Jealousy

So last night I sinned horribly. No, not by breaking my diet and eating at CeCe's Pizza, which is actually pretty gross and will likely never see me again.. but by internally judging an overweight person.

I saw this lady, last night. CeCe's is an all-you-can-eat pizza buffet with really crappy pizza, but it's cheap, so you usally see families with their kids there. I was there with Willy after we spent the entire evening grocery shopping, which gave me no time to cook. We decided to have a "cheat night" because after he got his terrible cholesterol scores back from the doctor (yeah, he only stuck to his diet for about a week..) he promised that he'd eat better. I don't mean to be a jerk, and I'm trying really hard to help him stick to the diet, but I always become the bad guy. So at this point I'm trying to keep my mouth shut and let him make his own decisions.

Anyway, getting back on topic, I saw this lady with her kids. Lady must have been around 300 with some change, and she had three daughters with her that were slowly catching up. Now, me being the bitch that I am, I'm thinking to myself, "Holy crap, the last thing this woman needs is a pizza buffet..", but here I am doing the same thing. And the moment I tell Willy I'm ashamed of myself for being there, he gives me this, "Don't become one of those people," shpiels. "Those" people? Who are those people? Healthy people? Or obsessive people?

Am I healthy, or obsessive for not wanting to eat junk food ever, and feeling ashamed when I do? I'm not sure. With Willy, I'm obsessive. I have a problem. With healthy people, I'm healthy, I'm doing the right thing for avoiding junk food and trying to keep my husband safe from it. I'm tired of getting these mixed messages. I love my husband, but it's obvious that eating badly is hurting him and he doesn't want to change because he wants junk food too much. While we were shopping, he told me that the thing that always blows it for him is having to eat the same thing over and over. He eats the same thing over and over because he isn't willing to eat OTHER HEALTHY THINGS. All he likes is junk food! And since I have to cook for the both of us, I'm constantly cooking the same thing to appease his 5 year old picky eating tendancies. I can't even cook fish because it makes him sick when he smells it. He's practically banned an entire food group!!

I don't want to lose him by a heart attack at 30. How do I fix my gaddamn husband!??!

And no, refraining from sex does not work.

Can't sleep, clowns will eat me..

As it turns out, Advair is great for keeping my asthma in check, but not so great for letting me sleep. I stayed up all night last night, and today I feel nervous and nauseous. Here's hoping the side effects will pass.

Crying myself awake

This morning, I actually started crying after I turned off my alarm. I think I was overwhelmed by today's schedule.

04:30 - wake up, wash hair
04:15 - drive to Metro
05:15 - take Metro to DC
06:30 - walk to work
07:00 - get dressed, go buy breakfast, eat breakfast
08:00 - start work
16:00 - dress down, walk to Metro
16:15 - take Metro to Shady Grove
17:30 - drive to Manassas
19:00 - get something to eat
19:15 - get to band practice, eat, audition drummers
22:00 - drive home
13:00 - go to sleep
05:00 - wake up, drive to Manassas
08:00 - be poked, prodded, and tested
12:00 - ...pass out??

Yeah, I cried this morning. I'm so gaddamn tired. Good news, though. I learned that 10 raspberries only have 2 carbs, and 1 of them is dietary fiber. BRING ON THE BERRIES!

Metro Murders Doors

"This is Friendship Heights. Welcome to Washington."

I got into my car this morning, intent on driving to Shady Grove. Shady Grove is the closest Metro station to the place we're staying; Willy's parents' house in Maryland, in a town called Damascus. I hate it there. Willy would be fine with living in a little town like Damascus. My home town, Forestville, was also a suburb. I guess the difference was in it's closeness to DC. We were literally a walk away from Pennsylvania Avenue; the same Penn. Ave. that the White House sits on. It goes all the way from DC, into my home town. if you drive it, you'll end up going past my old high school, and into the district within five minutes.

In my home town, we've got guns, violence, drunks and drugs. In Willy's home town, they've got drugs and drunks. Not so very much violence, but a lot of bored white people who drink a lot. It takes at least 50-60 minutes to drive directly into the city, which means I need to use the Metro to get there, and even then I need to wake up at 5:00AM, at the latest, to get in to work on time.

This morning, I turned on my radio and learned, to my horror, that two more Metro workers have died. I'm not sure if there is some strange irony at work here, but it seems that even our public transportation is becoming famous for killing people. Even our basketball team is carrying guns to practice. They re-named our team "The Wizards" because "The Washington Bullets" was too violent sounding. Right.

As far as your typical DC tradgedies, my dad has gotten the brunt of it in our family. My dad was injured building Metro. A steel beam fell on his foot and crushed it. They managed to rebuild it, and after two or three years of painful recovery, he was able to walk again. He still works. He's been knifed by a guy, before. While at one of our many liquor stores, some dude attacked him with a knife and nearly sliced off his ear. A police officer arrested him, thinking he was drunk, because he was going to buy beer with red eyes.

Sorry, officer. I've been up since 3 AM this morning, working at the Virginia Department of Transportation.

My brother had a tiny little run-in. While taking a girl to a dance at Suitland High School, the same place I ended up attending, he and his date were attacked. His date's face was sliced open with a glass bottle.

My sister has been shot, before. She says that it was someone trying to car-jack her. She asked only that she be able to remove her baby from the car, first. This happened at her house in DC.

So I'm thinking, today. With all of the shit that's happened, why do I still hate living in the suburbs?? You'd think that after seeing the violence, the guns, the drug runs, I'd be running and screaming for some peace and quiet.. but I just can't get used to it. As soon as I hear the soothing voice of that Metro operator, welcoming me to my beloved city, I smile inside. I'm home, and I'm very lucky that a slight delay in Metro services is all the inconvenience that I've been given.

Arrrrrg!!

Mother of fuck! If there's one thing that pisses me off, it's when something I was looking forward to doesn't go my way. Like the film adaptation to one of my favorite books, Water For Elephants. This is a beautiful story about love, hardship, and the circus. I kept telling Willy, "Man, this would make a great movie!"

Now, lo and behold, they're making a movie. Starring she-of-the-mighty-chin, Reese Whitherspoon, and... oh my shit.. Robert-I-look-like-I'm-sucking-dick-all-day-Patterson.

My literary nerd rage knows no bounds.

From I Watch Stuff.

Metro and Books

So it's winter. I've travelled through DC during the winter, before. During my college years, I took Metro to school every day. It was cold back then, sure. But damned if I remember being THIS COLD every single day. I don't know if it's me, or if Metro just isn't turning on their heat anymore. I don't recall ever getting on the train and going, "Wow, it feels just like I'm still standing outside." This morning, it was too cold for me to even read.

I'm working on this book right now called "The Naked and the Dead". It's a gritty World War II novel, written from the POV of soldiers in the Pacific. It's definitely a man's book, written by a man for men, and hoo boy, is it hillarious. From the constant dialogue that involves getting pussy, having pussy and wanting pussy, to the deep and meaningful conversations where two soldiers come to the realization that women just aren't interested in sex. Not like men, anyway.

HOLY SHEET. I love reading this old-timey shit, because it's so funny how men used to think. How some of them STILL think.

Lemme clear some things up for ya, soldier boys. It's not that women aren't interested in having sex. It's that they're not interested in having sex with YOU. Now, if she were propositioned by a good looking man, with a job, and a personality, well, she'd probably become a horned-out super slut. All depending on if he's her type, of course.

I also read "Push", which is what Precious is based on. It's a great book, but my GOD was it visceral. So much horror, blood, and sadness. It had the sort of ending that you can expect, one that isn't happy but has a sort of growth. Throughout the book, you're actually reading through the eyes of Precious, and you can see her world unfold from one of terror and mysery to hope and renewal. So, in a way, it's actually quite beautiful. I started crying after the first page, big baby that I am, and my guitarist asks what I'm reading. I explain what it is, and he's fairly shocked that I, being such a normally happy person, am reading something so depressing. So I explain that I read a lot of depressing shit, which is why I am generally so happy.

People, it's easy to be happy when you're reading about opressed women in China having their feet broken, bound, and scraped clean of rotting dying flesh. Shit, at least I've got my gaddamn FEET.

That doesn't make being cold any easier to live through, but it does give me some perspective. That's what I love about books. They take me to places I couldn't otherwise travel to, and allow me to live the life of someone who might never have existed. They let me go out of myself and look back at my position with envy. I mean shit, Precious Jones would KILL to be me! So I should be grateful for the crap I've got, right? Right.

Willy says I'm one book short of getting a Kindle. BUT I DON'T WANNA.

I was wrong!!

I ended up not getting to sleep until 11. x_x Tonight I've got band practice, which means I probably won't even be home until 11, let alone in bed.. and then I gotta get up at 4 for work, and after work, my birthday party! Did I mention that today is my birthday?

I MISS MY SLEEP!!

Friday night will be spent partying, but I still need to wake up at a decent hour to do some recording on Saturday morning for a song.. which means that I won't get a good night's sleep until... Saturday night. Oh boy. To top it all off, I'm having horrible stomach pains. All I had for dinner last night was pork and seukreuat, and this morning I had bacon and eggs with coffee and a big bottle of water, so I figured I'd be alright for the day. Oh, my poor retarded stomach. Here's hoping I'm not getting sick.