Tuesday, June 17, 2008

On why PETA is ridiculous..

So PETA decided to protest Jessica Simpson's "Real Girls Eat Meat" t-shirt by issuing this list on "Top Five Reasons Only Stupid Girls Brag About Eating Meat"...

So, lemme pick these apart one by one...

1. Meat increases the risk of breast cancer. A 2007 study of 35,000 women published in the British Journal of Cancer found that women who ate meat were far more likely to develop breast cancer than women who consumed none. Will Jessica's next t-shirt will say, "Real Girls Smoke 3 Packs a Day"?

Wow, PETA. Eating red meat increases your risk of breast cancer, huh? Well I've got nothing against limiting one's chances of gaining breast chancer, but keep in mind, this study was linked to RED MEAT, and doctors STILL don't know WHY the women tested were more likely to develop breast cancer. Plus there is the fact that the tests were based on memory. They asked 80,000 women how much red meat they asked within the past few years. Very accurate. Right.

2. Real girls don't support animal abuse. Compassion is super sexy, if the huge number of hot celebs ditching meat is any indication. Young women turn vegetarian in droves when they learn that the meat industry cuts the sensitive beaks off newborn chicks and cuts off the tails of baby piglets.

Yes. Because all women who enjoy eating meat also enjoy taking a butcher knife and hacking at the nearest puppy they can find. It's not like there are kind humane farmers in the world. Fuck that! Anyone who kills another living creature to live is a filthy savage with no ammount of compassion. Also, being a vegetation will turn you into a hot young celeb.

3. The meat industry is destroying the Earth. The only thing that's hot about the meat industry is that it's toasting the planet. According to the United Nations, raising animals for food causes more greenhouse-gas emissions than all the cars, trucks, SUVs, planes, and ships in the world combined.

And here I thought that people were destroying the earth. People who shamelessly pollute. Factory farms are one thing, but America's farmers don't need to be villainized by people who are rich enough to afford meat substitutes that look, taste, and feel like real meat.

4. Meat will make you fat. All the saturated fat and cholesterol in chicken wings, pork chops, and steak eventually leads to flabby thighs and love handles. I hope the upcoming "Jessica Simpson's Intimates" line comes in plus sizes! Going vegetarian is the best way to get slim and stay that way.

Um, NO. NO NO NO. Meat does not make you fat. Eating fat does not make you fat. Eating battered breaded friend ANYTHING will make you fat. A vegeterian who eats battered breaded fried carrot sticks will get just as fat as someone who goes to KFC. Do they need a lesson in nutrition? Or just a punch in the mouth?

5. Eating meat steals food from starving kids. Jessica's trip to help kids in Africa got a lot of media buzz, but by gnawing on meat, she's essentially stealing food from the mouths of starving children since it takes up to 16 pounds of grain to produce just 1 pound of meat. If more people went vegetarian, we'd free up enough grain to feed every person in the world.

Take one bite out of that Big Mac and you're condemning a kid in Ethiopia to death. You fat fucking freak. It has nothing to do with their government, where they live, or the fact that the US is plentiful. It has everything to do with omnivores being fat selfish pigs who kill children and destroy the universe with their evil meat eating ways.

Thank the pregnant moon we have role models like Pam Anderson and Steve-O to tell us the the truth.

Will someone pass me my machette? I have a few helpless animals to slaughter before dinner.


felix j. bedingfield said...

"According to the United Nations, raising animals for food causes more greenhouse-gas emissions than all the cars, trucks, SUVs, planes, and ships in the world combined."

I think it's beautiful that PETA has finally taken a stand against the animal fart menace.

Duchess of Dork said...

Stop them, before it's too late!!

Alice said...

Even though I haven't seen you in years, you're still one of my heroes!

Duchess of Dork said...

I love you too, Alice!!