Sometimes I can be so dumb.
All this time, I've been looking for something to eat that could settle my hypoglycemia, and simultaneously not make me feel like crap throughout the day. The answer?
I used to eat pumpkin for breakfast every day. 1/2 a cup, with a little cinnamon, tastes like pumpkin pie filling. It's got 3 grams of fiber and only 4 net carbs. It's got a trivial amount of sugar, lots of vitamins, and when coupled with a few sunflower kernels, I suddenly don't feel like vomiting every morning. It's great!
Now all I gotta do is explain to the in-laws why there is a half-used can of pumpkin in the fridge. Somehow, I doubt they'd believe I was making mini-pies at 5AM.