Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Bumper Nuts

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...

Truck balls.

Truck balls, if you didn't already know, are these pretend testicles that you hang off of your bumper. I've been seeing them more and more, lately. At first, I thought it was cute. I mean, I laughed. Seriously. Truck balls?? Who'd do something like that?? Someone super awesome must do it.

Yeah, not so much. It's mostly a redneck fad, and I see them the further South I go. I don't know why I don't like this. See, I love rednecks. I find them endearing. I mean, sure they can be racist and sexist and severely homophobic... but in their own little way, they're also adorable. Middle to lower class workin' men and women, just tryin' t'get by, while listening to country music and driving trucks with plastic balls.

Are the balls supposed to represent manliness? I'm sure that they buy them as jokes. I mean shoot, they're funny to look at. But when it comes down to it, why? Why is it so needed? Why is some guy shelling out $10 for a pair of fake balls to put on his truck, if it was only for a 5 minute gag? Why do I see them everywhere? Is it some sort of conspiracy? A redneck fad? Are we so obsessed with masculinity that we need to showcase our reproductive organs on our giant gas-guzzling vehicles?

Or maybe I'm overthinking this. Likely it's just a bunch of guys that went, "Heh! Truck balls!" and bought a pair.

I thought about what Sunstreaker would look with some, and realized how artsy I was, because seriously.. I'd give that boy some golden pubes in the same color as his paint job. Make that shit look realistic. If my car's gonna have balls, they're gonna be HIS balls! But sadly, I doubt the idea will come into fruition. It just doesn't seem like a wise investment at the current time.

You know what does? Some strawberries. It's summer. I could use some goshdamn strawberries.


felix j. bedingfield said...

I'm' Who has...gah.


I'll have to comment on this tomorrow.

felix j. bedingfield said...

Got it.

Why don't they just get a Sharpie and write the exact length of their penis on the side of their truck? It would save us the guessing game that things like this force us into playing.

felix j. bedingfield said...

(BTW -- this is too good. I put in on my blog with a link back to your page, all credit given. Well done.)

Nancy said...

Believe it or not, I saw them on a truck in front of my house in the Bronx. I couldn't believe it. They were all stretched out and looked like really old man balls.