 years ago. I wrote the story on a CNN iReport back in December and a lady from CNN asked me if she could do a follow up. I said sure! So she did, and here it is, titled "Singer Drops 60 LBS and Drops Her Boyfriend". Quite the sensationalist title, considering this happened over 10 years ago! I would have figured that my maintenance should have been the focus of this article, not my boyfriend.

Suddenly people are coming to his defense. I feel I should clear the air.

1. He was emotionally abusive. "You'd look better if you were thinner" is a stupid thing to say to a fat person. Fat people hear this everywhere all the time. If you want to encourage someone to be healthy, telling them they'd look better if they dropped a few pounds isn't the way to go about it. The reason I listened is because I was in an abusive relationship with a person who not only made me feel small emotionally, but physically as well. He hit me more than once, which was the real reason I broke up with him. Then he stalked me. So I'm a little peeved at CNN for not including all of the details, but I imagine they didn't have the room.

2. This happened TEN YEARS AGO. The reason I wrote about it is because I'm maintaining this loss, and no, it's not easy. It's hard. I wanted to share my story with people and show that there are people out there who are not just weight loss success stories, we're maintenance success stories and we can keep it up, but it takes a lot of hard work.

3. THIS HAPPENED TEN YEARS AGO.

So there ya go. Hope this clears things up.

My Love/Hate Relationship with Full House

It's been weird on the internet, lately. The guys of Full House have reunited, bringing back memories of live studio audience "awwww"s, the Olsen twins, and Uncle Jesse's hair. I'll be honest, as a kid, I hated this show. I also loved this show.

TGIF was a staple, for me. Every Friday night I got Family Matters (hell yeah, Steve), Step By Step, Boy Meets World, and Full House. The shows rotated a bit, at some point Clueless and some other forgettable shows were thrown in there, but for the most part, all these comedies were family and kid-friendly. Sitcoms that anyone could enjoy, especially if you were a middle class white family. As someone who isn't white (and arguably middle class.. I never went to Disney World, but I did go to Europe?), I still loved these shows, and even today I'm not exactly certain why. I had nothing in common with any of the protagonists, besides being female and American. I'm not white (or black) and my environment wasn't this white-washed American place where I could ride my bike to the comic book store and back.

But maybe that's why I loved these shows; the hope that these places existed. I actually resented the Tanner girls. Here were three gorgeous blondes who never worried about being constantly bullied, who had great friends, who, at the worst, would have these insignificant problems that made me angry. Like, remember the time DJ thought she was fat? All I could think was "but you're perfect! I wish I looked like you!", because I was teased as being the fat kid in class and didn't realize that actually, I did look a lot like DJ. Except DJ was an actress and they made her lose weight and by the time she was a teenager, she was thin and hot (like the other Tanners). I wasn't so lucky. All that crushing defeatist "I'm gonna be fat and ugly my whole life" thinking (in addition to my mom's high-carb cooking) made me put on weight in high school, so I just hated the TGIF crew even more. In the 90's, thin was in, and every time I watch Full House reunions I remember how much I hated the Tanner girls and how much I wished I could be the Tanner girls.

Seriously, Michelle got to go horseback riding as a hobby. You know what my hobby was? Letting my mom take me to auditions I probably had no business being at because we weren't rich and I never had formal training. But if I were a Tanner girl, I would have had voice lessons, horses, a wise-cracking uncle, some guy living under my stairs... well, Full House was a fantasy land that I envied. That's what I'm getting at.

Boy Meets World was, however, my favorite show on TGIF so I eagerly await Girl Meets World and pray it's not a shit-show. Disney has a tendency to have nauseating sitcoms. Please don't screw this up for me.

I'm 30!

Well, I tried Kinja......aaaand I didn't like it. It was too weird to use. I did like that people could login to comment using their Facebook profile, but that was pretty much it.

Anyhoo, I turned 30 this Tuesday and I have surprisingly not begun decaying (yet). So far, I feel the same way I felt in my 20's. No creaky bones, no arthritis, no weird pain (other than my constant neck/back pain from car accidents) and besides the dry skin that accompanies showering daily my skin is still the same. What gives? I thought 30 was supposed to be some kind of milestone? Maybe that's 40, now?

Blaze taught me the art of invisible orbs.

Well I'm not complaining. I'm looking forward to being me for another seventy years. Last night I was in the studio to finish vocals on The Lesser Key of Solomon and I was able to hit higher and clearer than ever. My singing and performing has only improved with time, so I'm happy to no longer be in my awkward early 20's while I was still trying to figure out what to do with my hands. I'm also happy that I've figured out where I want to go with music and that my tastes haven't changed; I'm still into cheesy heavy metal. Not that all our metal is cheesy, but man, I'm looking forward to hearing what people think about this new album. There's gonna be some strange moments in there, that's for sure.

I'm also happy to currently work in a place where I don't constantly feel anxiety. It's strange to work somewhere where the rules are constantly changing (and never in your favor) and I like being able to come into a place where my coworkers (and especially boss) are kind, thoughtful, and appreciative of my effort. I didn't think it would take me so long to get to a place where people actually appreciate me. Plus there's a gym!

Oh the gym. I have a love/hate relationship with working out. I love how I feel after, and I hate actually doing it. People give me tips on workouts all the time, but to be honest, I just don't have the time to do anything but the workouts my gym can provide me with. It's small but I'm doing free weights. Maybe this is why I'm not having any bone pain in my (lol) "old age"? Strength training is supposed to be good for women, and I do it every day. Right now I'm working on lifting heavier without breaking my wrists, so lets see how far I can go with that.

Strangely enough, 20-25 seemed kind of uneventful for me. It was 20-25 where things really got a push, from joining A Sound of Thunder to getting married to buying a condo. I've been pretty happy, maybe increasingly happy, especially with where our band is going. So I'm saying goodbye to my 20's with no anger or regret. It was a good 10 years, and I don't think I'm done being arrested in a mini-skirt yet.

Oh officer, please be gentle?

Racism is Everywhere (and it's not cute)

Okay, I'm pretty sure we're all tired of seeing this shirt by now. A little backstory; Mastodon recently put out this shirt. It's stupid and racist but they don't want to say that because that would make them sound like dumb racists. Even MetalSucks is on this shit, defending the t-shirt from the perspective of a white person who has probably never had to live the life of a native American person.

Okay, let me take a step back. Is the t-shirt stupid and racist? Absolutely. Is Mastodon a bunch of KKK members who want to purge America of indigenous peoples? No. What they are is a bunch of dudes who have no idea what it's like to be an indigenous American. Or even a brown person. Mastodon is made up of four white dudes. Is there anything wrong with being a white dude? Of course not! I love white dudes! Being white is cool, but you have to realize that you, as a white person, have a vastly different life experience than someone who is not white. You can't understand what it's like as a brown person to see brown people depicted in these ways and maybe that's why they thought it would be okay to make this t-shirt. Mastodon even came out and said:

Regarding our thanks giving shirt, whether you choose to believe or not, (who doesn't believe this??) the American Indians were massacred by the white settlers who became the Americans we are today.

This shirt represents this atrocity and celebrating in the face of this atrocity is chilling. (I wasn't aware that we celebrated this during Thanksgiving.. am I doing it wrong?)

We may have a sick sense of humor, but we are far from being “Racist” as some of you who might not get it are calling us.

I personally don't believe they are racist. What I believe is that Mastodon doesn't understand what they did or why it offended people, and that happens a lot. It doesn't make them racist, it just makes their opinions the product of certain racist elements that are readily accepted in society. We see them every day and we've learned to live with them, especially in regards to Native Americans. Thankfully, we have (for the most part) put a lot of really horrible Black stereotypes to rest in this country, because duh, Black people aren't too keen on seeing stuff like this in the media. So they spoke up and people realized how stupid they were being. I'm sure there were plenty of people saying that those uppety Black folks should stop complaining and know their place, but they didn't listen. They fought against racism and are continuing an upward battle against it, today. And that's something to be proud of. So why do people get pissy when native peoples do the same?

Because they don't see them as actual people. The image of a native woman on her knees is every bit as racist as the "atrocity" that Mastodon is trying to educate us on. The idea that they feel we should be educated is even more insulting; please, tell me, who in America doesn't realize that the native people here were screwed during European colonization? I learned that in elementary school. Are some kids not learning that? I'm sure you can educate them way better than with a t-shirt.

And next time you want to bring attention to the plight of another group of people, you might want to try asking their opinion first.

Inappropriately Shaped

Butter me up, bitches. I am on a roll, today.

Backstory:
A few years ago, I worked as a software trainer. I liked teaching. Sometimes my students (shitty self-entitled adults) were irritating, but actually, I'm a pretty good teacher. I liked talking all day, I liked showing people how to do stuff. I also knew how to dress for the job. Knee-length skirts, blouses, pantyhose, slacks, blazers, ect. Nothing too tight or too revealing. At one point, I asked my boss if how I was dressed was ok. He said I was fine. Fast forward to several months later, I'm being laid off and he's telling me lies TO MY FACE. "Your co-worker had an intervention with you about the way you dress..." he lied, to my face, as they gave me severance pay. I'd later find out that they had a high turnover rate and would constantly hire/lay-off/fire people. But that whole inappropriate dressing thing always stuck with me, so I always made sure to dress in such a way that couldn't possibly be inappropriate. No cleavage. Skirts to my knees. It's easy when you're 5' tall!!

This lady is taller than I am, so
on me, the dress goes to my
knees!

So imagine my shock when my co-worker got an e-mail from another person we work with saying that my dress, the same dress I've worn several times before (without complaint), was "inappropriate". "Club dress". I'm not even kidding. Keep in mind, I paired this non-cleavage bearing knee-length free-flowing empire-waist dress with black tights, heels, and a sweater. It is indeed the same dress to the left. I wore purple jewelry (which got a lot of compliments!), and I guess that somehow translated to "people are paying attention to what she's wearing and this is bad". Not only that, but I wore this because she agreed that my old uniform, a shapeless polyester men's shirt and black slacks, was terrible. I even asked this person if my dresses were okay! I got feedback on every single outfit! Honestly, I don't know. This being the second time my clothes have been criticized, I'm starting to wonder if the clothes aren't the problem.

Maybe I'm the problem.

I think maybe, I'm inappropriately shaped. My figure is so awe inspiring, it makes people think that, regardless of what I wear, I am so fucking hot it's distracting. That's really the only explanation I can come up with. As a pear-shaped person, my small waist and wide hips immediately make you think of sex, which is my fault. Sorry about that. I'll be sure to wear my designated burlap sack in the future.

So what's it like to be a woman in metal?

First of all, if you groaned or made any kind of eye rolling gesture at the title of this blurg, shut the fuck up and give me a fucking break. Not only am I sick of people getting pissy whenever anyone brings up the word "woman", but I'm sick of people getting pissy when I make any mention of my gender when talking about metal. Lets have some real talk.

A few days ago, Metal Sucks posted this fucking gem about why "It’s Time to Stop Thinking of Women in Metal as WOMEN in Metal" . This was in reference to me doing a Q & A on Jezebel, a feminist website for women. So Leyla at Metal Sucks decided to pick apart the idea of women calling attention to their gender because if we want to be treated equally, we should stop shouting our womenhood from the hills or some kind of bullshit like that. What she failed to mention is that Jezebel is a website for mainstream women, most of which have no idea what's going on in the metal world, as a way for me to say, "hey normal ladies, metal isn't so scary! It's actually full of women! Let me tell you what it's like!" So of course in my efforts to bring more people into metal, what happens? We get an article that tries to punish us for talking to ladies about being ladies because that's wrong somehow. And we get comments from the local metal trolls about how women don't belong in metal, how men do it better, and how in general, women in metal are a bunch of whores who use our tits to get ahead. (AHAHAHA) Ahead? In metal? Are you out of your mind??

Now look, I will be the first person to roll my eyes when a girl in a metal band uses her body to sell her band because it annoys me on a personal level.. hell, even the women who did that are suddenly discovering that people aren't as stupid as to equate boobs with good music. But does that mean that every time a woman calls herself a woman or says, "Hey, check it out, I'm a woman" she's doing something wrong? Fuck you, why is that wrong? Why aren't we even allowed to talk about our gender? Once again, men are telling us what is right and what is wrong. Being a woman in metal sucks sometimes. I'm the last person you will see trying to be sexy or trying to flaunt her body (lol) or anything like that, and I still have bad experiences in the metal scene from misogynists who think it's ok to put their hands on me whenever they want. You think I'm kidding? I just got back from a tour that we're calling "the tour where things got creepy".
I'm sure I'll get plenty of dudes who will say "well if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen!". Haha, fuck you. Fuck you and keep your fucking hands off me. If we've just met, I do not want to hug you. I reserve hugs (and touching of any kind) to people I choose to hug (like friends) and I do not need your lingering odor all over me because you think it's cool to embrace someone three times smaller than you over and over again. Take a hint. I understand that some people are socially awkward, but I don't think every creepy dude I encountered on this trip has autism. I think they're just used to thinking that hugging a woman over and over again is okay for some reason. Stop fucking hugging me. It's exhausting. Stop grabbing my hand and trying to pull me places. Have a conversation like a normal person. Would you hug a dude you just met over and over again? Probably not.

And that's why I'm sick of this whole "if you want to be treated equally, act like a guy!" bullshit. Are you fucking kidding me? I go out there in jeans and a t-shirt and I still have sweaty man children trying to fondle me. I don't allow strange men to buy me drinks because I think it's mean to lead men on, so don't even think of accusing me of it. I don't tell men I'm single, I don't tell men I'm available to date, all I do is tell them I'm in a band and if they'd like to stick around and watch the show I would appreciate it. You watching me does not mean you are allowed to grab me. Hands off.

That includes you, Facebook stalkers. Please, come say hello. I'm fine with saying hello. Just keep your hands off of me, don't get frighteningly drunk, and know when to say goodbye.

A Sound of Thunder Announces New Album, Smashes Crowd-Funding Goal in Four Days

Extra, extra! Read all about it! A Sound of Thunder's fans are fucking incredible!

Seriously. As of yesterday, we made our 1st stretch goal of $12,000. As of Monday, we made our original goal, $10,000, to finish recording The Lesser Key of Solomon. The stretch goal was added so we could do something fun (I REQUIRE FUN), so we said, hey, lets do something silly for the sake of all metal and record a female-perspective version of Pleasure Slave. Because what could be funnier than a bunch of dudes groaning as I sing about being served by them? NOTHING. So we said, hey, if people really want it, lets find out. Apparently, people really wanted it. Well, they wanted that, and all the other extras. Like... the hardcover book full of art and lyrics. The hockey jersey (my idea!!). The t-shirts. The limited edition CDs. People actually wanted this stuff and, lo and behold, people wanted us to cover their favorite songs that they were willing to shell out a thousand bucks (two people!) for a demo and THREE THOUSAND BUCKS for a professionally recorded version. Yes, someone likes us enough that they're gonna pay three grand just to hear us cover something.

Okay, I don't know about you, but that shit floored me. That and the fact that people like our products so much, the average pledge amount is a hundred bucks. So far, in a week, we've got 123 people who actually want to put money toward us playing and recording and making things. That is incredibly generous and awesome. To me, this says we've got not only fans, but a good product.. and we are the product! How's that for the best Halloween ever? Not only do I get to celebrate my favorite holiday, but my band is being financed by people who want to see us succeed. Truly, my black little heart is weeping tears of blood and mercury.

Now, after weeks of focusing on recording, we've got to get back to practicing the set so we can go on tour. The tour will last for a lot of the KickStarter so we can work on making new fans. By the time we get back, the KickStarter will almost be over and we can put that money toward finishing the album and, in my case... layout. Oh, layout. How I love and hate thee. If you didn't know, I do the layout for all of our products. CDs, records, books, everything. It saves us money and gives me the opportunity to get away with adding my own little touch to everything. I'm looking forward to all the photos of our fans we'll be adding, this time, as well as photos from the tour. If all goes well next week, we'll be recording video of us going to various eateries and posting them to YouTube, but that's another story.

Today is Halloween and today we celebrate that metal is indeed alive and well, thanks to incredible fans and a lot of good old fashioned hard work. And vodka.

Happy Halloween!!

This is Halloween!

I just had the most Halloween-filled weekend of my life! Friday - party. Saturday - party. Sunday - party... cleanup. Epic. During this weekend's festivities, it was difficult not to find myself glued to my phone since we also launched our new KickStarter campaign. After only a few days, we've nearly reached our half-point goal and LEMME TELL YA, I'm pretty shocked by how much people gave and how quickly! At this point I'm just worried it will slow down! I understand there's usually a lull after the initial boom period, so here's hoping it doesn't end too abruptly. Not only do we have to make our initial goal, but I -really- want to hit that $12k stretch goal so we can record Pleasure Slave.

And of course, just in time for Halloween, we finally introduce our new music video for I'll Walk With You! Hurray for gore!

SECRET EXCITEMENT

I'm not allowed to say why I'm so excited. All I can do is share my feelings with you through a single gif.

Happy speculating!

NaNoWriMo 2013

Alright, so we're halfway through October and I'm already panicking. No, not because my costume wig came and wasn't exactly how I wanted it (I can use rollers on fake hair, right??) but because next month is National Novel Writing Month and I'm starting to wonder if I can pull it off.

The last time I tried NaNoWriMo, I got as far as 42k words before I couldn't get any further. So close to the 50k goal!! I have no idea why I stopped, but I tend to do that when I write. I'll write a big chunk of stuff and somehow stop and not have the will to continue. I don't know if it's writer's block, because I knew where I wanted the story to go, or just a lack of motivation. I was having fun with that book but halfway through I began to doubt myself. I mean, sure, this is supposed to be for fun, but then I start to think if what I'm writing is just a bunch of crap and it all crumbles. This year, I've got a head start with my outline, and I keep going back and changing things because the more I look at it, the stupider it seems. So I keep going back and changing it, and wondering to myself, "when did I fall in love with my RP characters and why?" Because damn, I used to churn out stories for my RP characters like it was nothing, yet I can't fall in love with new people?

Why is this hot?? 

That's when I decided that this is exactly what I need to write. I've got to create characters I actually like, which sounds easier than it really is. I don't like Mary Sue's. I don't like it when one person is "the chosen one" (Harry Potter) and when one person is perfect and beautiful and different (Twilight, Diversient) so my goal here is to create a character that is both normal and engaging. I look to books like Wool for inspiration on that end, because I really think that the author did a good job by creating a main character that is both female AND not breathtakingly amazingly beautiful. Also, get this, she's OLDER than her love interest. She's in her thirties. When was the last time that happened?? I'm actually pretty guilty of the old man/young woman trope when it comes to romance. It's been hammered into my head so many times (hello, Pretty Woman??) that it just seems right to me, even if it might not always be. I'll totally admit that I enjoy writing that kind of dynamic. Maybe it's the teacher/student thing. Maybe I just like facial hair and some grizzled old-man lines. Who knows. I'm just sayin', most of the dudes I'm into (looks wise) have 3 things in common; facial hair, long hair, and a couple of wrinkles. Just a couple, though. I'm not into like.. Sir Anthony Hopkins-like dudes, just yet. Maybe someday. We'll see. In the meantime, Jason Isaacs (Harry Potter era, with the long white hair, I DON'T CARE IF IT'S A WIG) is pretty much #1 in my brain.

So without giving too much away, my project for NaNoWriMo is (as usual) a mixture of fantasy and horror. I'm hoping I can get down the main idea without getting too bogged down by details, as I usually do. I really do want to finish something for once. Being on tour in November probably won't help, and I doubt I'll be able to type enough on my phone to keep up, so that's gonna be my biggest challenge; getting in the  1,700 words a day I need to make my goal. I really don't want to have to write everything by hand and count out the words! It's times like this I wish I had a working laptop, again...

What your music taste says about you on a date...

A friend of mine posted a silly list from a silly website about what your music taste says about you on a date that was written in 2011. The artists are still pretty current, so it being two years old doesn't mean much. I won't make you click on the link, so here's a few key quotes:

Rihanna: You’re hot.
Judas Priest: At some point in your life, you’ve sniffed a little glue.
Nicki Minaj: You’re awesome. 

If you look like this, you might be a "straight", and I
probably fear you.

Ahahahaha!! Okay, lets stop right there. First of all, I understand that this is on a silly little website marketed toward normal people, a group I refer to as "the straights". The straights are people who I usually don't (and try not to) associate with because we don't get along. Not for lack of trying, mind you! I've got a few things in common with normal people; sports, for example. I read the sports page and I'm on Deadspin often enough to know what's what in the world of sports. I'm no expert, but for the most part, I can take part in a conversation on the Redskins. I admit though, I am way more versed in the Capitals and hockey, but hey, hockey is becoming an everyman's sport so there ya go! If I need to talk to a normal folk, we'll talk about sports. Or news. I know what's going on in the world because I enjoy listening to NPR and reading the newspaper. I am by no means an awkward nerd.

All of this being said, music is where I get weird, because music is where my heart is. Specifically, my heart is in a kind of music that most straights either know nothing about or are afraid of, so this is where we have some disagreements. My husband, thankfully, doesn't make me sick with his music choices. Sure, he and I have some disagreements when it comes to King Diamond, but I can respect that. Some people just don't get King Diamond. I was once one of them. I get it. What I don't get is the mindset people have when they choose to listen to things like Rihanna and Nicki Minaj. 

Zakk Wylde, the sexiest and manliest of men.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not judging people who like this kind of music. I just don't understand it. I mean, I kind of understand it. People like catchy music. Okay, I get that. But in my head, this music isn't catchy. It's grating. I'm sure people think the same way I do when it comes to heavy metal, which is why I think, deep down, this is why I just can't get involved too deeply with "the straights". Somewhere in our brains, we are wired differently. Some people will hear a Miley Cyrus song and think, "wow, that's awesome, I'm gonna buy that!" and I'll hear it and think, "this is really boring". That isn't to say that all metal fans agree on everything, either. We can be some of the pickiest SOBs in the world and we fight over the dumbest shit. Being classified as a metal band doesn't necessarily mean I'm gonna enjoy the music, and I'll be the first to tell you how much I loathe most bands that have -core at the end of their description.

But I digress. This list was interesting to me because I can see this as how the normal world views us. I listen to Judas Priest, so there's probably something wrong with me. Well, in my vision, the world is the opposite. I see people who listen to Britney Spears and wonder what's wrong with them. We walk along these separate paths and meet in the middle to discuss beer and hockey, but it's times like these I'm glad I don't date, because I can't imagine what it would be like to meet a handsome man and discover he's into Miley Cyrus. Of course, my definition of "handsome" includes long hair and a beard, so, that probably wouldn't happen... but if it did, I might be devastated.

I don't want to write down my own judgmental list of  ways in which I look down on others. I understand that saying "You listen to Kanye West? EW GROSS!" would make me look kinda bitchy. So instead, I'll write down a list of my real-life reactions to people's musical taste. Here goes!

Miley Cyrus: ..really? Even with the.. huh. Okay. Well.. okay.
Judas Priest: Which era? Can we be friends forever?
Nikki  Minaj: I like her pants?
Black Sabbath: Which era? 
Adele: She's very talented!
X Japan: I love you. Lets sing Kurenai together and lament the death of hide almost as dramatically as Yoshiki.
Lady Gaga: Whatever you wanna do, man.
Metallica: You mean now?
John Mayer: Who?
Iron Maiden: Lets frolic TO THE HILLS together!
Beyonce: You mean on your own time?
Dio: Sorry, but I'm already married.
One Direction: Who?
Maroon 5: Who?
Imagine Dragons: Did you say Dragonforce?? No? Oh. Who?
Dragonforce: Lets be friends forever! Do you play D & D?